White TV Room
by iAnneart
Summary: The characters of Yu-Gi-Oh! are stuck in watching their own show. Abridged style. Warning: unusual amounts of plot involved.
1. Pilot

I have to be honest, this idea isn't exactly original to me. In fact, I loosely based it on a Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic in which the characters are forced to watch their own 'show' when more than half of it hasn't even happened yet. The fic's name is **Truth Revealed** by Fallen Crest, if you're all wondering. I recommend it greatly if you're an FMA fan, it's a brilliant piece of work.

Well, now that I got that disclaimer there, I will say that this will be unconventional and strange.

**Bold face is the abridged series.**

_This takes place right when Yami Marik is about to send Yami Bakura to the shadow realm. (episode 97)_

* * *

.

The dark depressing purple clouds were a mist along the surface of the blimp, making for an even ominous and dreary mood along the two friends.

"I must put an end to Marik's evil plans." Yami said determinedly, arms crossed as Tea gazed at him worriedly. "You will!" She interjected fiercely, wholeheartedly believing the ancient spirit could save them all but it seemed the past Pharaoh's conviction waned at those words. Violet orbs cast down and a pensive slightly-discouraged look passed by his face, which only served to concern the brunette even more.

"You make it sound so easy, Tea...but he seems to get stronger and more evil with each duel." He spoke solemnly. "And I believe that the darker Marik becomes, the harder it is to shield the world from his wrath. " He turned his head to the left, unable to look at Tea as he knew his eyes would betray his fear. "Now Marik has begun to target my friends because of a grudge he has against me."

He thought of the people Marik has hurt, of Mai currently in a coma (with no guarantee of her ever waking up) and fear paved the way for anger. "He _must_ be stopped before anyone else falls victim to his insanity!"

Tea immediately piped. "I'll help!"

While the two still talked about their plans to halt Marik in his evil path, the duel between the two Yamis was about to end. Ra had obliterated Bakura's life points, and the evil Marik was about to be declared the winner.

"Get ready to enter the darkness at the hands of Ra!" He said giddily in a morphed monstrous voice. Strangely enough, an unsettling knowing grin settled on the white-haired spirit's lips.

"Don't you realize that I AM the darkness?" Bakura stated in a calm rasping tone, seemingly not caring his body was wisping away like cigarrete smoke on a windy day. Marik chuckled mockingly, almost shaking his head at the tenacity of the spirit's refusal to lose. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked in an amused tone.

"It's quite simple. It means I can't be destroyed." The smoke faded all around him, yet he still had the chance to give a large smirk.

"You **haven't** seen the last of me!" Maniacal laughter still echoed after the last remnants of his eyes vanished, and the glittering millennium ring clattered to the floor.

Silence.

Nothingness.

Darkness.

.

.

White. Pure _white_.

And...

An earsplitting shrill exploded in everyone's ear, and they all cried out in pain at the same time. In an instant, the shrill was gone. And now, everybody could see perfectly, think coherently and everything around them was just confusing as hell.

"...Can anyone explain what just happened?" Tristan moaned out, still hearing the remnants of that horrible sound. He was just sleeping normally, when he appeared here inexplicably. Joey was also in his PJs, wondering how he's managed to go from dreams of Mai to here. Everyone just kept staring at each other, as if expecting for someone to actually give out a logical explanation. Unfortunately, no one piped up with an possible reason. So all they did is stare and look at around at their surroundings, hoping that might give them a clue.

It was a white room, with a large white leather sofa in the middle of the room and a big screen TV right in front of it.

"A tv room?" Tea muttered confused.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Joey shouted, shocked beyond comprehension, jumping away as if he just saw a poisonous animal trying to attack him. Immediately, everybody zeroed in on the scene and like clockwork, Tristan, Tea, and Kaiba soon all had their eyes as big as dinner plates at what they were seeing.

Yugi and Yami.

They were right next to each other.

In _separate bodies_.

The two were also staring straight at each other with a shocked look in their face, disbelief in both of their violet eyes. "How is this possible?" Yami spoke first, lowly as if speaking to himself.

"Y-Yami?" Yugi said timidly, never seeing the Pharaoh with a real body of his own and not just the manifestation his mind created for him.

"This literally cannot be happening." Kaiba growled, refusing to believe what he was seeing was actually true. Magic did NOT exist! Maybe this was a bad nightmare? Somebody must have spiked his food. Probably that mangy mutt Wheeler.

Yami couldn't help but notice something looked off in Yugi's disposition. He seemed at odds. Like if he wanted to do something, but was afraid of his reaction. He extended a hand to his aibo, and immediately noticed the problem. "Go on. You want to confirm I'm flesh and blood right?" A smile graced his lips.

Yugi didn't have to be told twice. He immediately glomped his darker personality, ecstatic beyond anything else in the world. So many times he'd pray to whatever was up there that Yami would be given his own body so he could literally feel him and not feel like such an insane person when he was talking to him. Also, he really wanted to hug him... He just never believed it would come true. The Pharaoh chuckled at the exuberant display of affection and wrapped his arm around the smaller boy's waist.

"Hey, there's a note on the edge of the sofa." Tristan said, quickly unfolding the mysterious piece of paper and reading aloud the printed words.

"_Welcome all. You will be shown an alternative universe of your entire world. Specifically, you will see your own life through an outside point of view. Just be warned, your character might not be what you thought it would. As episodes continue,_ wait episodes? The hell-" Tristan interrupted the letter with his own confused questions. "We're here to watch some type of TV show?"

"Keep reading it Tristan." Yugi urged his friend, completely intrigued and plenty confused at the letter's strange contents.

"_The entire time you are in this room, there will be no magic allowed from millennium items or otherwise. There is no way to summon the shadow realm here, and the injury of anyone is strictly prohibited, i.e impossible. The strongest emotions your character feels in the screen will also be reflected to you in a somewhat lesser state. Play the first episode, and have fun! - LK."_

"Who the heck is this LK?!" Joey shouted, aggravated by the letter's inability to explain anything.

"And what does this LK have in mind for us? What is the purpose of all of this?" Yami wondered out loud.

"He keeps referring to 'our characters' and 'episodes', like a show." Tea said thoughtfully. "I just don't get it. None of this make any sense! I seriously feel like this is all just some crazy dream."

"Great, that means I'm not the only one." Kaiba stated sarcastically, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes at the audacity of being stuck in this room with these losers.

"Well, we're not going to get any answers just standing here looking at each other, so we might as well turn on the TV and see this 'show' LK seems to be insisting on." Yugi stated in that oh-so optimistic tone he perfected over years. Everyone looked around, not finding any type of retorts or objections so they all shrugged and took a seat on the abnormally long couch. Even Kaiba reluctantly sat down, but only at the farthest end of the sofa away from anyone else. He was NOT part of the dweeb team.

"So...where's the remote?" Joey finally stated lamely. With these words, it seemed like the TV magically turned on. At first, it was a couple of seconds of pure static and the picture cleared up to show...Yami's face.

**Yami stood straight, eyes directly at the screen while many duel monster cards flew around like a running movie tape. ****"Yu-Gi-Oh! is filmed before a live studio audience. "**

At this, everybody looked at each other strangely.

**A blue sky with the sun shining brightly was shown briefly before the screen steadily lowered down to a school building.**

"Wait isn't that our school?" Tea asked, eyes furrowed in growing confusion.

**"Hey Joey. Earth to Joey!" The scene cut to Yugi's face half-cut by some Duel Monster cards. "Hey are you in there? It's your move!"**

"Have people have been following us around with cameras or something? I don't recall anyone taking a video of that duel..." Yugi stated worriedly. And was it just him, or did his voice sound kind of wonky?

"So in this weird-ass show, _we're_ the main characters?" Joey said disbelievingly.

**Joey is shown with a small on his face, putting a monster card on the playing field. "Sorry, Yug. Doing this Brooklin accent makes it difficult to concentrate on card games!"**

The room was filled with an awkward silence, eyes zeroing on the blonde. "Yeah, I don't remember saying that." He finally said, scratching his head in confusion.

**Tristan suddenly appeared, throwing an arm around Joey. "I know what you mean! My voice is pretty crazy too. I'm thinking about changing it."**

"What the hell?!" Tristan shouted. A loud snort almost escaped Tea's mouth, and she covered her mouth to keep herself from laughing. Tristan's voice was absolutely ridiculous! Who in the hell had stolen his voice and replaced it with that?! Yugi looked more worried than ever, and Yami seemed to be thoughtful about something.

**Yugi appears on the screen again. "By the way, my grandpa has a super rare card!" The scene goes back to Kaiba reading a book, while Tristan says stupidly."Groovy!"**

**Joey retorts with a "Hey Bada-bing!"**

"Ok, seriously. Why do I sound like a complete idiot?" Tristan complained at no one in particular, while Kaiba's attention was peaked at his first 'appearance' in this absurd show.

**"Rare card? That sounds vague enough to be the Blue-Eyes White Dragon. And since I'm a child billionaire in charge of a huge gaming company, I obviously have nothing better to do than to check it out."**

"Hey you know, the show is kinda right." Joey idly says, trying hard not to grin. "It WAS totally vague! How'd you figure it was the Blue Eyes White Dragon?"

Kaiba merely growled in response.

**The scene cut once more to Yugi arriving with his friends to his grandpa's game shop. "Hey Gramps, can we please see your super rare awesome chocolaty fudge-coated mega supercard?"**

Now Yugi's character was acting weird. He slightly pursed his lips at the sight.

**Solomon replied. "I don't see why not. Here it is! The blue eyes white dragon!" He showed the card to the youngsters. ****Joey appears with a wide grin on his face. "That's..the least threatening name for a monster I've ever heard. What kinda mook would want a card like that?"**

**Suddenly Kaiba storms in with a stead fire determination. "I'm here for your Blue Eyes old man, and I won't take no for an answer! Now give it to me."**

**Solomon closed the special casement for the card. "No."**

**A close-up of an angry Kaiba is shown. "Curses! Foiled again."**

Snickers start up from Tristan and Joey's side of the couch, and Kaiba's eyebrow is twitching from the stupidity of this show. It's been less than a minute, and he already loathes everything about it, or more so he loathes how he's being portrayed as a moron.

**"I'm gonna go hire some thugs to kidnap you now. I'm a billionare so nobody will even think about pressing charges. "  
**

A question marked popped in everyone's mind._ Come to think about it._ Why didn't it occur to anyone's mind to call the police?

**"That Kaiba kid needs to get laid." Solomon says.**

**"Big time!" Tristan agrees.**

The snickers turned to full-blown laughter from Joey and Tristan, and even Tea was giggling softly in the palm of her hand. Both Yami and Yugi were fighting smirks, but failed miserably. "I think that applies to THIS Kaiba as well-"

"If you have any desire to keep on living, you will shut your damn snout this instant, mutt or I will make you regret it." Kaiba hissed acidly.

**The scene fades into black for a second before Yugi appears with a phone in his hand. "Hello? Game shop?" The scene is split into two places and Kaiba appears at the bottom of the screen. "I kidnapped your Grandpa, Yugi. And then I dueled him into submission. So could you get over here and call an ambulance for him? I have far too much money to be expected to do it myself!"**

**"Wait, who is this?"**

**A moment later, Grandpa's body is shown lying on the floor while Yugi come running out of an elevator. "Grandpa! Are you okay?" He kneels down to his grandpa who rises his head to talk briefly with his grandson.**

**"****For some reason, playing a card game has caused me to become severely injured!"**

Once again, more questions popped in everyone's mind. The show was bringing up a bunch of good points that they never thought about.

**Kaiba is shown with the blue eyes white dragon card. "That's right! And now!"A close up of his hands ripping up the card are shown. "Watch this!" Yugi's shocked and angry expression fills up the screen. "Grandpa's super special rare awesome supercard!" He exclaims.**

**"What the heck did you do that for?!" Joey shouts angrily, while Tea looks at the screen weirdly. "So it can never be used against me." Kaiba explained vaguely.**

**"In that case, why not just tear up every card in the whole world!?" Yugi shouts exasperated.**

**"Shut up and duel me."**

**Yugi then turned his attention to his Grandpa. "Don't worry Gramps! I'll win this duel with your deck." Solomon is looking up at Yugi again, as if stunned. "W-wait a minute. I've been injured so you're going to steal my deck and go play cards with your arch-rival?"**

**"Pretty much. "**

**"No wonder your parents are never around!"**

The atmosphere filled with tension after this, and with good reason. Yugi's friends never asked about why he lived with his grandpa and not with his parents because it was none of their business, but with the tight-lipped awkwardness regarding the issue every time it was brought up by accident or otherwise, it probably wasn't a happy story.

**"Gather round everyone." Tea spoke for the first time in the series so far. "And I'll mark us with a special sign." A smiley face was drawn on four hands. Joey spoke up after seeing the mark on his hand, face betraying doubt. "Uh,Tea. Not for nothing but, ain't this permanent marker? " She raised her hand up. "Oh. Whoops."**

**"Why were you even carrying that thing around in the first place?"**

**"I'm a kleptomaniac. I stole it from school." Tea stated simply.**

**"Hey, my wallet's missing!" Tristan's voice was heard.**

**"KAIBA TOOK IT!"**

"Wow. That's just great. " Tea muttered. "I'm a kleptomaniac in this show. And my voice sounds like a middle-aged man trying to sound like a woman. Fantastic." Yugi smiled at her and offered a consoling pat on the shoulder. "Hey, don't feel bad. It seems like this show wants to make fun out of all us. It's not like it's real or anything."

"I think I got it." Yami suddenly declared. "The beginning of the letter stated we were about to see an alternative universe of our own world. What we are literally viewing is a portal or such to an alternative reality of ourselves in a form of a television show. Strange."

"So...you're saying these stupid versions of ourselves really exist?"

"Unfortunately."

"Kill me now." Kaiba muttered.

**"It's time to duel!" Yami spoke with an exaggerated low tone of voice. Kaiba looked shocked. "W-wait. Did your testicles just drop in the last five seconds or something? What the heck happened to your voice!?"**

Yami closed his eyes, hoping for his character to not be too bad. It was his turn to 'shine' in this world full of idiots. Let's see how he fared.

**"Holy Ra! Real monsters!" Yami exclaimed after seeing a large green monster rise from the card it had been placed in. "Actually, they are just super advanced holograms created for the sole purpose of enriching the experience of a children's card game." Kaiba explained with a smug look on his face.**

**Half of Yami's enlarged face took up the screen. "Okay, seriously you've got to be be F**#ing kidding me."**

And there it was. Yami facepalmed. The first to openly swear in this reality show, and in less than 30 seconds too. Off to a great start! "Man, Yami. Watch the language, this might be a kid's show." Joey said kiddingly, smiling at the obvious trauma the Pharaoh was going through.

**"Who wastes all that money on something like that?" Yami continued to rant.**

**"The guy who's going to beat your pasty Pharaoh butt with three blue eyes white dragons! That's who!"**

**Yami was shown with a conflicted look in his face. "Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?"  
**

**"Yeah. So?"**

**"That's against the rules, isn't it?"**

**"Screw the rules, I have money!"**

"This Kaiba doesn't seem all that different from the one in that reality." Joey mumbled. "BE QUIET MUTT!"

**"Now draw your last pathetic card, Yugi so I can finish you. " Again the screen split into two parts and Yami was at the bottom. "My grandpa's deck has no pathetic cards, Kaiba. Except maybe the Kuriboh. But it also has this!" The card of Exodia is shown. "The unstoppable Exodia!"**

**Kaiba is shocked out of his mind. "AH! Exodia! It's not possible! Nobody's ever been able to summon Him!"**

**"Really? Is that because it's so rare?"**

**"NO, it's because this game makes no sense, nobody can figure out how to do it."**

**"Nobody except me!" Yami boasts. "Exodia, OBLITERATE!" The burst of Exodia's energy destroy's Kaiba's lifepoints. And then suddenly, out of nowhere- "Big Brother!" Mokuba suddenly appears. "Is it time for my cameo yet?"**

**"H-how...? How could you summon Exodia?" Kaiba, defeated and devasted, kept repeating to himself. Yami's forehead glowed with an eye. ****"Kaiba. If you really wish to know..." He dramatically threw an extended hand at his opponent's general direction. "Then TALK TO THE HAND!"**

**Kaiba screams unconvincingly, while his image shatters.**

"Clever, Pharaoh." Kaiba actually manages to get amused by this, even though it is a reminder of the loss he had towards his life-long rival. Yami manages a weak glare in return.

**Grandpa is shown in the hospital. He opens his eyes while Tea looks at him.**

**"I wet myself."**

This time, the entire gang facepalmed at this.

**A platinum-haired man appeared in a dark background, holding on what seemed to be a glass of wine in his hand. To his back, a shadow of a man stood in the middle of an open doorway.**

**"Mr. Pegasis sir. The reigning Duel Monster's champ has been defeated by someone named Yugi. Also, it's time for your sponge bath." Pegausus looked directly at the screen with a pleased look on his face.**

**"Mmmmm."**

**The scene went black.**

"That was the weirdest freaking thing I've ever seen." Tristan muttered. "And I think it still continues." He pointed at the TV screen, noticing the blackness started to fade to white.

"Oh great, here we go again." Tea rolls her eyes, but nevertheless, all eyes are glued on the screen to see the next episode of their alternative lives.

* * *

There you go, the first episode. I'll probably update every week if I get enough motivation (ahem reviews? :3). So if you want to see more, then...motivate me! And the reason Bakura and Marik aren't in the White Room will be explained at the episodes come along.


	2. Rocky VII

MOTIVATION! :D This is what happens when the readers inspire me, I want to keep on writing.

**Abridged is bold face**

* * *

As the gang waited for the next episode to play, a sudden fuzzy white light appeared at the corner of the room. It grew in magnitude until everyone's attention was forced on the strange almost blinding sight.

"Huh? What's that?" Joey said, confusion and a bit of fear blooming in his eyes. "I'm not sure," Tea managed to reply as she shielded her face from the unpleasant light.

Soon enough, it began to subside albeit slowly and they all noticed one by one there was a person cradling his knees up to his chest. His hands were covering his ears, and by the expression he had, he most likely also heard the horrible shrilling sound that threatened to make any human's ears bleed if heard for two seconds too long. His eyes were squeezed tight, but then relaxed as he realized the ear-splitting noise was gone.

Warm chocolate brown eyes opened, looking quite bewildered.

_Bakura._ Yugi realized in shock, recognizing the white locks of hair as his British friend's.

He scanned the room suspiciously before they landed on Yugi's familiar purple ones. His orbs widened in surprise, not expecting to see known faces. "Oh. Um, hello." Ryou Bakura stated softly, glancing at each and every person in the room with a small nervous smile. Kaiba did not pay attention to new member, and merely looked away as if greeted by a bug. Tea gasped in surprise, also recognizing the boy.

"Ohmy- _Bakura_? You're AWAKE!" The brunette jumped from an inhumane distance to give Ryou a tight hug.

"You were out for so long." Yugi stated still in a shocked stance, also stepping close to the boy to give him a proper greeting.

"It's good to see you up and running, Bakura." Yami offered, but not moving from his initial position. At his comment, Ryou flinched in a startle and he whipped his head to see the regal look-alike of Yugi looking back at him.

"Wait...is that your-" He stuttered slightly, still unable to comprehend what was going on. Noticing his bewilderment, Yami quickly explained. "For some reason, I was given my own separate body in this room. I am not sure how that happened either, nor do I know if it's permanent. "

Joey gave an exuberant wave to his friend. "Hey man, you're finally awake from your coma! That's great! But it seems like you got stuck here with us once again, huh?" Ryou was unable to respond to that comment at the moment as he was still trying to figure out how it was possible to be free of the Shadow Realm so quickly. His soul was just cast into it a few minutes ago along with the idiot _stupid _spirit of the ring.

"What am I doing here?" He finally asked, looking at the circle of friends, hoping they'd have answers to this strange predicament. Everyone looked at each other uneasily, which did not bode well at all.

"...Yeah. That's the thing. We have no clue." Joey hesistantly supplied an answer, albeit an unsatisfactory one. Ryou bit his lip in worry, large brown eyes darting from wall to wall, inspecting it for any type of exit or door.

"It's useless Bakura." Tristan interrupted the white-haired boy's current thought process. "We've already checked every nook and cranny of the room when we first appeared in it. There's no way out." He explained. A hum of worry escaped the boy's lips, and he looked at Yugi for confirmation of Tristan's words. Indeed, the short duelist nodded.

Well, in regards to what position he originally was in (the Shadow Realm was quite literally the definition of his christian hell), he was in a _much_ better place. And with MUCH better company. Ryou realized he'd just been granted an escape from such a horrid place, and gave a small sigh of relief. "Even if we're seemingly stuck here against our will, I have to say, I much prefer this situation than the one I was in a minute ago." He gave an slight unconscious shiver at the thought of where he was before. Again, everyone gave each other uneasy looks but Joey soon broke the silence.

Hooking a powerful arm around Ryou's neck, the loud blonde said directly to his ear. "Well, you ain't there anymore so don' think about that. You're gonna lose your mind when we fill you in what we've been seeing."

"What do you mean?"

With this said, the gang dragged Ryou to the couch and made him sit down. "Well, first thing's first. Read this." Tristan handed him the letter signed by LK. The white-haired teen scanned the paper, reading it with increasing disbelief. "I don't understand-" He whispered, as he folded the paper neatly at the edge of the sofa.

"Ir's hard to explain." Yugi said. "Look at the TV screen, I think that will be able to answer any questions you have better than we can."

Confused by how weird his friends were acting, Ryou decided to just do as Yugi told him to. The screen was white, but it soon became a moving image. "Look guys, it starts with Yami just like the last episode." Tea mused out loud. Brown eyes narrowed in confusion. Why was Yami in a TV screen? How in the world would showing them one of his televised duels answer _any_ of his questions?

**"In tonight's episode, the part of Tristan Taylor will be played by Barney the Dinosaur."**

"Hey, now I know why that voice sounded so familiar!" Joey said laughingly, while Tristan growled at him to shut up. Ryou just grew even more hopelessly confused. "Tonight's episode?" He asked lowly.

**Domino's classroom was shown as the camera gave a slow sweep to the side until it rested on Yugi, Tea, and Joey playing on one of the desks with Ryou and Tristan standing at the side.**

**"I say Yugi, can I play too?" Ryou asked hopefully.**

**"Sorry Bakura. Main characters only." Yugi replied nonchalantly if not dismissively, resting his chin on his hand.**

Everyone turned to look at Yugi with shocked eyes, appalled somebody so sweet would ever say something like that to one of his friends, even in another dimension.

"Harsh, Yug." Joey said, albeit in a joking way but Ryou was looking at the short duelist with such a crestfallen wide-eyed expression, Yugi could almost hear his heart crack. "On second thought, maybe we should explain what we're watching." He announced with a slight blush, turning his attention to his friend.

"Okay, just to be clear Ryou. Those people in the TV are not us. That's not me. That's not you. We are literally watching a TV show of our alternative lives in an alternative universe."

"And our alters are kind of assholes." Joey piped up. Yugi whipped his head around in surprise. "Joey!"

"What? I ain't sayin nothing but the truth!"

"And idiots..." Tristan added, fuming at the way his voice was portrayed in the AU. Yugi turned his attention to the British boy again, and was relieved to no longer see Ryou look as if he was betrayed in the worst way possible. Now he looked thoughtful.

"So, in other words. I would _never_ say that to you." Yugi emphasized kindly. "I'm pretty sure anything that comes out of these character's mouths are the exact opposite of what anyone here would say."

"Well, I still think Kaiba needs to get laid-"

"JOEY!" Everyone shouted, while Kaiba's left temple throbbed with a dangerously angry vein.

"You know," Ryou began. "I _did_ notice my character sound a bit..off. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not. I don't really sound like that, do I?"

Everyone shook their head. He sighed in relief once more.

**"Playing card games sure beats doing school work! Arithmetic is for losers!" Joey says arrogantly. Tea flips up her card, which is a cutesy winged girly ball. The attack and defense points of both players' cards are shown. "Now I just gotta subtract your defense points from my attack points and.. and uh- Wait a minute, how do I do that?"**

**Tea has a giddy look on her face with an arm planted on her hip. "It's official. You're an idiot. "**

**"I love youuu, you love meee. We're a happy famileeeee!" Tristan sang stupidly.**

"Oh my God, Tristan I think I like your alter personality better." Joey finally managed to wheeze out after laughing so hard. True enough, everyone had burst out laughing. Even Kaiba cracked a small barely-there smile.

**Yugi and Joey were shown hanging out in front of a white wall, with Yugi sitting with feet dangling upon a horizontal monkey-bar pole and Joey leaning on it casually. "Tristan's song taught me a valuable lesson. I need to learn how to be a better duelist!" The blonde grabbed his friend by the shoulders in a panic. "You've got to help me out here, Yug!"**

**"Let me see your deck. " Yugi stated, taking hold of his buddy's cards and shuffling them one by one.**

_**Oh man. His deck is even more powerful than mine! **_**His violet irises grew bigger.**

_**Whoa, the Dark Magician! I just gotta have that!**_

**"Geeze Joey, your cards are worthless!"**

"I would never say that! Or do that for that matter!" Yugi shouted, feeling the need to clear his name even though it was the alternative version of him being the jerk. Joey looked at him suspiciously. "Eh, you sure that's not what you did when you updated my deck?" The small boy gasped in surprise.

"Of course not, Joey! How can you even think I would do something like-"

"BWHAHA, I'm just joshing you buddy. I know you wouldn't ever do that." Joey grinned at him, and Yugi deflated from his righteous speech.

**"Why don't I get rid of these and we'll go visit Gramps and set you up with a new special super awesome deck?"**

"Is it just me, or does my character say 'super special awesome' a tad too much?" Yugi groaned, wishing he would really shut up. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

**"Thanks, Yug. You're always looking out for me." Joey says fondly.**

**Back at the Game shop, Grandpa is then seeing putting up a poster one of the store's games, while thinking to himself. _Oh Blackluster Soldier, no one must ever know of our forbidden love._**

"Uh...ew."

**"Hey Yugi's grandpa! How 'bout training me to become Duel Monster's champ over here?" Joey says obnoxiously. The old man climbs down the stairs. "Very well, but it will require hours of rigorous off-screen practice!"**

**Joey looks shocked at this. "Really? I don't even get a training montage?"**

**"Who do you think you are, Rocky Balboa?" Grandpa retorts angrily.**

Yami really needed to start watching more modern television. All of these references were going way over his head.

**The scenes cuts to a Duel Monster's arena, where an announcer is well..announcing. "Welcome to the Regional Championship where the comic relief villains are having a meaningless duel!" Rex and Weevil are shown in their prospective places with determined evil looks on their faces.**

**"I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, folks!" The TV screen shrinks as Yugi and the gang are shown seeing the said championship. "Man, I love the card game channel. " Joey said. Yugi replied back excitedly. "It's almost as good as the watching paint dry channel!" Just then, Grandpa appears with a large-looking white package.**

**"There's a package here for you, Yugi." The angle of his face changed to a closer one. "You'd better not been using my credit card to buy Duel Monsters merchandise off Ebay again."**

**"It's from Industrial Illusions. I guess they heard about my victory over Kaiba." Yugi reasoned while looking at the box. "Yeah, those card games are big news. It completely overshadowed the fact that he kidnapped and hospitalized your grandpa." Joey stated blandly.**

"As always, Wheeler overreacting." Kaiba stated, while rolling his eyes. This time, not only did Joey gave him the stink eye but also from Yugi too. "But you _did _send my grandpa to the hospital." He crossed his arms, irritated. "And come to think about, you've never even apologized for it!"

"Oh please, who gets sent to the hospital for losing a duel?! Talk about a sore loser..." Seto muttered.

"You're one to talk! You're the biggest sore loser I've ever met!"

**"Hey look!" Tristan interjected happily while looking at the television. "I'm on TV!"**

**"What are you talking about Tristan?" Joey asked his friend, looking at the duel monster appearing from the game. "That's just a purple dinosaur."**

**"Hehehe. Hey Weevil." Rex said. "Check it out." He raised a card up and the scene changed to the same purple dinosaur from bottom up.****The three-headed creature had three horns on each head.**

**"My dinosaur's horny." **

Everybody groaned at the display of sheer idiocy.

**"Ah hehehe. Get it?"**

**"Yeah. Huhuhu. Yeah. Huhuhuh." Weevil gave an abnormal nasal laugh. **

**"It's like...your move or something?" Rex stated dumbly. "Huhuhuhu. Bugs are cool. Huhuhu." Was Weevil's response as he put a card on attack position.  
**

**"These guys sounds awfully familiar." Yugi said in a pensive voice.**

"Beevis and Butthead." Joey, Tristan and Yugi all say at the exact same time. Yami just looks confused, as he has no idea who these people are. "Beef is and Who?"

**"So, like. I'll...attack or something?" Rex once again said in a stupid voice. "You like, activated my trap card buttmunch. Huhuhu." Weevil reiterated.**

**"Hehehe... No way."**

**"Fire! Yeah, huhuhuhuh. " Rex's purple dinosaur was vanquished and he looked disappointed, head hanging down. "This sucks! I'm gonna go like, get some nachos."**

**"Ladies and gentlemen. Let's see hear it from Maximilium Peeeeeee-gasus!" The announcer dramatically introduced the creator of Duel Monsters, who carried a shiny gold trophy in his hands. "Congratulations Mr. Underwood." Pegasus walked to the little insect freak and bend to his level. "Here's your trophy. Now allow me to make your victory utterly pointless by announcing a far more interesting contest with a much grander title up for grabs!"**

**"Woah, huhuhu!" Weevil grabbed his trophy. "This chick is hot. Huhuhu!"**

"Wow, I think they're bigger idiots than Tristan's character. And that's saying something. " Tea mused.

"**He****y there a video inside the package!" Yugi said as he opened the contents of said box containing a video tape, a glove and two stars. "I just hope it's not one of those cursed videotapes that are all the rage lately," Grandpa grumbled as his grandson put in the tape in the VCR which started with some static and then Pegasus's face appeared.**

**"Seven days." Pegasus said creepily.**

**"Oh snap, I knew it!" Grandpa shouted angrily.**

Joey snickered. "You know, this show is actually pretty funny."

"Only you would consider something so asinine and moronic 'funny', Wheeler. I'm not surprised." Kaiba smoothly stated, looking nonchalantly to his side. "HEY YOU-!" Tea merely put a hand to Joey's shoulder and gave him a parenting warning. With that, the blonde shut up.

**"That's right, Yugiboy. There are only seven days 'till Duelist Kingdom. And in order to get you to enter, I'm going to force you to play a shadow game. Win in fifteen minutes and I'll release your friends.**

**Yami suddenly appears with smug smirk on his face. "That's fine by me, Pegasus. I'll beat you with the cards I took from J-, I mean the one cards that Joey gave me." Pegasus merely grins back as his left eye starts to glow from beneath his hair. "You won't beat anyone with that dragon card."**

**Yami is shocked. "You can see into my mind?!""**

**"Yees, Pharaoh-boy. And I can see you and I have a great deal in common." He said dismissively as he looked at a random card in his hand. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" The ancient spirit retorted in a offended tone.**

**Pegasus gives another smile, and throws his hands back flamboyantly. "Isn't it obvious?"**

**This seems to fire Yami up as he angrily shouts at the man. "LOOK, pal! Just because I inhabit the body of a teenage boy doesn't mean I'm a-"**

**"Oh come now, Pharaoh-boy don't be so gouache. I was referring to our Millennium items."**

**"Oh." Yami says lamely. "Right. I knew that."**

"I don't understand." Yami looked around his friends, trying to find clues in their faces. But it seemed like nobody wanted to face him head-on. In fact, they were all kind of turning away with shocked expressions as if embarrassed for him. Definitely not a good sign. "What did my alter mean?"

"I-I don't think you really want to know, Yami." Yugi finally spoke up sheepishly, a blush tinging his cheeks. "Actually, I really do want to know. Especially if everybody else already does and refuses to tell me." The older doppelganger finishes with a hint of frustration and nerves.

If nobody wanted to tell him, then that meant it was _especially_ bad. His nerves grew and he found his heart to be a bit quicker. Did he _really_ want to know?

It seemed Ryou was the only brave soul to move over to Yami's side and lean over to his ear. Everyone held a silent gasp as Ryou whispered the meaning to the Pharaoh with a hand cupping his mouth. Immediately after he finished, he moved to his original seat and waited. Yugi had his eyes closed as if waiting a hit, and opened one eye fearfully.

Yami was stone still in his seat, face practically expressionless except the slight widening of his irises. If not for the bright blush on his cheeks, Yugi could have sworn he had hardened to rock. He only said one thing.

"...Oh."

Yugi could almost imagine the older doppelganger screaming internally in mortification.

**The timer was at five minutes, and dramatic pauses with small boxes of different images appeared of every corner with each second passed. "What would you say if I told you I didn't actually create Duel Monsters, and that it's actually based on mystical duels held by powerful Pharaohs many thousands of years ago?" Pegasus asked mysteriously, pointing a finger directly at Yami.**

**"Whatchu talking 'bout, Pegasus?"**

**"These pharaohs battled with real monsters and real magic. So as you can imagine it was a great deal more exciting than the watered-down product I created."**

**Yami then seemed to realize something. "Wait a minute! You're just using this monologue to stall for time!"**

**The timer had one second left. "Well it worked, didn't it?"**

**"You're a CHEAT!"**

**"No, my strategy was merely-"**

**"HEY EVERYBODY! PEGASUS IS A BIG STINKY CHEATER!" Yami shouted.**

Yami couldn't help rolling his eyes, teeth gritting in annoyance at his character. "How mature of me." Yami stated sarcastically.

**"Oooh. So that's the way it's going to be is it? Fine then." Pegasus raised his bangs from his millennium eye, which began to glow.**

**"Let's see how your grandpa manages..." The bright glowing light burst out of the televisiona and enveloped Grandpa's spirit. "..Without his soul!" Pegasus smirked and gave a half shrug. "Ooo, I'm so ambiguously camp!"**

**"Yuuuuuuuuugiiiiiiiii" Grandpa croaked from the static-y television, and Yami transformed back to Yugi. "You BASTARD! You turned him into a mime! Grandpa!" The shadows left the living room, making everybody conscious of what was going on and they saw the old man hitting the floor with a dull haze look to his eye.**

**"GRANDPAAAAA!" He screamed while shaking the tv back and forth.**

**"Hey Yug. Down in front, will ya?" Joey stated simply.**

**"Yeah, we're watching that!" Tristan added.**

**With that the screen went black.**

"Is this...what we have to be watching until our captor sees fit to release us?" Ryou numbly asked.

"I guess. That's what the note says." Tea says with an exasperated sigh.

"Wonderful. I guess there's no other choice but to keep watching right?" Ryou sighed.

Kaiba crossed his arms in an indignant huff. "Pff. I wasn't even in this episode, why did I even have to be here?" He muttered.

* * *

There it is. My second update. Only... 62...more to go... *Sweatdrops

Ryou Bakura was added! And I did manage to input some head canons of mine into the canon Yugioh plot. I made Ryou a Christian*denomination will be found out later* because he sends letters to his sister from heaven (and in the dubbed yu-gi-oh! he is British so there is more likelihood of him being a Christian), so he must be somewhat religious. Which is ironic because he loves the occult, but that's another thing.

There might be some more of those especially when it's regarded to Ryou since I kind have a lot of (logically thought) headcanon theories that I think make a lot of sense. You'll be reading these as we go along, but there are not many don't worry!


	3. My Cards Will Go On

I am back again with another update! :) I wanted to wait until next week, but here I am doing nothing so here ya go. You're welcome. You know the drill here people, or at least I hope you do:

**Abridged series is in bold.**

* * *

"Hey, I think someone else is appearing." Yugi pointed out the same corner of the room Bakura appeared at, which was currently emitting a steadily growing white glow. The same glow grew until it grew blindingly-bright just like last time, and everybody had to cover their eyes for a moment until it subsided at least a bit.

"Who could it be?" Tea wondered out loud, squinting until the light died down. The person had her hands clapped to her ears, eyes shut tight and with a painful grimace just like Bakura did a while ago. It seemed it was an universal law everybody who teleported to this room had to endure a high-pitched shrill ring for a couple of seconds before the white light subsided.

Mai Valentine's grey eyes groggily opened, as if getting up from a too-long nap. She slowly scanned over each blurry figure in the room, not recognizing any of them as more than dark blobs moving erratically, one blob in particular jumping up and down wildly. A black horrid noise, though no more horrid than the shrill one ringing in her hear, enveloped her. It was like static, graying down everything and made her head feel like if was stuffed with cotton. Her heart started to beat faster. Was this another illusion the dark version of Marik prepared for her? This was just too strange. She didn't feel any heavy sense of dread and despair weighing down her soul with every passing eternal second, nor was she suffocating in her own poisonous envy.

She thought the shadow realm would forever show her worst fears with no end, but out of nowhere it just ends. Nothingness.

Her surroundings, senses, her _mind_ was gone! Though being repeatedly reminded of what she could never have was pure torture, she had no idea what was going on at this very moment. The entire situation was very disorienting and frightening. She grew even more scared at the same dark figure jumping suddenly running towards her.

She felt too weak to try and run, but she still put trembling outstretched hands up as if to fend off an attack. The figure stopped in its tracks and unbeknownst to her, a weak fearful whimper escaped her plump lips while she shut her eyes tight once again. Her knees suddenly seemed unable to handle her weight and they gave underneath her, making her crumple. Muted sounds, some higher-pitched than others, resonated but never fully. It was as if she had been submerged underwater in a black inky sea, her eardrums pulsing with the waters while the noisy world continued on as always just above her.

Fear was the only real emotion she could decipher from the chaos in her mind.

_"Mai..."_

A jump in her heart, and it surprisingly wasn't from fear. That voice...

_I know that voice. _She realized in an instant.

"Mai, speak to me! Please..." Yes. Crystal clear, her head didn't feel cotton-like anymore. She'd been drowning and somehow she'd been saved from being underwater. She was 120% sure she knew that voice. It was a rugged masculine voice with a slight accent, and heavily-tinged with concern. _B-but, if then that means I'm not in- it's not possible-!_

In an instant, she opened beautiful violet eyes. The dullness vanished.

It was him, no doubt about it. His worried brown eyes was the first thing she saw, scruffy blonde hair framing his handsome face, hovering above her like some type of guardian angel. A pressure on her waist indicated he was currently holding on to her collapsed figure.

_Joey._

Mai's eyes blurred with sparkling tears, and she threw arms around Joey's neck with no second thoughts or remorse. She sobbed silently, overwhelmed of pure happiness as she embraced him tightly, making it seem like she never wanted to let go. And maybe she didn't. She was free from that hell.

"It's okay, Mai. I've got you." Joey gently caressed the back of her hand, slowly interweaving his fingers through her silky blonde hair. "We all got you."

She was safe.

"Yeah, Mai. We're all here for you." A feminine voice piped up, and she looked up with a smile on her face. All familiar faces. Tea stood a few feet away with the others being Yugi, Bakura, Tristan, Kaiba (a few more feet from everyone else but that's no surprise), and...

_..Yami?_

This was enough to shock her of her tearful happy moment, and she pulled away from Joey's arms in outright bewilderment. The blonde in question did not mind, knowing the woman could be embarrassed from showing so much emotion. It seemed like she regained her strength, as she could immediately stand up and point an almost-accusing finger at the older doppelganger.

"You-"

Yami knew what was coming so he decided to interject. "Yes, I know. For some reason, I have my own body. I have no idea why. "

Mai nodded once, but not really understanding..anything really and now her attention was directed toward the entire surrounding, looking up and around. "This place." She said blankly, the surprise of everything slowly wearing off.

"What_ is_ this place? Where are we?" She looked around the crowd of faces, hoping to find some answers to her questions but saw blank slates.

"Another thing we have no idea about. Why the hell we're here." Joey said from behind, startling her for a second. She whipped her head around, looking at the blonde head on and then turning around to gauge the reactions of everybody else. She gave a slight disbelieving scoff, thinking about how ridiculous this entire situation was. "You've got to be kidding me. No one knows anything? Like why I've been ripped out of the Shadow Realm-which I am not complaining about in any shape or form, I must add- or how you are all here in this white void of a room?"

"I'm afraid we are not kidding." Ryou spoke up, stepping closer to the busty woman. "Not only do we not know anything on what is going on around us, but there seems to be an certain person or some type of deity, I'm not sure really, who is toying with us. Goes by the name of LK." She steps closer to the white-haired teen, seeing he is taking out a folded paper from his jeans pocket.

Mai then reads the strange letter, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and downright irritation. "What is all this crap of alternative universe?" She complains.

"Somehow, we are literally seeing a television series of our lives in another dimension." Yami stated as a matter-of-factly.

"Uh, come again?" Tristan, seeing there was no other way to explain other than to sit her down and let her watch the next episode, did just that. He grabbed the white control at the edge of the equally-white coffee table and looked at her weirded-out expression. "We want you to watch something. And since you're here with all of us, I'm pretty sure LK wants you to watch it too." Tristan replied.

One by one, everybody took their seat in no particular order in the long couch.

"Wait. Disclaimer!" Yugi suddenly said, remembering what happened the last time they decided to show the 'new' member of their group the show without giving them a heads up about their characters. "Oh yea, just one more thing. All of our characters are either unbelievably stupid or complete douche bags. Sometimes both." Joey clarified. Mai looked at him with an eyebrow raised up. "Excuse me?"

"Well, hehe. I can't say for sure that will happen to your character since you haven't appeared yet in an episode, but yaknow it seems to be a continuing trend..." He scratched his head, laughing sheepishly.

"Mine hasn't been either category." Ryou retorted, irritated he was getting grouped with those two detestable categories. "Well, you only did manage to say one thing. No offense or anything!" Joey stated, hands up as if saying _I didn't mean any insult by that_, not wanting to hurt the boy's feelings.

"I guess..that's true." He merely responded dejectedly. "You should count your blessings, Bakura. Your character so far hasn't been displayed as a vulgar, crass, disgusting and _perverted _individual." Yami muttered heatedly, making a slight blush appear in both Yugi and Yami's faces. That shut Ryou up instantly, lips clamping up in order to not giggle.

"Will someone please press play already! I seriously don't understand what any of you are saying." Mai growled, to which Tristan obliged.

**Yami's face appeared, zooming out, looking directly at the screen. "I'm not actually in this episode. Has anyone seen my agent?"**

Mai looked at the person next to her in confusion, which so happened to be Tea. "Every episode so far starts off with Yami's face zooming out while cards are flying around. He usually says something silly or strange." She explained to the best of her knowledge. The older woman, nodded, although still very puzzled and put her attention back to the screen.

**The school building was shown with a dark sunset-lit sky zooming in. "Well, Grandpa's a drooling vegetable," Yugi's profile is shown from bottom to the top, while his school jacket is flapping in the wind and he's clutching at the fence staring into the sunset with a wistful expression on his face. "Now, thanks to Pegasus he's lost his soul too!"**

"I resent that comment." Yugi crossed his arms. "Grandpa is very able and vivacious for his age!"

"No doubt about it, Yug." Joey agreed.

**Yugi appears from a front perspective, the fence criss-crossing on his entire body. "I just got to save him." The scene changed to a far away picture, with Yugi's small figure at the bottom of the screen. "But first, I should figure out how to get down from here. "**

**The 'camera' panned out from the shot, now focusing on the red orange sunset. "Hello?" His voice echoes into the sky. "A little help here? Anybody?"**

"Like I would actually go the roof of any type of building and not know how to get myself down. I'm not an idiot." Yugi scoffed.

Tristan 'tsked' at him with a wagging finger. "But you forget my young sapling. You may not be an idiot, but your _double_ is."

He grumbled in response.

**"Hey it's another video!" Joey is shown holding a cassette tape and putting it in the VCR. The TV in front of him turns static-y. "I wonder if Pegasus wants me my soul too!" The static went away to show Serenity with a greeting hand in the air.**

**"What's up big brother?"**

"Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with her voice!" Joey shouted at the screen, and Mai looked at the exalted blonde next to her in a startle. Tristan was equally as shocked, stuck in between gaping and horror and laughing uproariously.

**"It's my sister who sounds nothing like me!" Joey exclaimed.**

"SEE? Even my DOUBLE knows her voice is ridiculous!"

"Shut up, Wheeler."

**A close of Serenity is shown with a happy smile on her face. "The doctors have been so busy trying to figure out why my voice is so high-pitched, they've neglected to treat my eyesight. So I'm going blind."**

"Now she knows too! This is some serious 4th wall breaking shit, right here." Joey Wheeler said in awe.

**"Well, see you later! ...Or not." The TV turns to static once again.**

"That was surprisingly dark." Tea commented, taken back.

**"I guess my soul ain't good enough for Pegasus" Joey says miserably, as his depressed reflection is showcased on the television screen. The scene cuts to the classroom, where the gang is gathered around Yugi's desk, and Tristan is dueling against Yugi himself.**

**"I've decided to accept Pegasus's invitation and travel to his private island where I'll be completely at his mercy." Yugi says, while a close up of his face is shown. The scene zooms back, so he's seeing addressing everyone. "It's a shame rich megalomaniacs are immune from the law. Otherwise, we could just call the police."**

"That sounds about right! I should have called the police and tell them this eccentric billionaire kidnapped my grandpa's _soul _and he wants me to duel him for it. Yeah, they will totally go for that!" Yugi said sarcastically. Now four heads turned towards the short duelist in a bit of concern.

Yugi wasn't usually sardonic and snippy. "More like the quickest way to get locked up in a padded room." He mumbled quietly afterwards.

**"Cash sure does do terrible things to people. It's like the old saying goes! Money is the root of all-" Joey began saying.**

**"Hey look!" Tristan interrupted, holding up two cards in his hands.**

"PFFF" Mai covered her mouth in order to stifle her laughter. Tristan merely grumbled. "Yeah, yeah. My voice is a hoot. Moving on!"

**Tristan's face is shown in a close-up."This tournament has the prize of $3 million!" Joey immediately takes away one of the cards his friend was holding. "CHA-CHING!" He looks at the card excitedly. "Duelist Kingdom here I come!"**

**The picture changes to Joey sitting against a wall at night, and Yugi steps closer to him. "Hey Joey!" Yugi's face takes up the entire screen. "Remember the time we became friends?" He asks the blonde.**

**"Yeaaaah." Joey turns around as if reminiscing good old times. The scene fades into white, flashback mode.**

_**Joey is grinning evilly down at a smaller-looking Yugi who raising his hands up and mouth open in protest. "GIVE ME BACK MY MILLENNIUM PUZZLE, YOU BIG DICKWEEDS!" He is shouting. The scene zooms out until both Joey and an equally-evil looking Tristan holding the gold box of Yugi's millennium puzzle can be seen.**_

_**"WAAAAAH!"**_

_**"We're tormenting youuuuuu!" They both sang out stupidly while Yugi cries as the screen faded into white again.**_

Mai, Kaiba, and Ryou blinked, not expecting two of Yugi's best friends to have once been his bullies. Three pairs of eyes zoned in on the two culprits, subconsciously waiting for an explanation."You guys used to bully him?" Mai asked quite bluntly. Both Joey and Tristan had the decency to look guilty. "...Yeah. It was a long time ago, and we were just being...ya know. Dickweeds." Joey supplied lamely.

"We really didn't have any reason to do it, we just thought it was good fun." Tristan replied, eye downcast, knowing there was no excuse to what they did. Yugi suddenly intervened. "And I forgave them for it."

Now everybody had their attention on Yugi. "I'm not saying their actions were okay, because they're not. But, I realized I would only hurt myself if I kept being angry and resentful towards the people that constantly bullied me. And my grandpa always said to me, 'kill them with kindness.' That's exactly what I did."He finished in a calm relaxed tone.

"Yeah, we're really sorry about what we did, Yug. It was really stupid of us." Joey apologized sincerely, feeling like crap along with Tristan. "Don't mention it. The past is in the past." Yugi replied with a smile on his face.

**"Actually Joey, I was talking about the part after that." Yugi spoke, looking straight at the blonde teen. ****"Oh. Oh, yeah! Now I remember!" The scene faded back into white, with the same flashback appearing from before.**

**_"I mean it guys, give it back this is-"_**

_**"We're still tormenting youuuuu!"**_

**The scene faded to white, Joey looking at Yugi's profile with a kind expression on his face. "Man. Good times."**

"That's some bullcrap." Joey said angrily. "I don't ever think of that as 'good times'. Nor do I want to think of it for fun!"

"I know, Joey." Yugi says understandingly.

**The camara pans slowly from Yugi to Joey at a side angle. "No Joey, I mean the time where I saved you from that bully."**

**"Huh. No." Joey states simply, disbelievingly. "No, I don't remember that." ****The picture now shows both friends sitting down, looking at each other. "But I was all heroic and stuff!" Yugi interjects, and Joey completely ignores his statement to say:**

**"Hey, remember the time me and Tristan took your millennium puzzle?"**

**Cue the same flashback. _"Waaaaaaaaah!"_**

**"_TOOOORMEENT_!"**

**Yugi snaps his head straight. "Remind me why we're friends again?"**

"This episode is really getting on my nerves." Tristan hisses, two fingers rubbing his temples as a he could feel a headache coming on.

**The scene suddenly cuts to a large cruise ship, where a lot of people are gathering around to get in. "ATTENTION DUELISTS!" It now cuts to one of the security guards with really pointy hair. "My hair is telling me that it's time for you to board." He is now seeing addressing the large crowd at the bottom of the ship.**

**"Anyone caught without a crazy hairstyle will not be permitted to enter the duelist kingdom."**

**Next, Joey is seen with two buff security guards holding him by the arms while he is struggling angrily. "Hey, but my hair is all blonde and poofy!" The security guard answers. "Sorry sir, but it needs to be at least twice the size of your head for it it count!"**

**Yugi then appears. "He's with me." The two security guards look astonished. "Wow. Your hair is crazy enough for two people! Okay, he can go."**

"...Hairstyle had absolutely nothing to do with who entered the ship." Yugi mumbled, feeling embarrassed and touching his hair self-consciously. Mai had to fight off a smirk, finding the blushing boy cute. "...And besides, I like it this way." He said defensively.

**"Thanks, Yug. Man, your hair really is crazy! What the heck's your secret?" Joey looks down at Yugi, the two of them already boarded on the ship.**

**"L'Oreal. Because I'm worth it." Yugi says smoothly and without missing a beat while the logo for L'OREAL appeared at the top left of the screen.**

Yugi suddenly felt five pairs of eyes literally drilling into his skull, and he turned around slowly to see everybody (except for Yami) staring at him. "What?" He squeaks, never liking to be put on the spot. "So?" Tea asks vaguely. His eyebrow rises up. "...So..."

"What IS your secret?" Mai butts in.

"_What_?"

"I rather doubt it's gel because his hair isn't spiky or hard at all," Ryou muses idly, fingers running back and forth Yugi's thick locks of hair. "B-Bakura!" Yugi squeaks again, scooting away from the British teen next to him. It was all over at that moment. Now various hands were touching, twisting, pulling and caressing his hair and comments such as: "It doesn't get this way naturally, does it?" or "What hair dye do you use?" and other similar phrases.

After being ambushed for a while, and Yami just sitting idly by with a mischievous grin on his face, Yugi finally shouts exasperated. "I was born with this hair alright? Don't you see how my grandpa has it? It's also starfish-shaped!"

"Yugi, you don't expect us to believe you were born with blonde, black and violet-tipped hair do you?" Mai said with a pointed look on her face. "Well, it's _true_!" He reiterated.

"Right now he may have grey hair, but my grandpa always used to tell me I got his hair color and style from him. He had it exactly the way I did. And why isn't anybody glomping Yami for this, he has the same hair I do!" Yugi said exhausted.

"Oh, don't mind me!" Yami cheerfully stated. "Continue on your quest of finding Yugi's hair secret. He has it very hidden away, trust me."

**Tea and Tristan appear hiding away behind large boxes. "Come on, Tristan! Let's sneak on board like Solid Snake!"**

**"Don't our parents even care that we're missing?!" Tristan wonders.**

Both scoffed. "We obviously didn't go 'missing.'" Tea stated with fingers emphasizing the last word. "Our parents knew we were going to Duelist Kingdom."

"They just didn't know we were stowaways." Tristan grinned at that.

**Mai makes her first appearance by walking towards Yugi and Joey with a smirk. "Is that a light-force sword in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" She casually asks, but looking down at Yugi with a sweet smile.**

Mai instantly stiffens up, seeing her character on screen for the first time. "That...isn't my voice at all!" She states rather angrily ."It actually sounds kind of masculine" Joey agreed. "What?!" She whirls around, steam coming out of her ears.

"H-HER voice! Not yours!"

**Joey is shown with a too-big smile, eye shut as if nervous. "Check it out, Yug!" The scene zooms back to the three, and as Mai straightens up her back, Joey continues.**

**"It's a pair of giant breasts attached to a woman."**

A large very prominent gasp came out of everyone present. Mai gives out the loudest screechy gasp possible and she looks at Joey with murder in her eyes.

Everybody's eyes are also wide and filled with mortification. But nobody was as mortified as Joey at the moment. He looked shocked speechless, mouth hung open in a perfect O, was sweating bullets, and his face was as red as a tomato. He immediately snaps out of it.

"I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!" He shrieks.

"IT MAY BE AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE BUT THAT PERSON IS STILL YOU!" Mai screams, standing up as if preparing to cut him down. "Woah, woah Mai!" Yugi jumps up from his seat, and starts to to step closer to the furious woman. "Joey's right. These people may look like us, but they are definitely NOT us in any shape or form. " He says, hoping to calm Mai down.

Mai still looked as angry as ever. "He may not ever say it, because he knows I would KILL him but these characters might voice out our thoughts!" Her fists bunched up at her sides and she starts to move fast Yugi but Tea immediately blocked her. "Slow your roll there, girl!"

Joey started to sweat even more profusely than before, blonde hair popping out against his extremely-red skin. This time, Yami got involved.

"Even if that was the case, which I doubt it is..."He looked briefly at Joey, and then back at Mai. "Wouldn't you think Joey is the victim in all of this?" This made Mai look directly at him, flame dancing in her purple robs. Holy hell, that woman looked scary when mad. Yami gulped and continued hesitantly.

"Well, we all have our own personal thoughts right? Nobody has the right to breach them or it's an unjustifiable invasion of privacy. I can make a safe bet that everyone here might have some thoughts you'd rather not share with anyone. Whether they be bad, good, or embarrassing. It cannot be controlled nor help, and that's perfectly normal. I'm sure, Mai, there are thoughts you would be appalled to find they come to public knowledge, right?"

At this, Mai looked significantly less angry, and seemed just a little irritated. "Well...I guess when you put it that way, it doesn't make sense for me to get angry at something Joey can't control." She said lowly, sinking down to her seat at the sofa again.

Everyone sighed in relief, especially Joey. _Crisis averted._

"Although I really don't think these characters voice our thoughts, and if they do it's a rare occurrence. " Ryou said pensively. "When I first got here and saw the episode prior to this one, Yugi's double said something rather rude to my double. I really don't believe Yugi would ever think in those lines, even if he's angry with me."

Yugi nodded in agreement. "You are right, Bakura. These characters merely say and do whatever they want. They are not associated with our mind in any way."

**"The name is Mai Valentine," Mai has a cocky hand on her hip for effect. "It's not a very subtle pun. But then again, nothing about me is very subtle."**

**"BOOOBIEEES!" Joey exclaims with an excited look in his face.**

Everybody does an exasperated and embarrassed facepalm, really hoping Mai won't be fired up from this comment. Meanwhile the blonde woman is glaring daggers at Joey, but doesn't say anything.

**"I'll crush you when we get to the island." Mai says as a way of farewell. "With your boobies right?"**

"PLEASE STOP TALKING!" Joey finally shouted at the screen, a vivid blush still strong in his cheeks.

**The scene changes to another part of the ship, where Tristan is looming over Tea, who looks worried about something. "What's wrong, Tea?" She looks back at him. "I need to use the bathroom, but the lady who dubs me won't admit it!"**

"The lady who dubs me?" Tea says, hopelessly confused.

**Tristan then points out to the ocean or to that general direction. "In another few hours, the sun will rise." Tea turns around to her friend, an angry vein pounding in her head and her fist curled up in the air. "What the f*#!k does that mean?!"**

"Oh great, I'm the second to swear so far." She sighs.

**The screen goes black with some white words in parenthesis saying: _(seriously, he actually says that...wtf?)_**

They all look at each other strangely.

**Tea is shown crouching behind one of the walls, staring at the deck when suddenly, someone appears walking towards the railings. "Hey, isn't that Bakura?" Sure enough, it was Ryou.**

**"Bakura?" Tristan repeated, and the scene cut into a close-up of Ryou's profile. "The limey kid from school?"**

**"What's he doing here?" Tea asked Tristan but he looked pretty calm. "Who cares? He's not even a main character."**

Ryou crossed his arms indignantly, giving out a "Hmph!' in distaste. Both Tea and Tristan only smiled nervously.

**"Whoa. Hehehe," Rex is seen relaxing on of the sofas to his deluxe room, as he gazes hungrily at Mai's approaching figure. "...Come to Raptor."**

"Gross." Mai says, disgusted.

**"Tell you what Rex," Mai sits down on the couch opposite the dork. "If I win this duel, I get to use your room. But if you win, then I'll give you a kiss."**

**"Cool." Rex says. "Then I like, won't be a virgin anymore."**

"I don't know how much idiocy I can take in one sitting." Seto Kaiba growled, having enough of this 'show'. Tea, who was right beside the serious child billionaire, flinched slightly as she hadn't heard him make a comment in quite a while.

**"Huhu. Hey Yugi," Weevil approaches Yugi and Joey. "Huhu, like give me your cards or something. Huhuhu."**

** Yugi looks at him, smiling. "Well, you're clearly evil. But I see no reason not to trust you."**

"A little naive there, Yug. 'Cus that is exactly what you did." Joey says in a condescending tone. "Well pardon me for thinking the best in people!" Yugi defends himself.

**Weevil throws Yugi's cards out to the ocean. "Say goodbye to Exodia!" Yugi looks devastated and Joey is also seen in shock as the cards fall down to the dark sea below them. "Huhu, yeah. Huhu. That was cool." Weevil walks away, quite proud of himself.**

**"Holy cow, I never even saw that coming!" Yugi exclaims and Joey jumps up on the railing heroically and dives out of the ship. "I'll save 'em!"**

**Celine Dion's famous 'My Heart Will Go On' song starts to play in the background while Joey dives into the water dramatically.**

**_You'ree hereeeeeee,_**

"OH..MY...GOD."

**"Must...risk...life...for cards!" He get another card, but a wave of water instantly submerges him.**

_**And I knoooooow, my heart will,**_

**Yugi then throws himself out of the ship, diving underwater to save Joey from drowning. He gets his hand to stop his from sinking anymore and carries him up to the surface of the water.**

_**Go oooooon...**_

**Tristan's voice interrupts the important moment. "HEY!" Yugi turns to the ship, where the scene cuts to Tea and Tristan with a rope ladder hanging from the edge of the deck.**

**"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!"**

Uproarious laughter filled the room. It was to a point to where Mai was literally holding her stomach in pain, Ryou was wiping tears from his eyes, and even Yami was chuckling in amusement. Yugi and Joey were absolutely mortified, both of them hiding their flaming-red face in their palms.

"It was...such a touching moment." Kaiba stated with a smirk. Tea kept giggling away and Tristan threw an arm around Joey.

"How dare I interrupt the ensues of clear bromance?!" More hysterical laughter followed his comment.

"Shut _up_, Tristan." Surprisingly, this came from both Joey and Yugi.

**A door opens up and Rex is being kicked out with all of his belongings. "Get out loser!" Mai says to him and she shuts the door. "Uh, did I just score?"**

**"Sorry you almost drowned, guys." Tea said sympathetically.**

**"If it's any consolation, the sun will be up in a few hours." Tristan piped up. "Man, I can't believe I didn't save your cards. Compared to this, my sister's imminent blindness seems like a minor inconvenience."**

"Asshole." Joey mutters.

**Yugi seems surprised. "Your _sister_? How come you've never mentioned that sub-plot before?!"**

**"My parents got divorced a long time ago, because I tried teaching her how to drive." Joey said with a solemn expression. A flashback ensued.**

_**"Joey!" Serenity is seen behind a car window, clearly distressed and crying. "Stop this crazy thing!" The scene changes to a car driving forward while a young Joey is running after it.**_

_**"APPLY THE HANDBRAKE YA DUMB BROAD!"**_

**Tristan is then thinking to himself. 'If she's going blind, I might actually have a chance with her.'**

Joey shoots a glare to Tristan.

**The sun is clearly up now, and the four are looking over the horizon, their back turned to the camera. "We'll both do our best Joey. You for your sister, and me for my grandpa." Tea is shown with a smile on her face. "I'm not even sure why I bothered coming!"**

**Now Tristan speaks. "Hey look! I was right about the sun!"**

**The screen turns black.**

"Well, this episode was certainly...a lot to take in." Ryou stated lamely.

"I'll say," Joey said. "I wonder how many of these are they? Will they stop at the timespan of where we are right now? Or will they continue into our future?"

"I guess we'll have to wait and see to figure that out." Mai replied.

.

* * *

Gosh, this was a reaaaally long chapter. I tried to have more interaction between the original Yugioh characters as well as more drawn out reactions, so that must be why. Well, show some love if you liked it :) And if you didn't, tell me what I can do to make it better : !

Peace!


	4. Lord of the Cards

Wow...SIXTEEN reviews for last week's chapter. I am astonished and beaming with joy. Did someone say MOTIVATION?! :D

**Abridged is bold face!**

* * *

The left corner of the white room was suspiciously normal for the first time.

Everyone had been staring at it for a while, waiting for the typical white fuzzy glow to form and present somebody known from their lives, but it strangely stayed the same. Yugi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"...So, no one's going to appear for this episode?"

Yami rested his chin on his hand, a pensive expression on his face. "It doesn't seem like it, no. How strange. I thought the pattern was somebody new appearing for each episode."

"Although it seems rather unlikely to have a new person for each episode, don't you think?" Ryou spoke up. "We are still not even in Duelist Kingdom island. I don't know how long this 'show' is going to take us, but I assume it will at least go up to our current lives before we were sucked into this mess. That will be an obscenely large amount of people in a medium sized room. Do we even know so many people?"

"Yeah, it seems a bit too much." Tea agreed. "Maybe the episode dictates when a new person appears?"

Yami's eyes lit up in realization. "Tea, you're absolutely right. Bakura didn't appear in the first episode, even though he made a small cameo for a moment in the beginning. He did, however, appear in the second one since he _spoke_. Mai's appearance is also congruent with her introduction: the third episode. As the characters of this alternative reality show up and actually say a word or two, the 'characters' in _our_ reality appear. It needs to be an official introduction. "

"If that's true, then why haven't some characters who have clearly spoken more than Bakura appeared in this room? Pegasus for one. Rex and Weevil. Grandpa as well!" Yugi counter-argued. The taller doppelganger opened his mouth to reiterate, but found no logical answer to Yugi's valid questions, and therefore closed his mouth in puzzlement.

"I have absolutely no idea." He finally said in a lost tone.

Tristan ponders on what Yugi said and then states slowly. "Maybe LK decides who is going to appear in the room or not. He might not like the other characters-"

"Or SHE." Mai immediately interjected with a slight huff.

"...whatever! He or _she _might not like the other characters enough to include them here with us. And wasn't it mentioned the show's name is _Yu-Gi-Oh_? I think I heard that in the first or second episode. Yugi must be the protagonist of the show and being friends of the protagonist, we are considered major secondary characters right? People who have an important link to Yugi and us in general will probably appear, while the other ones won't be bothered." Tristan muttered.

"Can you dweebs just put the episode already? The faster we finish this pathetic excuse for a show, the faster this nightmare is over." Seto Kaiba snapped out of nowhere, startling those around him. "Sheesh, Kaiba. Take a chill pill," Joey began saying but the serious brunette immediately interrupted him.

"NO, Wheeler. I will not take a '_chill pill_' as you so intelligently put it. You know why? Because I am stuck in this void of a room with you LOSERS, with nothing else to do but waste precious time watching a MORONIC television show which is supposed to be a representation of ourselves in an alternate universe!"

Seeing that Joey was gearing up for a fight, Tea plopped down on the sofa between them and took hold of the remote. "We should begin the next episode!" She spoke lightheartedly, as if nothing happened between the two teenage boys. The two took heed of her very subtle warning and decided to wave the invisible white flag of truce. For now.

She pressed play, but the screen was still black. "Huh?"

**"Hehehe."**

**"Huh-huh-huh."**

**The black faded to a blue color, with Rex Raptor's face in a white oval appearing first.**

**A familiar guitar tone started to play and Weevil's evil-looking grinning face appeared in another white oval to the right side of screen. Both were laughing stupidly.  
**

**The Yu-Gi-Oh! logo appeared at the top, with the names REX and WEEVIL against some yellow spiky shapes appearing at the bottom of their ovals respectively.**

"They really wanna drive home the fact Rex and Weevil are Beevus and Butthead, huh?" Joey said simply. Yami, not knowing who these strange individuals were and certainly not liking being left in the dark, just ignored the entire introduction so far.

"What I don't understand is how that universe has these pop culture references seen in our universe." Yugi wonders.

"Maybe the only thing that changes in between this reality and theirs is literally only _us._" Ryou replied back hesitantly.

**The intro faded into a blue sky with clouds. The Yu-Gi-Oh logo still appeared, now slightly tilted up and right below was 'REX and WEEVIL in' with a makeshift title to the current episode. It read: "Huh-huh, you said 'Man-Eater' bug!"**

"This episode isn't going to be about them, is it?" Tea complained.

**"Wow, an entire island all to ourselves." Joey said with wonder in his voice, while looking out the book and into the horizon. "It's sorta like that book, Lord of the Flies. Only with a lot less subtext, and a lot more card games!"**

"I guess Bakura's right on us being the only significantly different thing in the show."

**Tristan's face grew uncomfortably close to Tea, a large sweat drop on his face. "Wasn't that the movie with the evil ring and the hobbits?" He asked, eyes shifting suspiciously.**

"Wrong movie, dumbass." Joey snickers. "That's Lord of the _Rings_."

**Tea gets unusually mad at his comment and retorts back while the brunette backs away with a weird look on his face. "Why would ANY of those things be on this island, you idiot?!"**

**A black screen appears with an evil-looking Yami Bakura and a large white arrow pointing to the millennium ring, aptly titled in big white letters '_Evil Ring_'.**

**At the side of this picture, Yugi is seen with his friends as the shortest of the bunch and an equally large arrow points to Yugi, the word '_Hobbits_' right above it.**

"DID THEY JUST SAY I'M A HOBBIT?!" Yugi screeched, while Yami covered his mouth with his palm to keep himself from laughing.

"HA!" Joey exclaims. "That's funny."

"It's not even remotely funny!"

"Well... everyone else seems to think so." Joey pointed out the rest of the gang also following suit of Yami, covering their mouth with a hand to keep laughter from bursting forwards. The snickers, however, could not be avoided. Even the extremely polite Ryou struggled to keep his suppressed laugh silent .

"I am NOT a hobbit! I'm just a little short." Yugi fumed.

"Oh God, we're so sorry Yugi...Dwarfs don't like to be called hobbits, right?" Mai said sympathetically.

Yugi nodded. "That's exactly right-HEY!"

**The boat already docks at the island, and the gang is passing by a line of security guards. "I sure hope no one notices we're trespassing!" Tristan's voice is heard before he enters the screen, walking stiffly in great big strides and in a staccato fashion, making it seem painfully obvious he didn't belong in Duelist Kingdom. One of the goons noticed his idiotic behavior and yelled out.**

**"Hey, you!"**

**Tristan stops in his tracks, with a horrified look in his face. **

**_The irony! _He thinks to himself. The security guard looks at the back of Tristan's head, his face drenched in sweat.**** "Quit drawing attention to yourself, you barely qualify as a sidekick."**

"BURN!" Joey exclaimed laughingly, ala Kelso style.

**Joey suddenly decided to give a very unconvincing sneeze at the general direction to where Tea was standing. "Ahh-choo!" She looks quite disgusted at almost being sneezed on. Yugi, being the good worried friend he was, stated in a soft concerned voice.**

**"****You wouldn't have caught that cold if it hadn't been for Weevil."**

**Joey has a strangely happy expression on his face, while he wipes his noise in a crass manner.**

"Do you _have_ any sense of manners and etiquette in your entire body,Wheeler?" Kaiba snapped for the third time this episode. The blonde opened his mouth to yell at the jerk but Seto cut him off. "Actually, that's a stupid question. You can't make a mutt into a civilized human being."

This time, Joey had the unusual nerve to merely state calmly. "Yeah, if you can keep it quiet over there, Kaiba. We'd rather not hear the agonizing sounds of you taking that massive pole out of your ass."

"I'm surprised you even _know_ the word 'agonizing'." Kaiba effortlessly shot back. "Have you been watching your Baby Einstein videos?"

"You know, you're REALLY getting on my nerves you DAMN-!"

"_Please stop fighting!_" Ryou shouted, catching everyone by surprise. The Brit did not resort to yelling very often; in fact, he rarely ever did which is why everyone stayed deadly quiet. The teen sighed in relief, tense muscles finally relaxing. He absolutely hated violence.

**"Actually, I wouldn't have caught it if you hadn't been a naive moron and handed him your most powerful cards!" Joey said looking at his friend in a condescending manner.**

Joey looks at Yugi, with his arms crossed, a very obvious eyebrow raised up in complete agreement over what his double said (for the first time so far). The short duelist just looked away.

**"No, it was definitely Weevil." A zoom-up of Weevil looking at the gang's general direction appeared, the blue-haired freak looking as evil and creepy as ever. "He threw my grandfather's cards into the ocean, and I'll never be able to forgive him." Yugi stated in a firm voice.**

**Tristan interrupts Joey and Yugi with a stupidly happy expression on his face. "It's sort of like the time Joey threw away a piece of your Millennium Puzzle!"**

This time, Yugi looks at his blonde friend with a raised-up eyebrow, arms crossed in the same haughty expression Joey was using just a few seconds ago. The tall teen laughs weakly, holding his neck.

**Joey moves awkwardly more a moment before smiling nervously. "...Yeah, except ya forgave me for that. Right, Yug?" He looks at his friend with a hopeful gleam.**

**Meanwhile, Yugi has a rather angry expression. "Sure Joey. Suure." He states eerily, making it seem he really didn't forgive Joey for anything and he was secretly waiting to get revenge. A very familiar tune came on while Yugi's still angry image zoomed in. **

**It is then immediately recognized it is Quincy Jone's famous song Ironside Theme, from the classic Tarantino movie 'Kill Bill'.**

"The references in this show are killer." Tristan grins.

**_A flashback of Yugi kneeling over his scattered millenium puzzle with sadness in his eyes appears._ Yugi appears at the screen again, angry expression strong.**

**_Joey is looking down at Yugi with a malicious grin. _Yugi's face seems to be even more enraged, as his eyes start glinting in anger and his lips are curled up in a slight snarl.**** _Joey is seen throwing away a piece of the Millennium Puzzle into a river or canal below the school._**

**Finally, Yugi's face appears determined in a 'watch your back because I'm going to stab it' kind of way, while the catchy ending of the Kill Bill soundtrack ends.**

"He..hehe. You're not really still angry at me are you Yug?" Joey states anxiously. Yugi gives him a genuine smile. "I promise you Joey. It's all forgiven. But I can't say the same for my alter," He chuckles. "I don't think he's very keen on forgiveness right now."

"Right." Joey says. "I get that. My alter is also a pretty big douche in bringing that bullying point up over and over in the last episode, so that may play a part in why alternate Yugi's not feeling it." He said in a joking form.

**"Attention Duelists!" The bodyguard with a unicorn horn for hair known as Kemo suddenly announced. "If you can all stop staring at my hair for a moment, you'll see that Pegasus's castle is just behind me." He sweeps his arm back to show the enormous castle and the extremely long stone staircase.**

**"Please follow the unnecessarily long staircase to meet your host."**

**Tea is seen walking up the stairs when suddenly she looks to her left with a somewhat curious expression. "My limey senses are tingling!"**

"Oh great. That's how I know they're talking about me." Ryou mumbled.

**She stops in her tracks to see the dense forest below them, and a white-haired figure is shown at a very far-away angle. "****What is it, Tea?" Yugi asks, and everybody stops walking up to see the brunette girl in question pointing directly towards the forest.**

**"I thought I saw Bakura again!" A different point of view from within the forest is looking up at the four friends, the scene zooming out. "****Maybe we should go check." Joey suggests.****Now the trees are passing by the camera leisurely. "****He is our friend, after all."**

**Yugi looks appalled at the suggestion. "And let him cut into MY precious screen-time?" He turns away and keeps walking upwards "No way! Besides, it's not like he's a main character or anything." Ryou shows up behind a tree with a strangely negative look in his eyes.**

Ryou sighs exasperated. "How many times do your alters have to drive that very annoying point home?"

"Don't look at us, it's not like we can control what they say or not." Joey stated in Yugi's defense.

"By the way, why WERE you at the bottom of the forest being all sly and sneaky?" Mai wonders out loud, still not understanding how Ryou frequently got dictated by the evil spirit of the Millennium ring to do his bidding. "I mean, you guys are friends right?"

Everyone wasn't sure how to answer this question, and the silence suddenly filled with awkwardness. "Well...It's quite complicated to explain, actually." Ryou finally said softly.

"The spirit in my ring sometimes...influences me in certain ways. There are times he doesn't actually take over and lets me be in my own body. But somehow he makes me blindly follow his orders with no panic nor questions in why I'm doing this or what I'm doing. I remember packing to Duelist Kingdom and everything, but it didn't feel real. Like I wasn't really in control over my own actions. It's a very strange and unpleasant experience." He shrinks upon himself, realizing all the attention was on him.

"Sort of feels like the dream where you can't run faster than a snail no matter how hard you try." He supplied lamely.

"So when he does take over? You're just unconscious?" Mai looks at the British boy with interest, eager to learn about the other Yami. "Pretty much." He agrees with a slightly-wavering voice. "It's like I'm having the deepest sleep imaginable, and out of nowhere, I'm just forced back into my body. It's so disorienting because I have no idea what's going one around me."

"Wow. I never knew that, Bakura!" Yugi says in awe.

"I don't think any of us ever did." Joey says also with wonder, while Tea and Tristan nod. "Well, you never asked." He gives out a weak smile.

"Who is he?" Mai asks another question and Ryou looks startled. "Who?"

"The spirit who takes over."

Although Yami doesn't know the British boy very well, he can tell he isn't very comfortable talking about his dark yami. It's obvious by the way he keeps shifting in the seat, and looking away from everyone. He decides to come to Ryou's rescue.

"I don't think we should be bombarding Bakura with questions just yet. I'm pretty sure as the episodes go by, we'll get an inkling towards the true persona this evil spirit embodies." The regal spirit-turned-person spoke sternly, grabbing the remote from the coffee table and pressing play again.

Yami looks over to Ryou briefly and sees him mouthing a heartfelt _Thank you_ to him. He smiles in returns and nods.

**The gang was now at the top and they could see many different duelists crowded about, among them a happy-looking Mai. "Hey, check out all the obligatory cameos. Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Mako Tsunami..." Says a random duelist.**

**"But where's the reigning champion, Seto Kaiba?" Another duelist asked.**

**"Didn't you hear? He was barred from the tournament because his name wasn't stupid enough."**

Seto smirks for the fist time since the episode started.

**Pegasus appears at a high castle balcony, overlooking all of the competitors. "Welcome to the Duelist Kingdom! Let me assure you that this tournament is 100% genuine and is not in any way an elaborate ruse thrown together at the last minute so that I can get my hands on an Ancient Egyptian artifact." Yugi looks up angrily at the silver-haired man, clearly knowing the truth.**

"Way to _not_ be obvious."

**"To advance to the finals, and the chance at three million dollars," He pulls out a star chip and displays it to his audience. "You must each win ten star chips by betting them on card games. Remember kids, gambling is good for you!" He says in a disturbingly cheerful tone.**

"This show is messed up." Tristan says shaking his head. "You're barely noticing that now?" Tea snorts.

**The scene cuts to a green field with lots of flowers. "Now that my cold is instantly cleared up, I can't wait to win this tournament and get the prize money!" Joey says with one star chip in his hand. "****So you can pay for the operation, right?" Yugi asks him with a smile on his face.**

**"What operation?"**

**"The one your sister's getting."**

**Joey looks at him dumbly."...What sister?"**

The original blonde groans at the idiocy of his alter.

**Tea then cries out as they are walking. "Hey, it's Weevil!" Sure enough, there he was at the entrance of a forest.**

**"Weevil! I challenge you to a-" Yugi starts to speak but the bespectacled duelist starts to run away. "****Wait a minute, he's running away!" Joey shouts and the chase ensues. "****It's almost as if he doesn't want to play a card game with me." Yugi says idly as he runs after the insect-obsessed weirdo.**

**Finally, Weevil stops and smirks at them. "Actually, dumbass, I was just leading you into this vague trap or something." He points maniacally at Yugi with a giddy expression. "Huh-huh-huh."**

"This weevil guy is really annoying." Mai complains

**A close-up of the millennium puzzle is shown and it starts to glow and spin around. A bright blue light shoots up and Yugi's voice can be heard in the background. "****Super Special Awesome Ultra Special Sexy Transformation Sequence GO!" He transforms into Yami.**

"And here I thought my 'super special awesome' phrases were dead and gone. Nope, instead they grew more stupid than before." Yugi groans miserably.

"And did your alter just call Yami a Sexy Transformation?" Tristan guffaws, to which Yugi responded with a deadly glare.

**"I'm back, baby!" Yami boasts in a proud arrogant tone.**

"Dear Ra." Yami mutters in disbelief.

**Weevil does not look phased. "Huh, two can play at that game, dillhole. Huh-uhum-huh." The earth suddenly starts shaking and everybody seems panicked at the fact.**

**"Sweet mother of Osiris, he's transforming too!" Yami exclaims as Weevil's shoulders shake back and forth and strange noises are emitting from his mouth. "****But who, or what is he becoming?" He says, eyes narrowing in anticipation.**

**Weevil suddenly screams crazily. "I AM CORNHOLIO! I need T.P. for my bunghole! Huh-huh-huh."**

"Figures they would make that joke." Yugi sighs, and Joey cackles like an idiot at the reference.

**Yami looks bewildered but he pulls his poker face back on. "It's time to duel, you strange silly person." And so the duel commences. The duel monsters champion grins maniacally.****"Are you threatening me? I summon my Generic Insect. Huh-huh."**

**A large wasp-like creature appeared on the playing field, the huge black stinger pointing towards it's opponent.**

**"Wow, look at all the phallic imagery." Tea muses while Yami plays Horn of the Unicorn on his feral imp.**

"Why in the WORLD would I pay attention to something like that!?" Tea gawks at the screen, while Joey and Tristan are snorting up a storm. Once again, Seto smirks. Ryou glances away in embarrassment.

**"What are you talking about, Téa? There ain't anything remotely suspect about this duel." Joey says innocently. ****Yami suddenly shouts. "Now, quiver in fear, as my Knight's mighty lance _penetrates_ your moist cocoon."**

"Ohmygod, this is disgusting. Can we fast-forward? Is that possible?" Yugi squeaks, while Yami closes his eyes in such a defeated manner it almost looked like he had given up feeling horrified by what his double said. "This remote only goes play or pause." Tristan says inspecting the small insignificant device.

**"Huh. I guess you're right." Tea states lightly. Just then, Mai decides to make her first official appearance in the episode, wanting to observe the duel from the sidelines.**

**"Hey look!" Tristan exclaims. "_Breasts_ have arrived!"**

Mai gives a feral growl, giving the brunette a murderous glare. He sweat-drops and put his hands up nervously. "Alter Tristan is an idiot, don't forget that!" He states weakly, terrified of the raging woman. She doesn't stop glaring at him but doesn't do anything against him.

"I should might as well get used to it. I think pointing out my breasts will be a recurring gag in this ridiculous show." She crosses her arms against her chest, said breasts pushing up against her low-cut shirt, still very annoyed at the fact.

"They're not even that big..." Mai mumbles under her breath, but they all heard her comment. She looks up at the others, noticing they were staring at her with slightly uncomfortable expressions. "Are they?" The question comes out of her lips before she can stop it and immediately she slaps her hands to her mouth. Everyone immediately looks away, unable to exhale, eyes wide and blushes blazing in almost all present.

"Don't answer that question!" Mai squeals out in embarrassment.

**"You guys are wasting your time. Yugi doesn't stand a chance!" She passes by Tea with a look of arrogance. "He's not _nearly_ experienced enough."**

"And THAT is a clear innuendo." Seto declares.

**Tea looks at her angrily and Mai looks like she's ignoring her. "Compared to friendship and compassion, experience is meaningless!"**

**The older woman smiles at her cockily. "Keep telling yourself that, hun. What are you, a virgin or something?"**

They gasp.

**"BITCH, I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!"**

They gasp even louder in pure horror, especially Tea. Amid the disbelief and gasps, loud uproarious laughter is heard from Mai Valentine herself. Everyone looks at her in bewilderment, not sure what the hell is going on. "Oh God, that is fricking hilarious." She wheezes after a while, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Let me get this straight. You laugh and it's all good fun when Tea calls you a bitch and threatens you bodily harm, but if me and Tristan say a comment 'bout yo boobs it's World War III?!" Joey exclaims. "Talk about unfair-"

"Yes, is there a problem with that?" Mai retorts acidly.

"...N-no, Ma'm."

**A furious-looking Tea is being held back by Joey who says "Could you guys stop talking about sex? I'm trying to ogle Mai's cleavage here."**

**Back into the duel, Yami puts down a spell card. "I activate Deus Ex Machina!" ****Weevil looks completely shocked by this move. "Hey, huh-huh, no fair, huh-huh, you can't use Spell Cards during my turn!"**

"It wasn't his turn!" Yugi argues. "...Was it?" He wonders and tries to remember, but fails.

**Yami enlarged face appears with a confident smirk. "Tell it to the writing staff."**

"Do any of you dorks even notice the characters literally KNOW they're in a television show?! How is this even possible?!" Seto says aggravated. "How can an alternate universe know they're a show to be watched?"

**"Summoned Skull! Destroy his cheap Mothra imitation!" Yami commanded his monster, and it immediately cut down the moth creature.**

**Tristan and Joey jump up with excited fists. "Yay! We were totally ineffectual!" ****A close up of the collapsed moth appeared, while Weevil looked at his creature in devastation. "I lost! Huh-huh... and stuff. Huh-huh."**

**"Maybe next time, you'll think twice before forcing someone to part with their valuables." Yami looks down at the insect aficionado who was currently on his knees. **

**"Now hand over your star chips and kiss my feet!" He walks to Weevil with a mildly arrogant face.**

"Whoa there, Yami. Your Pharaohness is starting to show!" Joeys teases the regal duelist. Yami only closes his eyes and mutters. "I would never say that."

**"Damnit! Huh-huh... this card game sucks. Huh-huh-huh." Weevil moans.**

**"Settle down, buttmunch." Yami says boredly.**

**With that, the screen goes black.**

"Are you all deaf? Did you literally not hear him mention a writing staff? Also all of those jabs against Bakura not being a 'main character'. What is up with that?" Seto yells frustrated. "How the hell can this be a AU if our alters know it's a television show?"

Everyone looks at one another in confusion, not having the slightest clue with how this could be happen.

* * *

Whew, so this chapter was a lot faster and shorter than I thought. Thank God, because those 10 min YGOTAS episodes might get here at any second and that shit will take FOREVER. Send me reviews please telling me how much you enjoyed this update. It just fills my heart with beautiful butterflies :3


	5. My Funny Skankentine

A total of 18 reviews for last chapter ^.^ You guys are the best. I am back again with the fifth episode of YGOTAS.

Just one more side note: this chapter gets a bit...heavy. In various ways. Confusing ways. If you have any questions regarding this update, just review and let me know what you're having trouble with :)

**Abriged equals bold.** Always. Well, almost always.

* * *

"I don't think this is a alternative universe," Seto Kaiba states loudly right after the last episode ended.

"Hm?" Everyone turned to look at him in confusion.

"You seriously can't all be _that_ gullible to believe this type of ridiculousness." Seto's eye twitched, lips tightening."When our 'alters' literally SAY they are in a TV show, that should give us the big hint that it IS a television show. There is no other _us_, just people pretending to _be_ us. This isn't anything but a crappy parody." The solemn billionaire crossed his arms in irritation.

"...Of our lives?" Ryou interjected softly.

"Wait, pretending to be us? Kaiba, I'm not sure if you've noticed but those people look EXACTLY like us. Nobody here has an identical secret twin as far as I know, and special effects can only go so far." Yami protested, also taking the same following position as Seto.

"The voices though sound _nothing_ like us." Tristan said darkly, still pissed off how idiotic the alter sounded every time he opened his mouth. Seto snapped his fingers and pointed directly to him, eyes slightly wide in realization."That's right. Almost as if the voices are _mocking_ our true ones. Just like some type of low-quality parody show! See, I am on to something-!"

"It's true people make spoofs of popular media to make fun of it, but it's pretty much impossible to spoof an entire actual life story." Yugi murmured, agreeing with Ryou's last point. "I most definitely do not remember seeing cameras follow me everywhere I go. I don't know, did anybody ever see cameras and camcorders?"

All shook their head.

"And some of the shots taken are pretty close up. You'd think someone would notice when there's literally a camera shoved in their face." Mai added. "Unless you'd think everybody we've known as been somehow 'in cahoots' with some powerful producer recording our lives Truman show-esque style. It just seems highly improbable, and not to mention illegal."

Seto still did not seem convinced. "There's something here that doesn't add up, just doesn't make sense..." He muttered, his lack of understanding starting to annoy. "What am I missing?"

"Don't try to break ya head, over there Kaiba. Let's just watch the next episode and who knows? Maybe you'll get sum answers." Joey offered up, in a surprisingly helpful way. The serious brunette blinked twice in slight surprise, but said nothing in response.

**Yami appears in front of a white background, holding a box of cereal which looked suspiciously like Cheerios.**

"Wait, what does that say?" Tea pauses the shot, and squints for a second. "Yugios? What in the world-" She wonders in confusion, while everyone is also staring at the box with bewilderment.

**_"Yu-Gi-Oh!_ is sponsored by Yugios." Yami's voice-over is heard along the immobile picture of him holding the cereal box. "They're Yugi-licious."**

"Sponsored? This crap tv show is actually sponsored by someone?" Kaiba scoffs in disgust, while both Yami and Yugi grimace at the horribly cheesy commercial line the alter just uttered. "Yeesh, Yami you should take some acting classes." Joey said, shaking his head.

**"Wait a minute— _Yugi-licious_? Is that even a word?" Yami's voice suddenly spoke up, seemingly coming to his senses.**

"Even your alter knows how cringe-worthy that line was." Tristan snorted.

**Just then, another off-screen voice is heard. "It lets the kids know that they're tasty!"**

"And he must be the producer of this wonderful commercial." Mai said sarcastically. "He probably created the cheesy line and thought it was a stroke of genius."

**The voice of Yami responds. "Yes, but _Yugi-licious_? A-are they supposed to taste like Yugi or something?"**

**"Yami," The producer says sternly, clearly fed up with his incessant questions.**

Yugi crosses his arms subconsciously, feeling uncomfortable while Joey and Tristan snicker to each other back and forth about a cereal tasting like Yugi. "It would probably taste like sugar, spice and everything nice!" The blonde says in a magical voice, eyes sparkling. Tristan cracks up even more and Ryou fights off a smile. In response, Yugi mumbles to himself. "I am not a_Powerpuff_girl..."

**"How exactly do you go about testing something like that?" A slight pause. "I mean, besides the _obvious_ method..."**

Yugi squeaks in shock.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Joey, Tristan, Mai and Tea completely blow up in laughter. Ryou and Setos mouth hang open in a perfect _O_. Joey's open palm is banging on the table incessantly to clearly show how hilarious he thought that was, and Tea falls to the ground rolling.

"Dear _RA_." Yami whispers horrified, violet eyes wide as silver dollars, face planting into his palms."WHY me?...**WHY?!**"

Meanwhile, Yugi's fiery blush rivaled the color of a ripe tomato, still as a statue. He is unable to look at his older look-alike for fear they might both erupt in combustion.

"Lord, tell me I heard that correctly!" Mai gasps out, still holding her stomach in pain from laughing too hard. "_Please_ tell me I heard that right!" She puts her hands up in a prayer position, attempting to curb her snickers.

"You...most certainly did." Ryou says, surprise evident in his chocolate eyes. Yami is at the Brit's side, still hiding his face in his palms from paralyzing embarrassment and wishing the earth and the universe would swallow him up completely. Just snuff out this never-ending suffering!

**"JUST... say... the line... you _amateur_." The producer grits out.**

"**FINE. Yugios! Apparently, they're Yugi-licious!" Yami finally says his line with a annoyed tinge to his voice and the screen goes black.**

**"...Okay now, where's my f*#!ing paycheck?" He asks irritably, screen still black.**

And more swearing to add the list! Fantastic. Absolutely wonderful.

"I completely jinxed it." Yami mutters to himself. _I hoped my character wasn't as bad as the others, and Destiny decided my character is to be the WORST OF ALL. _He thought miserably.

**_Kawaitaaaaa...!_**

**Yugi inserts his deck of cards in his pocket and dramatically whips out his studded belt.**

**_Sakegiraaaaaa,_**

**His face of determination pans out into white and Yami appears with the glowing eye on his forehead.**

_**Todo ke...**_

**He throws his hand back and does a Mind Crush.**

**_Fly at higher gameeeeeeeeee._**

**The scene's colors transition into negative tone, while the Yu-Gi-OH! logo appears in large fancy letters. Right at the bottom, it says 'the abridged series'.**

"I'm guessing the show finally got enough money to employ a title sequence." Joey jokes.

"Wait a minute. Stop the video!" Seto demanded, voice anything but joking.

"_It all makes sense now_." He says to himself, but they all manage to hear. Mai, who currently has the control, pauses it and then looks at the child billionaire. "What makes sense?" Yugi wonders.

Kaiba looks at all of the familiar faces, noting that not one of them noticed what he did. "Are any of you KIDDING me right now." He yells completely exasperated, pointing an angry finger at the screen. "DOES NO ONE REALIZE WHAT THE TITLE EVEN SAYS?!"

Yami, who ended his bout of shame just in time to see the usually stoic CEO yelling at everyone, turns toward the television and reads it out. "Yu-Gi-Oh. The abridged series." He looks at Seto with a raised eyebrow, still not seeing this vastly important thing he was pointing out.

"_I'm surrounded by complete idiots-_" He mutters. "LOOK, dweebs. For those who don't know, the word 'abridged' means to shorten a book, movie, speech, or some other text without losing the content. In other words, abridging something means to abbreviate popular media and the like-"

"Uh-huh. I'm still not getting why you freaking out so much." Joey shrugs his shoulders.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, _Wheeler_." Kaiba massaged his temples with two fingers with his eyes closed, sighing at the stupidity around him and also feeling irritated for being interrupted.

"Wait."

A slightly accented voice suddenly called out, and eight pairs of eyes landed on Ryou Bakura. The expression on his face looked deadly serious, with a tinge of anxiety and a even smaller tinge of fear. Seto crossed his arms, waiting for the teen to elaborate.

"There's some abridged shows I know of," He started off slowly. "Some shows I can think off the top of my head are _Naruto Abridged_, _Dragonball Z abridged_, and _Avatar the Last Airbender abridged_. These were obviously started as a condensed (and often funny) versions of the original series...but if we apply the same logic of the 'abridged series' to _this_ situation, then that means-"

"Oh man, I fricking love the abridged version of Dragonball Z! That shit is hilarious!" Joey interrupted excitedly.

"Definitely, I really like the Naturo abridged series!" Yugi also added to Joey's sentiment with excitement in his voice.

"DEAR _GOD_, WE'RE A _TELEVISION_ SHOW?!" Ryou screeches in complete terror, shooting up from his seat and covering his mouth. Seto claps his hands once and raises his arms towards the ceiling, exhaling in relief. "YES, that took long enough. Finally, somebody is understanding what's going on here!"

"Wait, what? What's Bakura saying?" Tristan scratches his head confused. "I don't know, he's saying this is a television show." Tea replied back pointing to the screen, obviously not understanding the context of his words. "But isn't the point already redundant? Seto said that like a hundred times ready." Yugi reiterated.

"Did you not listen to me at all?! I said WE! WE!" Ryou pointed to himself frantically. "We are a TELEVISION SHOW and the one controlling this has us all BRAINWASHED AND UNAWARE-!"

"Bakura...you okay, hun? You're looking real stressed. Relax, first and then tell us-"Mai attempted to soothe the British teen down, and Seto immediately jumped in his place. Literally.

"OKAY YOU MORONS! I'm only going to say this once so you better pay ATTENTION!" He announced after deciding to jump up the lone coffee table.

"If this alternative universe was a show and the only one of its kind, it should only say _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ Yet, it most definitely does NOT say that. It says _Yu-Gi-Oh! the abridged series_." He looked at everybody gathered and took a deep breath.

"Don't you GET IT?! **_We're_ the original show!"**

Dead silence. Nobody could speak, blink or even breathe. "Do you understand now?" Ryou spoke out once more, breathing a bit more relaxed.

"...We're...a show?" Yugi finally stated dumbstruck. "BOTH of these universes are shows. The only difference is that they know it. We didn't. It actually make sense since the abridged universe's specific purpose is to mock the original show as well as the people who _created_ the show." Seto clarifies.

"B-But that's just ridiculous!" Yami responded with even more shock than Yugi. Ryou shrugged almost despondently and said. "If that AU can be a tv show, then who's to say this universe can't either? We might be watching them and they don't know it. But someone in another reality is watching _Yu-Gi-Oh!_."

He lowers his voice. "Watching _us_."*

"Wait, does that mean you think all of Bakura's examples are also alternate universes with the 'original' realm and the abridged one? You know, the Naturo one, Dragonball Z-" Mai asked in disbelief, the possibility of herself being in a SHOW still astounding.

"I find it possible. This is a very premature hypothesis, and it might not be able to be solidified to mean anything in the near future. Obviously there is no chance to prove it by any scientific methods," Kaiba says lowly as caution, with a pensive finger on his chin.

"But I have a..._theory_ if you will, about this...MESS we're in." He pauses for a bit, mind whirring in how to get his thoughts across without it sounding too convoluted.

"I believe every single universe, though not a television show in their own realm, comes out as a show in _another_ alternate universe. Like the examples Bakura noted, these shows might literally be real and they just never know there is another universe solely dedicated to mocking them. It's almost like a give-and-take between realities. They may or may not be confronted with other universes (us being confronted by Naruto for example), but it is _especially_ important they never see their own abridged AU-"

"So your're saying that all of these Shows with abridged counterparts are literally alternative universes? Not fiction?"

"Summed up, yes." Kaiba sighed. "I also think there might be some sort of overlap in which universes know about each other, and not just the abridged ones in respect to their corresponding original shows. There may...Look, this is actually me going off to much more than a educated hypothesis, I admit, but there is a _hunch_ I simply cannot shake."

"What do you mean?" Ryou said, a look of wonder in his eyes.

The serious teen bit his lip slightly, looking conflicted with revealing the rest of his 'theory' but continued. "I believe there is an universe in which there is no outright mockery of itself. A universe which is the one and only of its kind, and sees all of the others in shows we've seen, all of the possible universes there is in this space continuum, all of US-" He points to all of the people in the room. "And controls it all."

Silence engulfs everyone as they try to process the powerful information and beliefs the highly intelligent corporate CEO assaulted them with.

"...So...you believe there might be like a...God universe? The 'big' universe which rules all of the other lesser universes?" Yami finally speaks up, still feeling quite lost and to be quite frank, a bit frightened at the new prospect of being such a insignificant dot in the large picture of everything.

"More or less so. The note signed _LK_ has been making me think too much, and this...person or deity has to be from some type of higher universe or world to be able to manipulate some characters from a set reality to see their own abridged show. All of the creators of these universes come from the same type of greater universe that no one can pinpoint nor contact. Not unless the creator wants to make contact."

"This might also explain why nobody ever knows where other shows like _Hellsing_ or _Fullmetal Alchemist_ come from. A wikipedia shows an obscure name but there is never, EVER a picture of the creator." Ryou realizes slowly.

"And these are creators of completely new universes?!" Yugi squeaks in an incredibly timid tone.

"Wait just a damn minute! I know you're not trying to break all possible religions and beliefs by saying God isn't a divine being but an entire universe worth of people creating and controlling us all like puppets!" Joey protested fiercely, refusing to believe him.

For for the first time since their discussion of television shows began, Kaiba looked surprised. "I'm not saying this controlling universe is God, Wheeler, I'm just saying it's a higher-tier one than ours and all of these other shows along with their abridged counterparts." _Though that DOES sound like I'm calling this reigning universe God, doesn't it? _He realizes.

"And what about this 'higher-tier' universe? Are THEY their own God or something? Do they have something or someone creating _them_?" Tristan shouts, an angry glint in his dark eyes

"My God, my brain HURTS! Can we please just drop this whole existential discussion right here and right now before my head literally explodes?!" Yugi slapped his hands to his ears, eyes squeezing tight as if overcoming by a particularly brutal migraine.

Kaiba sighed. He should have known better than to tell the rest of his theory, and with so little proof to back him up. And to be honest, if somebody else other than him would have come up with this just by a reading a letter signed by a mysterious _LK_, he would be the first to say they are clinically insane. But like he stated before, it was a hunch he just couldn't shake off no matter how hard he tried. Right now, there was just no way to explain himself, so he might as well forget about mentioning it again. Although he could see Ryou looking mighty thoughtful, and not in a '_Kaiba, you have gone absolutely bananas_' way like everyone looked. Hm. Maybe he could convince the teen easier than the others. After all, he was the one to put the pieces together before all of the other geeks did.

"Fine, but that still does not change the fact that we are a tv show."

"I think you guys are getting too far ahead of yourselves. Nothing you said proves our universe is a show. We shouldn't jump to conclusions!" Mai immediately argues back. "I also see it as a bit overreaching." Tea crossed her arms.

"This is straight up wonky. It's an AU, lotsa shit can happen there that we just don't understand!" Joey added.

"You guys are seriously reminding me of conspiracy theorists..." Tristan mused, not believing what he was hearing. Seto and Ryou glanced at each other briefly, knowing that right now there was no 'real' way to prove their universe is a show. Even if they did fully believe it. Maybe as the episode progressed, more clues could be used.

"And we don't know the 'staff' nor do we speaks with the 'producers' of our show." Tea said, with an almost obvious 'duh' to her voice.

"I already TOLD you, the producers are not in this universe. They are part of the higher-level universe which control all of the other universes-" Seto gritted out between teeth.

"Okay, let's pretend for a SECOND that you're right. Why are the abridged characters aware of the creators? They obviously know they're working for someone. Why don't we?" Yami retorts.

"I also already discussed this. Because of the nature of the abridged universes itself. They are created to make fun of their own respective universe, so by logic, the abridged AU needs to know who the original creators of to ridicule them. As far as I know, there are three levels of awareness for these universes. The completely unaware one is us, along with the rest of the other shows mentioned. The slightly aware are the abridged universes so they know about the creators of the original show but they don't know the creators of THEIR abridged universe. Then is complete awareness, which is the creators of both universes."

"By that same logic, then... It doesn't make sense for the creators of our original universe to go and make the abridged version, literally making fun of their own creation and themselves." Ryou once again interjected.

Kaiba replied nonchalantly. "Two beings of the same higher-tier universe can be at odds with each other, and one might create this 'spoof' of the original show because of whim." _So in other words, not God. More like powerful imperfect beings._ "This explains why some 'shows' are not known to have abridged parodies. I am almost sure the LK figure who signed the letter is the creator of _Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged. _The next question on my mind is to figure out one thing." He narrowed his eyes and in an instant, his tone grew serious.

"Who's in charge of _Yu-Gi-Oh_?"

**A nice greenery pasture is seen as the gang walks to the edge of a cliff. "Even though I'm the clear underdog in this tournament, the fact that I'm a main character pretty much assures me a place in the finals!" Joey says with hope in his voice.**

**"Yes, but the fact that you're a comic relief character means that you can't possibly win!" Tea shoots back with no mercy.**

**Joey falls over in defeat, anime style. "Nyeheheh!"**

Joey grumbles quietly in response to that jab.

**"He's just overly excited, because this is the first episode that actually revolves around his character." Yugi says cheerfully. Tristan pipes up. ****"I can't wait until I get MY own episode!" The loud unnecessarily long bout of crickets sounded out and he immediately noticed why. ****"It's never gonna happen, is it?"**

**Tea's exasperated expression answered that question. Do the words "robot monkey" mean anything to you?"**

"No." Tristan gritted out. "It doesn't mean anything to anyone because it makes NO sense."

**"It's at times like this that I actually miss hanging out with my sister." Joey says despondently as the camera zooms in on his face.**

_**A flashback appears to a young looking Joey and serenity holding hands in an empty bus stop. "Where are we, Joey? Where are you taking me, big brother?" The smaller girl with red short hair looked at her sibling with worry in her eyes.**_

_**Joey replies happily. "To the beach! That's what you said you wanted, right?" **__**Serenity does not look so happy with this decision. "Actually, I'd much rather be at home playing video games."**_

_**Joey starts walking away from the bus stop, pulling his sister with him to trod on the lonely road. "We're going to the beach."**_

"Isn't it kind of dangerous for two kids to be walking in the middle of what looks to be a highway? I mean, where are your parents?" Mai blinked at the flashback. Joey turned away from her expecting face, eyes downcast and shiny. "What? Did I something I shouldn't?" Mai asked in a somewhat worried tone.

_**"Joey, you're the world's best brother. Maybe one day, you'll win a card game tournament to help fix my eyesight." The camera moves up farther than the two children walking until it lands to some sort of cliff with stairs, leading to the beach.**_

_**"Sorry, I didn't hear that. Your voice is just too high-pitched." Waves are rushing along the sandy coasts, and seashells decorate the edges. Joey is seen building a sand castle with his sister. She leans in to the blonde child. "**__**I love you, Joey."**_

_**"Nope, I didn't catch that either." A close up of young Joey's face appears and then moves over to Serenity's. "**__**Can we go home now?"**_

_**The camara pans back to them building their sand castle again. "Seriously, stop talking, ya dumb broad!"**_

_**The scene fades into white, ending the flashback.**_

"I feel like this flashback could have been particularly adorable and tear-jerking but the abridged just downright degraded it." Tea shook her head in disappointment. Yugi nodded in agreement, and turned to Joey who still refused to look at anyone during the entire flashback. Instead, his knees were up to his chest and his face turned to the side to avoid all eyes. Pain twinged in the short duelist's heart at seeing his best friend like this, and he knew exactly why. Yugi was the ONLY one who knew why.

Mai didn't mean any harm when she asked the question but, Joey's parents...or his father to be exact was a sensitive subject. He didn't see his mother after the divorce which hurt, but having an alcoholic dad when he was a child (and Yugi could bet his life he was STILL drinking even though he swore off the stuff when Joey turned 13) was the darkest part of his life he never could get over, and it always managed to cloud his eyes in sadness every time he was ever reminded of his father. The only thing that could make him happy, or happier at least was his sister. They helped each other, took care of each other. Joey parented her and she gave him hope.

All they had were each other, and the show blatantly ridiculed it.

A sympathetic hand rested gently on the blonde shoulder. "I'm sorry Joey." Yugi whispered to his friend who tried to wipe his eyes as subtly as possible.

**Joey is looking up at the sky, thinking. 'I promise ya sis, I promise that I'll win this tournament and get the prize money.' Joey's face at a profile is shown, and he looks solemn yet determined. 'Then you'll be able to afford speaking lessons, and you'll learn to talk good, like what I do.'**

Seto was about to open his mouth and make a remark regarding how the alter made fun of his own ridiculous accent, but caught Yugi's sad expression directed towards the slumped blonde and thought better of it.

**Just then, an off-screen voice to the left got the attention of the entire gang. "You lost, crybaby, now give me your star chips!" Tea turns around completely to the direction of the voice. "****Since there's only one other female character on this island,"**

**The scene changed to the duel arena. "that has to be Mai."**

The said blonde woman perked up at her name and sat up straighter.

**Mai is laughing in her victory while the losing opponent behind her looks angry. "It's not fair! I thought disguising myself as a bee would help me to win!"**

Tea snorts in laughter. "He does look like a bee, doesn't he?"

**Joey and Yugi appear next, looking at Mai direction. "Ain't it a little unfair for a grown woman to go around challenging children at card games?" Joey states simply.**

"Hehehe..." Joey finally snapped out of his dark place and looked sheepishly at Mai, who had a throbbing vein on her forehead. Thankfully, all she did was 'hmph' at him and cross her arms in an indignant manner.

**The scene abruptly changes to Mai clasping her hands together, directing her attention to Yugi even though her eyes were closed in what seemed to be delight. "Wow, Yugi!" She picks up Yugi's gloved hand in her own, and Tea's expression jumps from neutral to positively threatened.**

**This is particularly exacerbated by the the yellow exclamation point right above her head and the 'alert' sound from _Metal Gear Solid_ is heard as Mai grabs Yugi's hand.**

Tristan glances at the brunette from the other side of the couch and snickers. It looks like he was the only one who noticed Tea's alter's reaction to a woman being a bit forward with Yugi.

**"You have such small hands!" She looks absolutely fascinated by Yugi. "****I like that in a man."**

Everyone's eyebrows slightly rise at that comment. Particularly Tea's.

**Tea then appears right behind Yugi, with a enraged look in her eyes and says in a strange slightly terrifying robotic voice. "_Back off, bitch, he's MINE_." Even Yugi looks scared of the girl behind him.**

Everyone gapes at the screen. Tristan guffaws freely, since now he DEFINITELY was not the only one who saw alternative Tea react in a 'psycho girlfriend' way. Tea looks positively mortified beyond reprieve, perhaps even going as far to say that she has never been more embarrassed in her whole entire life than by this exact moment.

"...You know this is the second time you call me a bitch." Mai says simply, almost nonchalantly, a smile tugging at her lips. "Am I really that threatening?" She teased lightly, fully relishing seeing the brunette girl's pink face burn to a fire-hydrant red. Tea is focusing her entire existence and attention and focus and everything possible to the ground because if she looked around, she'd probably end up having eye contact with Yugi and THEN she would just literally die. Her heart would not be able to take so much mortification and boom, she'd just fall dead.

Already, she could hear Joey cackling in the background and Ryou's muffled giggling (_Bakura, you traitor!_). Yami was chuckling, and Mai obviously found this to be some hilarious joke she needed to play along with. She didn't know how but she could literally FEEL Seto Kaiba's smirk. And Yugi?

God, she didn't want to find out HIS reaction.

"Don't worry girl, I ain't gonna steal your man." Mai teased once more, and this was the catalyst to the roaring laughter afterwards. Tea could not help it. She whipped her head up with wide frenzied eyes, hoping to lock gazes with the older woman.

"N-No, I'm not-! He's not- I-I!" She spluttered unintelligibly, but to her godawful luck, she locks eyes with the person she wanted to avoid at all costs. Yugi. Incredibly, his face was redder than hers.

"EEEP!" She immediately ducked her head, while Yugi did the same. Both were sweating bullets and all of their bodies burned like they were literally walking on the sun.

"Awww, look at 'em!" Mai immediately cooed at seeing this. "If this isn't the CUTEST thing I've ever seen, then I don't know what is." She said in a sugary sweet voice, and soon enough Joey, Tristan and even Yami got the hint.

"Oooooh, I smell me some ROMAAAAANCE in the air!" Tristan sang stupidly.

"Tea and Yugi sitting in a tree," Joey added his own ridiculous and very childish song. "_f-u-c-k-i-!_"

"_**JOEY!**_" Both Yugi and Tea shrieked in horror. Okay, then. It wasn't so childish then...

"Aibo, you know what this means right?" Yami said lightly, raising one lone eyebrow. Yugi looked at his darker half in growing terror. "You ABSOLUTELY MUST PROPOSE!"

"_WHAT_?!"

Yugi stared at Yami with a clear _'How could you betray me like this?'_ expression in his wide purple eyes_. _Yugi fleetingly thought of bringing back the comment abridged!Yami said at the beginning of the episode to embarrass him, but quickly shot the idea down. It would only serve to embarrass _himself_ more.

Ryou was no longer giggling politely as he usually did when he found something funny. No, he was way past that point. He laughed and laughed and laughed so hard until there was no more sound coming out his lips, and his abdomen felt like it was on fire. "Guys," He wheezed from the ground, looking like he'd been struck dead. His face was wet with tears. "Please stop, you might literally kill me-" Another bout of silent laughter attacked the poor Brit and he was rendered speechless once again.

"I concur!" Seto Kaiba loudly announced. "There's no way we can know when we'll be back to our regular universe. A quick wedding ceremony here sounds like the best thing to, investment-wise." He sounded absolutely serious, but everyone else laughed harder at his comment. They all knew he was poking fun at the two 'lovebirds' as well.

**The scene panned up Mai's body and face. "My breasts challenge you to a duel!" She took out one single star chip.**

**"Samurai Warrior Guy!" Joey shouted to his monster. "Attack her Winged Aerobics Instructor!"**

Now that of the chaos had significantly died down (even though both Yugi and Tea were still redder than her brightest lipstick), Mai glared at screen. "That is a Harpie Lady, not an aerobics instructor. How foolish."

**Yugi then shouts out. "Wait, Joey! In this episode, flying monsters have an advantage over land-based monsters for no adequately explored reason!" The harpie lady slashes at Joey's monster, destroying it.**

Yugi would have explained the true reason why flying monster having the advantage, but he still felt traumatized by his friends' constant teasing, so he clamped his lips shut.

**Joey looks completely surprised. "How did ya summon that monster without even looking at ya card?"**

**Mai cockily leans in her duel card podium with a smile on her face. "I have ESP." ****Joey is even more shocked than before and even a little disgusted. "Woah! Too much information, lady!**

**"ESP! Not PMS!" Mai yells angrily at the blonde duelists, fists tightened and a throbbing vein appear on her temple.**

"Somehow I find it completely possible he could very much confuse the two abbreviations. "Seto said with another smirk on his face, amid all the snickering. "HEY! That's definitely not true!" Joey argues.

**"O-oh, so you're psychic." Joey says. ****"Bingo. And it's not a trick, so don't even bother trying to figure it out."**

**But Joey noticed particular scents coming from her side of the arena and realizes the truth. "Wait a minute, you just sprayed all your cards with perfume!" The duel monster cars are clearly emitting distinct aromas.**

**Mai looks absolutely shocked. "No way! How could an amateur punk like you see through my aroma strategy!?"**

**Joey grins at her. "It sure is lucky I don't still have that cold from the previous episode, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to notice something like that."**

"_Abridged_!Joey is right. How in the heck could you even smell anything at all? You already had a nasty cold when the ship docked." Tristan asked his blonde friend. "I have no clue. Destiny maybe?" He responded jokingly.

"More like the producer of our show..." Seto muttered.

**Tea looks unusually frightened. "Joey needs help, Yugi! Transform into your sexy alter-ego!"**

"That's also the second time someone labels Yami as sexy." Mai says chuckling. "Coincidence? I think not!" She winks at the blushing Pharaoh. Tea gives a remarkably sharp look to the older woman, and she holds her hands up innocently with a sly smile.

"My bad, are Yugi and Yami a _package_ deal? My, my aren't we greedy!" She coos one more time and everyone's eyes zero to Tea.

"NO! Nothing of the sort!" Tea is burning up again, head shaking furiously to the sides. Yami looks away from the brunette, feeling his face burning up even more.

**"Ta-dada-da-dadaa!" The transformation sequence for Yami appears. "Puberty Power!" Yami has taken over.**

**"Don't let her boobies distract you, Joey! You can defeat her." A close-up of a serious looking Yami. "Her cards share one very distinct weakness."**

**Joey looks down to his left at the arena sidelines, where Yami and the rest of his friends are. "What's that?" He asks curiously.**

**"They've all been censored by 4Kids."**

**Before and after shots of Cyber Bondage appear, along with the subtitle _(nipples = bad, kids)_.**

"4Kids?" Seto says in a bewildered tone. "Cyber bondage never had those unnecessarily long spikes on the breastplates!" Mai argues. "Though it does look more badass." Joey looks over the card approvingly.

"I think we just found out who's running our show."

**"That's right!" Joey realizes. "With the power of 4Kids and sexism, I can win this duel!" He summons Time Wizard excitedly. "Time Roulette GO!"**

**The Time Wizard speeds up Joey's monster's age, making it much more powerful than before. Meanwhile, the _Time Warp_ song plays.**

**"Thousand Dragon! Destroy all three of her Harpies at once!" Joey commands, and the older dragon complies easily by burning the harpies. Offscreen, Tristan's voice is heard.****"Doesn't anyone in this tournament know the rules to this game?"**

**Mai has a look of defeated shock and shame while she contemplates aloud miserably. "How... could I lose... to such an amateur?"**

**Joey replies."That's just what ya get for being a woman. With girly parts."**

"Sexism? Girly parts? What the hell is my alter even talking about?" Joey says almost angrily. Mai is glaring at him. "I ask myself the same thing."

**The scene cuts to Yami. "Well done, Joey. You won your first real duel."**

**Another close-up of his face. "Just remember that you're nothing without me. NOTHING!" The ancient spirit says acidly, almost evilly.**

Yami sweatdropped at this, and gave Joey a look saying 'that's not what I think at all!'.

**Joey, not noticing the blatant insult Yami threw his way, says happily. "Hooray for censorship!"**

**The camera pans up, and the 4Kids TV logo appears above him.**

"Apparently, the creator of our original show had planned a very particular audience." Seto says simply. "It's very obvious in the name of the label. For Kids. Our universe is literally a show for the children of the top controlling universe. It also explains why there's always an incessant need for our alters to duel beginning with 'children's card game' or something to that style."

"Something doesn't make sense." Tea spoke up, still on the fence about the whole different alternative universes and her universe being a television show. Although these new facts made for a compelling case for Kaiba's original point. "If we are the 'original' show, then there wouldn't be any censors! It just _is_, right?"

"Unless...we _aren't_ the original show."

Everyone looked at Ryou with surprised eyes. Even Seto.

"What if WE are the PG version of _Yu-Gi-Oh!_?"

"REALLY? So you're saying there's THREE versions of this universe?!" Tristan groans exasperatedly. He just can't believe the white-haired teen's spiel. Kaiba looks like he was blown away by a particularly genius piece of information.

"Bakura's...absolutely right. There's another Yu-Gi-Oh! realm, and by the censors shown in Mai's Cyber Bondage card, the original one which seems to be targeted more to teens and older audiences."

"I still find all of _this_ hard to believe." Yami says earnestly, looking at an equally dubious Yugi.

"Then what else can explain all of THIS?" Seto implores almost desperately. He knows it sounds absolutely crazy. But the pieces of the puzzle are finally clicking in, that must mean something. Yami opens his mouth, wanting something logical and forward to appear as if by magic. But nothing does. He sighs defeated.

"I don't know." He admits begrudgingly.

.

* * *

Isn't Kaiba a smart cookie?! I figure if he's the head of a multi-million dollar gaming company while being a high-schooler, he must be a freaking genius. It kind of got convoluted, at the end so I do expect some people to have questions. Ask away my lovelies!


	6. Everybody Hates Mako

Dios mio! 23 reviews for my last chapter...SQUEEEE! ^.^ You sure know how to make a fanfic writer feel good. Sixth episode here! (Although to be quite honest, I am anxiously awaiting to write episode 8, but I'll get there sooner or later.)

I hope you enjoy!

One last note: I got a review for ch.5 in regards to the "robot monkey" quip. I had made the characters react as if Noah's virtual world had already happened when it HAS NOT. (The canon ygo cast was taken from their 'world' on episode 97, and Noah's arc starts right after actually.) So, I changed that part and fixed the error. Thank you Guest for letting me know of this discrepancy!

**Abridged equals bold.** It's a sin to forget it.

* * *

The atmosphere in the room was silent and tense. Nobody was technically angry, but Kaiba's revelation had left a heavy weight settled in their minds. Adding to that, Ryou's speculation of _their_ Yu-Gi-Oh! not being the actual original show was even harder to take in than the young billionaire's string theory of alternative universes. All in all, everyone felt unusually unsettled and conflicted of what was going on.

There was even tinges of fear blooming in the recesses of many minds, as the LK persona was once again brought to the surface. What did he or she want? What purpose did this being want to accomplish in making them watching their abridged counterpart? And if Bakura was right (which seemed frankly impossible and a outright fantasy, but nothing at the moment could be discarded: after all, they were literally seeing an alternative universe parody of their lives), did it mean the _original_ original characters of Yu-Gi-Oh! were watching _them_?

It was a lot of questions.

And absolutely no answers.

After five minutes of waiting for a new character to appear in the corner of the room, it was deduced no one of importance (at least in the show) would appear in this episode. Somebody pressed play to the next episode, and everyone waited patiently. There was nothing else to do but that, anyway. Soon the screen went from dark to light.

** Yami appears from an extreme close-up of his eyes to zooming out while duel monster cards are zipping by in a movie tape fashion.**

**"Actually, I do smoke marijuana. It's _good _stuff!" Yami's voice is heard over the intro.**

At this, everyone blinks. Once. Twice. The initial tension in the room vanishes as they all burst out laughing with the exception of Yami who just looks confused. "That has to be the most random declaration I'd least expect to ever come out of the Pharaoh's mouth." Tea says, still giggling to herself.

"Well, Yami? Do ya smoke it or not?" Joey demands in a mock anger, hands on his hips. "You haven't been holding out on us, have ya?!" This prompts more laughter.

"What is marijuana?" The perplexed former Pharaoh asks.

The laughter immediately ceased. _Oh boy. _Everybody thought with a sweat drop on their forehead. Of _course_, Yami wouldn't know what that was. He knew his way around the modern world quite well, but _this_ topic was obviously out of his knowledge, that much was for certain. Kaiba decided to answer.

"It's a drug that is derived from the cannabis plant and is almost usually smoked (although it can also be produced as oil) for recreational activities. It's illegal in Japan and it's considered a controlled substance."

"Are those the slim white cylinders people light up and appear in commercials that say they cause cancer?" The regal spirit-turned-man asked, frankly intrigued.

"I believe you're thinking about cigarettes, Pharaoh. And those are very much legal, although they are well-known to increase the risk of cancer. Weed can be also rolled up in uneven cylinders, known as joints, and be smoked so they somehow resemble cigarettes."

"Weed?"

"Weed. Pot. Grass. All of them are universal slang for marijuana." Seto replied. "The active ingredient in cannabis is THC, which sends you on a 'trip' as they put. Makes you feel euphoric and downright stupid, also known as being 'high'. If you are in possession of marijuana, you can spend up to five years in jail. In Japanese penal law, the act of consuming the drug is up in the par of being a crack addict or a junkie." He paused, since Yami might not know what those terms are. Yami seemed like he understood, yet at the same time, there was a unusually unnerved glint in his purple eyes.

"Those addicts you talk about. Are they the people who look like they've been peeling off their skin off with their fingernails?" He asked carefully, not wanting to sound stupid and also wanting to confirm something for himself. The rare times he's ever watched movies he'd seen some scenes of people looking like Death themselves and the mention of 'drugs' or something or the other.

"Sort of. Different drugs cause different reactions. What you're talking about is probably crystal meth. Now that's a whole different level of 'destroy your life'. " Seto explained.

After this information, the uneasy glint only incremented."Interesting. So marijuana is bad then? They're comparing me to these 'addicts'?"

To his surprise, he got a lot of conflicted and somewhat puzzled expressions from many of his friends. They were probably expecting a much more different entertaining reaction from the former Pharaoh. "It's kind of touch and go." Tea supplied. "Some people swear it's really good medicine. For cancer, glaucoma, strokes, the list goes on and on." Tristan said.

"Then others oppose it like the Devil itself, convinced it's a gateway drug to the 'hard stuff'." Ryou added.

"It's not necessarily bad like meth or heroine is. But it's not that good either." Yugi stated, looking at his look alike strangely. _He's certainly very interested in the topic._ Yami looked suspiciously pensive. Not appalled nor outraged like they normally expected. Just very thoughtful. And Yugi wasn't sure but he swore he saw a hint of revelation or comprehension in Yami's orbs.

"... By 'trip', do you mean feeling awfully relaxed and happy for no good reason?"

"Yes."

"And wanting to laugh at the funny ways the clouds are staring at you while you can hear colors?" Kaiba looks at Yami a bit strangely now.

"Uh...I guess?" He said, weirded out.

"And then feeling like you can devour a horse two hours later?" Now everyone is looking at the former Pharaoh with wide eyes.

"Eh, Yami is there something you're not telling us?" Joey says, tone slightly wavering in surprise.

"S_hemshemet." _Yami said as his only explanation, which in reality, was mostly to himself. "...what?"

"I'm not sure why that that name popped in my head just now...but I believe it might be Egyptian for this drug. And, " His voice lowered and he looked downright sheepish, as if he was embarrassed by divulging this information.

"By the familiarity of the experiences typically associated with it, I feel like I may have used a lot of _shemshemet_ oil in my former life." He muttered hurriedly.

Everyone's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and their jaws dropped. You could hear a pin drop by the heavy almost stifling silence that followed his statement.

"Uhm. I'm sorry Yami. I think I've misheard you," Yugi finally laughed with a nervous tinge. "Did I just hear you say you say you are an avid MARIJUANA USER?"

"WAS! I repeat, I WAS a S_hemshemet _user in a former life!" Yami said defensively.

"My God. The Pharaoh is a **_pothead_**. I don't think I'll ever be as surprised to learn anything else in my life." Joey said in a shell-shocked manner.

"THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH!" Yugi suddenly yells, jumping from the white couch and pointing a finger at his older look-alike in shocked realization. "I never understood why you particularly liked to scurry off in my body to the back-end corner of the Game Shop to 'relax' and 'unwind'. But now it all makes PERFECT sense!" Yugi's eyes dart from one side to another.

"The neighborhood potheads always liked to gather there and pass their ridiculously large bongs around in a circle and then head into the Shop to buy some card games while laughing like complete idiots." He explains to the others and gives a screeching gasp.

"PHARAOH, HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING WEED IN MY BODY?!" He shrieks in horror. Everyone is agape in shock, staring at Yami.

Yami looks equally as horrified. "WHAT?! NO, Yugi! OF COURSE NOT! I didn't even know you could smoke S_hemshemet-_" He splutters, hands gesticulating wildly . "I just liked to go there because the smell reminded me of long-lost _home_. Somehow, it made a small almost insignificant glimmer of my past Egyptian life present in my mind! Even if it immediately went away, it just smelled _familiar_ and _safe_. I didn't know it's such a highly illegal drug here! It certainly wasn't in my times..."

Joey is laughing uproariously and Tea is glaring at him for making such a riot. "This is just freaking unbelievable. Who woulda thought the abridged series would be right in THIS specific topic?!"

"Although really, it's not even that big a deal. Weed is barely considered a drug." Seto mutters with his arms crossed, unimpressed. "I'd be more shocked if he'd come out as a coke head."

"So, Pharaoh..." Ryou teasingly poked at the regal man. "Is it _really_ good stuff?" Now the most polite person in the room was making fun of him. Great.

"Hey now, Bakura. He might need some time to _weed_ out the options to give you an informed decision." Tea teased, while everyone burst into laughter. He merely sighed in response. "I regret saying anything at all."

"I just find it hard to believe he could remember the sensations of being HIGH but not his own name. My, don't we have priorities in certain memories, am I right Pharaoh?" Mai grinned at him, and the man in question flushed slightly.

**A beautiful blue sky is shown before the gang appears alongside the beach eating fish. **

**"It sure was nice of you to share your fish with us, Mako." Yugi says in gratitude to a blue haired tan teen they met a couple of minutes ago. **

"I'm guessing LK didn't find Mako Tsunami important enough to add him in the TV room." Tea deadpanned. "You guessed right." Seto scoffed.

**"Haha!" He laughs. "Don't worry, my friends, there's plenty more where that came from!" Mako says while looking back at the ocean. A sudden difference in point of view of the cliff shows the gang seemingly on their way to another duel.**

**"We should probably get going." Yugi says dismissively.**

** "Leaving so soon, are you?" Mako says in a slightly sinister voice, his eyes betraying a look of mischief. The scene cuts to a shiny looking harpoon on the rocky ground, and a tan hand grabs it determinedly while Tristan says**** "What a swell guy!" as he and his friends are always walking away. **

**Tea responds. "I like that he doesn't wear a shirt." Mako is looking at the group of friends walking away with a suspicious grin.**

"_Abridged_!Tea is a horny psycho. Stop objectifying us! " Joey snickered while Tea fumed at him with her fists tightly closed, looking like she was a hair's width away from throttling the rude blonde.

**Yugi turns around at hearing Mako made a noise of effort. "Nyaa!" Then, he sees a shiny dangerously _sharp_ harpoon coming his way form the sky! "AHH!" Yugi screams in fear and shock as the harpoon thankfully landed an inch in front of his feet. Still, he looked terrified. **

** "Holy [#% *] on a [f$* #] sandwich!" Tristan yelled in an equally shocked manner.**

"THAT IS GOLDEN!" Joey screeched, laughter threatening to double him over. "It can't be any more golden than finding out the Pharaoh's a pothead, but it's STILL pretty up there! I'm going to use that from now on, okay Tristan?" At the jab, Yami glared at the blonde. "I am NOT a pothead!"

The pointy-haired brunette merely shook his head, annoyed that he actually did crack a grin when his abridged counterpart said it. It actually _was_ pretty funny, and judging by his friend's snickers, he wasn't the only one who thought so.

** Yugi stared at the muscular teen with a fearful contradictory smile. "Did- did you just throw a harpoon at me?"**

**Mako blinked at the hostility, seemingly unaware of why he would react in such a way. "I- I didn't want you to leave... and I wasn't sure how else to get your attention." He still looked like the picture perfect image of smiling innocence as if throwing harpoons at people was completely normal by his book.**

"That Mako guy did have some screws loose, huh Yug?" Joey joked. The short duelists didn't want to nod as that would be rude, but he found himself agreeing with his best friend.

**"Just ask!" Yugi said in an exasperated tone and brought up his hand to his chin as if thoughtful. "Just say '_Hey Yugi, could you stay a little longer?_'" The hand came down in frustration. "Don't lob a freaking harpoon at me! Seriously, that's like the rudest thing ever!"**

"Is it me, or does abridged!Yugi sound the slightest bit British all out of the sudden?" Tea inquires, looking at Ryou since he'd know. "It's very subtle, but yes. You are correct, Tea. The alter does have a very slight English accent. How odd." Ryou says confused.

**Mako extends his**** arm and points directly to the small duelist, seemingly taking his advice. "Hey Yugi! Could you stay a little longer? Maybe-" Yugi immediately cut him off.**** "Well it isn't going to work _now_, not after you almost skewered me."**

**"I'm not entirely sure what to say." Mako replied uneasily.**

"A sincere apology might have worked in his favor." Yugi retorts.

**"Maybe it'd be best if we just left." Yugi and his friends once again started walking for another area to look for a duel. Mako watches them leave, with his harpoon by his side.**** "No hard feelings about the harpoon incident, right?"**

**Joey's voice is clearly heard in response. "Get bent, ya freaky fish guy!"**

"PFF-" Tea and Tristan snort at this unique insult while Joey only grins.

**A close up of an angry Mako is shown, his eyes narrowing. "I am _not_ a freaky fish guy!"**

**This time, Tristan joined Joey's taunts and they both sang out in a ridiculous tone: "_Mako's a freaky fish guuuuy!_"**

"God, your abridged alters are immature idiots. Although they really aren't THAT different from you guys," Tea mutters but Joey cuts her off. "At least my alter isn't a damn PERVERTED nympho!"

She gasps in response, but Mai comes to her defense. "Oh really, Wheeler? I distinctly remember you greeting me by my BREASTS." She glares fiercely at the blonde who immediately stands down from the beautiful woman's wrath. "I stand corrected." He states meekly.

** Nevertheless, the young fisherman turns to his right with a smile on his face and looks fondly at the deep blue sea. "At least the ocean will never leave me, right ocean?" An awkward silence follows.**

**"Why don't you ever answer me, ocean?"**

"Abridged!Mako is waaaaay more crazier than the one we know. And that's saying something."

**After this, the Yu-Gi-Oh! abridges series title sequence plays.**

_**Kawaitaaa, Sakegiraa! Todo ke, fly at higher gaaaaamee...**_

"I wonder how they got this song for the title sequence. _Yell of of thirst, make it_ and then they switch to English._ Fly at higher game. _It seems like they butchered the song in the beginning, since it obviously doesn't make sense, yet at the same time there's a distinct quality of the opening that makes it fit almost perfectly with 'our' show. The song talking about games seems like too much a coincidence to be one picked at random." Kaiba muses out loud.

"You don't mean...?" Ryou slowly states. "Do you think this might be our show's theme song?"

"I have a hunch this song is actually the _original _show's theme song. Remember, we're the 'watered-down' dubbed version."

"Do you guys seriously still believe there three different universes in which we're considered the remake?" Tristan scoffed. "Well, it would explain why we all know English and speak it all the time despite the fact that we live in Japan." The billionaire said casually, but the effects of his words took a toll on everyone.

"Holy shit. Rich boy's right. How the hell do we know perfect English if we never took more than two years of foreign language studies?" Joey says surprised.

"And yet, we also know perfect Japanese and we never speak it." Seto adds seriously, crossing his arms.

"Even more surprising, how in the world did none of us ever even _think_ about it or _wonder_ why we could speak English?" Yami asks, the realization of the different alternative universes Seto tried to explain being true clear in his stunned face. Everyone merely looked at each with a disbelieving shrug, all conveying the same thing. They just didn't know why it never occurred to them.

"Everyone we met responded back in English as well. Duelist Kingdom was an international competition in which many competitors from different nationalities and backgrounds attended yet all they spoke was English. This leads me to believe that our universe is a uni lingual one. A show clearly broadcast to English-speaking children." Seto says pensively, a hand on his chin.

"This explains why a couple episodes back, my alter said she had to go to the bathroom but the lady who dubs her...or you know, _me, _won't admit it." Tea realized. "They must have literally changed what I said from the original Japanese version. Why they would do that is completely beyond me, though." Her friends shrugged in response, agreeing with her previous statement.

"Do you believe there are different Yu-Gi-Oh! universes for every language?" Yugi asks hesitantly.

At the question, Kaiba seemed thoughtful but for only a few seconds.

"If 4kids recreated the original Yu-Gi-Oh show into our universe, then it must have wild success to have been remade at all. There is no profit in remaking a show that no one watches. And of course, judging by the fact that Yu-Gi-Oh! has an abridged counterpart (and an extensively organized one at that), it must mean OUR show was successful enough for someone to want to parody. Taking all of these deductions, then it must be almost an almost sure-fire fact that there are remakes in the world's most prevalent languages. I'm thinking Spanish, Mandarin, Hindu, Arabic, French, etc."

"So there's literally a gazillion universes dedicated to the original Yu-Gi-Oh plot?!" Mai interrupts in disbelief.

"That's exactly right."

**The scene focuses to Pegasus' castle while the theme music from Mission: Impossible plays in the background. Out of a window, a makeshift rope made out of tied bed sheets flies down and a small boy with a striped orange and white shirt, as well as a purple beanie and a light blue bandana covering most of his face starts working his way down.**

"Pegasus, you goddamned bastard." Kaiba growls enraged at the screen. Everyone is shocked at hearing the serious highly intelligent teen swear. But then again, he_ is_ witnessing his little brother trying to escape his captor, mainly Pegasus, so it seemed understandable.

** Mokuba is still scaling down the building when suddenly, the turntable scratches and he sees there is no more bed sheet left. He looks down, seeing there is still quite a bit far more to go. To make matters worse, the last knot of the bed sheet rope is not proving to be tight enough and is untying by the second.**

**"I probably should have thought this _throuuuuugh_!" The end is gone and Mokuba falls down the tower through the thick dark forest. "Ooh!- oh!- my back!- ow!" The fall indeed sounds quite painful. He comes out with a pained look in his face and holding his back, but otherwise looks unharmed **

**"Man, I sure am glad I'm a cartoon!"**

This leaves everyone gasping in surprise.

"..._What?_" Ryou manages to choke out.

"We can't be cartoon characters! We're definitely 3-D!" Joey says angrily, spinning his arms and wrists around to desperately prove they are not drawn by _anybody_. Even Seto looks completely dumbfounded.

"That can't...possibly be true. " Yugi says blankly. "Cartoons are Spongebob and Disney princesses. How..?" He buries his face in his hands, but then falters and retracts the hands to look at them. To truly observe them. He curls his fingers and stretches them, over and over. Finally, he clenches his fists, sick of doubting his existence as a damn DRAWING.

"Our world is definitely three-dimensional. Obviously we are NOT thin as paper. Yet, it seems the creators of our universes have a higher dimension than we do. This makes them perceive us as a cartoon," Seto attempted to explain it to the best of his knowledge and educated assumptions, but everyone still seemed to be shell-shocked at being called a cartoon.

"Are we not real people..?" Tea asks with such a sorrowful quiet tone, it cracks Seto's impassive and emotionless mask. He looks at the tearful brunette who was slumped on the couch with her knees to her face. He didn't know what compelled him to do so, but he found himself settling a heavy hand on her shoulder. "Of _course_, we are real people. We are flesh and blood, we cry and bleed. We have beating hearts. We live and die." He hisses.

"NEVER forget that. Never _doubt_ it."

**The scene turns to Yugi and the gang walking along the woods. "That Mako guy was a f***ing psycho!" He says with a unusual cheerful smile. Joey agrees by responding "I****t's enough to make you appreciate that Pegasus fella."**

**"Attention Duelists!" They are subjected to seeing one of the guards, Kemo holding a kid by his neck. "****My hair is assaulting you!"**

**Tristan lunges at the guard with an curled fist. "I'm actually going to do something for once!" He grabs Kemo and throws him effortlessly over his back. "My voice gives me super strength!" He says confidently.**

"If I could get super-strength from that ridiculous voice, I'd still say no." Joey taunts his friend, grabbing him jokingly by the neck. The brunette grumbles in response.

**However, Kemo turns things around when he lands and attacks with a flying kick. "Yes, but my hair gives me the power to defy gravity!" He ruthlessly hits Tristan, which is only shown by a white spark in a black screen.**

**Tristans falls to his face. "Oh the humanity!"**

**Once again, Kemo has the kid in his grasp. "I somehow found out that this kid doesn't have any star chips, so I'm going to throw him off the island." He turns and begins walking away with the kid in tow.**

**Tristan is seeing alongside the rest of his friends, barely gathering his bearings. "Cool, let's go watch!"**

"Well that was a sudden 180 change from wanting to help the poor kid to wanting to watch him being kicked off for entertainment." Yugi says.

**Kemo throws the kid into a boat that already had some disqualified duelists, one of them being an angry Weevil. "Get in there, you little runt."**

**Said bespectacled duelist then shoves the newcomer. "Hey, heh-heh, don't rock the boat, buttmunch." ****The kid is rightfully looking quite dejected and deceived."But I didn't lose my star chips, they were stolen from me! I swear it on the life of my pink shirt!"**

**The gang had somehow gotten to the boat in record time. "Don't worry, we'll get your star chips!" Yugi says righteously.**

**"You'll bring them back to me?"He asks hopefully. "****I never said that!" Yugi yells, a look of slight contempt flitting over his features.**

"I would never STEAL someone else's star chips! I mean honestly!" Yugi complains of his abridged counterpart.

**Mokuba then bursts out of the nearest bush, surprising the currently sitting relaxed gang."Thanks to this awesome disguise, you'll never be able to figure out my identity!" He still wore the blue bandana and purple beanie.**

**Immediately, they all got up, Joey yelling. "Hey, it's Kaiba's shrill voiced little brother."**

**"You'll pay for what you did to my big brother, Yugi!" He says while the duel arena set itself up, the podium barely rising him up.**

**A flash of white filled the screen and the following images were clawed by white at the edges, meaning a flashback. **

_**Mokuba enter's his older brother's office, concern clear in his dark eyes. "Seto! What's wrong?" **__**Kaiba closes his eyes in defeat. "They wrote my character out of the show, Mokuba." He said tersely, anger weighing his voice.**_

A slight gasp came out of the group. Seto is particularly shocked by his abridged alter's words. "That can't be possible. I fought against Pegasus in the Duelist Kingdom finals! I doubt they'd skip over that significant part so flippantly. Not to mention I was the one who created the Battle City Duelist competition!" He yells, outraged.

_**The younger sibling is alight with indignation. "No way!" He brings his two fists close to his body. "But you're Yugi's arch rival!"**_

_**Kaiba responds with even more fury, his blue eyes downcast and narrowed. "And I haven't been in a single episode since he defeated me. Since he's the star, he thinks he can hog all the screentime to himself."**_

"I should have known. It's just an obvious jab to my character. How moronic." The game developer rolls his eyes.

"Whew, that's a relief. For a second, I thought you were just gonna 'poof' outta here." Joey grins at Seto, but he got silence as a response.

_**Kaiba takes out a duel monsters card from his pocket and looks at it. "I mean, just look at Bakura."**_

"Huh?" Ryou blinks at _abridged!_Seto's words, unsure of what he was talking about. He looks at his friends in clear puzzlement but they looked as equally as lost. "What happened to me?" He wonders out loud, a bit frightened.

_**Mokuba is very confused. "Who the hell is Bakura?"**_

_**Seto is standing upright, and walks right in front of his brother in a very dramatic fashion. "Precisely."**_

Ryou deflated, no longer fearful but very irritated.

"Of course." He says very sarcastically."The insignificant unsubstantial character that is me, Ryou Bakura." His tone grew soft. Yugi looks saddened by his self-deprecating words, and even feels tinges of guilt, since he knew the show was referencing the many times his abridged alter had very arrogantly said Bakura was not a 'main character' and therefore unimportant. He couldn't help but assuring his white-haired friend.

"You are a very important character in all of our lives, Bakura. You're our friend." He says kindly, resting a gentle hand on the Brit's slightly slumped back. Ryou looks mildly startled by the contact and his words, and he realizes he said the 'insignificant' quip out loud instead of only thinking it. He opens his mouth to say he knows this, it's only the abridged series poking fun of him, but somehow his vocal chords dry right up. His vision blurs only for a second, and he lowers his head, a dark cloud setting in his mind.

_And yet you still address me by my last name._

_**"Now, I'm going to hide in some undisclosed location." Seto starts heading out of his office. "You stay here and guard my multi-million dollar company while I'm gone. 'Kay thanks." The double-doors shut in the younger Kaiba boy's face.  
**_

_**"But Seto! What if an evil group tries to take over while you're missing?" Mokuba still reaches out the door in fear.**_

_**"Oh come on, Mokuba, what are the odds of that happening?"**_

_**The scene changes to Pegasus in a swiveling chair with the spotlight on him, apparently meeting with some sinister-looking shadows in a dark undisclosed room. "So let me get this straight, gentlemen. Now that Kaiba-boy has gone missing, your evil group wishes to seize control of his company?" The camera pans out to these corporate faceless businessmen, and a close up of half of Pegasus' face appears.**_

"The Big Five." Kaiba hisses out through gritting teeth. He scoffs and laughs once. "They never could get over my _betrayal_. Bunch of greedy pigs." His eyes narrow.

_**Right behind him, the doors opens up slightly, only letting a sliver of light and Mokuba's eye is shown.**_

_**These evil shadows all said in the same monotone. "That is correct!" **_

_**Mokuba backs away from the door in shock. "I f**king knew it!" **_

**Yami cuts the flashback short, and looks at the younger Kaiba brother with an exasperated expression. "For the love of Isis, are we going to duel, or are we going to stand around having flashbacks?"**

**"Thanks to you, Pegasus abducted me!" A small flashback of a guard holding a struggling Mokuba against his will while Pegasus looks on evilly appears. "And my brother's company is about to be taken over by corporate suits!" Mokuba cries out.**

**"...all because I beat him in a card game." Yami deadpans.**

**Mokuba agrees fervently. "That's right!"**

**Yami raises his gloved fist up. "You're some kind of moron, you know that?"**

The former pharaoh focuses on the screen, not wanting to feel the almost murderous glare the overly protective Kaiba was sending his way.

**Mokuba appears behind him all of the sudden. "A moron who's got all your star chips!" He steals some of the star chips.**

**"Damn that kid moves fast!" Yami exclaims, while trying to stop the kid from going any further. ****"Stealing makes everything better!" He says while running away. Then, he hears Yami's voice behind him.**

**"Wait, Mokuba! You mustn't do this thing!" He stops running, while the rest of the gang catch up to him. Yami is looking very righteous, still at the top of the arena podium, a fist up in the air. "Think - what would your brother say if he saw you now?" Mokuba is looking very conflicted, hearing his older brother's voice in his thoughts.**

**A circle with Kaiba in it appears next to him, metaphorically in his mind. _Well done, Mokuba! Now steal something from Joey too!_**

"Idiot. I would never condone stealing or thievery as something to be proud of." Seto scoffs. "It's a despicable crime and worthless action which should be punished. Thieves are the bane of all prosperous society's existence."

Ryou tenses at the angry words, as if the teen CEO had directed them to him. _Well, that doesn't make sense at all._ He realizes this, but for some strange reason his body refuses to relax.

**"Ok, but what would he say if he wasn't a complete douche bag?" Yami says, irritated.**

"I'm _half_ a douche bag, thank you very much." Seto says indignantly. "I'd say another reunion with Mary Jane might do your abridged character good, Pharaoh. Judging by his mood, he seems a bit stressed." Joey choked on his spit, not expecting that comeback, while the others snorted once and tried to hide their snickers.

Yugi just looked like he was trying his hardest not to smile.

"What?" Yami says, confused out of his mind. "I don't know anyone named Mary Jane-"

That did it. Everyone broke out laughing. Including Yugi.

"Aw, that's cold, Pharaoh. You already forgot her name?" Mai shakes her head, tsking. "The love of your life?" She adds, giggling. Now Yami is darting his head back and forth in bewilderment, seriously thinking something was wrong. "I-I don't ever recall meeting her or ever saying she's the love of my life!" He says in a strangled voice, eyes clearly saying 'What the HELL is going on here?'

"Mary Jane would be heart broken to hear your words right now Yami," Joey sniffles, putting a hand to his heart. "After all she's done for you!" He wipes a fake tear from his eye. The laughter rises to uproarious.

"She always had you flying HIGH in the sky, and you just stomp her to the_ grass _like if nothing-PFF!" Joey couldn't take with the euphemism anymore and starting cackling. After seeing his look-alike's look of fear and confusion for so long, and finally being able to get his laughter under control, Yugi goes to Yami and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"They're talking about weed, Pharaoh."

"..._What_?"

"Mary Jane is another slang for weed. And for the record, so is Molly. Just for your knowledge and so you won't get confused if they pull the same joke on you." He said sympathetically while Yami groaned so loud, you'd swear he was in pain.

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, are you people _never_ going to let that GO?!"

**Mokuba turns his back to him, and closes his eyes in shame. "You're right, Yugi! I'll return all the star chips." He looks at the duelist pleadingly. "Just as long as you let my brother back on the show."**

**Yami smiles at the child. "That's fine by me."  
**

**Mokuba looks imploringly at the regal spirit once more. "And maybe you could give Bakura a bigger role too." He says hopefully.**

**Yami immediately gets angry, and closes his fist. "Don't push your luck, kid!" The younger Kaiba brother looks down at the ground sadly.**

"Well then, I guess I'll never appear in this show." Ryou announced, annoyed. "You most definitely will." Mai assures him.

"If you didn't come save us when the dark spirit in your millennium ring sent us to a shadow game, he'd already have my puzzle and we'd all still be in the Shadow Realm." Yugi pipes up. "So you definitely have to appear."

**The scene changes to a large green landscape, with a lone white house at the edge of a rocky cliff. _I've designed these new hologram doohickeys so they'll help me defeat Yugi._ Kaiba appears working on the duel disks determinedly. _I'm sure the cold hand of science will be able to overcome his magical powers._**

**At this point, two goons appear at the entrance of the door. **

**"Don't move a muscle or we'll shoot you with our invisible guns!" True enough, they were pointing at Kaiba as if this would be threatening in any form. **

"HOW THE HELL DID I NOT EVEN SEE THAT?" Seto yells at the screen. "They pointed at me with their _fingers_, why did I actually feel the need to jump-?"

"Wait, you did what?!"

**Kaiba kicks his chair towards the two goons. "I'm too rich to die!" He then proceeds to jump out of the window. **

"!" Everyone's eyes bulges out of their heads.

**The two 'assassins' go to the window and see that only the rocky sea is at the bottom. "There's no way he could have survived that fall." The other goons says.**

**Kaiba's voice reverberates through the window. "Actually, I seem to be okay."**

"How in the hell did you survive that?!" Joey gawks at the screen wide-eyed. Seto merely gestured at the television, as he knew the blonde's question would soon be answered.

**"Nope, he's definitely dead." His companion agrees.**

**"You guys are idiots." The scene switches point of view, now showing the broken window of the house from above.**

**"At least we're not dead! Like you!" They leave the window.**

"They are idiots."

**"You'd better not be stealing my deck up there!"**

**One of the goons does precisely that, taking the top card of his deck The Blue Eyes White Dragon. "He won't be needing this, now that he's deceased."  
**

"Bastard." Seto muttered under his breath.

**Back in Duelist Kingdom, Mokuba is trying to give back the stolen star chips from the kid with the pink shirt. ****"We brought the star chips!"**

**Kemo knocks them out of his hand and in the water. "Rejected!" He grabs Mokuba by the neck, while the gang watches. "I'm glad I took all those child-grabbing classes."**

"This psychopath is really a guard in a competition for card games?! SERIOUSLY?" Kaiba yells, furious anyone would treat his younger brother like that.

**Yami splays out his hand towards the guard. "Unhand him, you nameless henchman!" ****Kemo looks at him evilly."Meet me at the dueling field in a few hours and we'll discuss it."**

**The text _time passes... _appears on a black screen and Jeopardy! 'Think!' music plays for quite some time.  
**

Everyone stares at each other, confused.

**Now at the dueling field, Kemo still has Mokuba secured tightly by his neck "Attention, Duelists! I'm still not going to unhand him!"**

**"What a pointless interlude." Trista muses while someone who looks suspiciously like Seto appears at the Dueling arena.**

**"Wait, guys! That looks like Kaiba!" Tea exclaims, and a close up of 'Kaiba' appears.**

"Dear God, who the hell is that?" Seto says, disgusted.

"Remember the mind crush that drove out your dark side? This is the manifestation of all of your evil and dark desires, expunged from the Shadow Realm by Pegasus himself." Yami explains.

"...I would say that sounds highly improbable if not impossible, but at this point, I don't think I can ever rule anything in life ever again." Seto replies.

**The evil Kaiba looks directly at the screen. "This time, Yugi, you don't stand a _ghost_ of a chance!" He says while the words '_TO BE CONTINUED...' _appear on the bottom of the screen.**

"That is a downright horrible pun. And why does he even use it in this situation, it doesn't apply in any shape or form!" Kaiba fumes.

"He was trying to convince all of us you had died and he was your 'ghost', and so was back from the dead to enact vengeance on me for defeating you in the duel." Yugi supplied. "In the end, he actually looks quite different than you."

**Offcreen, Tristan says "Oh no! He has even less personality than before!"**

**The screen fades to black.**

**The kid with the pink shirt appears, still in the boat at the sea. "I sure hope Yugi brings my star chips back soon!"**

"I swear I wanted to give them to him but the cruel guard didn't let me!" Yugi says.

**"Shut up and row, dumbass. Heh-heh-heh." Weevil says to him while the boat is being rowed back.**

**The Yu-Gi-Oh! logo appears as The Hues Corporation song "Rock the Boat" plays.**

**A caption then appears saying the following in white letters:**

**[tune in next week for**  
**the long awaited**  
**Yug****i vs Kaiba rematch. kinda.  
****well, not really.]**

**The letters fade.**

"Well I guess we got through another episode-" Joey stretches out in the couch but is interrupted.

**Marik and Yami Bakura appear.**

**"My name is Marik!"**

**"I don't care." He says boredly, arms crossed. While he says this, white letters appear in front of the two villainous characters saying : created by Little Kuriboh.**

"Little Kuriboh. That's LK! This is the person who has us stuck in this place!" Seto points at the television.

**"What if I told you I had exclusive knowledge of certain secrets?"**

**Bakura once again responded with a blase "I don't care."**

**Marik has an evil grin on his face. "Once I possess what I desire," He rises the rod upwards to inspect it. "the Millennium Rod will mean absolutely nothing to me."**

**Right behind the tan Egyptian, the white-haired spirit is seen and an close up of his face follows. There is a dramatic pause in response.**

**"...I don't care."**

"Well...that was kind of a useless conversation." Mai stated obviously.

"Not completely useless. We know have a name for the person who signed this letter AND not only that, but the creator of our abridged series. Little Kuriboh. A pseudonym most obviously." Seto replied thoughtfully.

"Both Marik and the spirit of the millennium ring appeared and spoke, yet they did not appear in the room. Does that mean they will not appear at all in subsequent episodes?" Ryou asked in a hopeful voice.

"It's hard to say. Judging by the title overlapping their conversation, I believe Little Kuriboh merely kept the 'real' voices and just moved some clips to make a last attempt at humor. I doubt Bakura seriously said 'I don't care' to everything Marik said. You can tell by the manipulation of the noises. This is most likely a stinger in the show, and should then not be taken seriously as who will or who will not appear."

Ryou looked crestfallen at this information, but nevertheless prayed to anyone who was up there to NOT send those two in the room. _Especially_ the spirit. He didn't know what'd he do if he had him right in front of him, in the flesh.

All he knew was, he desperately did not want to become a murderer of someone who's already supposed to be dead.

.

* * *

Oh yeah! There's another big FAT update! To make up for the delay in the chapter :c

And yeah, I totally overdid it with Yami and the weed thing, but c'mon it was totally hilarious! Just picture it...the tan Pharaoh at his throne getting high as f*ck. Don't that make you laugh? I know it made me snicker through out writing it. And it's not totally far-fetched either. Weed has been found to be commonly used in many ancient civilizations INCLUDING Egypt. That's not to say I am encouraging any of you to break any laws or nothing of the sort!

*But ya know, if you're in places where it's allowed, then yep. Get yo smoke on*

I am excited to get to Chapter 8 for one reason! Can you guess why? Thank you, my lovelies for reading. I hope you enjoyed :)


	7. Cliffhanger

I suck like extremely :c I said I would update weekly and I definitely have not u.u Sorry, don't kill me! I've been having some personal issues and writing was the last thing on my mind. In order to appease my wonderful awesome patient readers, I have enclosed a VERY requested surprise at the bottom. I am sure most of you will be pleased.

**Abridged equals bold** 85% of the time. I don't make the rules, people.

* * *

"I'm really thirsty." Yugi complained, instinctively looking over the entire room with the naive hopes of finding a pitcher of water or some other liquid. Obviously finding none of the sort, he sighs and turns his direction to the CEO of KaibaCorp.

"How many episodes have we gotten through so far?" He asks Kaiba tiredly, who looks over to him pensively.

"This will be the seventh episode so far. And each episode takes 4 to 6 minutes. Rounded up, we've been here for about forty-five minutes." He calculates coolly, while everyone sweatdrops at the fact. "We've been here for less than an hour? It feels like a freaking eternity here!" Joey says, surprised.

"Seriously, can't we get water or something around here? What, are we supposed to dehydrate to death?" Yugi looks up the ceiling, glaring at the deity or being who put them in here in the first place.

"And I'm feeling up for some good food." Tristan comments idly, and stands up from the couch to look up at the ceiling like Yugi did a while ago. "Hey LK!" He hollers suddenly with two hands cupping around his mouth. "Can you be a real pal and pop up some sandwiches or something? I dunno, maybe a beer while you're at it?" Tea mildly smacks him on the top of his head.

"We're only sixteen, dork." She mildly chastises her friend.

Mai scoffs, and whips her hair back with a nonchalant hand. "Well, I am twenty-four years old. And I wouldn't mind a beer at all. Actually, I think I could go for something stronger. After all that's been happening, I frankly think it's well deserved."

Tristan rubs his head, mock hurt in his glassy eyes. "It's not like Japan's 20-and-above age limit on booze APPLIES here. I don't even think we _are_ in Japan. Heck, I don't think we are in the same UNIVERSE."

"I highly doubt we are in _any_ universe. This seems more like a limbo, or a void between universes." Seto clarified the brunette's statement.

"An' besides, it's not like LK gonna pop up sum beer because Tristan asked! He was only joshing." Joey said laughingly.

"Hey guys..." Yami's confused voice ends all conversation, and all eyes zone in on him holding a large pitcher of amber liquid. A clear question mark pops up in everyone's heads. Joey pushes past the wall of bodies and bends slightly to look at the glass pitcher in the Egyptian man's hand. The thick foam at the surface of the liquid indicated what type of substance it was.

"Is that...?" Ryou says slowly in surprise, stepping forward to inspect the jar as well. "I'm not sure what drink you are talking about, but is this what Tristan asked for?" Yami asked innocently. "It appeared on the coffee table about a minute ago. The jar is almost freezing." He winced, feeling a numbing pain in his palms. Right beside the large water ring the jar left behind, stacks of plastic clear cups waited to be filled.

"Whoa, I was totally kidding." Tristan says in awe. "But this is awesome! Good to know LK is accommodating, right?" Still, everyone stared at the pitcher as if blinking would make it vanish. "That has to be fake, right?" Tea finally responds in a tsk of disbelief. "I mean by our alters' portrayal, Little Kuriboh pretty much hates our guts. Why would she try to appease us at all?"

"Oh, thank the Lord!" A happy feminine voice remarked from the background and soon Mai pushes herself to the front with a glimmering smile on her lips. "This is just what I need! Now, Pharaoh if you would be so kind-"

Seto is looking at the pitcher thoughtfully. "I guess this example is as good as they'll come. Little Kuriboh can actually hear us, and grant us wishes whenever he feels like it. What is his end game here? To let us know he's watching our every move and he's apparently omnipotent?" He muses to himself, too low for anybody else to overhear him.

Meanwhile Joey is laughing out loud in delight, sparkling eyes giving away his excitement. "Does this mean LK is like a wish-granting genie!?" He stands up on the coffee table, not caring about the dirty looks he was receiving from Seto, Tea and Mai.

"HEY LITTLE KURIBOH! HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF STRIPPERS!?" Both Mai and Tea's eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. "I think _not_!" Mai shouts indignantly at the blonde, plastic cup shaking in her hand.

Ryou snorts once and covers his mouth, and Seto facepalms himself as if saying 'what an idiot'. Joey looks around the room, waiting for something to happen. After a couple of minutes of waiting, it was more than obvious there was not going to be any stripper of any kind. He deflates and gets off the table. "What a crock." He mumbles crossing his arms. Tea walks up to him and gives him a smack on top of his head, very similarly to Tristan.

"Hey! What was that for?" Joey whines, rubbing his head. "For being an idiot." She deadpans. Mai nods in agreement and sips tepidly from her cup. "Wow, it really is cold." She muses in approval.

Meanwhile, both Yami and Yugi don't even notice the current conversation. "Seriously? I ask for water and get zilch while Tristan asks for alcohol and that's a-okay? Bunch of nonsense, if you ask me-" Yugi grumbles to himself, while Joey grins at the duelist's snappy attitude. "I think I know who might need a mellow out drink in a few moments." He says lightly, grabbing his friend's head and giving him a massive noogie. All Yugi did was struggle and try to get out of Joey's hellishly-strong grip.

"Wait, this is alcohol?" Yami looks up from the pitcher, slight surprise in his dark orbs. "More or less." Seto supplies blandly, with a look of distaste on his face. Suddenly, unfiltered wonder fills Yami's eyes and he puts the pitcher directly below his face.

"This scent is so familiar. I knew the beverage _looked_ familiar, but I didn't think-" He looks at the surprised faces of his friends. "Is this..._henqet_?" He says in awe.

Silence blankets the confused group, but it seemed Yami wasn't looking for an answer anyway. With a level of excitement not usually seen in the typically serious Yami, he sets the pitcher down on the coffee table and fishes out one of the plastic cups to pour out the beer almost to the brim.

Meanwhile, everyone is still stone-still in surprise, looking at the practically jovial Egyptian as if he just grew two heads. The Pharaoh finally put the cup to his lips and gave two big gulps. Nobody expected what happened next.

First there was the widening of eyes, filling up with horror and shock. Then...

"_PFFFTT_!"

Yami sprays out the beer from his mouth in the perfect spit take form.

"**EWWWW**!" Tea and Mai shriek, which were the two unfortunate ones to be completely drenched by the liquid. Joey immediately starts roaring in laughter, even pointing a rude fingers at the girls.

"Dear Ra, what in the name of the Gods is _THAT_?!" He finally chokes out after coughing out the remainder of beer, amidst the hysterical laughter of Joey and Tristan. "Oh my-, look at the girls!" Ryou pointed out the soaked clothes with a trembling grin, hardly fathoming the situation at hand and trying his very best not to laugh in their faces. He was a gentleman, after all.

"Tea, Mai, are you okay-" Yugi attempts to say but the urge to laugh is far too strong to stop and he doubles over, laughing to the point of wheezing at the end. With that, Ryou also bursts out laughing as well. Apparently, not even gentlemen could resist. The two girls are seething in fury at being laughed at, but glare even more at the culprit, who has the decency to lower his eyes in guilt and embarrassment.

"Good God, that was perfect, Yami. It looked like a legit Hollywood spit take!" Joey finally says laughingly, clapping a heavy hand to the former Pharaoh's back. The one in question still looks heavily disheartened. "I've never been so disappointed in a beverage before. Beer today is horridly bitter. It tastes like diluted urine."

"STILL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SPRAY US!" Mai and Tea yelled, and Yami flinched in response. "I am very sorry about that." He apologizes sincerely, eyes downcast. "I just never thought it'd be so disgusting."

"Well, how did the Egyptian beer fare in the day?" Tristan asks, grinning. Yami sighs, wiping the last drops of the beer from his lips with aversion."It was much stronger and sweeter. It also had a thicker consistency than typical liquid. I wouldn't feed this watery flavorless monstrosity of a drink to infants, much less adults. People are supposed to be 20 years old in Japan to drink this?!"

Seven pairs of eyebrow rise at his comment. "I done messed up then, I should have asked for strawberry vodka." Tristan jokes. Everyone tries not to grin at the funny quip.

"I'll be damned, the Pharaoh also has fine taste in booze. Who wulda thunk it?!" Joey teases as always, snickering at the same time. Yami glares at him, knowing it was a jab. "I wouldn't have pegged ya for the rebel type, Yami." He snickers.

"Beer at the time was healthier to drink than the water. People commonly died from infection from contaminated water. The high percentage levels of alcohol found in beer lowered the mortality rates, so it was the best alternative. Even children were primarily given beer to drink in my times. " He explains.

Joey stopped snickering and looks at Yami in interest. "Really?" He says, surprised. "Wow, that's really something. "

"Beer was actually very nutritious. It was a liquefied bread, almost. Slaves would use it as a main source of their needed nutrition, and it was relatively inexpensive." The former Pharaoh adds, musing on older times, which prompts Yugi to ask a very valid question.

"Wait...I thought you had no memory of your life in ancient Egypt." He says, doe eyes widening in confusion. "How do you remember so much about this stuff?"

Yami looked at his aibo, startled at the true point. His brows furrow in confusion, and a thoughtful expression blankets his eyes.

"I-I don't know." He confesses. "Now that you mention it, Yugi, I don't ever think I've ever remembered so much about my past life in all those years back in our universe. The most I've gleaned from my memories back in Domino City is that certain experiences trigger vague familiarity, and they are truly rare events. It's like this void stimulates memories all of the sudden. The familiarity here is just much more amplified here, and I am not sure why."

"Well, this place is all sorts of freaky." Tristan replies, looking over at the two girls. "I mean, it's been a minute since you decided to go soak city on them and look! They're totally dry!"

And true enough, both Mai and Tea have completely dry clothes. They look confused and touch their own clothes, seemingly not noticing they were in fact dry. "Would you look at that?" Mai says in surprise, fingering her violet vest. "How strange." Tea replies back, brows furrowed in puzzlement. Kaiba hums in contemplation.

"Again, it is more likely Little Kuriboh's doing. It is clear he is some sort of immature trickster with a vast amount of power. This would explain why Yami only remembers certain memories that might be funny to him or to others, but important details such as remembering his name are not thrown in his memories." It sounds logical enough, so they take it as a fact. After all of excitement dies down, the group sits down in their respective seats and presses play to the next episode.

**Yami zooms out from the screen, looking onward as always with duel monster cards zipping by around him. An unusually sad, out-of-place piano piece plays in the background.**

** "Previously on _Yu-Gi-Oh!_..." He says solemnly.**

"Is it me or does that music sound like a cliché soap opera soundtrack?" Mai says, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

**Yugi turns around to see his friend Tea with her hands clasped tightly to her chest, a clearly conflicted expression in her face.** "**Yugi, I think I'm pregnant."**

"_What?!_!" Tea gets up from the couch indignantly, while everybody's mouth drops open. "Oof!" Ryou squeaks out at the the accidental kick the brunette gave to his exposed back. Since the couch was certainly not long enough to accommodate eight people, the Brit took it upon himself to sit on the floor a few inches in front of the sofa. He didn't think much of it then, but he was sure regretting the decision now as he rubbed his sore back.

"Ow.."

** The shot switches over to a slowly zooming-in still of Yami, who is seen holding a couple of cards, and fear is conveyed from the his furrowed eyebrows and from the tiny beads of sweat forming on his forehead.**

**"And Yami's the father!"**

"_WHAT__?!__" _This time, it was not only Tea who shouts out and stands up, but every single person in the room does so as well. "T-that's not possible!" Yami splutters, staring intensely at the television screen specifically avoiding Tea's gaze, probably too shocked and embarrassed to formulate a coherent response.

"What, you used protection?" Mai, the self-appointed jokester of the group, grins at the shell-shocked King of Games. "Mai!" Tea squeaks in humiliation. The former Pharaoh's cheeks blaze in a fiery red for a response. Apparently, Yami knew exactly what the blonde was talking about. This made Mai snort and crack up, her gold hair shaking as she attempted to rail in her laughter. Really, it was just hilarious.

"Wait...But if Yami put a bun up Tea's oven, wouldn't it be Yugi's?" Joey wondered, scratching his head. Like clockwork, every single head turned to look at him, one eye twitching in excruciating discomfort. Literally six pairs of eyes were burning smoking holes into his skulls as if saying 'how could you seriously make us contemplate the freaking details?' The only one who was still slapping her thighs in laughter was Mai.

"What a good point, Joey." She says in a false innocent voice, chin sinking to her hands as if she was going to contemplate it more. "Why do you think so?" A grin curls up her plump lips.

And by the size of their saucer plate eyes, Yami, Tea, and Yugi looked especially mortified over the blonde's words.

"I mean if ya think about it, it's not _really_ Yami's body-"

"WE GET IT JOEY, THANK YOU." The three of them yell desperately, all equally as red and as flustered as one could possibly be.

**Joey appears talking on the phone.**** "Tristan, don't leave me!"**

**In a split screen, Tristan also responds over the phone. "I'm sorry, Joey, it's just not working out between us."**

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Both Joey and Tristan yell, stepping as far away from each other as possible. Mai snorts again, while Seto shakes his head in disbelief. Ryou has to cover his mouth to muffle his snickers. The distraction proves to be a favorable one for Yugi, Yami and Tea and soon their red face lessen gradually. They thank whoever's up there for the diversion, and soon smile and laugh along with the rest of the gang.

Meanwhile, the two boys targeted refuse to look at each other with crossed arms, angry eyes gleaming dangerously. However, everyone notices the bright blush blooming in their cheeks.

**"But I love you!" Joey yells at the phone angrily.**

Immediately, the blonde whips his head around so hard, half the group cringes in sympathy pain. That looked like whiplash from far away. "NO! NO, I DO _NOT_!" Joey points frenziedly at the screen, wild brown eyes widening in horror. "BAD TV! STOP IT!" He continued on yelling like a madman, and Tristan gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"Guys, the show is obviously poking fun at soap operas and using our characters as the stars." Mai snickers. "It's not like it's real."

"I still have been scarred for life." Tristan mutters, and many heads nod in fervent agreement.

**Tea once again appears behind Yugi. "Yugi, I think I'm pregnant." This time a still of Weevil Underwood smiling evilly appears. "A****nd Weevil's the father!"**

"Good God. Make it stop PLEASE." Yugi says in repulsion, eyes shutting tight in order to shoo away the atrocious image that appeared in his mind shortly after. "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little." Tea says, disgust clearly spelled out over her features.

**Yugi is seen with a shocked yet angry look. "Grandpa! So you're the one who shot Tristan!"**

**Grandpa steps in front of Yugi and Tea and clenches his fists in fury. "Yes, it was I!" He says in a villainous voice.**

"So Yugi's grandpa shot me in cold blood." Tristan says idly, looking at his fingernails. "Beats than being with Joey."

"HEY!"

**"Yugi, I think I'm pregnant." Tea says sorrowfully for the third time.**

"How many freaking times are they going to use that overused trope?!" Tea yells in irritation, a pulsing vein pounding on her right temple. "I wonder who's going to be the 'father' to Tea's imaginary baby." Joey snickers quietly.

**A panning-up shot of Ryou with an innocent smiling face appears.**

"NO FREAKING WAY." Everybody present loudly states, including Ryou, eyes round in shock.

**"And Bakura's the f-"**

** Yugi interrupts the girl with a sure "****No [**# !]ing way."**

At this, everyone burst into small snickers. "Hey, that's what we said! Minus the swearing part." Mai giggled along, while Yugi blushed at hearing his alter. "It's just impossible to think Bakura would ever pull a stupid move like that, and even the abridged counterparts think so!"

Ryou on the other hand, feels like his face is on fire from both embarrassment and (strangely enough) irritation. It COULD be said this LK being made _abridged_!Yugi say that in disbelief simply because he wouldn't be irresponsible enough to impregnate someone (!) at sixteen, like Mai said. Which would be a compliment, of course.

But...by the feel of how ridiculously insignificant and pitiful LK made his alternate character act, he had a feeling it was more like LK was mocking him.

Or in other words, the asshole Deity was laughing at him because according to public opinion, there was more possibility of him sprouting wings and flying than ever getting laid.

**After a few seconds of silence, Tea fesses up. "Okay, I lied about that one."**

Never mind the fact he actually _wasn't _a virgin.

Ryou seethed to himself.

**A dark monstrous looking Kaiba grin evilly at the screen. "This time, Yugi, you don't stand a _ghost_ of a chance!"**

"Okay, THAT'S where we left off."

**Tristan looks at his short friend, walking up to him dramatically. "Yugi, I think I'm pregnant," **

"PFFFT!"

**He grabs Yugi by the shoulders, giving him an angry look. "and you're the father!"**

Both Yugi and Tristan look like they are seconds away from puking.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Tristan suddenly shouts at the ceiling, waving a fist in the air, obviously targeting Little Kuriboh. The rest of the group laughs out loud at the absurdity of the scene and Tea sighs in relief.

"Thank God somebody else got that one-liner!" She says while wiping tears from her eyes, still smiling.

**Yami's voice over comes in over the fading still of Tristan holding Yugi by the shoulders. "And now, the thrilling conclusion! Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen?"**

"This LK person is funny." Mai chuckles. "Vulgar and crass, but funny."

"Weird, because I found absolutely ZERO comedy in a piece that traumatized most of us to last us a life time." Tristan said heatedly.

**The title sequence of Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged plays like always and the scene cut at the dueling field.**

**Kemo has Mokuba securely held by his arm. "Attention, duelists! My hair has abducted this small child!" He looks on evilly at the group. "If you want me to release him, you must first defeat Seto Kaiba's ghost in a duel!"**

**Yami looks at the guard with a impassive expression and says in monotone. "Are you trying to tell me that Kaiba came back from the dead just to play a card game with me?"**

**"Yes!" Kemo says confidently.**

**"Either this is a trick, or this show is even dumber than I thought." He said in disbelief.**

"It is most definitely a trick. It'd be absolutely ridiculous to even CONSIDER the thought." Seto scoffed.

**Ghost Kaiba grins at direction of Yami, blue eyes cold and dull. "It's true Yugi, I've returned from the dead in order to defeat you." He says in a strange rasping voice. "My desire for vengeance was so strong that even hell itself could not hope to contain-"**

**Yami interrupts the supposed ghost. "Okay, time out!"**

"Hell itself?" Seto says, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Such ridiculousness. There is no such thing as heaven or hell. " He crosses his arms, failing to notice Ryou pursing his lips in disagreement at his comment. "And even if there was, I definitely do not find myself a horrible enough person to go to hell when I die." He mutters indignantly.

"Weeell, LK thinks otherwise-!"

"Shut it, mutt."

"...See, maybe that's why you're going to hell, cus you're too mean-"

"I am _not_ going to hell!"

**"Does anybody believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost?" Yami continues on skeptically.**

**Tristan can be heard saying enthusiasticaly by the sidelines. "I do!"**

**"Anyone _besides_ Tristan?" Yami says exasperated, as if these occurrences were very common.**

**A long pause before...**

**"I do!"**

"Dude, I swear I'm never going to get tired of your alter." Joey cackles while pouring himself a cup of beer. Tristan just fumes to himself now, more than expecting the idiotic comments from his abridged self. "Gimme a cup while you're at it." He mumbles, to which Joey complies.

**A close up of Ghost Kaiba's narrowed dead-looking eye. "What's your point?" He asks, almost in an offended tone. **

**"My point is you're not a ghost. No eff-ing way." Yami states undoubtedly sure of this. Ghost Kaiba keeps on smirking creepily and pulls out a card. "****Then explain how I have _this_!" He places an ugly green monster card on his arena field. "The Hitotsu-Me Giant!"**

"How da heck does that prove anything?" Joey asks doubtfully.

**Yami is clearly unimpressed. "Oh. You're right." He says sarcastically. "That _definitely_ proves it." ****Ghost Kaiba looks frustrated by the Pharaoh's doubt and decides to emphasize his point. "Look, I'm a ghost, okay? Quit being such a jerk."**

**Yami holds up a card up in the air. "If you're a ghost, then I'm straight." He says with the same sarcastic tone. **

Both Joey and Tristan spit out their drinks at the same time, spraying it all over the coffee table. Yugi and Ryou merely stare at the screen in shock, while Mai and Tea cover their gaping mouths. Yami blinks, the words his alter said not sinking in fully until-

"Did Yami just admit he's gay?" Seto Kaiba asks bluntly.

"**WHAT?!**" The regal Egyptian swivels around so fast to Kaiba's direction, it's a miracle he didn't snap his neck. "My mistake, I guess a more accurate name would be_ abridged!_Yami." The game developer clarified.

"THIS IS ABSURD!" Yami frantically yells, standing up from the couch like someone fired up a firework on his seat. "I'm not _gay_!"

"You know, this explains a lot about that comment _abridged_!Yami said in the second episode. You guys remember?" Mai said thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Oh yeah, when Pegasus was comparing himself to Yami and he got unusually offended? Said something about being in the body of a teenage boy-OHMYGOD, it DOES make sense!" Tea exclaims, blue eyes wide as saucers.

"Also that Yugios commercial when Yami mentioned an _obvious_ method of testing of whether something tasted like Yugi? He's been giving us hints all along! I have been MIND-BLOWN!" Joey says dramatically, even going as far as making little explosion noises.

Meanwhile, Yugi is looking EXTREMELY uncomfortable since all of the examples mention him as the primary target and Yami is unable to even look at his aibo in the eye.

"So that's that! Yami has come out of the closet." Mai giggles, and the former Pharaoh gapes at her.

"No! I'm not, I-I do not _nkw _with another-" He stammers but is interrupted by the uproarious laughter coming from Mai, Tristan and Joey. Tea and Yugi are not really sure how to react at all, Seto is rolling his eyes at the immaturity and Ryou looks strangely pensive.

"Don't worry, man. We know. We're just teasin' ya." Joey says goodnaturedly, putting a friendly hand to his shoulder. But a few seconds after, his eyes narrow suspiciously. "Although your alter HAS been right before on that whole weed thing! You ain't scared of comin' out the closet, right?"

Ryou tenses at the words.

"No, of course not!" At first, Yami shakes his head fervently but then looks at the blonde perplexed. "Wait, closet? What does a wardrobe have anything to do with-?"

Joey shakes his head. "Eh, never mind. I'm just sayin', I wouldn't give a rat's ass if you were. Just lettin' ya know." Joey replies, surprisingly sincere. "Hell, if anyone here was." He shrugs, and all of the group nods in agreement.

"Only foolish ignorant children choose to prejudge and hate people solely based on a characteristic they cannot control." Seto adds in, surprisingly helping Joey out with his point. The blonde looks surprised at first, but soon smiles at the corporate teen.

At Joey's and Seto's comment, Ryou relaxes. Subconsciously, his lips curl upward just the slightest bit.

**The scene cuts to the real Kaiba hiding behind a tree.**

**"Now that Pegasus thinks I'm dead, I can work on redeeming my character in the eyes of the fans!" A flashback showing Kaiba climbing up the cliff he jumped from while trying to escape Pegasus' goons. **

**"Wait a minute, how the hell did I climb up the side of a cliff while holding a briefcase?"**

"I guess I'm just that good." Seto says smugly, even going as far as crossing his arms to look more boastful as ever. "You got to have killer upper-body strength to hoist yourself up with one arm." Mai states incredulous.

"Actually, I think this is a reference to the fact we are supposedly a cartoon. You know, things that are not physically possible happen in cartoons." Ryou suggests. Seto uncrosses his arms and nods at the whitette's words.

"All joking aside, I also believe this is the most likely possibility. Thinking about that event seems so highly improbable when I don't have an intense exercise regime. I am by no means weak, but it does seem to fall into the iffy category. " He says in the cold emotionless tone as always. Tea sighs in disappointment at his words.

"So, it means we _are_ cartoons..." She says miserably.

"It means the higher universe _sees_ us as cartoons. That doesn't mean we are."

"Actually, now that I'm contemplating the issue a bit more, I don't think we are a cartoon either. " Ryou interjected. "Though there are certain incredible unbelievable events happening, it is by no means as silly or gag-based like other cartoons are. The themes in our life are quite serious If I do say so myself, and not nearly apt enough for children as something like _Spongebob_ or _Dexter's Laboratory_. I could be wrong here, but I have a hunch our 'show' is an anime."

Yugi turns to look at Ryou, surprise in his eyes. "An anime? Like Naruto? Dragonball Z?"

"That's right."

"HOLY CRAP, that is so AWESOME! We're a freaking anime!" Joey yells excitedly, ecstatic about the news.

"Yeah, the watered 'crap' version of the anime. Somehow I feel like our universe is hiding very important details from our mind and understanding." The Brit mumbles.

**The flashback ends and Kaiba starts walking away from the tree. "And, for that matter, how the hell did I get here? Into the Kaiba Cave!"**

**The 1960's Batman theme music plays as Kaiba opens up a secret entrance in the middle of some type of park and descends down some ominous stairs that head directly to his extremely technological cave.**

"You seriously have a nerd sanctuary?" Joey throws his head back in laughter. "This is priceless!" Seto scowled at the term 'nerd sanctuary' and very subtly proceeded to flip him off.

"That Batman music was a nice touch. " Tea muses, smiling at the ridiculousness of seeing the abridged!Kaiba acting in such an opposite un-cool way.

**The massive computer lights up, the name SetoKaiba in blue appearing in the three large screens. "Hi there, Kaiba, I'm your inappropriately voiced computer system." A female voice emanates from the machine.**

**Kaiba looks up to the computer, already with headgear on and sitting down at the main keyboard. "Wait a second, do you mean I have to spend the entire episode talking to a machine?" He says, surprised.**

**The computer replies.**** "It's like looking in a mirror, isn't it?"**

"HA! The computer called you a robot!" Joey points out childishly.

"Better than the entire abridged world giving you the annoying idiot role." Seto retorts without a care in the world.

"Hey! That ain't true! The annoying idiot slot is already reserved for Tristan." The blonde grins at his glaring pointy-haired friend."..Whatever." He mutters.

**"Using my leet haxzor skills, I'm going to bring down one of Pegasus's satellites so that I can gain access to his computer systems." He hacks one of the Duelist Kingdom satellites. "Hooray for cyber-terrorism!" The deadpan tone in his voice made for a pitiful cheer.**

"Well, cyber terrorism_ is_ one of the perks included in running a multi-million dollar company." Seto replied casually, as if he was discussing the weather.

All heads turned to look at him, first confused and then surprised. "You're kidding, right?" Mai says doubtfully.

"That is solely up to you decide."

**The computer notices something. "It looks like you're just pressing the same keys over and over again." A close up of his hands on the keyboard are shown, and sure enough it seemed only the same keys were being touched.**

**"That's because I learned how to hack by watching old episodes of _Star Trek_." Seto says proudly.**

"That's downright absurd. I don't even like science fiction." The young CEO scoffs at his abridged counterparts references.

**"Since I'm such an advanced computer," The feminine voice speaks while Kaiba's looking at a what seems to be a digitized hallway on the screen. "I can make Pegasus's computer systems look like a really boring video game."**

**Suddenly, the screen turns a bright blue, along with some illegible white text at the center.**

**"Ahh! The blue screen of death!" Seto cries out in surprise and the angle of the shot turns to his angry profile. "My mortal enemy..."**

"Spoken like a true PC gamer." Yugi says lightly, rising his fist up in support. Ryou also nods, smiling.

**The shot changes back at the dueling arena. Ghost Kaiba's evil-looking profile is panned out, a seedy grin on his ashy face. "****You don't stand a ghost of a chance, Yugi, because this time I'm-"**

**Yami interrupts him angrily. "How many times are you going to use that line?!"**

"I swear, I thought I was the only one who noticed that. They've only said a gazillion lines already..." Ryou mutters, looking quite annoyed.

**A black screen appears with the white caption of:**

**[honestly, they use**  
**that pun way too much.**  
**here, I'll prove it...]**

Everyone looks at each other with question marks on their faces.

**Ghost Kaiba appears, but a different yet familiar voice."It's me, Kaiba, and this time, you don't stand a _ghost_ of a chance."**

"That's from our universe!" Yugi pointed out. "I recognize that layered creepy voice, this isn't from the abridged AU at all."

Seto's eyebrows actually went up. "How meta. Although in reality, I really shouldn't be surprised. Our life and universe is quite literally a television show for them. LK is probably an avid Yu-Gi-Oh! fan with all DVD's or seasons, so he can and will interject some original 'footage' of the show. "

"Wait, so that 'ghost of a chance' pun really WAS used in our universe? So many times? Good Lord, I thought it was the abridged series being stupid on purpose." Ryou facepalms in exasperation.

**Now Kemo from the original universe appears. "Yugi, you don't have a ghost of a chance beating Kaiba because this time he is a ghost!"**

"Um, does anybody remember background music while people were talking? 'Cus I certainly don't!" Joey says incredulously. All of the rest also voice their confusion in this same aspect. "Maybe the creators added in the music later?" Yugi suggested.

"Or maybe we were impervious to the music. We have been oblivious for so many small tidbits, like why Seto didn't notice Pegasus's goons were pointing fingers at him, or how we speak perfect English in Japan." Yami interjected. Everyone else shrugged in response.

"It's kinda weird though, now that I think about it. Like, we actually have theme songs!"

**A deathly-pale sunken faced boy appeared on the screen, literally looking like a living skull. Whimsical music starts playing and he gives a villainous grin. "I'm afraid you don't stand a ghost of a chance in a duel against me!" **

"Dear God, who in the world was that?! He looks like he hasn't seen food in a year!" Mai exclaims at seeing the boy's face.

"I think his name is Bonz. He dueled us in a creepy-looking cave once." Tristan said, making memory.

"And seriously,_ three_ times? That's just ridiculous!" Ryou scoffed, and Joey snickered. It seemed Ryou _really_ didn't like the 'ghost' pun at all.

**Another black screen appears with white captions saying:**

**_ Yu-Gi-Oh!_**  
**where bad puns go to die**

**(Bonz cameo FTW!)**

"Isn't that the truth..."

"It's okay, Bakura. You'll never have to hear that pun again, don't worry." Mai comforts the irritated white-haired teenager, grinning at his reaction.

**Ghost Kaiba appears (abridged!version) and starts making pitifully fake ghost noises. "Whoooo-oooo, I'm a ghost, whoo-"**

**"Oh, stop it! You're not fooling anyone." Yami yells with narrowed eyes.**

**Tristan looks on fearfully. "It's a ghost!"**

The pointy haired brunette crosses his arms in a huff, a dark cloud of contempt for his alter forming.

**"Tristan doesn't count." Yami reiterates.**

**Mokuba looks at the monstrous version of Kaiba with a look of shock."That's not my brother!" He raises his arm in objection. "Everyone says he's a bad person, but it's not true!"**

**The pharaoh does not look convinced. "He stole my grandfather's favorite card, put him in the hospital and then left you at the mercy of his enemies."**

"Well if you put all of those things mushed together like that, everyone sounds like a bad person." Seto says casually, but then looks at the screen sharply. "Although I do resent the implied fault this LK ass is putting on me for Mokuba getting kidnapped." He growled.

**A large finger points straight to the camera, Yami's irritated face slowly zooming out. "Face it kid, your brother's a giant prick!"**

Joey snorts and looks at Kaiba mischievously. "From all of the abridged characters, I think yours actually fits you the best." The blonde got a low snarl as a response.

**The real Kaiba is back at his cave, looking at a Duel Monsters dragon on the screen. "Even though I'm his arch rival, I'm going to use this virus to help Yugi win." His fist is touching the computer's keyboard, a look of realization and fulfillment on his face.**

**"Finally, being a rich nerd pays off." He comments.**

**Red percentage numbers glare from the dark screen, moving from 49% to 55% rapidly. "You really _do_ need to get laid." The computer says.**

"DON'T...SAY...ANOTHER...WORD." Seto glares fiercely at Joey, who was already laughing his ass off and about to say something else too as his mouth opened wide as if to taunt him. Joey grins at the uptight boy, and waggles his eyebrows as a replacement for his mocking words.

Tea involuntarily giggles at his antics, but immediately quiets down as she doesn't want to offend Seto.

**Back at the dueling field, Yami manages to win the duel as always and Ghost Kaiba is suddenly expanding for no explicable reason. "Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all!" The navy blue uniform explodes at the ballooning skin, and Kaiba's face is disturbingly bubbling with immense masses of skin until there is no longer a recognizable trait of the 'ghost'.**

"What in hell am I watching?" Seto says repulsed, holding the wish to vomit in as much possible. "Are we watching a remake of a bad horror movie, by any chance?"

"Sorry to say, but no. This is what happened when we fought your darkness and he showed his true form." Yami said sympathetically. It must be traumatizing to see your own face gets so disfigured and without any prior warning.

**"You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently. " The end result was truly an evil-looking dead eyed clown with purple hair, a horrifying smile on his wide lips.**

"Ugh. If I'd eaten anything prior to this ordeal, I am 100% sure I would have lost my lunch by now." Kaiba closes his eyes briefly, unable to see the image of this supposed 'darkness'.

**"Eww! It's slightly more repulsive than regular clowns!" Tea shakes off the incoming goosebumps and shivers with her arms close to her chest, disgust in her features. At her sides, Joey and Tristan have a look of solid 'what the f*# did I just see?'**

**The clown points a knowing finger up and wags it back and forth, as if correcting them. "Actually, I'm not a clown." A strange comical voice comes out.**

"Ha! Your darkness' voice is cracking me up here, pal!"

** "I'm Seto Kaiba's evil side brought back from the Shadow Realm by Pegasus-"**

** "That's even less believable than the whole ghost story!" Yami shouts at the clown. A close up profile shot of him talking angrily is shown. "You don't even know what you are, do you?"**

**The clown sweatdrops nervously. "No..."  
**

**Yami wastes no time, the millennium eye glowing on his forehead. "Didn't think so. MIND CRUSH!" He extends his palm out and the magic pulsing from his hand shatters the clown and sends him back screaming in a yellow-white blindingly bright light. **

**He looks up at the camera after the fact pensively. "Did I just kill a gay clown?"**

"The mind crush does not kill anyone. It merely exorcises the darkness of the person I am dueling and sends it to the Shadow Realm." Yami argues. "Although this already _was_ the manifestation of a person's darkness, being Kaiba's. There is nothing left to exorcise at this point." Yugi can't help but object.

"I guess you did kill a gay clown, Yami." Mai jokes.

**Tristan scoffs at the sight, a presumptuous expression on his face. "That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants."**

A couple of chuckles rang in the room from various people.

**Yami has a small triumphant smile on his lips. "He didn't stand a _ghost!_...of a chance!"**

A loud exasperated groan comes from a certain British boy. Mai pets his shoulder as some form of comfort.

**Everyone laughs at Yami's 'funny' joke in the phoniest way possible. Suddenly, Joey noticing something missing. "Hey, what happened to Mokuba?"**

**"Who cares?" The Pharaoh says dismissively as the screen fades to black. **

Seto glares daggers at Yami, who just looks away uncomfortably.

**The Yu-Gi-Oh logo appears while the same Batman song plays from Seto's scene with his 'kaiba cave', signaling the end of another episode. ****A white letter caption appears:**

**[i think i'm pregnant...]**

"How original." Tea rolls her eyes at the words, irritated she was the one who had to say she was pregnant three different times.

**A robot monkey suddenly appears, hugging Serenity. "Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender's voice came out of the toy monkey. **

"Hey wait, I know that voice." Joey jumps up from the couch, and gets close to the screen to hear better.

**Joey, who is right next to his sister and this same monkey, looks at the monkey in fury. A vein throbs dangerously in his temple."It doesn't look so shiny to me." Fry's angry response replaced Joey's.**

"That's right!" The blonde snaps his fingers in realization. "Futurama! Of course! Man, this LK guy is a freakin' genius! He sure does know good TV when he sees it." Joey grins wide, absolutely delighted Little Kuriboh had made a reference to one of his favorite shows of all time.

**The robot monkey is down on the floor, an innocent expression on its digital face****. "****Shinier than yours, meatbag."**

"Didn't Tea mention something about a robot monkey a few episodes ago?" Yugi says thoughtfully. "Hm, you are right Yugi." Yami said, remembering the moment. "Something about how Tristan couldn't wait for his turn to get his own episode, right?"

"And then Tea looks at him awkwardly saying 'do the words robot monkey mean anything to you'- WAIT." Mai suddenly stops her point, a small light bulb going off in her head. "I think that robot monkey...might actually be Tristan!"

Now, Mai's got everyone's attention. "Um, what? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever-" Tristan starts to argue, but is cut short by the older woman. "Joey is looking at that monkey as if pissed. As if that monkey actually talked to him or insulted him. Now why would anybody get mad at a toy and start talking back it? THAT is what doesn't make sense."

"At this point, it is kind of a mystery." Joey shrugs.

"This hasn't happened yet. That means LK knows our future and for some reason, has the DVD clips of our future before we even know it." Seto's blue eyes widen. "He's going to show us what happens next after our original present time."

**Yami Bakura appears to the side, his sinister eyes staring straight the camera and his hands around the millennium ring as if waiting for a deadly force to shoot out.**

Complete and utter silence. Ryou's throat closes up, and he swallows loudly.

**White text to his right shows up, reading:**

**his time is**  
**at hand...**

"Oh, no."

**And a few seconds later, another text at the very bottom of the black screen states:**

**(we're all going ****to die)**

Ryou closes his eyes tight, palms slapping together in front of him in prayer position, imploring to whoever was up there to NOT send that monster here.

"I beg of you, Mr. Little Kuriboh...or whoever you are. Do not send the spirit." The whitette pleads out loud, while the rest of the group shuffles in worry. Even if LK's original note said anybody who appeared here could not use any magic or force to cause injury of harm, Yami Bakura appeariing here would be frightening to say the least.

Yugi found himself pleading silently along with Ryou. He had to be quite honest. Dark Bakura scared the living crap out of him, and with his own body, he just might not be able to handle it. _No one_ would. That spirit was quite literally an unimaginable dark force.

...

Five minutes go by of them waiting for the next episode to start automatically playing (which is what it usually takes) and there is still nothing different. Ryou smiles in gratitude to the ceiling, standing up from the floor. It's been too long without the white flash, so it definitely means the dark entity isn't going to be introduced to his void of sorts.

He happily confirms the spirit will NOT be coming here at any given time.

Ryou thinks too soon.

Suddenly, a bright white flash of light coming from the corner of the room startles everyone into silence. No sooner than three seconds after Ryou realizes that there IS a flash of light, he very loudly screams.

"NO!"

The light immediately subsides after his words, and it is hard to see for a while since the light was much brighter than it usually was when someone new popped up. The English teen shuts his eyes tightly, muttering to himself naive words of optimism. "It might be somebody else, it doesn't have to be HIM. There could be another character-!"

His chocolate eyes open to see his friends, not yet willing to look at the new person in the room. His stomach plunges when he realizes the expressions on everyone's face were of fear.

_Fear._

No, that meant-!

"Agh, what the _hell_?" A coarse slighty raspy voice shatters the silence.

Immediately the air is stifling, eletrical. Dangerous. Ryou cannot deceive himself any longer. He swivels to look at a body who is almost exactly like his own, with the only difference being spikier hair and much more evil-looking sharp eyes.

_No..._

Ryou cannot stop his knees from hitting the floor, completely crestfallen.

_Why God?_

His eyes blur in unshed tears, but not of sadness. No, of pure rage.

_I don't DESERVE THIS!_

The entire group is unable to tear their sight from the newcomer, horror growing with every passing second. Even Seto's normal flat eyes gives in to a slight panic. "It's-" Yugi is finally able to speak, albeit so lowly he can barely hear himself. "It's-!" He stammering horrified voice is cut off by his dueling partner.

"**Bakura**." Yami says darkly.

.

* * *

*GASP!*

I finally did it. Yami Bakura is officially in the White TV Room. Are you happy about my surprise? Let me know if your happy. :D Btw, did anyone notice the Chapter's name is 'Cliffhanger' and I just handed out a wicked evil cliffy? I swear, that wasn't planned! Oh, the irony. Fun times.


	8. The Plot Thinnens

I'm seriously in shock...FIFTY-FOUR reviews for my last update.

Thank you all so much, especially the readers who take the time and effort to write wonderfully long reviews (and I swear it's not a bad thing: I seriously love hearing your detailed input on the chapter). I mean it from the bottom of my heart!

**NOTE *important, please read*:** I've been getting many (seriously..._many_) request to have the YGO canon cast react to Little Kuriboh's other abridged content. I've even gotten a couple of requests to make them react to the Yugioh BBT abridged movie! Even though the requests can seem daunting, I am wholeheartedly liking the idea, as I believe it could be very fun. The only problem is that I am not sure how to include these reactions appropriately with the chapters, chronologically speaking. Here's an example: Let's say I want to make a reaction *Special* chapter right after the 10th update about the parody _Leather Pants_. Problem is, Marik is still not in the white room and it won't be as much fun to write it up without his take on it. And LK seriously LOVES to incorporate Marik in in his other stuff. This can be easily solved if I start out with the Season 0 episodes, (tell me if you want the specials to start with SEASON 0 :D!) but there are only three of them. After that, there is a sort of limbo in between Duelist Kingdom and Battle city that you'd probably not get any reaction specials at all. (Unless I am forgetting some, and if that's the case please let me know which ones could be used that DON'T have Marik in them.) So the gist of this too-long rambling note is this:

*What do you guys want me to do?* Do you care if I make the specials without Marik in the room (aka, no chronological order to the videos)? Or would you be okay with having a sort of dead zone between DK and BC? LET ME KNOW! I need your input!

**Abridged is Bold. **Balance your breakfast with a healthy serving of abridged** bold** and canon _weak_ font.

* * *

.

In his entire existence, he's never found anything as comforting as the Darkness.

The pulsing blackness, the dark rage and destructive hate constantly enveloping him, his mind, eyes, lips...his everything. He thrived in it, in the chaos it caused. Lived by it. Really, his essence _is_ the darkness. All of his power is sourced directly from it. It's the main reason he was not particularly worried or afraid in being sent to the Shadows by that psychotic beast Mariku. It's hard to feel punished when you embrace the evil as tightly as the evil embraces you. Which is why he has never been so panicked to see it suddenly vanish into thin smoky carbon trails, and have his corneas burn out of his skull by this blinding abhorrent white light invading everything.

The white inundates his senses, almost to the point where he can _taste_ it. No, it chased away his long-time companion. Maybe forever-

_AH! GOD, What the fu-?!_

An excruciating high-pitched shrill bombards his mind. Two hands instinctively press desperately against his ears, since it feels as if they would spontaneously bleed out at any given moment. He shuts his eyes tight, fingers digging in the sides of his head, whole body physically cringing in revulsion from the disgusting noise. What is going? Was Ryou's body being attacked while unconscious?

It's like the shrilling just grows louder and higher and _holy shit, my head might literally explode-_

"NO!"

A scream resonated in the air and it sounds muffled and drowned out by the high-pitched noise, but it's so familiar. He's sure he has heard it before many times.

Finally, there is salvation. The abomination attacking his eardrums suddenly stops before he can contemplate who was the one that screamed with such a raw dread_. _His hands drop from his ears, tentatively testing out the silence to see if it's after, the blinding light tones down. An exhale of complete relief escapes his lips and he opens crimson-brown eyes slowly, cautiously, and finds his vision is severely compromised by large green blotches. It's a clear after-affect of the light which shone like the damn sun right in front of his face. He blinks over and over again, hoping to regain his sight back soon, as all he can make out are blurry dark figures that looked far away. Not only that, but he feels a terrible headache stemming from that same infernal noise.

"Agh, what the hell?" He mutters, holding his head in pain.

It's as if these words trigger his vision recovery, and he can suddenly see crystal clear. _What? _His eyes narrow in downright confusion. Landlord's group of mortal friends...staring at him in horror as if they were witnessing his true form. How in the hell are they _here_? Is it possible this is THEIR doing?! So far, nothing has been even remotely resolved in the area of who, what, when, where, why or HOW. He's about to open his mouth to demand some type of answer, but stops abruptly when he catches a glimpse of something familiar.

_Is that...white hair? _

That boy who was giving him his back swivels in place and the spirit is speechless. _Impossible_. It simply cannot be, yet his eyes say something else completely. Wide chocolate doe-sized eyes, a beautiful pale face wearing one of the most devastated expressions he's ever come to see, looking directly at him with so much sadness, repulsion, anger, HURT.

His host.

Not screaming bloody murder while locked away in the back of his own mind, banging his soul room's reinforced door until he was too exhausted to do so. Not a transparent being trying to take hold of his body countless of times, and failing miserably each time as the other laughs at his pathetic attempts. No, he is here.

In the flesh, right in front of him.

And he looks like he can't believe it as well, because once they make undeviating eye-contact, Ryou falls to his knees, face downcast and shoulders trembling. The spirit follows his host's path to the ground, eyes trained onto the boy. So much disappointment, so much depression and sorrow in those large brown orbs. Obviously, his situation couldn't be attributed to any of these insects, since they were absolutely terrified the minute he appeared in this unpleasant void- as they rightly should. A horrid poisonous emotion he's indirectly familiar with starts filling his lungs, up to the brim and he feels like he might drown in it. And from the slightly more rapid heartbeat, he concludes the useless emotion is pathetic anxiety. A feeling his host felt so much, it's a wonder he didn't immediately recognize it.

_Why do I have a heart? A separate body? _

_Am I hallucinating? Have the shadows rejected me?!_

_Who **did this** to me? Why would anybody **want** to do this to me?! Where in the NINE CIRCLES OF HELL AM I?!_

_This is impossible. This cannot be happening. I HAVE MY OWN BODY._

He looks down at his hands, staring at them in a mixture of tentativeness and bewilderment. Taking over Ryou's body did enable him to have all senses, but since it never was his own, the sensations were dulled and filmy as if his nerve endings were blanketed by a chilling numbness. But _this_...He could feel everything. He could hear his own blood pumping away, rushing through his veins and feel his body pulsing by his unusually loud heart. He tightens his hands to fists and slowly loosens them, marveling at the touch of his fingernails slightly digging in his palms. He runs his fingertips down the length of his arm, noticing how undeniably soft his skin is.

It's HIS body, yet at the same time, it's not. He knows this because he can see white locks of hair from his peripheral vision, and from his built, he knows it's exactly the same as his landlord's. A mere copy of Ryou. He's not sure how to feel about that last realization.

"**Bakura**."

A deep strong voice rings in his ears. He knows that prominent voice, and looks up from inspecting his body to whoever spoke. He is immediately jaw-laxed at the most obviously shocking character of them all. Sharp violet eyes, the same wild tri-color hair as his younger-looking short soul partner, but with an air of power and regalia that seemed effortless. Why, it is no other than the Pharaoh...in his_ own_ body.

His arms drop in surprise, eyes wide and pupils shrunken. _H-How? Why is he-?!_ The stunned yami looks at the rest of the group, scanning their eyes to find a mere semblance of some type of answer. Finding none, the black poison fills his lungs again.

"What kind of devilry is this?" He whispers, deplorable fear palpable in his tongue. Even him, being one of the most powerful demons in the history of time, couldn't separate himself from his host. to form his own mortal meat-suit. Hell, he couldn't separate himself as a free-floating spirit either! He used to say he was THE most powerful demon of them all but it seemed that had to be a lie. _Then, it is a demon much more powerful. Than any of the others..._

_...than me. _The fear increments at this thought. _No. Not even fathomable. I am the most powerful being of the entire universe! _Yes, he had to keep boasting so he could actually start believing in it.

"Someone. Explain to me what the hell is going on here. RIGHT NOW." He grits out dangerously, using explosive anger to cover his true emotions. Everyone flinches at his harsh tone, fearing he might actually try to force them in talking with some form of torture. The spirit sure looked angry enough for it. He's not stupid however, and knows outright threatening anybody bodily harm will backfire on him, especially now that he has his own body (which can bleed and hurt). So he waits patiently for anybody to answer, although he looks only at Ryou.

The boy is already back on his feet and for some strange reason, is glaring darkly at older Yugi look-alike. _Huh. _An eyebrow rises up slightly. How interesting.

"There is no rational explanation for why we've been put here in this place, nor is there a reason you and I have our own bodies. Like you, we merely appeared in this room from this bright white light and awful high-pitched noise. Nevertheless, we are here, with only a flimsy vague note sent from the being who is controlling this limbo." Yami says severely, and the dark spirit scoffs at this, crossing his arms in doubt. "A _note_?"

"That's exactly right. The note is always placed at the bottom right edge of the coffee table. Take it if you wish to read it." Yami Bakura sucked his teeth in response, and began making his way to this same coffee table, looking over the strange living-room sort of arrangement. His eyes narrow in suspicion at the sight, looking at the large television while slowly unfolding the paper.

"Is there any reason as to why there is a couch and a TV in this ungodly place? Did the demon really think we'd be buddies and play PS4 while we await for utter destruction?" He snaps sarcastically as he smooths over the folds of the note.

"Um, demon?" Yugi asks confused, but the villain doesn't pay him mind. He begins reading, all the while everyone waited for his reaction with baited breath. From his expression, it's absolutely impossible to tell what he's feeling since he has a highly-effective poker face. As his eyes scan the last sentence, he notices the signature. "LK." He read aloud, pausing for a couple of seconds to let his words sink for dramatic effect (it's positively hilarious to see how much these teenagers really fear him) and rises the now crumpled-up note up with a fisted hand.

"What is this rubbish?" He says sharply, eyes flashing an insidious red. They all look at each other uneasily. Did he not believe in what the note said?

"An alternative universe in the form of episodes? Is this some type of a ridiculous joke ?"

"We've been here much longer than you have. So no, we can confirm this is definitely not a joke." Seto says acidly, and gestures at the television. "This is where the television comes into play. We've been watching episodes of our alternate selves for a while now. Episode 8 will probably start any second now." The yami clicked his tongue in response, not liking the young billionaire's attitude.

"And what is this foolish crap of not being able to use magic or cause any harm?" Yami looks at the spirit sharply, knowing he has full intentions of testing this theory out. They might as well get over the inevitable and put LK to the test. "Why don't you try it and see if it really is 'foolish' crap?" He says in a monotone slightly sarcastic tone, hoping to the Gods the letter did not lie and Little Kuriboh wouldn't let this psychopath hurt them. A large Cheshire grin splits his lips open and he lets out a deep evil cackle, cracking his neck twice as if getting ready for a fist fight.

"Well I am more than happy to comply to your orders, my _Pharaoh_." He giddily says. Immediately, the entire group stiffens up in obvious fear and Yugi hisses at his older counterpart. "REALLY? You had to bait him?!"

Yami winces in response, regretting his imprudent choice of words. Yami Bakura attempts to take hold of his millennium ring, still with a too-big smirk on his face but it soon vanishes from his lips when he realizes the necklace isn't hanging around his neck. He looks down at his striped white and blue shirt, patting down his chest frantically. "Where is it? WHERE'S MY RING?"

"Obviously, somewhere far away from here so you won't be able to hurt us!" Joey shouts at him.

"My puzzle is also gone, as your ring. This means our millennium items have been removed from this limbo to ensure the 'no magic' rule stays unbroken." Yami states with a finality, pleased with the turn of events and how frustrated the spirit looked. He turns slightly to catch Yugi's gaze, who still had his hand clutched to his heart, and nodded at him as if saying '_See? There is absolutely nothing to worry about_.' To his surprise, his aibo doesn't look any more relaxed or comforted. In fact, now taking a good look at him, he seems more frightened than before. Actually, everybody looks paralyzed in the same expression.

He's about to ask what's wrong, but is then interrupted by the feeling that there is someone standing...right in front of him. A breath of warm air suddenly hits his exposed neck and he immediately turns around in shock to see the evil spirit two inches away from his face. It is too late to move out of the way, or even step back. "Well then, magic won't work but I still haven't tried out a good-old fashioned punch!" The yami grabs him by the collar of his blue leather jacket, laughing darkly.

"HEY!" Joey immediately starts to head towards the two, fully willing to jump in the fight. "Don't you even think about it, ya bastard!" The other annoying parasites also won't keep screeching but he doesn't care about any of them and curls up his hand into a tight fist. Yami on the other hand, is putting his trust on the promise LK made, so all he does is wait with eyes tightly shut. One or two things would happen anyway: either he'd get punched or he wouldn't.

A sudden bright white light erupted from the two ancient spirits and Yami Bakura goes back flying a good ten feet from the impact of a powerful force. Thankfully, he lands on his feet uninjured, but he is now more angry than ever.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" He roared at the ceiling (was there even a ceiling?), hands fisted up in fury. The Pharaoh sighs in relief, silently thanking LK for keeping his word. Everybody also sighs a collective exhale in reassurance, now knowing there is no possible chance the spirit of the ring can injure or harm any of them. The yami points an angry finger at them, breath coming out of his nostrils like a fire-breathing dragon.

"I want to know who this LK deity is." He seethes. "You will tell me immediately!" Though there is no true danger, he is still very intimidating and can strike fear in anyone's hearts if he so proposes to do, and again the group of teens feel their lips clamp shut. "DID ALL YOU GO DEAF? I SAID IMMEDIATELY, YOU SLOW MOTHERFU-!"

"OKAY, OKAY! Just calm down!" Yugi tried to placate the furious spirit with two extended palms, signaling none of them meant any harm. "We've only recently figured out LK is short for 'Little Kuriboh' and he is the one who made the abridged universe and made it into a show. He is responsible for this situation."

"There hasn't been any confirmation LK is a _he_. Talk about stereotyping." Mai mutters under her breath.

"So then he is some sort of demon god then!"

"Is there any particular reason why you believe Little Kuriboh is a demon?" Seto deadpanned.

"I guess it takes one to know one." A large unsettling grin formed on the white-haired spirit's lips again. "And of course, the fact that LK could grant me and the Pharaoh totally independent bodies means he is one of great unmeasured power. One so omnipotent is either a demon or god. Or both."

The serious-looking CEO tenses at his words, unsure if he should try to explain his various theories on the alternate universe issue and how there is many versions of their own universe as well. Would it even be wise to do so? _After all, Bakura is the villain._ But then again, not knowing what they knew might make him more insufferable than he already is with his demands and questions. _I highly doubt his mouth will be taped shut for the rest of the episodes, and he sure can talk plenty of obscenities until I want to rip my ears off. _

"We have already come up with a more-or-less logical theory on who he is and why we are here." _God, I hope I don't regret this._

"LK is from another universe that is much powerful than all of the other universes. Our 'lesser' universes are seen as TV shows to his main universe, and can also be portrayed as such in other same-tier universe. This means we, as in the people right here, are _actually _part of a television show called _Yu-Gi-Oh!_. It's apparently a raging success in LK's universe since it's been brought to light that we are not the ORIGINAL Yu-Gi-Oh! to begin with. No, we are actually the remake of the Japanese version. It explains why we are set in Domino City, Japan, yet we are speaking English all the time, and with no recollection of even thinking about it. Now, LK is a clear fan of our show. Which means he decided to form his own 'abridged' series, and give life to these ridiculous idiotic characters that are the alternate versions of ourselves. There's been various instances where the same abridged characters poke fun at a company called 4kids! and I am 100% sure this is the creator of _our_ show."

The villainous Ryou look-alike is staring at Seto as if he grew a third eye. "...What?" He says, face scrunched in a clear 'what fucking drugs are you even ON right now!' expression.

"It's best if you watch the episodes. Everything will start to make a bit more sense."

"This is the most ridiculous trash I have ever heard in my life! And I have been alive for EONS." The yami snaps, shaking his head, white locks repeatedly slapping his face lightly. "_Look_. There is no reason nor advantages for me to lie to you. I'm stuck in this place just as you are. We ALL are." Kaiba finishes tersely, patience already shot.

"And even if you DON'T believe in what Kaiba says right now, that's understandable. With Ryou as the only exception, I don't think any of us did in the beginning. But as more time passed and we watched more episodes, we started to realize how everything made sense." Yugi adds in, and after a pause, he continues. "Whoever LK is, it's obvious we can't do anything to stop him. All we can do is watch the show (in a cordial _non-violent_ way)and hope that at the end of it, we will return to our own universe."

Red eyes scan over the heads, looking for Ryou but it seems like he hid well. "Tch." He glances at the group, arms crossed in displeasure. "While we're stuck here, we might as well wave the white flag in peace. For now. Once we get back, you can go back to your scummy villainous ways." Tea says, the fear in her eyes practically extinguished. He growls at that remark, noticing everyone's initial apprehension of him is quickly disappearing.

Of course, it did. There is no need to fear when his threats are literally empty.

He absolutely _hated _this place.

"Truce?" Yami holds out a hand to him, expression still guarded. No, he does not want a truce! But does he even have a choice in the manner? LK managed to make him completely powerless.

"Fine." Yami Bakura whips around to approach the 'living room', leaving the Pharaoh hanging with his hand extended. Yami sucks on his teeth in irritation, not sure why he expected any other reaction and one by one, all follow the white-haired spirit's path. Said villain plops down in the middle of long couch, arms out-stretched and extended feet propped up on the coffee table. "Well? Put the next damn episode so we can get this stupid thing over with." He mutters. At the blatant display of disrespect to everyone else's space, Mai goes up to him with fire in her eyes.

"Hey. This isn't your couch. Everyone else has to sit on too, so you mind moving your big feet from the table and sitting like a polite human being?"

At this snappy remark, everyone can't help but gasp. Really, it's not like anything bad could happen to Mai but it's not like the spirit suddenly turned into a fluffy kitten.* A large grin curls up his lips, and he slowly rises his head to look at the fiery-tempered woman in the eye. "Aren't you such a brave, stupid one..." She did not flinch from his comment, and whipped her long blonde hair away from her shoulder.

"I'm not scared of you." She humphed and sat RIGHT next to the yami, arms crossed in defiance."You _are_ sort of de-clawed at the moment." The red in his eyes definitely flashed at that comment. _Oh, you will be next one I will have the pleasure of murdering in cold blood._

He rose an eyebrow in a deadly mix of amusement and rage. "As much as your courage makes me laugh, I'd rather have my sweet child back at my side again. Oh Ryou, darling!" He sings out.

"DON'T YOU DARE COME NEAR ME." Was the immediate scathing response from the British boy.

"Oh how you wound me, landlord. After all we've been through?" He put a hand over his heart, pouting. Ryou storms over and sits right at the very edge of the couch as far away from his 'tenant' as he possibly could, not saying another word. After this, things got tense fast. Nobody else wanted to sit at the other side of the spirit, for they all had unsettling suspicion that he might try something malicious that has nothing to do with injury. There is small suggestions of making him move to the end of the couch, but from seeing him so comfortable, they all quickly discard the idea as next to impossible.

After shuffling around for a while, and a couple of shoves from Joey and Tristan, Yami is unanimously voted as the one who will sit next to the Ryou doppelganger. "I do not think this is the best choice, honestly. He _did_ try to punch me-" The regal Egyptian mumbles as he reluctantly sits down, avoiding the other's gaze.

"All of you are a bunch of whiny little shits. I don't bite." He chuckles, gleaming teeth in his wide mouth making a direct contrast with his earlier statement. "Unless you want me to." He grins, elbowing Yami playfully. It definitely served its purpose as he can hear the Pharaoh grit his teeth all the while trying to not look in his general direction. No, there is no magic nor injuries allowed (and by the looks of it, no Duel Monsters in sight), but he could definitely push a lot of buttons. No _harm_ in that.

He chuckles again, and this time Yami does look at him, alarmed, probably thinking he had something up his sleeve.

_This actually might be fun._

Finally, the TV goes from dark to light gray and then complete white.

**Yami's face appears, panning out like always while the Duel Monsters cards whip around him. "Yu-Gi-Oh! is a production of the Children's Television Workshop."**

"The Pharaoh sounds like an idiot."

Yami glares at his couch 'partner' for that comment. "That is the entire point of this show." He grits out. "It all makes us look like complete and total imbeciles. And since you are here, this means you will have an official introduction the the _abridged!_cast. I'd be praying to the Gods if I were you. _Not that it'd make much of a difference..._" He mumbles at the end.

Immediately, the dark spirit whips his head around to glare at him. "I'm sorry, Pharaoh. Were you not-so-subtly implying that I was an _imbecile_?"

"Well, I didn't IMPLY anything, but if the shoe FITS-"

"PLEASE CHILDREN. Stop your bickering." Seto loudly yells, rubbing his throbbing temples.

**Youg duelists are walking around the island, the camera panning from left to right until it landed on Yugi's friends. "It sure is a shame that Mokuba got kidnapped again." Joey says while all of them are looking at the stone castle and the sunset sky. **

**"****If we'd been paying the slightest bit of attention, it probably wouldn't have happened."**

Seto 'hmphs' at that, wholeheartedly agreeing with what _abridged!_Joey says for once. "Yes, it probably wouldn't have happened if any of you morons had even the slightest amount of common sense." He seethed.

Joey snorts. "Says the guy who left his brother to do who knows_ what_ in God knows_ where_."

Kaiba's eyes narrow into dangerous slits, a low growl coming from his throat, but not saying anything more. He _really_ isn't in the mood for more fights as he knows the Pharaoh and Yami Bakura will do PLENTY of that.

**Yugi raises his gloved fist up. "Oh, he gets kidnapped like once a week. I'm sure he's used to it by now."**

"As if I would EVER say that." Yugi says, appalled and disgusted at his alter's words. His other friends nod in agreement with his statement, knowing Yugi would be incapable of saying something so flippant and cruel. "Oh, I'm not sure about that..." Yami Bakura hums out.

Ryou gives out an exasperated sigh, frankly tired of hearing the spirit's voice. He had a hunch his evil copy would dedicate his time to keep himself entertained in the only way he know how without sending them to the Shadow Realm: psychologically messing with people.

"This show might actually be portraying our your 'true colors'. You might never say that, little Yugi, but maybe you've thought it and the characters are a direct portrayal of your most deepest and darkest thoughts." He continues on eerily, relishing the small duelist's face of fear and horror at this potential possibility. "No, that's just not me!" Yugi squeaks.

"Ah-ah, don't close your mind, little one. You are more capable for evil thoughts than you can ever imagine-"

"Spirit. Please, _shut up_." Ryou suddenly says through clenched teeth. "Don't listen to him, Yugi." He addresses his spiky haired friend, dismissing the yami as if he was an annoying bug. It doesn't sit well for the demon, but finds himself not caring enough to respond.

**Mokuba's collapsed figure is shown chained to a rock wall, clearly trapped in Pegasus' dungeon. _It feels like I'm dying inside!_ He thinks as a dead gray color fills the boy's eyes.**

"If I had Pegasus right in front of me, I think I just might commit murder." Kaiba snarls at the television screen.

"Now THAT'S the spirit!" Yami Bakura declares, smirking.

**Back in the outside world, Yugi turns from the castle and looks directly at the camera with a smile on his face. "Come on, lets go play some more card games."**

**Joey then looks at the ground, which has a bunch of Duel Monster cards scattered around. "Hey look! Some idiot dropped his cards!" He says excitedly as he bent over to pick them up. Tristan doesn't look too happy about this, even though he did rise his leg up so Joey could collect the cards.**

**"Hands off, those are mine." Tristan says in a totally different voice.**

"What? Noooo!" Joey wails. "What happened to Barney Tristan?! He was the most hilarious one there!" He fake sobs, even sniffing up a storm just for show. Tristan on the other hand, crosses his arms with a large smile on his face.

"FINALLY! I got a moderately normal voice!" He sighs happily.

**Joey has a look of absolute shock on his face. "_Tristan_! What the hell happened to your voice?"**

**Yugi is looking up at Tristan, also with an expression of slight surprise. "It sounds all weird and stuff!" Tristan just looks at the shorter duelist with confusion, clearly having no idea in what they meant.**** "What are you guys talking about?"**

**"Seriously, it sounds completely different!" Joey has a somewhat angry disposition as he says this, and Tea just looks at him.**

**Yugi once again addresses his brunette friend, smiling. "Does it hurt to talk like that?" He says.**

"What are they blathering about? What's wrong with the brown-haired insect's voice?"

"Since the beginning, Tristan had this alter with a really funny idiotic voice. Like, it's totally a big difference even compared to our abridged voices and _my_ alter's voice literally sounds like a middle-aged man trying to sound like a girl." Tea explains.

"His voice was a riot! Now it's goneeeee!" Joey keeps on fake sobbing.

**Tristan gets unusually angry, and yells out. "You guys! I've always sounded like this, I swear!"**

**Tea just looks at him, her arms crossed in front of her chest with a knowing smirk. "That voice is all wrong."**

"...Well. You weren't exaggerating about your alter's voice at all."

**The camera is now shooting at a far away stances, panning up to the orange pink sky as Joey shouts with an angry arm in the air. "What happened to the Tristan I knew and loved? This is unacceptable!"**

_**Kawaaitaaa...Sakegira...**_

_**Todo ke, Fly at higher gameee!**_

"It's the _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ abridged sequence title." Mai explains to dark Bukara, who had turned his head to her direction, expecting her to clear things up for him. "Every time a new episode starts, this song kicks it off."

**"It sure feels good to know that my friends are backing me up." Joey says, apparently going to try and find someone to duel with.**

**Tristan, who is right in back of him, notices the types of duelists he's trying to challenge to and moves closer to his friend. "Man Joey, these guys look like they're way out of your league. Maybe we should go looking for some three-year-olds."**

Tristan snorts at his alter's comment while Joey fumes. "And what is that supposed to mean?!"

**Tea turns to Tristan's direction, agreeing with him. "He'd be better off facing a Dueling Monkey!" She says giddily.**

"Man, _abridged!_Tea is either a complete bitch or a horny nympho. No in-between." Joey grits.

**Joey is seen shouting at the two with a irritated vein on his forehead. "You guys are the worst friends ever!" **

**Mai then suddenly appears. "****Hello, Joseph, happy to see me?"**

Yami Bakura snorts at _abridged_!Mai's voice and starts cackling. "At least Tea's voice tried to sound feminine, it's like yours didn't even try at all, doll-face." He jeers, smirking. Mai fumes at the ancient being, crossing her arms with a huff.

**Joey responds in an almost trance-like manner. "Yes, talking cleavage, I'm VERY happy to see you!"**

This time, dark Bakura throws his head back and laughs. "Spoken like a true gentleman, Wheeler." He winks and laughs again, finding the situation hilarious.

"I believe he just proved my theory correct. This show accurately portrays what everybody here thinks but is too cowardly to say out-loud." The spirit deduces, this time focusing is attention on Joey, who coincidentally sat right next to Mai herself.

"You. Blonde mutt. Look at me directly in the eyes and honestly tell me you've never thought about this one-" He points with his thumb to the woman right next to him. "-in _that_ way."  
Mai immediately stiffens up, and everybody's eye widen slightly at the sudden awkward tension in the air.

"Here we go again." Ryou groans. "Can you STOP antagonizing people and just watch the show in SILENCE?"

"I'm waiting, Joseph!" He ignores his former host's complaining, still not tearing his sight from the young slightly-blushing young man. "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear." He states nonchalantly.

"You're another level of asshole, ya know that?" Joey hisses lowly. "And I won't take the bait cus contrary to what you and Kaiba think, I'm actually not a goddamn dog. So go to hell."

"Hm, your refusal to just do one simple thing says much more than anything you could say. I guess Mai really IS just a pair of breasts to you-"

"I am literally sitting right_ between_ you two, and both of you are acting like I don't even _exist_." Said woman states flatly, a pulsing vein pounding away in her left temple, resting her elbow on her knee and chin pressing against her open palm.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!" Joey shouts at the spirit, fury spilling out in his honey eyes. "That can't be any further from the truth-"

"Okay, then. Prove it. Look at me in the eyes and say it!"

Anger won over. "I've _never _thought of Mai in that way like my abridged alter does!" He states fiercely, staring directly into the reddish-brown eyes of the yami. The spirit gasps in mock shock, and sighs happily. _What is this ass thinking?_

"Oh, you don't say! Well, that is a complete relief. Here I was thinking there might be something between you two, but since you just denied it then she's up for grabs, right?"

_Wait, what...?_

"What in the HELL are you _DOING_?" Mai suddenly screeches, jumping up from the couch when something that felt suspiciously like a hand slide to her thigh. Everyone jumps from the sudden loud noise and all eyes look at the Mai and Yami Bakura. She looks at the dark Ryou look-alike with a gaping jaw. "Did you just...?" Everyone proceeds to almost choke on their own spit at the implication.

"Sweetheart, you best sit down now. You're blocking the screen for your _friends_." He purrs smoothly and proceeds to grab Mai by the wrist, and slowly but very gently pulling her back to her seat. The older woman is still shell-shocked at the currently unfolding events, which is why it turned out very easy for the villain to ease her into her seat. Joey is absolutely livid.

_THIS SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KNOCK YOUR DAMN TEETH OUT! _

No doubt he definitely wanted to punch the living daylights out of the ass, but Joey realizes the other just wants to get a reaction from him. Anger, shouting, curse words, the like. So he can't give him any of that, because he'll get exactlyy what he wanted from him. But of course, he also can't let the douchey spirit perv on Mai!

How could he stop him right in his tracks? Suddenly, an _A-ha!_ lights up in his brain, and he knows what do.

"**WHAT THE** **FUCK****?!**"

Everyone, including Mai, stare at Joey with large saucers for eyes, seeing it but not completely believing they were witnessing this moment.

"Let her go, and I'll get off you."

"DO YOU REALIZE YOU ARE SITTING ON MY _**LAP**_, YOU DISGUSTING MORTAL?"

Joey grins, knowing the spirit is completely at odds in what to do in this situation. "This can all be resolved if you LET MAI GO." He looks down at the yami, seeing his narrowed red eyes and clenched teeth, knowing he wants to keep on fighting because he doesn't like to lose something he initiated. But an ever better idea pops in his head.

"If you don't, I'll turn around and face you...STILL on your lap."

Dark Bakura makes a noise of disgust and immediately let Mai's wrist go. "How revolting. There, I let your little girlfriend go. Do you mind getting the fuck off me now?" He makes only small attempts to shove the blonde teen off since knows he will be prevented by that infuriating light. Joey obliges in a heart-beat, happier than a clam that his planned went accordingly so.

"I'm not some damsel in distress in need of rescuing, Joey." Mai mutters, angry at how the two completely ignored her as a person and only treated her as a means to an end. "I can take care of myself."

"Really? Tell me, what could you do to make him stop? It's not like he was technically harming you." Joey deadpans. "You can't hit him, can't slap him. The only thing you can do is try to get away (which is useless if he follows you) or yell and scream. And a lot of good that will do you unless someone else INTERVENES. Don't you see? That douche can put his nasty hands all over you, and you can't do anything to defend yourself!"

Mai stays silent, because she knows everything he says is quite true, even if she doesn't want to admit it.

"Look, Mai. Unless LK modifies his note to include _sexual harassment _to the things that are strictly prohibited, you should probably switch seats with me."

"LIKE HELL!" The blonde buxom woman angrily yells. Switching seats would automatically mean defeat and make her earlier 'I'm not scared of you' statement completely worthless. Not to mention, the insufferable spirit would gloat and boast about it until the end of times. Joey groans, knowing how prideful she could be, and shakes his head. "Mai..."

"This isn't something that will break me and scar me for life, okay? This isn't the first time a guy felt entitled to just grab me without my consent (although this is the first time a demonic spirit has done it), and it definitely won't be the last. I'm a woman, these things happen all the time. I shouldn't be used to it, but I am. I'm going to be alright, I promise. Besides, I'd rather doubt you'd let this happen a second time."

Joey still shakes his head, not liking her decision to stay in her seat right next to Yami Bakura. But he knows, once she makes up her mind about something, there is no changing it.

"...You touch her again and you know where my next seat will be." He warned the spirit, who responded by flipping him off.

"Good God, spirit you've been here less than 15 minutes and you're already causing a three-ring circus in here. Keep your hands to yourself. " Ryou mutters, while Tristan and Tea start cracking up by Joey ingeniousness. "That was actually very clever, Joe." Yami offered up, also pleased to know somebody finally got the one-up over the infuriating white-haired man.

**"Say hello to your next opponent." Mai says confidently, hands on her hips."****It's Rex Raptor! He was a Regional Finalist." Yugi realizes, seeing the familiar face.**

**Rex, who is currently behind Mai, laughs stupidly. "Hehe, you said 'region'." Nevertheless, Joey has a determined look on his face that says what his decision will be. "****I foolishly accept ya challenge!"**

"Foolishly?" Joey says crossly.

**Tristan instantly pipes up. "Don't do it, Joey, he'll clearly wipe the floor with you!"**

"Gee, thanks so much for the unyielding faith you have for me." Joey says sarcastically. "Especially when ya take into account that you pretty much DID say that but different words!"

**Joey says offscreen. "****It is implied that I am punching you!" ****Mai shows up instead, first with a smile on her face and then turning into an expression of shock.**

"Psh, you didn't actually punch me. You just shoved me...or something. You know, I don't even remember." Tristan says confused, scratching his head. "More likely the original series had Joey punch you, but it was changed in our show since we had to keep it 'kid-friendly'."

"Well, that's just an exaggeration of censorship." Tea says, rolling her eyes. "Even cartoons have some sort of mild violence."

"Our universe is the_ kid-friendly_ show? I am dying of curiosity to know what the NOT kid-friendly universe differs in." Yami Bakura mused.

**Tea literally says "Gasp!" and Tristan looked a bit roughed up and angry, sprawling on the ground.**** "Hey, no fair! You can't punch me while I'm not onscreen!"**

**The camera moves from to Tristan's position back up to Joey's, who still had a fist in the air. "You had it coming!" His hand drops and he looks out into space. "Ever since your voice changed, you've been like a totally different person. Well actually, you've been like the same person just with a totally different voice. But you know what I mean."**

"So you punched me because you didn't like my new voice." Tristan deadpanned. "Guess so." Joey shrugged.

**Tristan turns away from his friend, a hand of 'don't talk to me' headed straight to Joey. "Good luck winning this card game without _my_ help." As he walks away, Joey states in a not-so-friendly way. "****Yeah, 'cause you're usually _such_ an important character!"**

**Back at the dueling field, Mai is seeing coaching Rex in how to win. "Just remember our deal, Rex." She shouts at him with a raised gloved hand. "And watch out for his Time Wizard. That's what he used to defeat my Harpies."**

**Rex looks down at her from his deck podium, looking surprised. "You have herpes?"**

"Oh, go screw yourself, LK." Mai scoffs, while Joey is trying hard not laugh."Hey, it's a totally doable misinterpretation!"

**"HARPIES!" She yells back at him in frustration.**

**Rex, still looking down at her, yells back. "Stop saying herpes!"**

Muffled snickers came from both sides of the couch. "I will never look at Harpies the same way again."

**Yugi suddenly decides to turn and start running from the dueling arena. "I'm gonna go find Tristan." ****Tea is left alone at the sidelines, a longing expression on her face. "Oh, I love it when he abandons me..." She sighs in a yearning tone, looking back at the now gone Yugi.**

How awkward indeed to be put in the position of sitting right next to Yugi at this exact moment. A bright red blush blooms in Tea's face and she looks to the opposite direction, not willing to take another humiliating confrontation with him again. Even so, she could still hear the stifled laughter from Joey and Tristan.

"Oh yes!" Joey says in a high falcetto, putting the back of his hand to his forehead in a _Gone with the Wind_ sort of way.

"Please Yugi, abandon me some more for I am a total masochist!" A loud gasp comes from out of Tea's mouth and Yugi has the very strong urge to disappear from the face of everything, but since that is not possible, he withstands his friends poking fun at him and his girl [SPACE] friend.

**Tristan is at a pond, splashing his face with water. "Must.. wash.. away.. the sin.."**

"That sounds like something Charles Manson would say. Or just someone who makes you want to scrub your skin with bleach after meeting them." Mai comments idly.

**Yugi enters the scene, seeing his friend at the edge of the pond. "Hey Tristan, what's up?" ****Tristan turns around with a dejected expression, not expecting to see the short duelist there. "Yugi, what are you dong here? You should be helping Joey."**

**Yugi just smiles at him warmly. "Joey doesn't need my help. Don't you get it, Tristan? This is Joey's coming-of-age episode where he proves he's a real man by winning a children's card game all by himself!"**

**The screen is overtaken by black with small white letters saying:**

** [seriously]**

"I'm starting to think Little Kuriboh doesn't like Duel Monsters that much." Tristan says, a small grin on his face. It actually was pretty funny how much their group of friends centered their lives on the game. "The fact that she keeps on referring to it as a 'children's card game' is frankly annoying." Mai growls. Being a twenty-four year old woman, she takes personal offense to that.

"Many card games are considered exclusively for adults, like poker or texas-hold-em'. Why? Because someone bets money on it?" She scoffs. "I wasn't aware someone had to gamble in order for it to become an 'adult' game."

**Tristan approaches Yugi, looking very thoughtful. "Well, he's got a hot sister,"**

"!" Joey makes a noise of anger, looking at his friend with daggers in his eyes.

**"So I guess I can forgive him for assaulting me."**

**"And that's what true friendship is all about!" Yugi responds cheerfully. Tristan looks down at him, a question mark clear on his face. "****What?"**

**"Let's just go back." Yugi says offscreen.**

"_Abridged!_Yugi's got some seriously messed-up ideas about friendship." Tea huffs. "That is not what friendship represents at all!"

**Both of them arrive at the arena. ****"Hey Joey, I've returned to give you my support!" Tristan says self-righteously. ****Joey replies back offscreen. "Hey Tristan!" A slight pause that almost feels dramatic. "I don't care!"**

Tristan deflates at Joey's alter, while Ryou and Yugi snicker behind their hands at the hilarious way he said it. "That was certainly anti-climatic." Seto says.

**"Time Roulette Go!" Joey shouts as he summons his Time Wizard. The monsters activates the roulette while the song _The Power of Love _starts playing in the background. His special ability attack starts and a****montage of scenes representing human evolution appear, along with the subtitle: **

**YU-GI-OH PROVES CREATIONISM WRONG.**

"As if anyone would actually believe such a flawed theory of how the earth was created." Seto scoffs. Yugi looks scandalized by the CEO's comment, specially since there _is_ a person in the room who is a Christian. "Kaiba! You can't just insult's people's religion so flippantly!"

"By that logic, you can't speak the truth. If a religion mandates a person to say math doesn't exist, then would you tell people to keep their mouth shut so they won't be insulted? Please." He waves his hands as if saying 'get out of my face with your foolishness'.

"It's quite alright, Yugi. I know you're thinking he'd probably offend me since I'm a Catholic." Ryou says in a calm kind voice. "But the reality, the true extreme _world is created in seven days and is not a day over six thousand years old _Creationism stance is only endorsed by the loonies. I mean, evolution is cold hard fact and I know many people of my same religion feel the same thing. I like to think of myself as a progressive Catholic. I don't believe God hates gay people, I don't think babies who die before baptism will go to hell because of 'original sin', and I do not believe the Bible is the true Word of God."

"So why be a Catholic to begin with if you're going to pick and choose what you do or don't believe in?" Kaiba pressed, not realizing how inflammatory his question is. Everyone holds in a silent gasp. Doesn't he know religion should not be debated?! Like EVER? But even so, Ryou still answers in a placid tone.

"It's not an _all-or-nothing_ choice, Kaiba. That's the beauty of the world! There's never a black-and-white. Most of the time, it's all just shades of varying grey. And since the Bible is made by Man, by flawed creatures, then it'd be stupid and contradictory of me to follow each sentence as the absolute truth. I obviously don't agree with the many misogynistic, homophobic, pro-slavery stances they take in it, especially in the Old Testament. That is allowed, don't you think?"

Seto, finding his argument logical sound, nods in approval, forming a respect for the whitette (even if he still believes in religious claptrap).

**Rex looks at his calcified monster in awe. "Check it out. My dragon's stoned."**

Everyone facepalms at this. "I can't believe I didn't see that coming."

"...Guess that dragon is on the same boat with _Y__ami_." Joey says slyly, and Tristan immediately guffaws. Mai and Tea giggle at the memory and the Pharaoh groaned in exasperation._ Please not this again. _

"Why the hell would a mythical dragon be on the same boat with the Pharaoh?" Yami Bakura asks, completely lost.

"Inside joke. No asses allowed." Joey casually states, looking at his fingernails. The spirit scowls. "Screw you."

**"Well done, Joey!" Yugi excitedly says, while Tristan and Tea looked positively delighted Joey won the duel. "You believed in the Heart of the Cards and it came through for you!"**

**Joey doesn't look as happy. "Actually it was more like dumb luck."**

**"Same thing, really."**

"No, it is definitely not! Any type of game takes a certain skill!" Yugi argues. "Although in Wheeler's case, it really was dumb luck for all Duelist Kingdom." Seto muses. Joey doesn't even attempt to interject with that, because truth to be told, Duelist Kingdom really was a bunch of lucky breaks.

**It is night-time and Mai is standing alone in front of a dark creepy forest. She looks out the sea and closes her eyes, deep in thought. "****Now that I'm all alone," A large dark scary looking figure appears right behind her. "Nothing could possibly go wrong."**

"That's so scary!" Tea screeches, absolutely horrified. "I'd still be having nightmares if I had to go through something like that! That's so awful, Mai."

"Oh my God, look at that beast." Mai says, holding her arms tightly to her body as if still reliving it. "I've hadn't thought about that moment in forever."

**Panik wraps a huge meaty hand around her mouth, dragging her back into the bushes. "IT'S RAPING TIME!"**

All the boys wince, and the two girls literally shudder in a deep ingrained fright.

**In a clearing, the gang are sitting around a campfire. ****Tea looks startled, apparently hearing something behind her. "There's something in the bushes!" Both Joey and Tristan turn to look at said bushes and see who will come out. **

**Ryou walks out of the dark forest and into the clearing, the famous horror movie soundtrack, "_Ave Satani"_ from the classic _The Omen_ playing in the background.**

**_Corpuuuus...Edimuuuus!_**

Oh, no. The entire group grows worried for Ryou. LK was going to start with the Bakura-bashing again-

"OH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT SONG!" Ryou squeals. "_The Omen_ is one of my favorite movies ever!"

At this reaction, everybody sweat-drops. "Uh, shouldn't you be kinda pissed Little Kuriboh put a horror soundtrack that literally says _Hail Satan!_ when you appeared?" Tristan asks, perplexed. "Oh, I probably would be if it was any other song, but THIS one? It's a classic! " He replies back proudly.

"...O..kaaay..."

_Psh. What amateurs. Can't they tell it isn't even my host? And they call themselves his 'friends'._

**Right after he steps out, white subtitles at the bottom read:**

** [cue screaming fangirls]**

"MAN, how the heck do ya do it Bakura?!" Joey, who is right next to the British teen, turns around to his direction. "Hm?"

"Even in another freaking UNIVERSE you got fangirls!"

"Oh." A slight pink blush appears on Ryou's cheeks, not at all accustomed to being put on the spotlight. "I-I don't really _do_ anythin-"

"Seriously, dude. What's the deal?!" Tristan interjects, addressing everybody now. "You always got like a chock-full of love letters in your locker, your desk, your backpack," He starts counting off the objects he's seen Ryou pull out many heart-scribbled notes in school.

"And to them, you're a freaking CARTOON, and you STILL got fangirls! And not just any fangirls, but _screaming_ fangirls."

"I think I've seen him pull out a letter from his _lunchbox_ once-"

"I wouldn't surprised if some of these girls have a freaking shrine dedicated to you. You're like a total chick magnet! What's your secret?!" Joey pushes himself up against Ryou's now burning up face, wholeheartedly anxious to know what he did to 'woo' the ladies. He laughs nervously, pushing his blonde friend's head off his personal space.

"J-Joey, I don't do anything special-"

"Oh you gotta give us something better than that!"

"You guys want me to tell you why Bakura's popular with the girls?" Mai suddenly intervenes in a no-nonsense _I'm about to school you_ tone. "It's very simple. Number 1: The boy is polite. Now, I know a lot of guys like to think we go for the bad tough guys, and it's simply not true. A girl wants to feel respected, not treated like trash. I have a feeling this one might reject you, but he'll do so in such a gentle and kind way, you won't even feel as heartbroken. Number 2: He isn't jumping at the first opportunity to get laid, like most teenage boys are, and he certainly doesn't reek of desperation. Since you mention he gets a lot of female admirers, you can bet your ass he gets at least one opening daily. And Number 3: Are you blind?" She whips her hands to him, as if saying 'look at him'.

"He is gorgeous!" She says bluntly, with no embarrassment or bias.

Meanwhile, Ryou is literally shrinking upon himself. His pale skin is now completely bright red, and he doesn't even know where to look at without looking like a complete dork. He can't even utter a shy 'thank you' or SOMETHING because he's just so embarrassed, the words have dried up in his throat.

"So what? Bakura's the hottest thing to ever happen to the world and we're all just butt-ugly, so we're royally screwed?" Joey says jokingly.

"Hey, that was my third point. You just decided to ignore my earlier two." She smirks at this, also being playful.

**"Hello guys, it's me, Bakura!" He looks at at Joey, who has a strangely alarmed expression on his face. "I've been stalking you for the past five episodes! I hope that doesn't seem too suspicious."**

"Ugh, that doesn't sound remotely like me!" Ryou moans. "And I most definitely haven't been stalking anyone ever. In fact...I don't even remember meeting you guys back at Duelist Kingdom." He realizes. "I just remember being there all of the sudden, with no explanation as to why I got here in the first place."

"That's because you were already locked in your little soul room, landlord." Yami Bakura grins at him. "I was already in your body before you even saw these jokes on the island. I got my innocent sweet Ryou impression down to a par, no?"

He glares at the spirit, silently wishing he'd disappear.

**The scene changes to everyone else, who is still looking afraid and surprised. "****Do we know you?" Yugi asks.**

"Hmph." The British teens huffs irritably, crossing his arms in the process. "He-he..." They all say nervously. "Like I said, this show portrays what you actually think and fe-eeel!" The antagonistic yami sings out.

**"He does seem familiar somehow." Tristan pipes up. ****Joey interjects. "What's the deal with his inappropriate accent?"**

**_The Omen_ theme continues while close up shot of Bakura appears.**

**_Corpuuuus...edimuuuus!_**

"So in reality, LK really is dedicating this wonderful song to me. And I have been compared to Satan. Absolutely fantastic!" There is no irony nor sarcasm in his words. He is actually beaming with arrogance and pride at the comparison.

**The next shot is all of the gang sitting in a circle around a bonfire. "Let's all compare ourselves to our cards in order to set up a plot point for the next episode." Yugi says cheerfully.**

"I'm guessing Bakura won't make his official introduction in this episode. How odd." Yami comments. Once again, Ryou glares at him.

"I am already IN this episode, Pharaoh. Did you not hear what i said? It never was Ryou to start with!" The spirit scoffs at not being paid attention to.

**Joeu holds up a card with the Star Wars Kid on it. "I'm the Flame Swordsman!"**

**Tristan holds up his card who is Man-at-Arms from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. "I'm the Cyber Commander." ****Tea brings up her card, who has Sailor Moon on the picture. "I'm the Magician of Faith."**

"Er...yeah, those aren't any of our cards."

**Finally, Yugi shows his card with the Black Mage on it. "And I'm the Dark Magician. What about you Bakura?"**

**Bakura smiles. "This is my favourite card." He holds up a card with Sephiroth from _Final Fantasy_ and _The Omen_ theme plays.**

_**Tolleeee corpus!**_

"Hey, that's Sephiroth from _Final Fantasy_! That's one of my favorite games as well!" Ryou states excitedly.

**"Oops! Wrong one." He puts it away and brings up the Change of Heart. "There we go, the Change of Heart. If you want to know how it works, we could have a duel right now."**

**A shot of Ryou with somewhat eerie smile on his face appears and The Omen song plays again.**

_**Sataaaaaaani!**_

"Now you can definitely tell that's not Ryou." Seto says the obvious.

**_"_That sounds innocent enough!" Yugi says, while Tea also smiles in agreement. ****Ryou's normally large eyes turn narrow and slanted, an insidious grin on his lips and two locks of hair start to rise. **

_**SATAAAAAAANI!**_

"Will _The Omen_ start playing the minute every time HE looks at the camera funny? We get it, he's evil reincarnated." Mai complains. "It's getting kind of old."

**Ryou cuts off the music with his sweet wouldn't-hurt-a-fly tone. "By the way, there's something I'd like you to know." The forests starts to blur into dark shadows, and everyone looks shocked.**

**"You're a bunch of _idiots_." A rougher coarser voice comes out of the teen, letting everyone know Yami Bakura is done playing Ryou.**

"Hey, his voice actually sounds pretty similar to yours." Tristan observes, looking at the yami who scoffs. "That isn't even remotely true."

"No, actually. Tristan's right. Your abridged character sounds exactly like you." Yami realizes, agreeing with the other's words.

**The Millennium Ring glows brightly and everyone turns blue and pass out, meaning they lost their soul. "****This came completely out of nowhere!" Yugi says as he collapses. ****Yami Bakura is the only one left standing, a sadistic gleeful expression in his evil eyes.**

** "That's what you get for hogging all of my screen time, you little bitch." He says resentfully.**

Almost everyone snorts and smiles at this. "Screen time?" The spirit asks, bewildered.

"It's a running gag in the show. Whenever Bakura appears, _abridged_!Yugi says something about not wanting him to take away his 'precious screen time' and that he isn't even a main character anyway. I'm guessing this applies to you, too." Tea explains, while Ryou looks rightfully irritated at the fact.

"Hehe-" Both Joey and Tristan snicker, finding the the abridged version of Yami Bakura actually kind of amusing so far.

**He walks over to Yugi's soulless body. "Now to take the Millennium Puzzle, and steal your role as main character!" He reaches for the puzzle, but it suddenly glows****.**

"It figures Little Kuriboh would make Bakura's villanious purpose something as trivial as that." Yugi mulls over. "If only that would be the case."

"Sorry, little one." The spirits says in prominent mocking tone, not feeling the slightest ounce of sorry at all. "No dice." He grins wickedly, large white teeth gleaming like a ravenous shark.

**"What in Zorc's name is going on?!" The villain looks very shocked while Yugi turns into Yami.**

If Yami Bakura had been drinking any type of liquid, he would surely do a near-perfect spit-take at hearing his alter say this. But instead, his eyes almost bulge out his sockets, and his jaw drops to the floor. H-HOW THE?! How the hell did Little Kuriboh know about...?!

While he is trying to wrap his mind around the whys and how, and the obvious _WTFs _currently flying away at a million miles an hour in his mind, the group seems to be taken back by the unfamiliar name.

"Who's Zorc?" Both Mai and Tea wonder, puzzlement in their eyes. "Maybe LK just made up a random name and made it sound like some type of demon?" Ryou suggests, not having the luxury to know everything in the spirit's thoughts in the past. Everyone shrugs their shoulders at this, but Seto is staring right at the spirit, noticing at how he's practically five seconds away from hyperventilating.

"...You know who Zorc is, don't you?" _Oh, shit._

"How would I know what this idiotic LK being means by Zorc? Psh," He scoffs. "I've never heard that name in my life."

"You're lying." Seto does not say this in an accusing manner, nor does he attempt to be hostile. He merely states this as a fact, because he is 100% sure the spirit is not telling the truth. A loud snarl escapes his mouth, once again covering his fear of being discovered by anger.

"You're calling me a liar, mortal?" He hisses out dangerously.

"Yes." Seto says bluntly, but doesn't push the question anymore because he frankly doesn't care. The yami internally sighs of relief.

**"Get your hands off my Puzzle, you limey fruitcake!" Yami yells at the spirit. **

"Wow, that's certainly a new one. I've heard limey kid, and limey senses, but never limey fruitcake." Ryou rolls his eyes.

**"****What say you and I have a card game to decide which one of us deserves to be the main character?" Dark Bakura says confidently while the camera pans up from the Pharaoh back to him. ****A close up shot of his narrowed eyes shows up.**

** "And when I win, this show will be all mine!" **

**The shot changes to both of them having some sort of stand-off, while an enlarged drawing of their determined faces is held up right above their respective side. ****"Okay, but who are you?" Yami asks confused.**

**"I'm Bakura!"**

**"Never heard of you!"**

"I can see how Ryou would be annoyed by so many of those quips." Yami Bakura grits out.

**The Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged series mark appears with the theme of _The Omen_ (again), signaling the end of the episode.**

**The next black screen shows the white letter caption of:**

**[yami vs bakura**  
**place your bets]**

"And that's the end of Episode 8. Is it me, or do these episodes feel longer by the second?"

**A suddenly sad music starts playing while white onscreen texts says:**

**AND NOW A VERY**  
**SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM**  
**THE CAST AND CREW**  
**OF YU-GI-OH...**

"Oh great. It's _still_ not over?!"

**Yami appears, looking directly at the screen. "Hi folks. Here at _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ we like to have a good laugh as much as the next guy." ****A close-up of his serious face is shown. **

**"But there comes a time when the laughter must _stop_, and that's usually when somebody dies."**

"Oh no, who died?! Maybe Little Kuriboh didn't create the show by himself!"

**A picture of a thoughtful-looking Tristan appears, while a circle starts to slowly form around his face. "Recently, a treasured member of our cast passed away."**

"HOLY CRAP! Did my alter DIE?!"

**"His name was Tristan Taylor's Voice."**

"Are you even KIDDING me, right now." Tristan groans and facepalms so hard, it's almost painful. "They're having a funeral for my stupid VOICE?!"

Joey sniffs, wiping fake tears from his eyes. "He will surely be missed."

**Tea appears, looking sadly at the camera. "He meant so much to all of us!" A slideshow of Tristan alongside Tea, with that same slowly forming circle around his face. "He made us laugh, made us cry.. I can't believe he's really gone."**

**Yugi now takes the screen. "When I first heard that Tristan's Voice had died, I couldn't believe what I was hearing! His voice was like family to me!"**

**Now it's Joey's turn to speak up. "I was with him when his voice passed away. His voice had been struggling to overcome an addiction to alcohol, and, well, one thing led to another."**

"This show is absolutely absurd." Yami Bakura says, features scrunched up in distaste.

**A different shot of Joey appears, with the subtitles RECONSTRUCTION at the bottom. "Tristan's Voice, have you been drinking?" He says in shocked manner. Tristan throws his arm around Joey, sporting his original voice.**** "I can't remember because I'm so drunk!"**

"PFFT!" He snorts, and starts cackling. "No wonder you were so happy you got another voice!"

**"Hey wait! Don't run with those scissors!" Joey calls after him running and Tristan's Voice responds. "****You're not the boss of me!" A loud noise. "OUCH!"**

**"Oh no. He's dead." Joey says in the most monotone emotionless way possible.**

**The reconstruction ends as Mai appears. "What happened was just terrible. I'd never want anything bad to happen to my voice." ****Mukuba suddenly appears. "Neither would I!" He says miserable.**

**Yami once again takes the screen. "And so, we dedicate this episode to the memory of Tristan's Voice. Goodnight, sweet prince, and a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest."**

"How poetic, Yami." Yugi giggles.

**Tristan Taylor's tombstone is shown, followed by an overlay image of Tristan's smiling face. ****The captions above and below his face read:**

**IN LOVING MEMORY OF**  
**TRISTAN TAYLOR'S**  
**ORIGINAL VOICE**

**EPISODE ONE - EPISODE SEVEN**

"Man, I'm about to start bawling here!" Joey fake sobs once again. "Don't leave us, Tristan's Voice! Come baaaaaack!"

**Mokuba appears one more time as the N64 kid. "NINTENDO SIXTY FOUUUR!" He screams in an almost incomprehensible voice.**

Everyone covers their ears at the screech, not expecting that.

"Ugh, what did he say? I couldn't even understand any of it!" Tea says after the fact, finally lowering her hands. "It sounded like just shrieking to me. And it hurt my ears." Mai adds in, rubbing her outer ear.

"Okay, NOW the episode's over. Thank God." Yugi sighs in relief.

"THIS is what I am going to have to do? Utterly waste my time watching this stupid excuse for a television shows with you _insects_?" Yami Bakura hisses acidly, and gets up from his seat to glare directly above.

"Is this some sort of punishment, you son of a bitch?! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO **YOU**!?" He yells at the top of his lungs, and points angrily at the non-existent ceiling. "Aren't we supposed to be brothers?! YOU TRAITOR!!"

"...I have a feeling Bakura still believes LK is a demon."

.

* * *

* HA. You saw that? I called YB a _fluffy_ kitten :3

God, it's been fucking hard to NOT just call the spirit "Bakura", but I really feel like it'd be the greatest of insults to Ryou as that is HIS name don't you think? Which is why I am trying every tactic known to call him something else. Let's see how long I can keep this up before giving up from the exhaustion. And holy shit, do you realize how LONG this update is? Twelve thousand words. 12,000...

I gotta be honest with you, I was both very excited AND a little nervous (fine, really freaking scared) to officially introduce Yami Bakura in the void. I never written canon YBakura before, (well actually I've never written any type of YB before, period) and I was a little scared that I might not be worthy enough to portray his awesome character. So...tell me...how was your reaction to Yami Bakura? Totally in sync, or not even close? LEMME KNOW!

And also, I was really sick this entire week, so that kinda also put a damper on my motivation to write which is why it took a while. If this update wasn't as funny or cool as you expected, blame it on my bronchitis people.

I am ecstatic to start writing the next episode (you know, the minute I get better). You know why? Chapter 9 is going to be a complete CLUSTERFUCK of shit, you won't belieeeve it.

I'll give you a hint: *swearing in Spanish*

THAT IS ALL!


	9. El Juegos de Tarjeta

Hello there, loves.

So, I've been getting quite a lot of questions/outcries regarding 'shipping'. Apart from sometimes making fun (as in, not endorsing or supporting) of the most canon ships in the original show (and the future 'canon' ships in the abridged show, cough*_thiefshipping_), there will be NO shipping of any sort in this story. If there was, the genre would have the appropriate 'romance' title. I assume many people started asking this because of the Mai and Bakura scene in the last chapter, so I feel compelled to say this: what Bakura did is assault. It's not cute, not 'hot', or implying anything for the future. It's gross and cruel, and it really shows how despicable his character is to be able to use a person as an object, a mere means to an end.

One last point and I'm done. In the beginning, I stated there would be some 'minor' (yeah, turns out they aren't so minor) headcanons reinstated in the canon cast; most of them have to do with Ryou since his character is the least explored in the series. **This is a warning to everyone who dislikes headcanons: there is going to be quite a bit of them in this chapter.** And because of these various HCs, I do feel like it's my duty to warn that many events might seem OOC. Major shit is going down. Like extremely major. Hold on to your undies, please.

**abridged is bold and brash**. And no, it does not belong in the trash.

* * *

"Hey look! _FOOD!_"

Immediately, everyone present quickly turns to Tristan who is looking directly at the coffee table. A beautiful sight greeted them: a tall pyramid of delicious-looking sandwich triangles, complete with a stack of paper plates and napkins. They all look at each other for a split second and like a pack of ravenous dogs, everybody (with the exception of Yami Bakura) snatches as many sandwiches as possible and starts stuffing their faces without any form of constraint nor embarrassment.

"Finally!" Joey manages to muffle out, mouth still full. "I was nearly starving!" He sighs in joy. Six heads nod in agreement, still devouring the sandwiches like if their life depended on it, even though in total, they have probably been stuck in this place for less than two hours. Meanwhile, the dark spirit looks at the teens with crossed arms, a clear look of disgust washing over his face. _How revolting._

Mai immediately notices his disdain. She chews her food for a few more seconds, gulps and gives him a pointed stare. "Hey, instead of looking at us like if we're the most repulsive things you've laid your eyes on, eat a sandwich. You might not be hungry right now but later, you'll be a ravenous as we are, given your new human body. And who knows when LK might pop up some more food?"

"Raw meat and steak will be the only acceptable food I eat. Anything else is absolutely sickening." He once again crossed his arms and turned his head. The older woman scoffed but started to eat her sandwich again with no other response. At least she _tried_ to be nice and empathetic.

"I'd eat if I were you, Bakura. Having your own human body means that you actually feel hunger to the fullest extent. It's definitely not the same as when you're taking over the host's body." Yami says, already extending his hand to the coffee table to grab another triangle. Ryou takes an unusually aggressive bite out his own sandwich at hearing Yami, a hard glint taking over his eyes. Of course, Yami seems completely oblivious to this, but Yugi notices this and looks at his friend with concern. The white haired teen has been on edge ever since his 'double' made his introduction to the TV room, and although he could comprehend that the spirit made his life a living hell, he can't particularly understand why Ryou has been sending over dark scowls to Yami whenever he does as much as open his mouth.

"I will eat whenever the hell I want. So if you please mind shutting your mouth, Pharaoh, that'd be greatly appreciated." Yami Bakura spits out. The former Egyptian grits his teeth and response and closes his eyes for a a second before giving him a small tight smile.

"You know, for being such an ancient being, you sure have the same temperament and maturity of a three-year-old." He says with a slight hardness. Immediately, the other takes the bait. "Oh, so not only do you refer to me as an IMBECILE but now a damn _toddler_?!"

"Are you by any chance hard of hearing?" Yami states nonchalantly, cocking his head directly at him. Joey and Tristan look at him in slight surprise. If they didn't know any better, they'd think he's _goading_ the dark spirit into some type of fight. Mai and Tea give uneasy glances at each other while Yugi is silently (and angrily) mouthing to his other half to stop antagonizing dark Bakura. Seto sighs and puts an exasperated palm to his forehead, already feeling like there might be much more arguments down the road.

"Do I have to scold you two again?" He asks bored, looking at them pointedly.

"DO NOT test me, little boy."

"Li-! Did you just call me _little boy_?"

"Are you by any chance hard of _hearing_?" Yami Bakura mimics back his own words, resting his elbow on Yami's shoulder with a condescending rising of a lone eyebrow. The never of this-! A pulsing vein appears on the Yami's forehead, and he shakes off the other spirit's appendage quite violently. "Do not. Touch me." He grits venemously.

"Or what? You'll duel me into submission?" Loud cackles rang loudly in the medium-sized room.

"ENOUGH!" Seto loudly yells in exasperation, having the great urge to pull his hair. "For the love of-, you two are the OLDEST PEOPLE HERE. And you're bickering like a bunch of schoolboys." He stands up from the couch, and faces the two of them, pinching his nose in frustration.

"You know what, I won't tolerate this. Yami. MOVE." The former pharaoh looks at the game developer blankly. "Excuse me?"

"Since you BOTH want to act like three-year-olds, then I will damn treat you like three-year-olds. Switch places with me, and I will sit next to Bakura and that will be end of my never-ending headaches." Yami looks at him with confused eyes, still not registering that Kaiba was telling him to move over a seat as if he's a rambunctious kid who won't stop bothering his younger sibling. Joey snickers at Seto's anger, and decides to chime in.

"Mama Kaiba's angry! You better do what he says before he puts you in a time-out." He got three sets of glares for that comment, but the rest of the group smiles and attempts to curb their snickers. Yami looks at Kaiba again and it seems like he's about to open his mouth in protests, but he glances briefly at the dark grinning spirit next to him one more time. Clearly thinking it through, he decides it would be best to switch seats. For his mental and emotional sake. As Seto sits down in his new position, dark Bakura smirks at the Pharaoh, who is now sitting at least one space away, and sends him a derisive mocking air kiss.

"Bye-bye, Pharaoh. Don't miss me too much from that side of the couch, you hear?" He says smoothly.

Yami's face instantly transforms into one of disgust, and Yami Bakura chuckles at the others' appalled reaction. Too easy. Who would know there WAS actually a way to generally mess with people that didn't involve shadow games, maiming someone, or physically incapacitating them?

_Oh, how right I was. This IS fun._

Ryou, who had not been paying the slightest bit of attention to the argument between the two ancient spirits, suddenly decides to re-enter the conversation. "Spirit." He says loudly, with a tone of finality. The seriousness in the way he said, though, made everyone stop their musings and look at him in curiosity. Especially his yami. "Yes?" He responds a little too sweetly to sound genuine.

He stands up abruptly, hands shoved in his pockets and gestures with a slight head tilt that he'd rather have this conversation privately. The spirit raises his eyebrows even further, but nevertheless he follows his host until they both reach the farthest corner of the room. They both can feel everybody's eyes burning holes on their backs.

"So, what is this vastly important yet secretive thing you just had to speak to me about?" The yami also shoves his hand in his front jean pockets, mirroring his host, but with the exception of a much more sinister-looking smile and general malevolent aura in nature.

"I need to ask you something," Ryou muttered a bit hurriedly, making the spirit intrigued. What could his landlord be so inclined to find out? A large grin split his face once again.

"You say you're a demon. That was obvious before you even confirmed it but moving on…" The teen says bitingly, rolling his eyes.

_My, my, what has gotten into you, sassy boy? _The villain chuckles softly.

"If this is true, how did you stay in the church? Why weren't you banished?" He demands. For once, the yami stays silent, unable to conjure any memory of him being in a church. Then it suddenly hits him. Oh right! Ryou was running away, spewing crap about resisting his influences and attempting to seek clemency at a church who had seen better times. Yes, that was quite amusing. Poor naive boy. At this, the other laughs heartily, enough to grab his stomach and bend over for a couple of seconds in order to lessen the burning of his abdomen.

"CHURCH?" He says disbelievingly, still laughing quite hard. "Stupid human, you think a simple concrete building can somehow repel me and my form? Holiness is such a subjective term, you see. A simple church does not necessarily mean holy grounds. In fact, I concur many of these same places can be tainted as UNHOLY grounds." At this, he snickers. "I thought you were smarter than that." He purrs mockingly.

"So it's all crap then? There's literally nothing any human can do to seek haven from YOUR kind? We are hopeless to your evil?"

"That's exactly right. You are all ants just waiting to be squashed. No amount of worship, prayer or good deeds will change that. There's no God up there protecting you." He licked his teeth menacingly, leaning over to the boy as if trying to appear taller.

Dark crimson eyes flash maliciously. "Only us to prey on you."

At this, he winks at his host and walks right back to the couch, leaving him with many unanswered questions on the tip of his tongue. A heavy dreadful weight settles on Ryou's stomach and heart as the spirit's words slowly ate around his mind. He feels himself shrinking upon his own skin, feeling akin to heartbreak bloom out of his mind and skin when he couldn't help but think, to ask, to wonder miserably:

_Am I really alone in this place...Have I wasted my time and life praying to a fantasy?_

As dark Bakura takes his seat, the rest of the group stares unabashedly at him, as if with their constant stare, he'd suddenly break and tell them what they were talking about. After a while of this going on, he finally gets annoyed.

"What?" The yami barks harshly. The suddenness startles them all into turning their heads to watch the screen, which had started going from static to the white background that usually meant that an episode was about to start. Finally, Ryou joins them on the couch, sitting at the edge with one of the saddest expressions he's ever worn. Tea (who is sitting right next to him) has the urge to ask him what's wrong, and a hand impulsively reaches out to the Brit, but she hesitates.

No doubt, he is like this because of something his jerk double said to him. But, she really isn't sure how to even begin in comforting Ryou. To her great guilt, she realizes she doesn't know Ryou as much as she should, and, therefore, it doesn't come as naturally or as easy to her in offering consolation. Her wavering hand retracts fully, sadness and remorse enveloping her features. _Coward. _Her inner voice says viciously. Meanwhile_,_ Yugi takes his turn on the floor and the next episode begins.

**An action-packed active music plays in the background while Yami's face zoomed out while flying cards zip by.**

"Has that music always been there?"

**"_En el capitulo anterior_," Yami says while white subtitles at the bottom read '****Previously on the Yu-Gi-Oh...'**

"Wah?"

Big question marks pop up in everyone's mind at the sudden change of language, and they all look at each other, having the slight hope that someone could explain what's going on. "Um, is there any reason why the Pharaoh is speaking in Spanish?" Tea finally asks, clearly confused. Yugi turns to look at his partner in question. "Do you by any chance know-?" Yami shakes his head 'no'.

"My guess is we are watching one of the many international versions of our 'shows'. Specifically the one aimed for the Spanish-speaking children." Kaiba concludes. Meanwhile, for some strange reason, Yami Bakura is laughing darkly to himself. Eerily. Ryou is staring viciously-sharp daggers at him, fists tight at his side. The only one who notices this odd altercation is Mai, but she doesn't comment on it because she doesn't want another argument spouting between the two (which felt like the most probable situation).

"...But why?" Yugi says scratching his head in puzzlement.

"Because LK feels like it. Duh." Tristan responds as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. Which, in a way, it kind of is. The short duelist shrugs his shoulders and nods in response. "True."

"Well, thank God for the subtitles because my Spanish fluency ends at '_Quiero Taco-bell'._" Joey states while throwing his hands back to the back of his neck and stretching out his legs. Tristan starts snickering at his comment and Tea gives him a playful smack on the top of his head. "Idiot."

"Hey, hey calm down _Señorita_!" He says lightheartedly.

**The gang is hanging out in the forest by their bonfire. Suddenly, the bushes behind Tea start to rustle and she gives a yelp of surprise. The three boys get up from their sitting spot and run towards Tea.**

"Didn't we already see this happen in the last episode?" Tristan complains.

**"_Que?_" Tristan exclaims.**

**"_Que fue eso?_" Joey follows. The subtitles read '****What is this new devilry?'**

Both Ryou and Seto scrunch their faces in distaste.

"...That's...not the correct translation." Kaiba finally says. Like clockwork, all of the others turn to look at him. "You can speak Spanish?" Yugi says in surprise. He scoffs at them, almost insulted by the question.

"I am the youngest CEO in the world's most highly lucrative gaming industry. I have weekly meetings with highly-important investors from different industries in countries all over the planet. Apart from Japanese, I can speak the top three most spoken languages in the world: English, Spanish, and Chinese. Not only that, but I am in the process of learning Hindi. In my job title, multilingualism is not only an advantage. It's a necessity. Translators are merely a waste of time and money." Of course, it would have something to do with his job title and the reason for learning so many languages would be to not hire translators. Typical Kaiba.

"So what he really say?"

"He says '_what was that?_', which is a stretch from what the subtitles are saying and implying. I am starting to understand why LK is making us watching this. He input the original Spanish clips and adding slightly incorrect or tweaked translations in order to make it comedic. I wouldn't trust the subtitles too much." He says while crossing his arms.

**Yami Bakura, pretending to be Ryou, steps out of the darkness. The three gasp in surprise while Yugi says, "_Es Bakura!_"**

**'Behold, it is the Bakura.'**

Ryou purses his lips again while Seto shakes his head. "Yeah, LK is definitely adding unnecessary words that aren't even mentioned in the Spanish dub." He turns slightly to glance over at the white-haired boy, and notices he doesn't look too happy. In fact, he'd say he seemed...irritated. He has the passing question of why that could be, but in contrast with the other dweebs, he doesn't nose his way into other people's business. Therefore, he stayed silent, pretending as if he saw nothing at all.

**Joey looks relieved, with his hands on his hips and looking back at his friends. "_Por un momento, pensé que teniamos que preocuparnos._" **

**'Hereupon, my fears are alleviated.'**

"Okay, so what'd he say there?" Joey asks Seto again, pulling on his sleeve like an annoying child.

"_For a moment, I thought we needed to be worried. _" The game developer clarifies without a second thought, feeling quite confident in his translating abilities.

**The scene changes to the group sitting again at the bonfire, from a faraway downward angle. "_Antes de empezar, hay algo que quiero compartir con ustedes._" Bakura says in an innocent tone.**

**'Bakura has been permitted the friendship.'**

Ryou lets out an angry exhalation. His ever-so-pleasant tenant can still be heard chuckling occasionally in the background, which only manages to piss him off even more. "Okay, now it's not even similar to whatever Bakura was saying. It's just making stuff up now." Seto says, annoyed. "And it changes the words as if someone else was saying them when it's clearly him saying it."

Joey looks at him blankly, pulling on his sleeve once more."...Do I got to ask every time?"

"I did not sign up to be a translator, Wheeler." Seto shot back coldly, slapping his hand away from his clothes. Obviously, this did nothing but reinforce Joey in pulling his sleeve in order to annoy the teen enough to actually comply.

"Agh, fine you annoying mutt! He says _'Before we begin, there is something that I want to share with you guys.' _I should have never mentioned knowing Spanish." Seto mutters to himself.

**Yugi has a look of shock on his face. "_No puede ser! _¿_Un articulo del Milenio?_"**

**'You have a Millennium Item unexpectedly!'**

Practically everybody looks at Kaiba expectantly. Great. "That one is pretty much the same thing." He says dismissively. At this, most of them turn their head back to the screen. Except-

"But not actually the same thing." Joey reiterates. "Don't annoy me, Wheeler."

**The millennium ring appears along with the dizzying illusion of many hazy millennium rings circling around and around. "_Sí. Y la magia de mi sortija del Milenio nos llevará al Reino de las Sombras!_" A dramatically rough voice comes out of Ryou's lips and the forest around them becomes dark and cloudy.**

**'Indeed, and with its powers I make my voice sound gruff and sexy.'**

Joey and Tristan burst out laughing, as they don't need any translator to know that Yami Bakura would NEVER say that, Spanish or otherwise. Not to mention his Spanish voice is just completely over the top and has a sound of '_look at me, I'm totally the most villainous villain in this show_'. The laughter of the dark spirit immediately vanishes, and his eyes narrow.

"Is this LK bastard making fun of my voice?!" He demands. The two friends look at him in a deadpan fashion as if to say 'No shit, Sherlock.' But of course, they would never actually _say_ that to Yami Bakura (who frankly still scared the bejeezus out of them).

"It's like you want to get throat cancer or something." Mai points out gleefully, always up to the opportunity of mocking the asshole who used her quite disgustingly. In contrast to the two boys, she holds absolutely ZERO fear for the spirit-turned-human. She hears him mutter something under his breath, which suspiciously sounded like _'You will be the first to die, bitch.' _At this, the buxom woman grins ever wider. If he's insulting her so harshly, then that means she succeeded in pushing his buttons. Mission accomplished.

"And before you dweebs ask, he said '_Yes, and the magic of my Millennium ring will take us to the Shadow Realm._' " Kaiba goes on to state, bored.

**The shadow realm has been summoned. Joey looks at the dark ominous surroundings, not liking anything at all. "_Vaya. Detesto la magia." _ He says in an irritated tone.**

**'Poor weather conditions?'**

"I hate magic."

"Yeah, I feel ya. It's because of stupid magic that we're even in this pla-"

"NO, you moron. You literally said right now _'I hate magic_'."

**Yugi still has a shocked expression on his face, sitting down at a chopped tree stumped that appeared out of nowhere while his friends stood behind him. "_¿Porque haces estó, Bakura? No entiendo._"**

**'This is an unfortunate turn of events!'**

"_'Why are you doing this, Bakura? I don't understand.'_" Kaiba says in the most monotone way possible, literally hating his makeshift translator role in all of this. Will he be doing it throughout the ENTIRE episode? Meanwhile, Ryou gives off what sounds like a soft but very frustrated growl. Even the Spanish group couldn't place him from the awful spirit of the ring.

**"_Tienes algo que yo deseo Yugi, y pienso quitártelo!_" The dark spirit says very evilly as he looks at them with narrowed eyes and focuses his energy on the glowing ring. **

**...'Yes.'**

Everyone snorts at the obviously _purposeful_ translation error. "I don't know a single word of Spanish and I am a 100% sure a simple translated 'yes' cannot be that long." Yami shakes his head in disbelief. Seto looks at the ancient spirit in a 'well, duh' way.

"It's excruciatingly obvious a 'yes' can't be that long. And before any of you get on my nerves, the real translation was '_You have something I need, Yugi, and I hope to take it from you'." _He mutters, rubbing two fingers to his temples, already feeling a stress headache coming on.

"Actually, it's '_You have something I want.'_" Ryou impulsively corrects Kaiba, and the teen looks slightly puzzled for half a millisecond before he makes an affirming noise. "Ah, yes. You're right. Need is '_necesito_'. " He remembers, and nods over to the whitette as a subtle gesture of appreciation. He then realizes Ryou actually _corrected_ him and looks over to him in puzzlement. Ryou knew Spanish all this time and didn't tell anyone about it?

Seto opens his mouth to question him, but he immediately notices pure dread fill up the boy's brown eyes. He shakes his head very subtly and he mouths silently _No, don't mention it, please, DON'T_.

Kaiba raises an eyebrow at him, clearly wanting to know what's the big deal in saying he knew how to speak another language, but Ryou just shakes his head a little harder. He can't help thinking his reaction strange, but nevertheless he silently obeys the frantic plea. He wasn't going to stick his nose in where he wasn't wanted. It seems like nobody noticed anyway.

But for some reason, dark laughter that sounded suspiciously like Yami Bakura rings out vaguely in his ears. Very soft, almost like if he imagined it. And maybe he did. He exhales and shakes his head in his musings. This place really was getting to him, or at least more than he expected.

**The group turns blue, and they all fall to the ground unconscious. Bakura is seen standing over Yugi's passed out (still blue) body, a smirk of triumph curled up on his lips. "_El legendario rompecabezas del Milenio es mio!_" He says victoriously. **

**'All your puzzle are belong to me.'**

"Now LK turned downright illiterate. He can't even subtitle the words in correct English." Seto shakes his feels a long finger poking his shoulder a few seconds afterward, and he exhales loudly again in irritation. "'_The legendary Millennium Puzzle is mine', _DO YOU MIND not POKING me, you moron?" He grits out between clenched teeth.

**He reaches for the Puzzle, but it glows brightly enough to blind dark Bakura and make him cover his eyes. He groans in slight pain and annoyance at the blinding light to which the subtitles at the bottom say: **** 'Do not want!'**

"Nobody even SAID anything." Yugi points out in a deadpan fashion.

**Yami Bakura is absolutely shocked at seeing Yugi's supposedly lifeless body moving on its own accord. "_No puede ser!_" He exclaims, a defensive hand rising up while Yami starts to straighten his back. **

**'Oh no! Growth hormones!'**

"BWAHAHAHA!" The entire group starts cracking up, with the exception of a pissed off Yugi. He indignantly crosses his arms and huffs in extreme displeasure while Yami attempts to keep the tempting smile from creeping up his face.

"C'mon, I am not even THAT short!" He complains. "Dude, you barely make the 5-foot mark." Tristan replies sympathetically. Which of course, the short duelist resented.

"I-I SURPASS the 5-foot mark!"

"By 'surpass', I think you mean .02 inches, Yug."

"...It's still something." Yugi mumbles.

**Yami finally stands proud and tall, a determined slightly angry glint in his eyes. "_Si lo que quieres es mi rompecabezas del Milenio, entonces tendras que pelear conmigo._" He states in a quite serious tone. **

**'How dare you tamper with my jewelry, villainous cur!'**

Yami rolls his eyes at the subtitles. "A heathen like Bakura better not touch your bling, Pharaoh." Mai jokes, hoping to get the spirit riled up, but to her surprise, he merely gives her an oddly pleasant smile. "Why, thank you. It's the first truthful thing you've said of me since I've had the displeasure of meeting you, Miss Valentine." She looks at him funny, eyebrows scrunching up at the strange reaction. _Weirdo._

"He said '_If you want my Millennium puzzle, you will have to fight me to get it_'." He states crossly. "I have to tell you. LK's translations are much more entertaining." Tristan attempts to curb his smile as he says this.

"Yami's Spanish voice is also waaay better than Bakura's." Tea muses. The evil spirit in questions flips her off without a second thought and Mai snorts at her comment, trying her hardest to not pick on the girl but it is completely useless to even try.

"Well, of COURSE you'd say that. You're so madly in love with Yami, everything even remotely relating to him is infinitely better than anyone else." She says ever so casually, looking at her fingernails with a small smirk on her plump lips.

_Cue in 3..2..1..._

A loud very feminine, very horrified gasp rang out.

"N-NO, I AM NOT!"

"Oh, that's right! You're in love with _Yugi_, sorry for the confusion." She 'corrects' herself, truly amused, and then puts a thoughtful finger on her chin. "Or was it both?" Tea opens her mouth to protest, but it is like her mouth didn't want to function and all that came out were unintelligible sounds. She feels like she is going to implode on herself with embarrassment. Meanwhile, both Yami and Yugi pretend not to hear the conversation, even though it is painfully obvious they're aware of it all as everyone can see a fiery hot blush spreading rapidly on their faces.

**"_Hay mucho mas en riesgo de lo que te imaginas. Y este es un juego de las sombras que no puedes ganar!_" Yami Bakura says determinedly while the two look at each other in a dramatic fashion. **

**'The card game of us commences. ****Right after these words from our sponsor.'**

"'_There is much more at risk than you can imagine. And this is a shadow game you_ _can't win'_. " Seto gives Ryou a slightly dirty look since he actually does know how to speak the language and hasn't helped at all with these infuriating translations. Not only that, but this could continue on for the rest of the episode.

**Kawaiii taaa! Sakegiraaaaaa...**

**Todo ke, fly at higher gaaaaameeee...**

"And this is barely the introduction. This is going to take absolutely forever to translate." The multi-millionaire sighs in frustration, resting the palm of his hand to his forehead.

**Yami Bakura's face took up the entire screen, smiling evilly. **

**"Once I gain all seven Millennium Items, I shall use their vaguely established powers to destroy the world!" He says in English. The seven items start falling slowly behind his narrowed brown eyes.**

"YES! Finally! Thank God that's over with." Seto sighs in relief, happy he won't have to keep pausing every couple of seconds just to translate something for these losers.

"And the millennium items are in no way vague in their powers." Yami argues, "Each items has their specific purpose and power in mind-"

"Really? So what does the puzzle do?" Tristan asks curiously. The former spirit gives him a sharp look, and the brunette looks sheepish in response. He didn't mean to call Yami out on it and demand an explanation, but now that he thought about twice, the items really _were_ kind of vague in their abilities and powers. And it seemed liked everyone else thought the same thing as they were all looking at Yami expectantly, waiting for the answer to this valid question. Even Yugi, who honestly has no idea what the puzzle can or can't do.

"...I wouldn't be able to say anything with certainty about the items since I have insufficient memory about my past life-" Yami says in a serious tone, which definitely sounds like a cop-out. "Well, you don't need your past life to describe your OWN puzzle's power. I mean you live in the thing, don't you?" Ryou replies back, an emotionless slightly aloof expression on his face.

"Don't tell me you don't know your own item, Pharaoh! What an embarrassment." Dark Bakura laughs out, but Yami immediately responds. "Of course I do! The puzzle has great power and abilities. One of them is obviously being able to house my spirit-"

"As does the Millennium ring." The spirit shoots back, raising his eyebrow as if challenging him.

"The Puzzle also grants me access and control to the Duel Monsters-"

"Weak. Controlling monsters is as simple as playing a card. Next."

Yami growls in annoyance. "It opens up doors to vast amounts of knowledge and dark intelligence-"

"HA! How so very _vague_, Pharaoh. Can you be a _bit_ more specific? I mean, if it's even possible." Yami Bakura is having way too fun in poking the serious man's buttons. Yami's eyes flash in growing anger, having enough of the infuriating spirit's belittling comments and taunts.

"Because I can tell you with CLEAR certainty what the Ring does! Do you want to know?" He glances around briefly, but doesn't wait for anyone to even nod their heads and continues on. "The ring acts as a compass. It will allow its owner to find whatever he seeks. And I do mean _whatever_ he wants and desires. I ask you again, Yami. What does dark intelligence mean necessarily? It obviously isn't the information needed for you to 'destroy' me, so that's pretty useless of the Puzzle to start with. So then, what is it?"

"Mind crushes." Yami finally announces, firm and deep. "I can shatter your soul, driving the darkness out of it into the realm of Shadows."

"Ooooh. That's a good one. So, penalty games, right? You dealt out punishment." He smirks. To his delight, both Yami and Yugi looked away to the opposite direction. Ah, there it was. The pain and discomfort of their first encounter, still a very vivid memory in both minds. Expecting this, he pressed even more. "So you tortured people, Yami? Is that what the puzzle granted you?" The antagonistic spirit's tight curled fist opened up like a flower blossoming, fingers spreading out as if holding a ball of fire in his palm.

"Or is it what the puzzle merely _facilitated_ for you?"

"I NEVER did anything like that." He hisses out, feeling the biting undertone of the comment. "Oh? So...psychologial torture _is_ okay in your book, then. How uncharacteristically 'Jigsaw' of you. Fascinating. Really, it's absolutely wonderful to hear. It seems like you and I have more in common that I formerly thought, Pharaoh." The comparison was enough to make Yami actually snarl out, which startled the people next to him.

"As if I would EVER have anything in common with something like _you._" He sneers, unusually contemptuous and Yugi finds he doesn't like his partner's current personality with Yami Bakura's constant exposure. He wouldn't ever say it out loud, but he can't help admitting that the evil spirit's got a point. So far, both of them are acting like power-hungry idiots; one of them always need to win their battle of wits. Dark Bakura laughs darkly once more, finding his anger incredibly funny, but he doesn't say anything more. Just seeing Yami's enraged face of being compared to himself was enough of a prize.

**"But first, I'm going to beat you in a card game." Yami Bakura finishes saying.**

**Yami already has his deck ready, and he has one card in his hand. "Not if I can help it, you albino cream puff!" He says dramatically.**

Uh-oh. Another nickname for Bakura. Yami winces. And worst of all, it's usually _him_ dishing out these vaguely insulting names to the whitette. "Albino cream puff." The boy says loudly as if tasting the name on his tongue.

"I would be more offended by that, but I actually do enjoy creams puffs very much. So I guess it's okay to be compared to one. I am certainly not an albino, though. I am just very pale." He says simply, voice calm and pretty collected. Well, that went much better than he expected.

"Ghastly pale. People would probably think you're a corpse if you were to lay still for a minute."

"You're the exact same color, spirit." Ryou deadpans.

"Because I have no choice in the manner. This body isn't even mine to begin with, it's just a copy of yours." He scrunches his faces as if smelling something particularly unpleasant. Suddenly, his face grows completely blank and it stays like that for a couple of seconds. After a while, a large Cheshire grin splits open his face, which of course, his host notices immediately. That _cannot_ be good. "Why do you think so many goth girls hit on you in your roulette account?" The boy immediately froze.

"Your what account?" Mai asks, confused.

"NO, no just IGNORE the spirit, he's saying complete nonsense-" Ryou starts to say frantically, a blossoming blush start to spread to his cheeks.

"You know. Chat roulette. My host is quite a fan of those sites. He even made his own account and he periodically checks it when he's bored. Which is a lot." Yami Bakura says, looking as innocent as he can possibly pretend to be.

"Shut your FACE, Spirit!" The boy yells at him, his usually pale face now redder than a tomato. What an idiot he was for thinking he had some semblance of privacy. It's painfully obvious his yami would exploit every single little-known fact about him to completely humiliate him! Joey snorts at this piece of information. Both Mai and Tea giggle, finding it cute how easily the Brit could get flustered.

"Now that I remember, I distinctly remember Goth guys _also_ hitting on you-"

"You know what, we should get to seeing the rest of the episode, I mean we really ought to continue on to that. We all want to get home, don't we, and the more we wait around on that, the longer time we'll be stuck here-"

Mai interrupts Ryou, frankly intrigued in how Ryou attracts Goths by supposedly looking like a corpse. "So what's the connection?"

"They're all probably necrophiliacs." The evil spirit says simply. This time, the boy cannot ignore his double much longer.

"Oh, you're disgusting! They were just nice people that wanted to get to know me!" Ryou finally address his yami, who just yawns in response. "Yes, yes of course." He says in a very unconvincing voice. "So when people want to get to know you as a person, they usually ask you to take your clothes off. I see."

The group gawks at Ryou, who at the moment, looks positively mortified.

_Ohmygod._

_OHMYGOD._

"And I never DO THAT! I only talk to them, I SWEAR!" He feels the need to clarify desperately, but he feels like if he's digging an even deeper hole for himself.

_Dear lord, they must think I'm a massive sex-crazed FREAK. _

Yami clears his throat awkwardly. "What Bakura does with his free time...is solely up to him to know. And spying on him is inexcusable and frankly disturbing." He looks pointedly at the evil spirit, who merely scoffs. "That's rich coming from you, Pharaoh. You dwell in the body of Yugi Mutou and you see everything he does. ALL of the time."

Yugi chokes on his spit and immediately glances up at Yami in horror, who immediately looks away. Yami Bakura stifles a laugh. "You didn't actually think you had the luxury of privacy did you, little one? Even when we 'reside' back in our millennium items," He raised two fingers up in mock quotation marks. "We still have **your** eyes. So we can literally see _everything_." This time, he does throw his head back and laughs fully, sending a mocking glance at an equally horrified Ryou at this piece of information.

The two hosts are unable to come up with a single word. According to them, once the spirits resided in the item (and if they didn't want to come out of there) then that was that! It was their mind, their body to manage without anyone else peeping in!

"Oh man, poor Yugi and Ryou," Joey said sympathetically. "They have someone else always watching them, even if they-"

"JOEY!" The girls squeal, with Tea slapping a hand over the blonde one's mouth.

"What I want to know is how we got from talking about Ryou having pale skin to..._this_ conversation." Seto mutters in disbelief.

**Yami places down his first monster in defense mode. "I summon the Cyber Commander, which, by the way, is Tristan's favorite monster," A miniature Tristan appears in the Cyber Commander's outfit on the card arena, equipped with large artillery machine guns. **

**"Even though he never actually plays this game." Yami adds right after. **

**Tristan looks rightfully surprised. "I'm surprisingly buff!" He exclaims, still in the new 'normal' voice.**

"Aw man, I kinda hoped Tristan's stupid voice would come back after that one episode." Joey said disappointedly. "I am glad it hasn't." Tristan replied happily.

**A close up of Yami's face ensues and he looks completely taken back. "By the gods! That's exactly what _I_ want to look like!"**

The group snickers. "Yep, abridged!Yami could be a total gym bunny." Mai states playfully.

**"White Magical Hat! Send his Cyber Commander to the Graveyard!" Bakura orders his monster, who diligently attacks Tristan in his Cyber Commander gear. ****"No! Tristan!" ****He disappears in a flash of red light.**

**"He was the finest mind of his generation!" Yami says gravely. "I summon the Flame Swordsman!" He places the card down, and Joey pops up from the card wearing the Flame Swordsman's outfit. "A.k.a., Joey's favorite monster."**

**Joey, realizing what he was wearing, says "Uh-oh. Have I been cross dressing in my sleep again?"**

"I am completely sure this is something this Joey would do as well." Tristan elbows his friend teasingly.

**Yami starts to explain."It seems that Bakura has somehow placed our souls within each of our favorite cards." He pauses. "Either that or he's turned you all into cosplayers."  
**

**Joey is completely horrified. "That BASTARD!"**

"What da heck is a cosplayer?" Joey rubs his head in confusion. Ryou looks at him in disbelief. "You live in Japan, and you don't know what _cosplay_ is?"

"Frankly, I don't either." Yugi admitted bashfully, and Tea nodded her head in agreement as well. "It's like Halloween but instead of dressing up as witches and ghouls, you dress up as Vocaloids and alchemists with two metal limbs. " Mai explained before Ryou could.

"Huh?"

"You dress up as your favorite fictional character. Whether that'd be anime, cartoons, movies, even comic books." She goes more into detail. "Usually, people that cosplay tend to go to conventions, where they meet other cosplayers and see the different creative ways these same costume ideas can take. People really get into cosplay, and can have incredibly complex and fantastic costumes."

The British teen looks rightly surprised at Mai knowing so much about cosplay (one of his favorite hobbies, by the way). "How do you-?"

"You are looking at the five-time winner of Comic-Con's AND Anime-Expo's _Best Cosplay of the Year_ award." She says proudly, crossing his arms. Ryou proceeded to choke on his own saliva, the realization clicking in. "Y-_you're _Marie-Clyde Bourbon?!" He says in complete shock.

"Uh...who?"

"The one and only." She sweeps her hands elegantly and bowing down. The boy is still starstruck at the revelation. "I've seen your cosplays, but with all the body paint, hair color and prosthetics, so I didn't even realize-" He still looked completely surprised, a hand resting on his bottom lip. "But now I totally see the resemblance. Completely."

"I don't think I've seen you around in any conventions. Do you not go?" Mai says, interested. "I've been wanting to go to Comic-Con, as I've never been there, but I have attended Anime-expo twice. Your cosplay last year was Katarina from League of Legends, right? And the year before that, it was Starfire. That personally was my favorite!" Ryou says excitedly.

"..." Meanwhile, the rest of the group is looking completely lost at the conversation.

"Ah, you have a good memory! The good thing about those two is I could use the same red wigs, just styled differently. What was yours?"

"Mine were nowhere near as complex or as nice as yours, but last year I cosplayed as Sephiroth from _Final Fantasy_ and the year before that I was the Undertaker from _Black Butler_-"

"Hey, BOTH of those are good choices since you don't even need a wig for either one!" Mai says approvingly.

"Well, I did need to buy extensions since my hair isn't nearly as long as-"

"CAN YOU TWO FINISH YOUR NERD FEST ALREADY?!" Joey finally yells out exasperated.

**"By the way, Tristan's dead."**

**"Oh, not again!"**

"They say it so flippantly, it's like I don't even matter!" Tristan says irritated. "See? This is the effect of losing your old voice. Everybody stops giving a crap." Joey says, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

**Yami sets down another card. "I also summon the Dark Magician!" Yugi in the Dark Magician outfit appears above the card. A close-up of Yugi's large plum eyes blinking in confusion is seein while he appears to be thinking **_**I look slightly more ridiculous than usual!**_

"Why is LK implying I look 'usually' ridiculous?" Yugi says crossly. Yami Bakura looks all-too-ready and happy to answer this rhetorical question for Yugi, but Ryou whips out an arm in front of him and shoves a shushing finger right against his lips. "You. Shhhhh."

"Because he's an ass, Yug. Don't let it get to ya."

**Yami takes out a card from his other hand, sight directed to his opponent. "And now I activate Reborn the Monster!" He sets down the card. A caption appears at the bottom right-hand corner of the screen: _*Monster Reborn _**

**"In order to resurrect Tristan's original voice!" Tristan appears in his Cyber Commander gear again.**

"_Noooooooo-_!"

**Tristan opens his eyes, and with his old funny voice back, he says: "Hey, what gives? I liked my new voice. People were starting to take me seriously." He looks back and forth between his two friends in confusion.**

**Yami looks at Tristan with no regrets. "Sorry Tristan, but it's much easier to make fun of you this way."**

Tristan huffs at this response, glaring at the screen.

**Joey looks up at Yami as if suddenly realizing something. "Wait a second. Why are there two Yugi's?" ****Yugi replies. "I'm not sure, but sometimes when I'm dueling, it's like I can feel a powerful voice inside my head telling me how to win."**

"That's not how it works at all!" Yugi fumes. "Yami doesn't ever tell me how to win, it takes strategy and well-thought out plans with each duel."

** "Does that mean you've been cheating?" Tristan asks bluntly. **

"_Cheating_?! I do not cheat!" Yugi bristles at the accusation, eyes wide in anger.

**"Well, it's more complicated than that..." He replies. ****"Sounds like cheatin' to me, Yug." Joey says in disbelief while Tristan is also looking quite doubtful in how this situation wouldn't be construed as cheating.**

"IT'S NOT CHEATING!"

**"IT'S NOT CHEATING!" ****Yugi blows up at them.**

"Whoa. _abridged!_Yugi and normal Yugi yelled that out at the exact same time. Talk about being in sync!" Tristan says, impressed.

**Yugi's anger dissipates as he looks down slightly, a soft smile appearing on his lips. "It's more like we have a spiritual connection that goes far beyond any-" ****Joey, completely ignoring his friend's explanation, resorts to look up at gigantic Yami. "Hey! Big Yugi!" He hollers with no shame. "Has Little Yugi been cheatin' this whole time?"**

**Yami nods, smiling slightly.**

**Yugi's frustration comes back ten-fold. "Oh, you guys can all just go straight to hell." He mutters.**

"Ditto." Yugi mumbles.

"Also...when you think about it, Yugi is literally two people in one body...so ain't it unfair for other duelists to play him? To have a level playing field, then it'd need to be pair of duelists working together, wouldn't it?"

"You're one to talk about 'fairness', Mai. You sprayed all of your Duel Monsters cards with different perfumes so you could tell them apart without ever looking at them. That sounds like cheating to me."

Many heads whipped around in surprise, realizing that last caustic reply actually came from Yugi. The short wild-haired teen had his arm crossed, large amethyst eyes narrowed in resentment at the shocked older woman. This even manages to take Yami Bakura off-guard, as he could have sworn the Mutou kid was physically unable to challenge anyone in such a fierce manner.

"Or at least until Joey came up and ruined your totally legal and correct _strategy_." Yugi finished sarcastically, waving his fingers around. The group blinks at this, astonished at seeing such a sweet-tempered boy attack Mai's past transgressions insultingly. Just having the word _insult_ associated with Yugi felt weird! Mai didn't even try to defend herself as she knows everything said was truthful. And in fact, she is still in disbelief over _who_ is the one speaking said truths.

_What the-? Is this even Yugi?_

"Hey man, you okay?" Joey asks, concerned. He knows Yugi well, and angry or not, he never so outrightly called people out like that. "Why wouldn't I be okay?" Yugi answered sharply, the violet in his irises turning uncharacteristically dark.

The blonde shrugged reluctantly. "Well, it's just..you're not usually like this."

"Like what?" Yugi demanded. " Assertive?"

"Like..._abridged!_Yugi."

This actually seems to catch his attention enough for him to make the hard angry glint in his eyes disappear. Yugi's expression goes from irritated to conflicted in two seconds flat. He bites his lower lip, looking down at he white floor before locking eye contact with a blonde woman.

"Mai, I'm sorry. I am not sure what made me blow up on you like that-" Yugi says softly, guilt heavy in his voice. She dismisses his apology with a wave of her manicured hand. "You've got nothing to apologize. You didn't lie at all. I _did_ do all of those things, and you were right on calling me out like how you did. Seriously, hun. No harm, no foul."

**Yami places a Duel Monsters card with the picture facing down, in defense position. "Now I'll place Téa in face-down position." Tea appears under the card, wearing the Magician of Faith robe. She rises up slowly, eyes darting back and forth, not sure what in the world is going on.**

**"I've always wanted to say that." Yami finishes lecherously. **

Tea's jaw drops.

Yami's eyes grow wide and round in absolute mortification.

Everybody else immediately roars in screeching laughter. Tristan is wiping away tears from his constantly leaking eyes, and Mai is currently holding her stomach in pain because of her inability to stop laughing. "You're a filthy one, aren't you Pharaoh?" Yami Bakura jeers once and continues on to laugh along the others. Joey is so far gone, he is slapping his hand against Ryou's back, not noticing the teen's slightly pained wince every time he does so.

Although he does it much more secretly and covertly, even Yugi is laughing at his partner. Yami had no qualms in making fun of him when something similar happened, so hey. What goes around, comes around.

**Tea rises up her magical orb staff to her face in surprise. "This is just like something out of a bad fanfic!" She exclaims. **

Ryou almost chokes on his own spit again. His chocolate eyes widen at what _abridged!_Tea said. Holy...

_Fanfic._

Why didn't he ever think of that? If Little Kuriboh was a big enough fan to make the abridged version of their show (and obviously, HIS version grew extremely lucrative as well since they're already onto seeing the 9th episode), and if there were international dubs of their show, then that meant Yu-Gi-Oh is, unfortunately, a worldwide popular hit. Why 'unfortunately'? Well, because he knew what that meant in popular anime: rabid _fangirls_.

Or more specifically, rabid fangirls who wrote _fanfiction_ of them.

Even MORE specifically, rabid crazy fangirls who wrote fanfiction of them..._romantically_.

An inescapable dread fills his heart like heavy lead, and his stomach lurches when an extremely disturbing thought enters his mind. _What if ...they're writing fanfics about...me? _The potential pairings a Yu-Gi-Oh! fangirl could come up with to start to populate his head. Oh God, now he needed brain bleach. He hadn't done it in over three years, as he found it relatively useless in warding off evil demons (ahem, Yami Bakura), but now he couldn't help it. The instinct overtook him!

Ryou found himself making the Sign of the Cross with his right hand, fingers also positioned into a miniature cross. He needed to be SOME sort of protection.

**Yugi appears in front of a worried Tea, looking quite thoughtful. _If only she'd picked the Dark Magician Girl!_** **He looks back at his friend, with a slightly leery expression. _Mmmm, Dark Magician Girl..._**

"EW." Yugi says aghast at what his abridged counterpart is implying. "She's a DUEL MONSTER. The only real pervert here is Little Kuriboh." He mumbles.

**Yami Bakura grins darkly, placing a card on the duel arena. "Good luck overcoming my Man-Eater Bug."**

**Yugi looks on determinedly. "One of us has to sacrifice themselves in order to kill that monster! I nominate Tristan."**

**"Seconded." Tea agrees instantly.**

"I swear your doubles are all jerks." Tristan fumes.

**Joey jumps up on Bakura's face-down card, his red sword rising proudly in his hands. "Don't worry Tristan, I always wanted to die wearing a dress." He says dramatically and attacks the Bug. It gets destroyed, but it takes Joey with it to the graveyard. "I regret nothing!"**

**Yami Bakura's smirking face takes up the screen, subtly zooming out. "Soon I'll be the only character left! I've always wanted my own cartoon." The point of view shifts to his profile. "I think I'll call it... _Zorc and Pals_."**

Yami Bakura's jaw is practically falling off. His abridged counterpart had already mentioned it last episode, and now he does it AGAIN?!

_How the bloody hell does he KNOW?!_

His hands curl up into fists, rage bubbling up inside of him. This LK demon is pissing him off more than he could ever expect. If he keeps mentioning that name and the rest of these idiots catch on, then his plans will be seriously compromised. He already knows that game developer has an inkling of a suspicion towards him. In fact, he could feel a piercing stare coming from Kaiba right at this very moment. He curses internally, and tried to make his face as cold and as collected as possible.

He knew the nosy kid would be looking for any breaks of emotions in his face so he could interrogate him. He just had to keep his poker face strong.

**A large black horned demon appears on the screen, throwing massive fireballs in no particular direction. ****Small crude drawings of what appeared to be a smiling cutesy Yami Bakura at each side of the screen appeared. **

**A humorous voice-over is singing while the same lyrics are subtitled in pink right above the demon's head: ****"_Who's that crazy kook destroyin' the world? _****_IT'S ZORC!_" **

**Zorc's terrifying blood red eyes take up the shot. "That's me!" A raspy demonic yet silly voice calls out. ****The narrator kept on singing cheerfully. "_It's Zorc and Pals!_ " The makeshift 'title' of the show appeared in reddish pink letters.**

Yami Bakura's attempts of appearing smooth and unruffled flew out the window.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! _What the literal FUCK?!_" He screams, standing up so forcefully from the couch, it almost tilted back (which made everyone panic for about three seconds until it stabilized). The spirit is now pacing furiously, leaving a practically visible scorching fire in his wake.

"So I was right then..." Kaiba says evenly, watching the enraged spirit drive himself insane with so many questions (the same questions) of _HOW?! WHY? ,_ he's already paced the parameter of the entire white room three times. "You DO know who this Zorc is." He finishes smugly. _Oh, don't I know it. _He thinks bitterly.

"No. You don't mean to say-, THIS isn't part of our future, is it?!" Mai interjects fearfully. " T-this mentions he destroys the world- Ohmygod, please don't tell me our literal 'show' ends with the end of times!" Tea also cries out in growing horror.

"I've seen this demon before." Ryou whispers, doe eyes wide with dread. "I dream about it. I h-have..._nightmares _about him massacring everybody." He turns to look at the spirit sharply, fear still blooming in his chocolate irises. "This is your doing, isn't? You make me have those horrible visions! Because that is what YOU want to do!" He accuses in a strangled voice.

Fuck.

He closes his eyes, cursing his earlier tantrum. They were already catching on.

Fuck. _FUCK._

"So this is your plan?" Yami demands. "You want to somehow bring this demon to our world and KILL everyone?"

**"Zorc, did you forget our anniversary? Again?" Yami Bakura says. Canned laughter from sitcoms starts up after his last word.**

The evil spirit stops pacing, eyes narrowing at the implication. How idiotic! Only a true buffoon would not connect the dots about his true plan. But then he realizes neither Little Kuriboh or any of the mortals actually know. Which was infinitely better than him knowing and potentially releasing this information to the others. So instead of either vehemently denying anything they were accusing him off, he decides to not say anything at all. This will just make them more confused and frustrated, and probably make their imaginations run on overdrive.

After all, they can't actually force him to divulge anything.

**"Yes, I was too busy destroying the world." More sitcom laughter followed.**** "I've slaughtered millions!"**

**The canned laughter repeated itself. ****Yami Bakura grins at this, clearly pleased. "That's my Zorc." ****Again, the close up of Zorc's terrifying neon red eyes fill up the screen and the theme song starts. **

**"_The blood of the innocent will flow without end!_**  
**_His name is Zorc and he's destroyin' the world!_"**

"You don't expect us to just leave this well alone, do you Bakura?" Yami yells out. Ryou's face darkes to a scowl. "You WILL give us answers. Who is Zorc? What is your allegiance with him? What's your end game here?!" The spirit merely taps his fingers sporadically on the couch fabric, looking quite bored and nonchalant over the entire thing. This could end up creating much more anger and discomfort than he initially thought.

"I think he's giving us the Silent Treatment." Yugi deadpans.

"So, in other words, he won't say crap." Mai sighs. They could bother him as much they wished, but unless he wanted to actually answer their burning questions, they knew it was null.

**Back in the duel, Yami Bakura asks. "What do you think, Pharaoh?"**

**Yami is undoubtedly angry about this potential new cartoon. "I think you'll be taken off the air faster than you can say _Arrested Development!_"**

**A close-up of Tea's tearful eyes show and a tear falls from her lashes. "That was my favorite show... Why did they have to cancel it?" The tear falls down to a puddle of clear water that appeared out of nowhere, which for some reason made Tea glow with white light. **

**Yugi notices this. "Téa's tears activated her special ability," She is shown standing on top of her card, which is completely blank and also glowing with the same white light. Her attack and defense points are shown as 2500 and 2100. "Making her attack and defense points look completely inaccurate!"**

"Why inaccurate?" Yugi says, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

**Sparkly dust follows to Yami's hand and makes a previous magic card appear. "Yes, and it also allows me to recycle Reborn the Monster!" Yami announces.**

**The caption at the bottom right-hand corner of the screen reads: _*Still Monster Reborn_**

"I don't understand the caption. Is it because Yami is saying it a slightly different manner?" Tea asks, perplexed. "Well, it does read much better when you say it as Monster Reborn." Seto offers up.

**Joey is seen at the graveyard, facing the Reaper of the Cards. It has the scythe ready to swing and Joey hides his face with his arms. "Please don't kill me! I have three best friends!" The scythe swings and he's taken to the duel right at the nick of time. "Kill them instead!"**

"...Wow. Friendship seems to be very important in the abridged show."

**Joey opens his eyes and realizes he's back in the duel arena. His three friends rush up to him and Yugi starts to speak. "It's okay Joey, my alter-ego brought you back to life with a Spell Card."**

**"Just like our Lord Jesus." Tristan says proudly.**

Ryou snorts loudly at this, attempting to not laugh. He feels a little guilty in finding it abridged!Tristan's comment so funny, especially since he is the only Christian in the room and should represent it as such. But really, the situation itself was so stupid, he still couldn't help snickering.

"Your religion believes in spell cards?" Seto asks doubtfully.

"No...Or, well I mean, not really. " Ryou clears his throat, still trying to get rid of the giggles. "It's just- I guess you could say, spell cards translate pretty well to miracles. So in a small miniscule way, you _could_ say it fits."

**"How many times do I have to kill you people before you stay dead?" Yami Bakura says in frustration, and he reveals the Change of Heart card.**

**"The Change of Heart!" Yugi realizes. "That's Bakura's favorite card!"**

**Yami Bakura grins, a close up of his face appearing. "Yes, and with it I'm going to turn you into a villain!" The hypothetical situation of Yugi being under the spell of the card and attacking all of his friends overlaps with the spirit's still smirking face. "That way, you'll know what it's like to have your plans foiled time after time by a group of card-game-obsessed morons!" He places the cards down, and Ryou appears as the split angel in the Change of Heart.**

**His eyes are soft and kind, which is why Yugi realizes who the angel is. "****Look, it's the real Bakura!"**

**Ryou then he proceeds to possess the body of Yami Bakura's Lady of Faith. "I've taken control of this woman's body in order to save you guys. And I don't mind telling you, it feels bloody great!"**

Joey snickers, while Ryou just mumbles to himself that he has no particular desire to _ever_ be a woman, no matter how 'girly' people thought he looked.

**Yami Bakura looks very surprised."By the gods!" He exclaims and then points a finger to the screen with an almost excited smile. "That's exactly what _I_ want to look like!"**

"What an imbecile." The spirit mutters. His abridged alter is absolutely infuriating. The only thing that somehow consoled him was the fact that Yami's alter easily trumped his own 100 times over.

**Yami's puzzle starts glowing. "Conveniently, my Millennium Puzzle allows me to put souls back into their original bodies." Yami Bakura's own Millennium ring starts to move haphazardly while silently screams. Ryou's soul is returned back into his own body, and Yami Bakura's soul is placed into Lady of Faith's body.**

**The dark Bakura, now clad as the Lady of Faith, shouts in outrage. "How dare you defy me? Just wait until Zorc hears about this!"**

**"FINISH HIM!" Yami says in a Mortal Kombat voice.**

"Niiiice. Mortal Kombat reference."

**Yugi extends his hand. "Super Special Awesome Attack!"**

**"Oh, bugger me!" He exclaims as he gets destroyed. A blue light appears and he is sent to the Graveyard. "****I shall be a main character!" He says, gritting his teeth. "Even if it takes me another two hundred bloody episodes."**

"I think that's how long we have to wait until we actually see Bakura succeeding in something." Mai says laughingly, her eyebrows rising up as a challenge to the spirit. He snarls loudly. "Do not underestimate me, stupid woman. Unless you don't particularly care in spending the eternity in burning flames."

**Now that everything went back to normal, Ryou is seeing talking to Yugi. "****I say, that plot line made a lot more sense in the original manga."**

"And that is official confirmation that we truly are an anime. Interesting." Kaiba says thoughtfully. "And more likely than, there is probably another alternate universe set up exclusively for the manga version of _Yu-Gi-Oh!"_

**Yugi looks directly at the millennium item hanging from his friend's neck. "Where did you get your evil ring from, Bakura?"**

**The Egyptian Sphynxes appeared, therefore letting the audience know they were in a flashback. A man with slightly blue hair dye is looking at some trinkets in a merchant's jewelry table."My father bought it while he was in Egypt looking to purchase some blue hair dye." Ryou explains. **

"As if anyone would go all the way to Egypt to buy some hair dye!" The teen scoffs. "How ridiculous."

**Meanwhile, Joey is looking quite tired and confused by the whole ordeal. "Man, I had the most unbelievable dream. There were two Yugis, and Bakura was a main character!"**

**Tea has a thoughtful finger on her chin while her slightly-worried eyes were directed into the distance. "I usually enjoy dreams that involve two Yugis-"**

"WHAT THE_ HELL_!" Tea actually shrieks, for the first time using a semblance of a swear word.

"_HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_" This time, every single person in the room explodes in raucous, screeching laughter. Even Yami and Yugi, who were also part in this jab, are laughing like if they were getting paid for it. Tea, on the other hand, is seriously wishing for sweet oblivion and destruction. Her entire face goes from normal skin color to the hue of a cherry-red tomatoe in less than three seconds.

**"-But that one was _very_ disappointing." She finishes, looking at a scared Yugi and an awkward looking Ryou.**

"OHMYGOD."

"DID I ACTUALLY HEAR THAT RIGHT?!"

"Holy Mother of-!"

The laughter continued for an excruciatingly long amount, to Tea's complete horror and embarrassment. She was definitely wrong last time. THIS...was definitely the most embarrassing event in her entire life so far.

**Suddenly, Mai's voice could be heard from a distance."My breasts are in danger!"**

**"Hey, that sounds like the plot for the next episode! Come on gang, let's go find out what it is!" Yugi yells out and starts running to the direction from where the cry for help originated from. His friends start running too, and the scene cuts to a freeze-frame.**

**Tristan voices over the frame. "Oh no! The animation budget ran out!"**

"That is just so true. What a crappy frame." Joey says, still snickering from abridged!Tea's comment not long before.

**The Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged title appeared on a background of black while the theme song for _Zorc and Pals_ started again. **

_**Who's that crazy kook destroyin' the world?**_  
_**It's Zorc!**_

**"That's me!"**

**White subtitles appeared on the black screen saying: [sorry about that delay]**

_**It's Zorc and Pals.**_

**The Blue Eyes White Dragon appears while Strong Bad's voice keeps screaming out "TROGDOOOOOOR!" This time, Kaiba appears as if he was the one screaming out.**

**"TROGDOOOOOOOR!"**

"Those are some strange stingers." Yugi muses, unable to comprehend what those screams at the end even meant.

"This is strange freaking SHOW, period." Tristan says. "I mean, who the heck goes through all the trouble of finding a Spanish version of Yu-Gi-Oh just for a funny intro?"

With that point brought that into the light again, Seto is reminded of Ryou desperately wanting him to keep his mouth shut on the fact that he could actually translate everything as well as he could (_but didn't_, he seethes). And although he did let it go at that time because the same situation was just so strange, he really is awfully curious about why his fluency in Spanish needed to be so secretive. So, no. He isn't going to let Ryou get away with it.

"Ryou. Is there any particular reason why you don't want anyone to know you speak perfect Spanish?" Seto asks bluntly.

This gets everyone's undivided attention immediately. Ryou's eyes grow to the size of perfectly round silver dollars. _No. _Yami Bakura starts to laugh once again at this, a very sinister and chilling sound that crawls up in everyone's spine. He actually heard, and now he won't cease mocking him until he makes him break. The spirit chuckles once again, a low mocking sound which reverberates through every single cell in Ryou's body. And he knows why he laughs, with that horrible smirk curling up his lips, a delicate white eyebrow not in cord with his evil personality rising up as if challenging him.

"Are you shy, landlord?" He leers at him with wicked flickering crimson eyes, arms crossing in amusement.

"Don't you think your FRIENDS should know you also speak this language well?" Ryou's lips thin out and harden in growing rage. Bastard. A clear '_don't you DARE'_ expression heads to the dark spirit's direction but he pays no heed to it.

"You can speak Spanish?" Tea finally asks in a curious manner. His head hangs slightly, white locks of hair covering his downcast eyes. Pale hands curl into fists, and there's a slight if not insignificant tremor in his bones that only someone with a rapt attention to his person would notice. Bakura throws his head back and laughs heartedly. "The boy studied it religiously for four years. he can probably speak it backward if he saw fit. Isn't that right, host?"

_That nasty son of a...!_

Heartless evil demon.

It was all HIS fault he spent so much time learning the language. It was solely HIS doing Ryou would always have that last moment of his first best friend staring at him with those horrified dark eyes before he saw black, whispering three last words at him in soft Spanish... forever imprinted-no, SEARED into his mind.

The boy was his first real friend, an exchange student from some latin country (he never remembered which one - Columbia? Panama? Mexico?) back in middle school, Japan. Though Ryou already had a year in the school he was still considered an exchange student from England. Both faced with new strange culture, the fear and anxiety of speaking a language still not completely dominated and meeting new people- they understood each other.

Both clicked immediately. Most of their friendship were silly wacky conversations in broken tentative Japanese or fruitless classes of trying to teach each other their native language, almost always ending up in them cracking up from their comedic failure. And the best thing of it all : he loved RPG table top games as much as Ryou did. They always excitedly talked about their favorite games and brought freshly drawn dioramas to show each other but they never got to actually play a game until...

_Invite him to your house_ A raspy cool voice caressed the back of his mind, a stark discordant contrast to his own inner voice.

_Play a game with him._

An uncomfortable chill went up his spine at the suggestion, but he thought nothing of it. It was his mind after all, why should he be scared of his own thoughts? Right? No.

Wrong.. So, so wrong.

_'Eres el diablo.'_

Those three words rang in his head ever since. Nonstop, like a dark pitch black noise, a broken record forever looped to be heard until the end of times. He didn't know what that meant at first. No doubt, he was determined to figure it out, and studied Spanish as if his life depended on it. And even after he found out (how much he cried that day when he learned the meaning), he kept on studying it, he kept on immersing himself in the language because it was the only way he could think to say to his first true friend who still to this day was in a coma:

I'm sorry.

_Eres el Diablo, Ryou_.

God, I'm so sorry.

**Ryou...You are the Devil**.

"Aye, man that's awesome. C'mon, hit us with some of that latin fire!" Joey joked.

"Oh yes, host. Please, allow a demonstration of your exemplary hold on the language." That tone of mock thunders as if he's screaming. Ryou is surprised no one hears his teeth gritting into dust. It's as loud as a jackhammer in his head. _HOW DARE YOU! HOW COULD YOU?!_

"Well? You will say something won't you?" His smirk is filled with malice and even worse, glee. This time, everyone could notice Ryou shaking like a leaf. So silent, and trembling quite harshly. "Hey Bakura, you okay?" Tea asks, worried. Mai's eyes also soften in concern, noticing how erratically the teen was behaving. Yami Bakura throws his head back laughing. Of course, his weak spineless dainty host would get so _sad_, he'd try to curb his urge to cry.

How he shook was the definition of pitiful.

"Dear, dear pathetic landlord. You won't cry today like you always do, will y-"

A tight rock-hard fist crashes right into his jaw with so much force, the spirit flies backward about a foot or so before crashing to the ground with a painful _CRACK!_

Dizzying agony fills his mind as he feels the brunt of the fall exactly through the protruding bone of his right elbow. Crippling pain inhabits his entire arm, and it's such a bombardment of it, he felt momentarily blinded, unable to even fathom a coherent thought since the threat of losing conscious (_oh shit, am I going to pass out?_) looms closer and closer. Yami Bakura did not expect human bodies to be so fragile and to hurt so goddamn much.

"What the fuck-" He groans miserably as he holds his screaming elbow close to his body. An unpleasant metallic taste envelops his tongue, and he fights the urge to spit it out. The right side of his jaw also keeps pulsing horribly and the other hand goes for his mouth, feeling a wetness on his lips. He wipes it off, wincing, and is shocked to find out dark red blood on the back of his hand. He finally snaps his eyes wide open to see his assailant towering over him.

"What the _fuck_..." The words turn into bewilderment. It's just too surreal. Unbelievable.

...Ryou punched him. He PUNCHED him, and not only that but split his lip and made him BLEED.

Sweet Ryou.

Harmless Ryou. Ryou who hates violence. Ryou who has a timid soul. Everyone is also as equally as shocked, staring at the white haired boy with saucers for eyes.

"Holy crap." Joey finally says in surprise, expressing what everybody is thinking. Ryou looks positively murderous. No really, he looks like he's three seconds away from throttling the spirit with every single inch of his life. And Yami Bakura realizes his mistake. He erroneously thought all this time, the boy was shaking in fear and sadness, attempting to curb his urge to cry his pathetic weak heart out and whimper like the little bitch he was. But no, Ryou trembled from the sheer white-hot demon rage threatening to explode out of him. And explode, it did.

"But h-how did he punch-, I-I thought we weren't allowed-!?" Yugi is interrupted by a horrifyingly calm and callous voice. Ryou's voice.

"You want me to speak it, tenant? Fine." He crouches down to the dark spirit's still collapsed figure, brown eyes darkening to an unnatural carbon.

"_Tu...eres la basura mas repugnante, mas asquerosa y miserable que he tenido la mala suerte de conocer. No puedo, no quiero perdonar todos tus pecados, tus atrocidades y tu afán de hacerme la vida un verdadero infierno. Nunca podre odiar a algo, a alguien mas que a ti...maldito vil hijo de PUTA_."

Seto's mouth drops open, which of course, everyone notices. "What's he sayin'? C'mon Kaiba, wut's he telling the ass?" Joey exclaims. The CEO attempts to summarize the rant, but he finds himself unable to get a word out.

Now Ryou stands from his initial crouching position and crosses his arms, a look of contempt washing over his face."_Ahora, hazme el favor. Desaparece por siempre y para de joderme la vida._" Once again, Seto is taken back at the words.

Yugi's dweeb team huddles around him, desperate to know what R said. "What did he say Kaiba?!" Tristan asks eagerly while Mai pokes at his forearm with her index finger, also attempting to make him spill the beans. Yami Bakura wipes the remaining blood from the edge of his mouth with a tentative thumb and finally gets on his feet as well, albeit barely. He laughs weakly. "Really? You're such a coward you can't say all that shit to my face in English? Don't tell me you're scared, host."

"I thought you wanted me to speak it, finicky ass. I'll translate every single damn word if that's what you wish." Ryou hisses with an equal or even greater level of hostility. "You were in my mind like the parasite you are all that time I studied it, I figured you'd know it as well. It's clear I underestimated you. Too stupid to follow along, I guess?"

Not only was Yami Bakura taken back by the taunting response, but everybody else unknowingly held their breath in apprehension. The spirit's eyes grow large in fury.

"You dare disrespect me, WORTHLESS mortal?!" Yami Bakura roars at the whitette. Fear blooms in Yugi's heart. If Ryou could punch the spirit, that meant he could punch him back, right? Or maybe something even worse-!

To everyone's shock, Ryou screams back at him. "I'll disrespect you anytime I **_FUCKING_** want, demon!"

A sharp gasp rang loudly from every mouth. Even Yami Bakura has his jaw on the floor, crimson brown eyes wide open in surprise. Ryou _never_ swore. EVER. It was physically impossible for a curse word to touch his lips! The only one who isn't stunned speechless is Seto Kaiba, who's already heard worse.

"...Translated, his rant went something along those lines." The young game developer snorts amidst the deadly quiet silence in the stone-still group. Yugi is at the point of almost bolting towards Ryou and literally slapping a hand over his mouth in fear of his safety. Yet, he feels like he is frozen in place, looking at the fight in growing dread and horror.

"You know why?" Ryou laughs sardonically. "Because you are absolutely useless in this form. You cannot possess me, you cannot use me to your whim-" He snorts, crossing his arms and gives the spirit a once over. "You're not able to touch a hair on my head." He leers, a smug smile on his lips as if seeing an annoying bug he's about to crush under his converse sneakers.

"It is almost like he's taken Bakura's mannerisms all of the sudden." Yami mutters lowly while Yugi is almost ripping off his fingernails in fear.

_Snap._

Ryou whirls around with an inferno in his eyes.

"THAT THING**_ IS NOT_** BAKURA!" He shouts at him, fists shaking tightly at his sides. A large collective breath is taken by the group. "_I_ am BAKURA." He hisses acidly, pointing to himself assertively.

"It's part of MY name. All he is is a damn, lowlife THIEF." His head slightly turns to sneer at the evil spirit for a split second before turning his attention back to Yami. "He steals my_ body_, steals my _consciousness_, steals my _NAME_. Do NOT DARE call him by _MY_ NAME!"

Yami shirks at Ryou's anger, shock and small traces of guilt eating away his features. Meanwhile, Yami Bakura looks on with a surprised yet amused expression. He says thief with such hate. "I..I am sorry, I didn't even think about it-"

"And that's ALWAYS THE PROBLEM, ISN'T IT?! Nobody ever _thinks_ about it, no one can stop for two seconds and go '_Gee, maybe it's a bad idea to address this sadistic son of a bitch by our friend's name, it does kinda sound like we are calling our friend the VILLAIN right?_' " He scoffs in disbelief and frustration, addressing the entire group now.

A self-deprecating laugh rang out. "I always wondered to myself why it comes so easy to my 'friends' to confuse the spirit of the ring with me, but now I am starting to make sense of it all. The truth is maybe I am just wrong." His vision grows blurry and a knot forms in his throat. "Maybe I'm not considered your friend, which is why it comes so easy to all of you to address that..thing as me." None of them can formulate a valid justifiable response, even as they all try to protest.

Two pairs of enraged eyes zero in on the King of Games, completely ignoring the others. "ESPECIALLY you, Pharaoh."

Again, Yami looks like a cornered dog awaiting an attack. Everyone jumps from the intense emotion, still outright surprised at the viciousness and unadulterated anger.

"It's so easy for YOU to liken me to him, it's almost as if you can't physically tell whether he uses my body for villainous purposes even though it's painfully OBVIOUS I would never play a shadow game (unlike _you_) or have a general 'destroy the world with darkness' agenda. But no, everything he does, you automatically blame ME as if I'm the one who can control what he can or can't do. Like I deserve punishment for it!"

His voice started to tremble from the sheer outpouring of emotion.

Where was this even _coming_ from? Everyone looks back and forth from Ryou to the pharaoh, wide pained eyes signaling their distress yet physically unable to defend the 5000-year-old spirit. What Ryou currently felt towards him at the moment was much too strong to argue with. Even Yugi is shell-shocked at the turn of events. If they didn't know any better, they'd say pure raw hatred assaulted his normally soft voice. Meanwhile, YB is awestruck and simply delighted. _Some things really do never change._

"You and your awful self-righteous rationalization of striking me down when I had no idea what was happening-"

It clicked.

Blood drained from all faces as they realized why he felt such animosity towards Yami. He was referring to the shadow game with Yami Bakura back in Battle City where Ryou was suddenly forced into his body, bruised, bloodied, and confused out of his mind while the other duelist contemplated on finishing the victory blow (which would severely injure him). Then... he'd been holding in that anger, that resentment for Yami, letting it build and build while he was held in the Shadow Realm.

"You know, I can sometimes hear what the spirit is thinking. He can't control the mind link to perfection. And at that moment, with your determined eyes ready to bring my potentially fatal defeat and your obvious steadfast goal to move forward, I heard him loud and clear. Not laughingly, not in a way to mock me since he didn't even know I was listening in. I heard him think _The Pharaoh doesn't care._" Ryou said solemnly, low and dangerous.

"That is not true, Bakura!" Yami interjects desperately, wide plum eyes conveying strong guilt and sadness. The dark spirit 'tsks' in response and wagged his finger condescendingly. "My host is right. I didn't know the pest was listening in, but I did actually think that." He shakes his head as if disappointed.

"And here you are always going on about the heart of the cards and friendship. I knew you were a lot of things, Pharaoh, but I never realized a hypocrite was one of them."

Ryou glared at him fiercely while the other chuckled. "You. Shut..._UP_."

Yami Bakura raises his eyebrows, sucking his teeth. "Touchy."

Once again, the whitette focuses on the older Egyptian. "And you know what? For the first time ever, I believed him. Because you actually didn't give a crap about what could happen to me. I wasn't important enough to be saved. And that is the ONLY reason that ass came back and took over. He didn't trust you'd have enough _compassion_ to not attack. It's the only reason I am still ALIVE."

"You have no idea how conflicted I was-"

"My God, I am _so_ sorry for the inconvenience and conflict you felt by choosing whether I live or die." Yami Bakura snorts. The snark is certainly strong with his former host.

A small alarm rings softly in Ryou's head, and he fleetingly notices how unusually angry he is.

To be furious with the spirit of the ring is one thing; it's normal and frankly expected. But at Yami, whose offenses are nonexistent compared to his 'tenant'? It's not like it was a guarantee he was going to die, right? Maybe severe injuries but it'd be for the greater good! He should be directing his fury to another more sadistic person. But the roar of boiling hot blood is much louder than the timid meek voice calling for him to calm down (_you are not like this, Ryou...this isn't you!_) and he feels angrier as the time passes.

"You say it like if you know what my decision would be." Yami retorts defensively, a bit angry.

"That's because I did! EVERYBODY did." He hissed out in a low tone, but somehow it still felt like he was screaming. Unusually menacing dark chocolate eyes darted from person to person.

"Ask them all outright if they thought even for the slightest second that you were going to do it. If there's hesitation in their face, you will know the answer." A tense dangerous silence blankets the group, squeezing the air out of their lungs. Yami looks in the direction of his friends and is shocked to find most of them looking away, torn expressions on their faces. Even Yugi. "Go on." Ryou demanded coldly. "Ask."

"Aibo," He says, extending a slightly trembling finger.

"You didn't actually believe I would..." Yugi shakes his head furiously, plum eyes glittering with unshed tears. "I didn't know what to think, Yami. I know you're such a good person, but-I was so scared you would get too carried away like you did with Kaiba-" He turned away again, unable to finish his sentence. He doesn't need to say anything else.

"You definitely wouldn't even think about it if it was Joey or Tea or anyone else. But that's because you actually truly care about them right? You don't have to pretend like you do with me. And they call you a fair and just Pharaoh." He scoffs laughingly, bitterly._ Calm DOWN, Ryou!_

"You were _once_ King of all Egypt. And they SAY you're the King of games. But a King doesn't sacrifice someone for a duel. A King loses one, he loses all. You may have had the title once, but you are _NO_ KING in my eyes! Not of games nor of-"

He suddenly chokes on his words.

A pulse emits from the center of his chest and radiates outward, like a single drop of acid falling into a still puddle of water. It burned, the pulse waves burned his soul and his mind. He tucks in his shaking arms, holding himself tightly as if injured. A pained cry permeates the air, but it is not from Ryou. He looks at the source of the noise, Yami, astonished by his same posture and agonized expression. It seems the former Pharaoh is experiencing the same thing.

What is this?

The panicked expression of his supposed friends fades away...

_...Sand._

_Everywhere._

_ He could taste the gritty particles in his mouth, he could feel the heat of the sun-bleached sandy ground from his bare feet and scratched up knees. _

_Why is he on his knees? The wondering thought is cut short. An excruciating pain abruptly envelops his right eye and flickering darkness edges into his compromised vision. An unfamiliar hand cups his eye and as he retracts it, it comes away coated with blood. He feels like screaming, but soon realizes the grotesque shrieking in his ears isn't the wind after all. It only grows louder and louder as it's the only way to keep him from fainting. Cruel wind whips around his hair and eyes and he feels like he's stuck in the middle of a desert sandstorm. _

_All he can see is the reddish-brown color of dirt and...bronze legs? The pain descends to a murderous rage. All he felt was hate._

_Hatehatehate._

_ Ryou shouldn't feel so much of it-_

_He snarls and looks up at the royal man, fury rising up with each second in seeing the decorated Ruler so smug. He has his arms crossed, a confident and composed expression on his face, looking at his crumpled form as if he was an insect who deserved to be crushed. Magenta-tipped spikes of black hair sway slightly from the wind, practically unperturbed. His golden blonde bangs whip around much more forcefully, and the sun reflects a beautiful almost blinding gleam on his golden headpiece. Piercing violet eyes stare intensely at him as if observing an animal._

_'What...' _

_He knew that face._

_ "They worship the ground you walk on-" _

_A surprisingly coarse voice comes out of Ryou's lips (his lips?) and he is rightly startled at the unfamiliarity. It is a voice deepened and worn down by tragedy and bitterness. A voice of the vengeful and the black-hearted. By the color of the skin, he realizes this isn't his body, and the stranger's face doesn't convey his own emotions. Then..he is inhabiting a body like the spirit did to him. But in contrast to the villain, he has no choice in the matter like always._

_"They call you their King, their God!" His borrowed mouth has a mind of it own. Who is this man he's currently inhabiting? All he knows is that with each word he grows angrier and his hatred for the person looking down at him climbs steadily. "But you are no God. You are a capricious naive STUPID little boy. All Kemet may throw themselves to kiss your feet, but I'd rather die than ever bow to you. You will NEVER be my King. Rulers don't murder their own-!"_

_"Hush, petty thief. Who are you to blatantly disrespect your Highness?"_

_"A man ten thousand times more worthy than you will ever be, My PHARAOH." __Ryou wants to scream from the realization._

_T__he Pharaoh. _

_He sees it now. Crystal clear. It's a shock he hadn't recognized him the minute he laid eyes on those determined plum orbs._

_A steady dripping sound resonates in his head faintly and he tears his sight from the imposing regal face to the ruler's left arm. A beautifully crafted curved dagger clutched tightly in Atem's hand, shining silver blade gleaming a fluorescent red. Blood dripped down the tip, forming a slowly growing puddle at the Pharaoh's side. He remembers his eye injury, as he could still feel the searing pain on his eyelid and cheek. Warm blood still runs down his face, and with no possibility of stopping soon. _

_Then...did HE cause this?!_

_"I should cut your tongue out for your insolence, you filth," Atem stated commandingly, no mercy in his narrowed orbs. "You may say you won't bow willingly, but here you are...down on your knees."_

_Ryou feels the most pitch-black hellish hatred ever possible for the smug man, so much he ls frightened by such an onslaught. He feels he'd be ecstatic to see his head ripped from his body by these two hands...and internally, the boy shivers from such a grotesque thought. 'It's not me, no, it is definitely not me! It's this stranger's mind...one that is damaged and bloodthirsty.' So much. Too much. Why?_

_"Bow down to me, thief. Worship your King because your King is God. And God says it is good."_

_'Is he in there? Is Yami really in there?' Ryou's thoughts clash with the 'killkillKILL**'** ones of the stranger he inhabited. The overt arrogance he displays is astounding. There is no possible way the 'good guy' could be this twisted._

_"May Ammut devour your heart and soul for your repulsive arrogance." His foreign lips spit out viciously._

_ For the first time, Atem actually became furious. A tan gold-laden hand shot down to his neck, tight grip threatening to crush his windpipe. His other hand rises, wrist flicking so the dagger lay horizontally right across his bloody eye. He growls and throws his arm back. _

_Ryou sees a reflective scythe of motion and pain explodes again in his injured eye._

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!**"

He falls to his knees on the cool white floor, covering the right side of his face while screaming in agony.

"BAKURA!" He hears various people scream. Suddenly, there is no more pain.

The cruel wind is gone and he doesn't feel the burning sand digging on his skin. He exhales forcefully as if the breath had been punched out of him. Both eyes open wide, shock and fear still present in them. Yugi, Tea, Seto, Joey, Tristan, and Mai were all huddled around him, clearly panicked out of their minds.

Ryou is back in the void. He tries to calm his shaking breath, but it seems impossible to do and soon the questions bombarding him from the group turn into static. He looks up at the person who also knelt down with disbelief blooming in his face. Yami is almost to the point of panting, small beads of perspiration forming on his pallid face.

_What the hell was that?_

The two stare into each other, unnervingly, blankly. As if there were no other people in this void but them.

_W-what the HELL was that?_

"I saw you." Ryou finally whispers. Then, it is confirmed. The bronze body he temporarily inhabited was his old self's. Yami figured as much.

"What...what did you DO to him?!"

The ancient Egyptian's pupils shrink almost to the point of nonexistence, a dull grayish purple overtaking his usually bright violet irises. _Impossible._ It's an undeniable astounding realization for him, since he had the erroneous inkling of who that silver-haired man with furious lilac eyes was because of the yami's similarity to him, but he never actually thought he'd be...!

His head faces the ground, unable to look at the teen in the eyes.

Yami finally responds in a low dead voice. "I think you mean to ask...what did I do to _you_."

.

* * *

The shit has hit the fan. Ryou went super mega ultra anger RAGE mode on their asses. Because even sweet polite boys have their limit, and when they do reach it, it's TERRIFYING. As a future psychologist, I am telling you here right now: DO NOT bottle shit up. It will explode out of you. Can you guess what's happening next? I'll give a shout-out to the person who gives out the most accurate or close prediction of what happens next.

BTW: I know Atem sounds unnecessarily cruel, but I am picturing a realistic image here where the ancient Egyptian Pharaoh (original Atem) doesn't carry the same morality as the "modern' Yami would. Ancient History isn't pleasant, people! But he is NOT evil. FYI.

Ryou's spanish rant: _You are the most detestable repugnant trash I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. I cannot, I don't WANT to forgive your atrocious sins, for making my life a living hell. I will never be able to hate someone as much as I hate you, damned son of a BITCH. Now, do me the big favor of disappearing and stop fucking up my life._

I think I will be posting updates on my tumblr when I close to posting the upcoming chapter. If you want to know about a week or two before, look up my tumblr! I use my same FF name: iAnneart.

I hope you all liked this one, I took freaking forever writing it.


	10. Both of you, Duel like You Want to Win!

Buenos dias, amores!

It's been a while since you've heard from me. I am deeply sorry about that. I know there was many readers waiting with the patience of a god, and I sincerely hope you forgive me for such a long wait. But you know how it goes: last year in university, working two jobs, it gets tough sometimes. Also, it really didn't help that I had already written aroud 6 thousand words of this chapter already and because of a stupid phone glitch, it got DESTROYED (I'm still really pissed about it). So, I had to rewrite it all over again, and now I feel it's not as good as I'd initially written it *_cries hysterically_*

Like before, there is a warning attached to this update: HCs are in place so many events may seem OOC to readers who are stringent on OOCness. Seriously, though. This chapter gets a little...dark. Actually not a little. So much that I am granting it a rated **-M-** for graphic imagery. The comedy and humor also might _not_ be very prominent in this update as in others, FYI. Also, congrats to Magician of Faith -D for being closest to predicting what will go down! You get a hug! *hugs*

Oh! Some people have been asking what my tumblr account is (since this is where I post updates on the story, and what is the progress so far). I have input that in the last chapter, but I will say it again: _iAnneart_. I literally use this name for everything. If you search my FF username on Google, you will see every single other outlet I use.

Abridged is** bold**, but you knew that already...right?

* * *

**.**

.

_"What did you DO to him?!"_

_Impossible. It's an undeniable astounding realization for him, since he had the erroneous inkling of who that silver-haired man with furious lilac eyes was because of the yami's similarity to him, but he never actually thought he'd be-!_

_He faces the ground, unable to look at the teen in the eyes._

_"I think you mean to ask...what I did to you."_

.

.

His soft voice assaults Ryou like a deafening shriek.

In reality the statement was more of a low reluctant whisper, but he hears nothing but Yami's commanding too-loud voice roaring in his eardrums. It doesn't register for the first three seconds. Soon after, however, the words attach themselves to the walls of his brain. _'You.' _That one word sticks out more than the rest of them did. It repeats over and over, like a neverending broken record. '_You.' _Acid builds up in his throat, it burns his mouth, tongue, and even his nostrils.

_**Me**?_

Large brown eyes sear a hole into the former spirit's lowered head, demanding eye contact but not receiving it. His knees pop painfully as he slowly stands up, still not taking his sight off Yami. The room's atmosphere suddenly turns thick and stifling. Even the others, who have no idea what the two just experienced, feel a heavy nervous sensation at the pit of their roiling stomachs. They don't know why or what caused it, but it almost feels like instinct. An alarm of some sorts. Warning them.

Unnerving silence falls like a heavy blanket, threatening to suffocate them. Ryou's mind is jumbled, and maybe, just maybe he misunderstood what the Pharaoh said. Yes, he most definitely misunderstood him. _Because 'you' isn't correct._ _He couldn't have meant me, right? That's just absurd._ Yami is still looking directly to the cool white floor, focusing on the blinding sheen of the marble, seemingly not wanting to lock eyes with him. It baffles Ryou, honestly. One of the things he'd least expect from someone as assertive and authoritative as him would be purposely looking away with downcast contrite orbs.

Meanwhile, the spirit knows that same action is futile, as he can feel the pure wild bewilderment radiating from his slightly-trembling form. He will have to confront the teenager in the coming minutes, but he also knows that same surprise will soon turn into something much more hostile soon. Somehow, he knows this is a dead certainty. Why did he know that, though? The internal question is just enough to disconcert him. _How in the world can I expect someone as sweet and mild-mannered as Bakura to react like that with so little provocation?_ He could hardly blame him from punching the parasite of a spirit like he did, but to actually continue in that path doesn't mesh with the boy's personality. And yet, here he is expecting the worst of a boy who's been nothing but nice to the entire world.

More long, agonizing, arduous silence.

Or at least until the deep sinister laughter of Yami Bakura fills the room like rolling thunder.

His cackling is insettling and eerie, akin to broken nails on a chalkboard. It starts off slow and almost inconspicuous, but it gradually blooms out in volume, until he sounds like a demented maniac. The lone deafening noise of his hysterical laughter exacerbates the black foreboding everyone is already feeling. The spirit, for some godforsaken reason, obviously knows what is unfolding. Not good.

His laugh doesn't phase Ryou in the slightest. It's almost as if he doesn't hear him at all. The Brit cocks his head, eyes zeroing completely to the former Pharaoh, a burning stare even the others feel on their skin. His pale face is devoid of any expression and emotion, a mannequin doll's perfect poker face. The only indication of his distaste are his fingers very slowly curling up and relaxing again and again. There's a break, a crack in his detached look. Yugi's heart speds up when he realizes his friend's eyes no longer look blank and dull. Now, they spark suddenly, crackling like raw embers.

_Look up. _The ferverent demand to Yami rang in Yugi's head. Seeing his partner's head still hung low made him uncharacteristically anxious.

_He...DOES mean me._ Ryou finally realizes in shock. His loose fists tighten up completely, until the knuckles are white and taut_. __He actually thinks **I** am capable of having such atrocious thoughts. _It can't possibly be true. He starts shaking his head slightly, white locks of hair swaying ever so slightly in the action, a small disbelieving smile growing on his lips. _ He actually believes that of me. How dare...? _

Everyone unaniumously stops breathing. All except his vile tenant, of course.

"By the Gods, this is just phenomenal-" Dark Bakura wheezes out, his horrid laughing fit not ending any time soon. He wipes tears from furiously leaking russet eyes, an ear-to-ear grin still splitting his lips at the hilarious situation.

_Please look up!_

"No. That's not true." A low deep hiss escapes his mouth, eyes turning darker with each passing second. Yugi's heart actually jumps from within his chest at the sight. "That man had poison in his soul, poison in his heart and mind-!" It's obvious he is hearing everything the British teen is saying, yet he still doesn't at raise his head up.

_For God's sakes, Yami, look UP! Don't you see he will- _

This manages to stop Yugi's current thought process to a complete halt, even going as far as paralyzing his entire body. He will...what?

Sure, he's the only one in this strange limbo who has the ability to physically harm someone so far - -the 'whys' on that are still pretty strong- - but he wouldn't actually use that on his soul partner. No, definitely not. He should immediately banish the thought. _I'm talking about Ryou here, my friend._ Then, why does he feel alarm every time he looks at the boy's slowly narrowing eyes? Ryou shouldn't ever elicit such a feeling, yet at this very second, it's the only emotion he feels towards him (whose facial expressions are sharpened unnaturally by anger and stoniness; he can't even recognize him anymore). _Stop it. Stop thinking like this. Don't think about him like that. **He** isn't like that._

_...Then again, I also thought it wasn't like him to punch someone, even if it's the spirit. I also didn't think it was like him to blow up at Yami for the 'misusage' of his name-STOP. Right now. _He furiously tells himself, that horrid tiny voice at the back of his head silencing at last.

Finally, Yami stands up from his initial crouching position. He shakes off the non-existent dust from his knees, and straightens his blue leather jacket's sleeves. After he fusses a bit more with his overall appearance and wipes off some of the perspiration that slightly moistened his forehead from the strain of the flashback, he looks directly at the teen. Determined and serious plum eyes at last make contact with the whitette's brown ones. "I have no doubt in my mind that injured man in our vision was you, Bakura." He says solemnly, crossing his arms as a bold sign of his current stance, not one to look afraid nor shrink back from passionate opposition. He could practically make out the screams of protests threatening to bleed from the boy's wide indignant eyes.

In the background, the rest of the gang is even more confused and strangely enough, unsettled. The air feels strangely tense, more than ever before. Ryou's aura, in particular, is dark and full of discontent. The combination of that with the fact that neither of the two are willing to divulge their vision with explicit detail to everyone else is proving to be very frustrating and anxiety-provoking.

"Um...we're sort of in the dark on what just happened between you, so if one of you wouldn't mind explaining what you both saw, that would really clear things up-" Tea's request is interrupted by a vehemently loud Ryou.

"**NO**. He was NOT me. This guy was completely insane, he-" The words die on his lips suddenly. Pale hands rise to his head, fidgety fingers running across his hair and nails clawing his skull. He closes his eyes momentarily, as if willing himself to continue. "He absolutely_ despised_ you."

The pharaoh exhales forcefully. He knew this point very well as he could still vividly remember the overwhelming hatred stemming from the ancient man's lilac eyes. He never thought he'd seen so much vile pitch-black _loathing_ from anyone, really. Especially directed at him. Mariku's disturbing rage and hatred seemed like a child's temper tantrum in comparison.

"I-I don't even know how one person can hate another one so deeply. I mean, he-he literally wanted to rip you limb from limb with _his own hands._" He continues heatedly , tightening his fists once more. This time, Yami could not help but flinch at the teen's graphic description of what exactly this ancient man wanted to do with him. He knew the thief wanted to kill him, but he didn't know he wished total dismemberment and torture. How ghastly. Absolutely horrendous. _He was a complete psychopath, no question._ At this undeniable conclusion, his mind suddenly screeches to a dead stop.

_Wait._

A slimy sickening ball of guilt starts to slowly form in his abdomen, and his mind feels tainted by a disgusting aftertaste. He finally realizes why Ryou looks so insulted from what he concluded from that fifteen-second vision. It's why he is so adamant on emphasizing just how much he believes this man and himself are absolutely nothing alike, his disbelieving face signaling 'how can you even fathom the thought he is _me_?' He completely understands it now. If his intuiton is true, then Ryou used to be...

_A psychopath. _

_Evil. _

"I don't understand how you can think I could be that blood-thirsty-"

"If he's not you, why were you inhabiting his body?" He replied back tiredly. He knows this will not amount to anything positive, he can predict it already. He doesn't know what Ryou heard in this ancient man's head, but it's obviously horrifying. And being compared to someone like that, it'd make sense why he'd be so distressed. He can comprehend that perfectly. Yet, much like Kaiba's 'hunch' about the multiple universes and the 'higher-tier deity' universe that controlled everything else, he also has this unwavering feeling about that thief's identity; he _knows _that man cannot be anyone else than Ryou and he is not going to bow down until he is proven wrong or otherwise. Yami has to continue defending his point until one side gives way. Lack of proof will be the end to this debate, not cowardice. He would not blatantly lie to the pale boy just to keep the peace, no matter how much he dislikes his point of view.

(It doesn't mean Yami believes he's bad now, because he's not! Of course he's not. Maybe his past self was, but that doesn't necessarily have to mean anything today! People change, right? He assumes this include's people's reincarnations as well. Yes, it definitely does.)

"I was inhabiting my past self. " Yami states lowly "You confirmed that just a few moments ago. Going in that same rational direction: if I was in my past self's body, why would you be in the body of a stranger?"

The sudden tension in Ryou's jaw is a good indicator he doesn't appreciate that comment. Nevertheless, the former Pharaoh continues speaking. "It makes no sense to be in someone else's mind and time period without any direct relation to that person."

"Do you realize where we are at the moment?" The boy raises his hands up in the air, a tinge of annoyance seeping in his tone. "We're in some sort of white void between universes, watching the abridged show of our lives which is apparently _also_ a show and were just subjected to ancient Egyptian times via flashback. _Nothing_ makes sense. There isn't a reason. It just is. Little Kuriboh does what he sees fit."

_Weak._ Yami immediately thinks, scathingly even, and it catches him off guard. He closes his eyes briefly, and sighs. This isn't some sort of competition. _I'm just trying to prove a point here, nothing else. _He doesn't notice how Ryou stiffens up.

"Really? You guys were actually taken to the past? Whoa." Tristan says in shock. Mai, Tea, and Joey look surprised at the new revelation. while both Seto and Yugi are observing Yami Bakura's smug still grinning expression. He had stopped laughing by the time Yami and Ryou started to go back and forth with each other, and it seems like he's enjoying the terse conversation. Indeed, it seems like the spirit knew exactly what they witnessed, it's apparent by how his crimson-brown eyes glint periodically in amusement. Their attention quickly veers into another direction after a loud huff of indignation resonated in the room.

"I beg your pardon?" Ryou says incredously, voice teetering with anger. "_Weak_?" He crosses his arms, chin raised up, expression not very pleased at all. _Oh, I actually said that out loud_. Damn. But there's no going back. He already stated it, now he needed to back it up. He sighs once more. "I just don't think that's a very strong explanation to counter my initial proposition. It just seems like an easy excuse to latch onto."

He purses his lips and exhales loudly. "There's a rather keen interest in proving this man is my past self when this is just mere speculation of your part." The boy sucks on his teeth, tapping a finger to his bottom lip. "But what if we discuss what we already know?" Now, it was Yami's turn to be confused at the turn in the conversation.

"For example, we know _you_ were definitely in there, in full glory, as the Pharaoh." He cocked his head at him, a cold expression on his face. Dark brown ireses glare directly at the ancient spirit, eyebrow rising as a not-so-friendly challenge. "We both also know you weren't very _nice_ either."

Yami immediately notices the thinly veiled jab. And in a heartbeat, he knows what he really wanted to say. _Some 'good' guy you turned out to be._ It was all Ryou raved and raged about before they were both incapacitated by the flashback. Apparently, the same vision acted as a reinforcer for those thoughts. The group looks at the Pharaoh with confused eyes, all asking him the same thing:

_What is Bakura talking about?_

"You are trying to deflect from the current topic at hand." Yami stated evenly, crossed arms tightening slightly. "I don't think I am overreaching or grasping at straws here. You saw me. And I clearly saw you."

"_Really_? Now I'm deflecting? That's rich. " Ryou scoffs again, voice dripping in spite. "If I remember correctly, YOU deflected first. After all, I wanted to know what you did to him. I asked you that first, right after the vision ended. You remember, right?" The tone edges on being mocking, which is obvious to not only Yami, but the rest of the group too. It didn't take long at all, he notes idly, for the teen to get on the offensive. In fact, he bebrudgingly admits he underestimated the growing animosity the whitette would display. That doesn't bode well for him.

"You never did answer the question." He persists. "I want to ask it again, actually. Just let me rephrase it a little bit. **WHY** did you do that to him?" He asks brusquely, lips thinned out in distaste. Yami's eyes narrow immediately, not liking where this is leading to.

"What did he do?" Mai can't help but wonder out loud, still hopelessly puzzled in what the vision's details were, as the rest of the group are. They all look at each other, wide eyes silently asking what the heck is going on.

_From what we overheard, it seems like_ _Yami was taken back in a flashback as a Pharaoh. Ryou was taken back in the mind of someone who hates the Pharaoh. And...Yami thinks this person was actually Ryou's past self. _It's incredulous, and outright far-reaching, but it was the best rudimentary explanation of what the two saw in their 'vision', or at least what they could come up with absolutely no feedback other than what they were saying to each other. And now, according to Ryou, the Pharaoh did something to the other man, obviously unpleasant enough for the Brit to be up in arms about.

Judging by Yami's dark scowl, it's a topic he does not want to dwell in any further. They're not sure they want to dwell in it either; the tension in the air is making them jittery in dread.

"Hey, uh... Maybe we should talk 'bout something else. Better yet, let's start da next episode of our stupid twin's lives!" Joey joked nervously, definitely sensing the growing hostile vibe going on.

"Why would you be the body of a stranger who is also named Bakura?" Yami retorts back with his own harsh question, ignoring his blonde friend's attempt to alleviate the tension. Ryou stops dead in his tracks, and everyone's eyes slightly widen as they slowly digest that new piece of information. _ That's not possible. He-He has to be lying! _An angry voice shouts inside his mind. The dead-serious expression in the former spirit's face is silently confronting him. He can feel it, those internal words poking at him. _Well_? Are you going to answer or not?

"How would you even know that man's name?" He counters sharply. "You didn't even address him by his name. All you did was call him _filth_ and a _thief_. " He enunciates those two words perfectly, clearly another jab at his opponent. Yami exhales loudly through his nostrils, recognizing a provocation when he hears one.

"I called him what he WAS. I also know his name because I thought it in my mind." He snaps, voice highly raised in irritation. "The first thing that popped in my head when I saw that silver hair and lavender eyes was _Bakura_. Or in other words, _you_. It's not that hard to process." He couldn't have emphasized his point anymore even if he was downright pointing at him. Yugi knows this will end up escalating. He can feel it in his bones. He tries again and again to open his mouth, to intervene some way or another, but somehow feels immobile to stop it. It's almost like a bad dream, one that no matter what you do or what choices you make, you still get eaten by the evil monster. One he might have to sleep through in order to wake from.

Red hot fire fills Ryou's nostrils, and he bites back a growl, recognizing a provocation when he hears one. "This is the second time you deflect my initial question, Pharaoh. Why? Scared they will overhear how you sliced into that man's EYE with a dagger like if you practiced it for sport? TWICE?" He states loudly enough for everyone to hear crystal clear. Small gasps came out of everyone's mouth._ What?_ That simply can not be true.

"You wanted to know why I suddenly started screaming in excruciating pain?" Ryou asks the group directly, finally looking at them. "That was the _second_ slashing from HIS hand. It was a very _sharp_ dagger, which cut right through the man's eye and almost all of his cheek. Just thought I'd let you know." The group looks at Yami bewildered and horrified, eyes imploring an explanation. They silently plead for something, anything that told them that the white-haired teen was merely angry and it was all lies. A joke. Because he wouldn't do that! Yami is incapable of hurting someone like that. He wouldn't do something so gruesome.

To their growing horror, the regal former spirit doesn't turn to look at any of them, not once. His irate eyes stay intensely fixed on Ryou, face tense and jaw locked, unwilling to even turn slightly to their direction. "Pharaoh?" Yugi whispers, internally yelling at his partner to look at him. "Please tell me that's not true." He pleads, apprehensive of the answer. Silence from Yami. The only indication he heard what Yugi said was his adam's apple moving up and down his throat, swallowing saliva harshly. The short duelist's doe eyes grow disproportionately large, having received his answer.

Yami finally responds, completely disregarding his other half's desperate question. "Mud-slinging, really." He says caustically. "That's just something I didn't expect from you, Bakura."

"Ha! Don't make me laugh, Pharaoh." The teen jeers. "I merely stated what you _did_. You know what _I _didn't ever see coming? For you to be so damn **cruel**_._" Ryou intentionally emphasizes the last word, inflammatory tone so salient the entire groups twitches at the outright insult. _Whoa._

"I don't see any reason why we should continue on this topic." Tea says, upset by the fact their argument isn't simmering down at all. In fact, she acknowledges with heavy dismay, it seems to increment with more anger and accusations by the second. Mai and Tristan nod their agreement to the brunette's point, also wanting the two to stop their bickering. It's all for naught, however. They know because they can hear Yami gritting his teeth from his position.

"While we're on the topic of things we don't expect," He bites back. "I never would have thought that you'd be _so_ unusually defensive over a man who, like you stated, is a bloodthirsty evil killer." The former spirit tsks silently, looking at his fingernails in the perfect mask of indifference. "Care to explain why you defend him so vehemently?" The reaction is immediate, and the teen bristles instantly, hair practically standing on ends and his limbs jerking sharply.

"Are you interrogating me, Pharaoh?" Ryou demands ruthlessly. "Already suspicious on my alliances now, are you? You want to give me the good cop/bad cop routine, except of course, leave out the 'good cop' out of it?" His right hand is involuntarily contorting itself, tendons flexing noticeably.

"Call it curiousity." Yami says nonchalantly, trying his very best to ignore his last comment intended to play in doubt his good persona.

"How about I call it paranoia?" He retaliates. "The man I inhabited might have been seriously disturbed, but _you_..." He left that word hanging, giving a slight off-kilter laugh and shaking his head again. "You were something else. Talking about being God, about being absolute 'perfection'. Not only that, but you also demand everyone should bow down to your feet and worship you unconditionally. You're absolutely twisted."

Again, the group is speechless, their eyes wide as silver dollars, not willing to believe what they were hearing. The accusations Bakura was throwing at Yami were atrocious. But really, how could Bakura make something like that up?

_I understand from ancient history textbooks that Pharaohs were regarded as Gods...but...I guess I never thought about how this type of mentality could affect the same people being hailed as 'Gods'. Or maybe I knew, but I somehow stupidly thought Yami would be immune to that type of grandiosity. Logically, it shouldn't be surprising. Yami was-IS!-human too, and is flawed just like the rest of us. It's easy to judge when you're not in that same position._

Even as Yugi furiously rationalizes as much as he can in his mind, there was no alleviation of the dreadful horror still enveloping his heart. He repeats it to himself, and when it doesn't work, he rewinds and plays it back again. But Ryou is not done.

"Out of all Kemet, that ancient man was the only one who wasn't having your BULLSHIT. Thus, because of his 'insolance', you almost fucking gouged his eye out! And right after, like the _swell_ guy you are, you also threatened to cut the man's tongue out-"

Everyone gasps again, appalled. For the first time ever, Yami actually gave a snarl. "How _dare_ _you_?! The only reason why I used the knife was to STOP you from-"

"_THAT MAN ISN'T ME_!" Ryou roared, finally breaking his limit. "Why do you want him to be ME?!" His hands start to tremble in anger. "Oh I know! So you can more reasons to actively pin me down and paint me as a villain, right? It's like what you ALWAYS wanted, of course, why didn't I think of that!? You always want someone to blame, and I just happen to fit the bill with whatever conspiracy you have. I always knew you weren't as good as you claimed to be, and seeing you abuse your royal authority in such a despicable way-"

"That's **ENOUGH**, Bakura! For some reason, you want to paint me as this god-awful terrible tyrant of a Pharaoh, which I was definitely not! That man, who you _say_ isn't you, schemed up an elaborate plan to separate me from my guards and to _murder_ me in cold-blood. The method of separation? You SLAUGHTERED them all! Only the Gods know the hell you managed to pull that one off. The only reason why your eye got slashed was because I was DEFENDING myself from you-!"

"Okay, what in the _literal hell _is going on? Am I missing something here? Did these two become different people after seeing this infamous vision?" Seto finally speaks out in exasperation. He could see this type of confrontation between anyone else really, but them? That one never even became a semblance of a possibility until now. If he wasn't already experiencing it, he'd scoff at anyone who tried to convince him.

Ryou barked out sordic laughter, completely ignoring the game developer's comment. "You don't know what else to make up now, do you? You slashed into his eye _twice,_ and let me tell you the second time it wasn't because of 'self-defense'." The last word even came with sarcastic air quotes. "And hey, maybe I'm not painting you as ANYTHING, I'm just calling out the events as they happened. The only one who is painting you as a tyrant is _yourself. _"

"So because you didn't see it, that means it didn't actually happen! Seems like you're being selective in what you want to mull over. Those same thoughts were whirling around in my past self's mind, I RELIVED the previous attack you committed against me and my guards. You pinned me down but I thwarted your attempt to _slit_ my throat and kicked you off me. It was only then when I had the chance to use your same dagger to cut your eye. I _apologize _dearly if I didn't let you KILL me." Yami says sarcastically, darkened eyes turned to slits.

"And yet you continue to refer him as me! That's fantastic. Just plain wonderful. I didn't get a 'flashback' _in_ a flashback, as you supposedly did, so I guess I would just have to take your word on it, right Pharaoh?" He shakes his head, laughing.

"You said exactly what the thief would say." Yami suddenly says in a much lower tone of voice, eyes cast off into the distance as if realizing something.

"_...What?_"

"Before we got sucked into this mess, when you were attacking me with accusations that came out of nowhere, you said something. What was it, something like 'y_ou might have the title of king of games, and you were once king of Egypt but you are no king in my eyes'_. Virtually, the thief's same words. It's why we're...That's why we were transported into the flashback! It's so clear now. Somehow, the ancient thief gained original control. Your past self was actually talking through you- "

"Go to fucking hell."

Everyone's mouth drop open at that brash statement, jilted from the obscene amount of rage in those four words. They look at the British teen with such a disbelieving look in their eye, it's almost as if he's sprouted another head. Yami Bakura is at the point of splitting at the seams with so much laughter, he can hardly contain himself.

"_Excuse_ me?" Yami narrows his eyes dangerously. Oh, he's so done. _This is war._

"_Please stop._" Yugi finally whispered, eyes closed as he didn't want to see this fight escalate anymore. Tea and Mai are both covering their mouths, absolutely appalled. Ryou snorts. "Well you keep on referring this man to me right? I'm just playing the part that you SO want me to play. "

"If he's not you, then WHO the hell is he? TELL ME, BAKURA." The regal spirit demands callously. "Please continue, I'm all ears! You're so confident he's not you, you MUST know his identity, RIGHT?" The former Pharaoh crossed his arms one more time, contempt washing over his features, looking at Ryou with a tension in his jaw that spoke volumes on the red hot rage he was containing beneath the simmering surface.

"Did it even occur to you it could be the freaking spirit who you absolutely LOVE to call by my name?" He hisses, pointing at the still-laughing dark Bakura in the corner.

"If 'Bakura' is your name, and if you are completely right on everything so far, how do you explain how that name was in my past self's head? Was the spirit already stealing your name thousands of years before you were even thought of? Not to mention the fact that he LOOKED exactly like you, he was the Egyptian VERSION of you!" Yami gesticulates each word passionately, exasperation reaching its high point. "What other proof do you want, Bakura?! Don't act like such a child! When we came back to the void, you said you saw me and it... instantly clicked. HE wasn't in that body. You were. "

Ryou shook his head, scoffing with a hint of a laugh. "Of course, that has to be the ONLY explanation in your mind! Well since you call yourself God, my dear _Pharaoh_, then your word HAS to be the absolute truth, isn't it? Whatever you say goes as always, and you'll just GOUGE out people's eyes who say the contrary. No big deal. "

"It's almost amusing how much you sound like him." The former spirit hissed mercilessly. His purple irises darkened to a carbon black. "The more you talk and rage about not being this man, the MORE you remind me of him." He looks at him up and down in disdain. "It's like you're _becoming_ him either way. A malicious miscreant."

"SAY THAT AGAIN, YAMI." Ryou snarls threateningly, chocolate orbs changing into a boiling crimson. "SAY THAT TO MY FACE ONE MORE TIME."

_Holy shit. _To everyone's absolute shock, the Pharaoh takes long deliberate strides forward to the furious teen, face and neck pulsing in bulging veins. He stops walking abruptly when he is six inches away from the teen.

"As you command, thief." Yami cocks his head at him. "The man who murdered all of my guards and attempted to slit my throat with the same knife that I slashed his eye with, TWICE," He leans in specifically to Ryou's face, even though Ryou is taller than him by a couple of inches. His plum eyes are darker than byzantium. "-that same _wicked_ _psychopathic_ bastard, he is none other than **_you_**."

Mai and Tea screech in horror. "No, DON'T-!"

"HOLY _SHIT_!"

Immediately, Joey and Tristan jump in to separate Ryou just in time before he viciously lunged at Yami, fists tight and ready to beat the living shit out of the former spirit. Even so, a bright red Ryou was screaming at the Pharaoh, swiping aggressively at Joey who was currently holding him back and trying to shove Tristan away who cemented himself right in the middle of the potential brawl.

"Don't fight! PLEASE!" Tea pleads, teary eyes filled with anguish.

Kaiba set it upon to himself to stay with Yami, but what he doesn't expect is having a hard time containing him. "What the- YAMI! Calm down!" The furious former king couldn't be placated with words so Kaiba resorts to holding him off by placing two strong arms stacked against each other to his chest, as Yami is also trying to violently shove the blue-eyed gamer from his path. It gets to the point where he actually rips off his blue jacket from his torso and threw it on the ground as he kept beckoning the other teen, implying that he is not done with him by a long shot.

"LET. ME. GO." Both of them ordered acidly, still vehemently trying to get to the other.

"You better get him out of my face before I _do_ end up crossing over there-" The regal man growls furiously, as he attempted once more to rid himself of the human blockade between him and his opponent.

"Oh please I DARE YOU to get over here, arrogant son of a bitch-!" Ryou shouts angrily from a distance, pushing Joey away with much more strength. _Oh crap. _Kaiba momentarily panics once more as the spirit starts to get much more violent, and he instinctively bear-hugs Yami with all of his might in order for him to effectively restrain him.

"If you want A FIGHT, evil goddamn _filth-!_" Yami bellows, face contorted with rage.

**"_STOOOOOOOOOP__!_" **Yugi shrieks at the top of his lungs, eyes shut so tightly it looks painful.

The scream echoes so loudly, so deafeningly, everyone's ears ring painfully. All chaos stops completely as every single person looks directly at the short duelist, who looks seconds away from exploding. He is practically hyperventilating, his blonde bangs spiking out more than usual, face looking redder than a cherry. His entire upper body is trembling in a whirling cacaphony of emotions.

It's difficult to know whether Yugi is enraged or about to burst into tears.

"W-WHAT THE HELL IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU TWO?"

Apparantly, it is the former.

"Were you seriously going to start PUNCHING each other like a bunch of morons until whatever's going on would just magically get resolved?!" He starts pulling his hair from the sheer disbelief and anger. Even if the scathing words are not directed at the others, they all still flinch at the onslaught of venom in the typically calm boy's tone.

Everything is just so wrong. So, so wrong. Ryou screaming. Yami screaming. Impending threat of a fight _between_ them. Now Yugi biting their heads off. Will everyone end up succumbing to this wild chaos? The madness is only exarcerbated by the shrill cackles of the INFURIATING spirit of the ring. He never stops laughing and it's greatly aggravating the entire group.

Yugi finally opens his plum eyes and points directly to Ryou.

"YOU. What in the world has gotten INTO you?! You punch Yami Bakura, which I sort of get, but then you start picking a fight with _Yami_ over EVERY single little thing possible?!" He yells incredulously. "First, because of the name thing, then the duel in Battle City, and now because of this ancient man's identity? If you were trying to convince us you were NOT this man who apparently is prone to agressiveness and violent outbursts, then you did a _god-awful_ job in proving it. Because, in all honesty, it seems like you were _possessed_ by someone that I DO NOT know and nor do I WANT to meet."

Ryou's anger is instantly extinguished, shocked that Yugi is actually shouting at him with such anger and disappointment in his eyes. He lowers his fists immediately, wide guilty eyes showing just how absolutely stupid he felt by reaching a point where his immediate response to someone opposing him is _violence_. In all seriousness, what has gotten into him_?!_

_I'm not like this. I've NEVER been like this. What in the world is going on?!_

"AND YOU." Now Yugi set his eyes on his soul partner, who recoils like a dog being scolded for ripping up the sofa cushions.

"Who **are** you and what have you done with the REAL Yami?" The biting tone hits him directly in his pride, and he flinches again with downcast eyes. "This reaction to actually GOAD Ryou into attempting to attack...what the hell, Pharaoh? I know Ryou did a _lot_ instigating of his own," With this said, he glares again at the whitette, who just looks away in remorse.

"But he warned you and you were all too ready, _eager_ to continue. You didn't care for his emotions nor considered how he'd feel at being accused of once being apparently evil, no, all you wanted to do is prove him WRONG. How did you feel when Ryou implied you weren't one of the good guys? I am betting it stung and it made you angry, right?" Yami bites his lip at this, knowing everything his host is saying is completely true. He _knew_ all of this, but even so he continued. Just because of what? A ridiculous, moronic attempt to come out on top? A misguided attempt to win?

"This isn't you...you wouldn't shatter a person's emotional well-being and identity just to win an argument. Since when did you stop using logic and start looking for trouble? God, what am I saying, since when did BOTH OF YOU stop using logic and start acting like freaking street brawlers?" Yugi crosses his arms, expecting a response from them.

Complete and utter silence.

The haze of the pitch-black anger and hatred that enveloped their eyes, their minds, is gone. Poof. The venemous vengeful blood pumping energetically in their hearts all that time they were screaming in each other's faces had faded completely. Too fast. Like water evaporating directly on the surface of sun. It didn't feel natural. An emotion so strong as full-blown rage doesn't just disappear like that...and it suddenly did. It left them feeling disoriented.

"I don't actually know what you two saw in that godforsaken vision (because neither of you are willing to explain _anything_), not to mention this vision might even be REAL to begin with, but for you to actually get in a_ fist_ _fight _about it? I don't know if it's just me, but that sounds like the stupidest reason to ever start fighting." The group nods grimly in agreement at that. "If that ancient man isn't Ryou, it doesn't matter as it happened THOUSANDS of years ago. And guess what, even if Ryou _is_ that man's reincarnation...IT'S STILL LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO." He shouts angrily, slapping a hand to his forehead.

"**GOD!** You guys are _idiots._" His words sank deep and heavy in Ryou and Yami, and both looked away with deep soul-crushing shame on their faces.

A loud thunderous cackle echoes. A low and knowing sound.

"They really are idiots aren't they, Yugi?"

The amused voice of Yami Bakura suddenly rang out. He appears behind Yugi, arms crossed and a large smirk on his lips. The memory of the yami laughing hysterically at the chaos happening reappeared in everyone's head. "You know what they saw, didn't you?" Yugi asks outright, looking up at him, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Yami Bakura tilts his head slightly, eyebrows slightly raised, which clearly stated 'You dare question it?'

"_Of course_, I know." He scoffs. The teen and Yami both look at him with an intense stare, irritation and bewilderment resurfacing in their irises. There's no way spirit could know exactly what happened in the vision. How could he? Yugi raises his eyebrow, clearly expecting him to explain in the exact details of what in the world this notorious vision was about. The other shakes his head in return, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth. "Little one, I really rather doubt you're going want to know the details of this story. Best keep to myself for now." He winks.

"But moving on to more important topics, I find it relatively delightful how Ryou vigorously denies the possibility he could be the man with silver hair and lavender eyes. Am I right, Pharaoh?" He chuckles. Yami gives dark Bakura the darkest glare he can muster, not a word coming out of his mouth. He already caused enough damage by opening it when not needing to. _Shut your ugly face, spirit. _Ryou growls internally. Nevermind the fact the spirit is actually using HIS face, he needed to insult him in any form possible.

The spirit tsks, shaking his head, as if he read his mind. "My dear stupid host, don't you think having that massive bitch fit just proved the Pharaoh's point in every single way possible?"

"Be quiet." He commands, strong and assertive.

"You're thinking it right now, I know you are." Yami Bakura replies confidently, a nasty smirk growing on his lips. "Why did you react so violently when you, in all of your sixteen years of life, have never hurt a fly? Why were you so goddamn ANGRY for him calling me Bakura when you didn't even hate those schoolyard assholes who viciously bullied and beat you for three whole years because you didn't want to 'stoop to their level'? Well, you're right. It ISN'T something you'd do. I know you, my sweet boy, and you aren't capable of such mindless violence,"

The spirit circles his host, almost like a lion attempting to find the best angle of killing its prey. "You can't stand violence, you said it yourself countless of times. Your _past_ self, however, would have absolutely no problem in saying or doing everything he wants." His voice chills every bone to the core. Blood slows down for a second before roaring back to life in his ears.

"It's not true. No, it's not true." Ryou violently whips his head back and forth, refusing to even accept the possibility.

"You're also wondering why there was so much black RAGE inside you, right? Like a blindfold that left you seeing complete red, and then just vanished." His too-white sharp teeth gleamed in a large grin.

"Shut up. Just shup the hell up." This time, his voice isn't as strong.

"I find it fascinating when the personalities of reincarnations and the past selves collide. It doesn't happen very often, you know. I've been around for quite a long time, and I can count with one hand the amount of times I've seen that happen. Counting this most recent one from both you and him." The smile on his face widens even more. This catches Yami's attention.

Is this the explanation for the overpouring of anger and uncharacteristic violence and then the outright vanishing act? Their past selves taking control? If what he's saying is true, then it means LK purposely brought back their ancient tendencies to the surface. And for what? To make them try and kill each other? To have amusement for his sick little mind? _Dance puppets, dance. _It doesn't make any sense.

"No. I'm not this man." Ryou whispers desperately, eyes shining. " I can't be that man..." All he does is lie. The vile spirit LIES. He wants to make him suffer, to make him agonize from the deepest fiber of his being.

"Landlord, you've got quite the nerve of calling out the Pharaoh on his arrogance when you proclaimed yourself just as smugly to be a ruler in... very different terms." He snickers, even half-heartedly attempting to cover his mouth, as if he was stifling the urge to spill out valuable information only he had access to.

"Stop it..." _His thoughts were so dark. His mind was pure poison. Could it be that I'm really that man? _Just asking himself that awful question made for a dreadful plunge in Ryou's stomach and put a dent in his heart. The tremors in his limbs start, and the involuntary painful rewinding of the man thinking and saying such horrible things crackle in his mind like fire.

_'Pharaoh, how often I wish that I could tear out your insides and paint my face with your sweet blood.' _

"We'll need to obtain two crowns instead." He announces to the rest of the group. "One for the the King of Egypt and the other for the_** King of Thieves**._" The dark spirit sneers hatefully. Ryou drops to his knees, dull gray eyes unblinking and huge, terrified of the onslaught of the man's thoughts in his brain.

_'Kill him. For what he did. He deserves to be torn apart, ripped to shreds. I'll use his intestines as a necklace and I shall boast it more than any other gold jewelry I've ever stolen. My crowning glory, my treasure.'_

"No, please-" Tears are dripping down his cheeks now.

_'You will pay, bastard. For every single soul you harnessed, you will pay with heap__s of your_ _flesh and blood. _

Yami looks at the collapsed boy, face full of guilt and regret. He's never felt so ashamed and so vile before, as he knows and acknowledges how this entire ordeal is his fault. And looking at the boy so broken actually made his heart ache. "I can't listen to you anymore, please getoutofmy**HEAD**-!" Ryou shuts his eyes painfully, no longer talking to the Spirit of the Ring. His hands press onto the sides of his head, attempting to drown out the murder, trying to snuff the hate.

_What have I done to him? _

"Best accept reality now, sweetheart. You'd be able to move forward, to the next question: why so much hatred for the Pharaoh? I wish I could just outright and say it, but where would be the fun in that?" Dark Bakura says giddily, clearly enjoying this more than naturally possible.

_'Rulers don't murder their own-!' _He opened his eyes at this, the first phrase that wasn't directly tied to the Pharaoh's grisly and gory death. A white-haired woman flashed into his mind. Then, a smiling child with silver hair. A friendly-faced man looking downwards (_at him?_), lauging. Who were these people? They seemed familiar somehow- NO! He couldn't keep ruminating over this. He refuses to think about it.

He's done.

"I don't hate Yami. I don't...I don't want to hurt him, and much less kill him. I don't know what got into me, but I swear on my life it won't happen again." Ryou whispers, still on his knees and eyes downcast to the floor. Tears still fell from his eyes, the droplets of clear water splashing on the white marble. "Nobody got into you. Your true colors finally revealed themselves." Dark Bakura grins maliciously.

"No, you're wrong! I don't want to be that man. I don't EVER want to feel as much anguish and hatred and darkness as I did when I was in his mind. I don't ever want to relate or be in a similar mindset as him." He continues, thin rivulets of tears trailing down his face still. He catches his breath, feeling his voice breaking.

"I'm...sorry, Yami. I'm sorry for everything. For all of the horrible things I've said to you, I swear I didn't mean any of it. F-for outright attacking you like some kind of animal, I'm just-" He couldn't continue, the sobs hitching in his throat and he broke down.

"No, Ryou." Yami kneels down on one knee to the teen, unable to take the festering guilt anymore. He takes a deep breath and swallows his already broken pride. "I'm the one who should be asking for forgiveness. You were right, what I did to you was cruelty. Nobody deserves to be told they used to be evil." His hand involuntarily reaches out to the boy's shaking shoulder. A second before he made contact however, he hesitates. It's too personal and it might seem almost condescending and unnatural to approach him like this when they were literally seconds away from fighting just a few minutes ago. He retracted his hand and sighed tiredly.

"And knowing this, I still stupidly continued. I don't know why I was so reactive at the slightest jab, and I am still at odds in explaining to why I was all-too ready for a physical altercation and even more so, actually provoking you to one. We both did things we're not proud of. Said things we shouldn't have said, things we didn't mean."

Ryou finally turns to look at him, red-rimmed teary chocolate eyes penetrating the very depth of his soul. So much painful sorrow in those eyes, such sadness he doesn't deserve. Another hairline crack in his beating heart. "And...we _might_ have past selves that did some questionable things. But, that doesn't mean it defines us for who we are today. We are not who we were five thousand years ago. You're not evil, you are good! A person with one of the purest hearts I've ever seen. And I am not...what I once was. "

_Even if I did have such disconcerting ideals of wrong and right. And I was so flippant about cutting open Bakura's face. I couldn't have been so brutal, could I?_

Just asking himself that question made for a terrifying drop in Yami's stomach. Especially when he recalled one of the most disturbing phrases the thief accused him of. _'Rulers don't murder their own-!' _The thief implied he killed someone. Hurting someone so horribly is one thing, but actually murdering...? There's no possible way he would kill someone else! Pharaoh or not, it's just not something he could do. The fear turned into desperate apologies.

"I'm sorry Ryou, for calling the spirit Bakura. I am sorry for even hesitating a single second in surrending the duel in Battle City. I am sorry for provoking you, for saying so many awful words. I don't hate you either, I never have. You're Yugi's friend! You're...my friend."

Although Ryou's tears still haven't quenched, he still gave a sad grateful smile at the former Pharaoh, knowing Yami genuinely meant every single word. It didn't sound like a fake apology in the slightest, he coult tell he was truly sorry for everything that had transpired between them. Just like he was. So, so much.

"Aw look at that, isn't that just ADORABLE?! Are you two gonna hug it out now?" Yami Bakura gushes affectionately, which caught everyone's attention. Nevermind the fact he actually felt like vomiting from the pure disgust of witnessing that moment. "I have to say, that was impressive. One second, you're game to beating the SHIT out of each other, and the next you're spouting friendship speeches! That's a new record. You accomplished much more friendly ground in fifteen minutes than in the entire life time of the Pharaoh and the thief, that's for sure." Their fists tightened and jaws grinded, two pairs of eyes giving him a hellish glare. The dark spirit merely raised his hands, as if saying 'don't shoot the messenger'.

"While this display is _cute_, you know it's complete bullshit. You WILL be back at each other's throats, soon enough." He snorts knowingly. "DON'T." Both Yami and Ryou growled. The yami just shook his head, chuckling slightly.

_As if you can forget what happened._ As if they could ignore the new suspicions they have of each other. They can deny it all they want, but he knows the truth. He knows how both their minds work. While Yami will be forever paranoid (that subconsciousness will poke at him, it will prod incessantly) about every action Ryou takes starting right now, fearing his sudden betrayal, Ryou will be forever racking his head, trying to figure what Yami did to generate THAT much hatred. And when he finds outs, it will be absolute hell for everyone involved. A sordid giggle almost escapes his throat in the excitement. He can't wait.

"You think a millenia-long hatred can be quenched by a couple of _sorry's_? You're stupider than I thought. But, by all means! Pretend everything is just fine and dandy. Let's see how long the former Pharaoh and the former Thief King play nice with each other before the resulting bloodbath. If it wasn't made obvious to you before, I'll state outright: both of them were very bloodthirsty in their time." He states in a disturbingly light voice, walking to the long white couch and letting his weight drop completely into the comfortable cushion.

The warning hung in the air, heavy and bleak. The full implications sink in fully to the two in question, both of them sitting on their folded legs, looking at the white marble with a blank if not lifeless expression. The aura of danger crackles to life once again.

"Oh and by the way: the Pharaoh is in all of his right to call me Bakura. Technically, it is my name." The dark spirit announces once more over his shoulder. "After all, I can estimate roughly ten percent of me IS you." His garnet eyes lock in with his host's brown ones, and they're full of mock. He can see the taunts in them. _I got a secret you wanna knooow..._Ha can hear the spirit singing softly in his mind. Immediately, he wrenches his sight away from him, the dread in his stomach overflowing to his throat.

"Hey knock it off, alright. We get it, you know a lot more than the whole lot of us combined. Stop spewing bullcrap already." Joey grits, walking over there with Tristan to glare at the spirit directly. He sighs and shrugs off the anger. He at least had the decency to warn the poor fools.

Mai exhales angrily, also sick of the spirit's endless attempts to ruin everything. She approaches her two collapsed friends, and firmly grasps their shoulders.

"I hope to God you know that's not true. His comments are obviously done on purpose to perpetrate paranoia. To make YOU paranoid." Neither Yami nor Ryou make any effort to seem like they listened to her, as they are too far gone in their fears and worries to actually capture her words.

_But if that man is actually me, then what can guarantee he won't take over again? A-and what the hell did he mean by a percentage of him **being** me? Who _are_ you, Spirit._

_W__hat can say whether any thoughts are mine or...his? Ryou doesn't deserve a single thought doubting his intentions, but my past self is so adamant on cementing his purposes as pure evil. I cannot listen to him._

"Hey, the next episode's starting." Yami Bakura casually states from afar, gleefully noticing how his words depressed and scared the fuck out of everyone. Especially the two individuals in question, who have the expression of eternal dread painted on their faces.

"I know none of what he said will happen. Even if your past lives did have a scary vengeful streak, it doesn't change a thing. You are still the same people! Everyone knows this, and deep down, you know it too. We aren't supposed to be confronted by ancient flashbacks. We aren't supposed to know what our past selves have done, or if we even have a past self! Every single one of us, we can't guarantee what we have or haven't done in a past life, because we just don't know that." Mai continues on, her plum eyes narrowed at the dark spirit for opening his mouth.

"All you saw was the tiniest bit of the past, a small snippet that didn't take more than half a minute. You don't know the context behind it all, even if you think you 't let it turn your life upside-down. Don't let him win by accepting his decision. Fight it with everything you've got." With this, Mai walked to the couch and sat to the far right of the couch, waiting for the next episode with a somber expression on her face. Again, a tenebrous silence envelops them.

"I see no reason for the spirit to be spewing such nonsense other than cause general conflict." Kaiba finally states, attempting to stay as neutral as possible. "He most likely said it to rile you. I have to agree with Mai. You should not grant him the victory of seeing you like this. Ignore his foolishness. " _It's amusing how they are talking about me like if I'm not in the immediate vicinity and not hearing EVERY SINGLE WORD THEY'RE SAYING. _The dak spirit rolls his eyes. Seto is the second one to follow the older woman to the couch and sit down next to her, attention focusing on the television screen.

"You are who you are...today. Modern times. Not thousands of years ago." Tea also added, with Yugi nodding solemnly. "Everything is okay. We all know you're not them." They both smile at their friends, and also head on over to the couch, both of them deciding to sit down on the floor right in front of the couch. Contrary to popular opinion, they know when to give a person time to process, to think, and that sometimes requires space. Following their example, Joey and Tristan take one for the team and sit next to Yami Bakura, one at each side.

The white fuzz on the television screen finally clears up to show the introduction to the next episode.

**"Who keeps throwing these cards at me?!" Yami appears in the typical intro with the zipping cards. "It's not funny, you know. STOP IT."**

This is enough.

Ryou and Yami stand up, looking at one another with a newly determined look in their eyes. Mai is right. All of their friends are right! They will not follow along the spirit's inflammatory's prediction, nor should they fear the future of what might happen. They will not destroy one another, nor let this event repeat itself just because some ass says so. They will not let him win. They nod at each other and walk over to the same white couch in order to see the episode. Yami and Ryou have never been enemies, and they WILL NOT become enemies!

They take it one step further as the two very deliberately choose to sit right next to each other in order to prove the terrible experience does not trump their own will. Dark Bakura snorts, rolling his eyes at the dramatic display.

"Are you going to start to hold hands from now on to prove you are BFFs?" He asks sarcastically. He got seven pairs of eyes glaring a hole into his skull for that remark.

**Mai's three Harpie Ladies are destroyed as she looks on with dismay in her eyes. "No! My Harpies!" There is a close-up on her shocked face as her Life Points go down to zero.** "**I can't believe I lost!"**

**Panik grins evilly. "Maybe next time you'll put more than three monsters in your deck."**

"I most definitely do not have only three monsters in my deck!" Mai huffs, crossing her arms. "Well, it IS usually your most frequented 'strategy.' You might want to have more varied techniques." Tristan said jokingly, which earns him a scowl from the blonde but no other remark in response. She can admit to herself she might need to change her typical moves more often.

**He holds out his hand expectatantly to her. "I'll be taking your star chips now."**

**Yugi and the gang appear running to the scene in sync. "Super Special Awesome Rescue!" He hollers heroically. **

"Again, with the stupid 'super special awesome' phrases." Yugi groans.

Yami Bakura looks over at them all, back and forth to attempt to find the lingering fear in their eyes. They really were going to pretend like nothing happened, huh? Just keep on making idle harmless comments about the abridged series like if they didn't just find out something life-changing about his landlord and the Pharaoh who were thought to be completely different? _Absolute fools_. He shakes his head as if disappointed.

**They stop in front of Mai, who has just stepped down from her duel podium. "We heard screaming, is everyone okay?"Yugi asks with clear concern. ****Mai looks directly at the group with a dejected look on her face. "I lost another duel."**

**Yugi's large doe eyes appear on the screen. "You were screaming because of _that_? What are you, five years old?" He says incredulously.**

Tristan snorts slightly, surprised to say he found abridged!Yugi's point very valid. It really is sort of immature for someone to scream just because of a card game. "I don't recall screaming about losing the duel." Mai says pensively, tapping her chin. "If I did, that IS kind of childish of me to do."

The rest of the group shrugged, not wanting to out-right agree with her statement but at the same time they also found themselves internally nodding. "To be honest, I don't even remember that far behind to say if you did or didn't." Joey says, scratching his head.

**"It was very distressing!" She cries out. ****Joey angrily steps forward as if about to get in a fight, but Tristan blocks his path by holding him by the shoulders and Ryou attempts to constrain him by his arms. "We were trying to sleep! Honestly, this is exactly why I hate blonde people!"**

"Ironic, since this is coming_ from_ a blonde." Mai scoffs. Joey shrugs in response. "Hey, don't tell me that, tell _him_."

**Ryou has a very serious expression on his face, hands still firmly wrapped around the angry teen's upper arms. "Calm down, Joey, you bloody yank!"**

The Brit's eyebrows rises slightly at hearing his abridged counterpart says something similar to an insult for the first time. But then again, he actually shouldn't be surprised. In fact, he'd ought to feel more shame than ever as so far, HE (the _original_ Ryou) has been swearing much more than the abridged version of himself. He comes to the realization that he's actually been degrading himself more than his alter has, and it makes him feel that much worse.

"What's a yank?" Joey asks, confused.

"Common English term for 'American'." Ryou replies softly, dark clouds still enveloping his mood. "It's not particularly offensive. It's actually often used as a term of endearment for American friends." The teen looks pensive once again. "Although _bloody yank _does have a much more negative connotation than the word alone. "

"Aye, you not swearing at me, are you Bakura?!"

"Mildly so, I guess." He says with downcast eyes. _It's hundreds times better than anything else I've said to Yami..._

**Panik, with no regards to the woman's comfort or privacy, snatches Mai up by her gloved hand, boasting about his victory. "She was my easiest victim yet. Her huge breasts were no match for my enormous chin."**

"Of course. I had forgotten my boobs are the basis of my character in the series." Mai mutters annoyingly, crossing her arms with a huff. Tea shakes her head sympathetically, knowing how infuriating it must feel to be simplified to a pair of breasts. She might not had the same awful luck as the blonde woman in the abridged series, but she does know a thing or two about people (namely men on the streets) ogling at her like if she was a piece of meat. She relates plenty.

"Hey, he really does have a gigantic chin." Tristan contemplates in awe. "I've never noticed."

**The scene switches back to Joey, Yugi and Tea. "Don't worry, Mai. Since I'm the main character, it'll be a cinch for me to win back your star chips." Yugi says confidently, and his Millennium Puzzle starts to glow.**

"It most definitely wasn't a 'cinch'! That weirdo almost burned me alive." Yugi says while shuddering at the memory. Yam scrunches his face. "Yes, I do remember someone trying to kill me with fire but I couldn't recall who. Not a very pleasant man, that one."

"It's strange to say but after so many craziness, I got to say I've become accustomed to these type of freaks that either want to kill us or send us to the Shadow Realm." Tristan muses idly.

**"Time to recycle my sexy transformation sequence." The millennium puzzle takes up the entire shot as it floats slightly and starts to glow. **

"Yes, it's _veeery_ important to add the SEXY part in it." Mai says, winking. Yami looks off to his side, trying to hide the slight blush in his cheeks. He's not a fan of the abridged characters constantly trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. But from the looks of thing, he'll have to get used to it. It's definitely not letting up any time soon.

**The Shaft theme song starts to play as the puzzle starts to circle around.**

"What in the-"

Yami froze up.

**_Who's the black private dick_**  
**_That's a sex machine to all the chicks?_**

The whole group erupts into a fit of snickers. Especially Mai who found the entire ordeal hysterical. Tea giggles behind her dainty palms and Ryou snorts, covering up his laughs with his hands as well. The only person who isn't smiling is Yami Bakura, who looks quite frankly annoyed at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Who would have guessed? Shaft's theme song is officially Yami's as well." Seto says, attempting his best to curb his smirk. Meanwhile, the barely-there blush in Yami's cheeks grows darker and he puts a hand on his forehead as if trying to shield his face from onlookers. It doesn't work very well.

**Yugi became enveloped in the blue light, and the shadow of Yami appears. ****_Shaft! _****The camara pans dramatically up Yami's body until it rests on his confident smile.**

**_You're damn right!_**

"This is priceless, forreal." Joey laughs, elbowing the blushing Pharaoh at his side. He says a disgruntled 'quit it' and sinks into the couch as if willing himself to disappear.

**Yami points directly at Panik. "It's time to duel, suckah! Can you dig it?"**

"OKAY I'M DEAD." Yugi says, holding his stomach for dear life with a gigantic grin ln his face. _Dear Ra, this is just straight up absurdity. _Yami thinks all the while shaking his head.

**Joey looks off in a distance fondly. "That Yugi's one bad mother-"**

**"SHUT your mouth!" Tea and Tristan shout offscreen, ala _Shaft_ style.**

"This episode is starting out pretty groovy already." Tea says, stifling her giggles. "This episode is starting out very STUPIDLY, you mean." The spirit of the ring mutters.

**"I'm just talking about Yugi." Joey replies smoothly. ****"Then we can dig it!" Tea and Tristan respond back. **

Joey snaps his fingers and points at the two with a large grin on their faces. "Hell yeah we can dig it!"

_Are these idiots that adamant on putting on this disgusting sham of jovial faces and hearty laughter? Who in the world are they trying to fool? Obviously themselves, because I can sniff out their bullshit from a mile away. I can see it in their eyes. I still see the anxiety and sadness in each pair of eyes. Especially you, landlord. I can feel the happiness draining from your soul. _

**_Neon Genesis Evangelion_'s opening theme starts to play, and a lot of different scenes from various places and people zip by extremely quickly. The subtitle at the bottom says ****'The card game's thesis' while a hand with a duel disk engages, then the shot changes to ****Yugi going through his deck while the word "CARDS" appears in white with a black background.**

"Whoa, this introduction is going reaaaally fast." Yugi says taken back, his eyes flitting back and forth from image to image, barely able to keep up.

"And is it just me or is that theme song kind of familiar?" Ryou wonders out loud.

**The theme song is still going on as the next shot shows Yami holding a card with a bunch of his monsters behind him, then a chest with the Millennium symbol sitting on a table. It instantly switches to Kaiba in front of his Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, then Pegasus's Millennium Eye. The black background is back with the words in white saying "SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME".**

"I really hope this doesn't become my catchphrase." Yugi says nervously, sweatdropping at the possibility.

** Yami at the end of his transformation sequence appears, and the orange subtitled words at the bottom of the screen say: '****will soon be set in defense mode' **

"Okay, this intro doesn't even make sense anymore. I don't get what they're trying to say. " Mai says befuddled, blinking rapidly at the speed of the images.

**The word "MONSTERS" is next, and Domino City with the sun rising over it soon follows. "DOMINO" appears, then the Kaiba Corp. building, and the words "KAIBA CORP" flash by. One of Kaiba's scientists pops up, followed by a computer screen, then Mokuba with a headset on, another of Kaiba's scientists, a whole room of scientists, a random goon, another goon, a card with Grandpa on it, the Big Five, Gozaburo Kaiba, Tristan's gravestone, Yugi and Yami's heads behind an outline of Yami, a card with Mokuba on it, and Pegasus's dark smirk.**

"I wonder if this is going to be opening title sequence from now on. It sure is a lot longer than the other one." Seto speculates.

**Again the subtitles at the bottom read '****with surging, hot life-points' while Yugi appears winking in a mirror. The words "GAME KING YUGI" appear in white. **

"Holy cow, this intro could trigger epilepsy into a healthy adult!" Tea says, slapping her palms against her face, attempting to calm the dizzying pattern her eyes were now seeing. She can already feel some sort of nausea coming on.

"I'll say. I feel like my eyes have been overloaded by too much going on too quickly." Tristan covers his eyes temporarily, giving them relief from the chaotic images.

**Joey takes a card from his hand, and the words "BONKOTSU DUELIST JOEY" pop up. Then in a rapid fashion, Téa, Tristan, Bakura, Duke Devlin, Rebecca Hawkins, Obelisk the Tormentor, Blue Eyes White Dragon launching an attack, Dark Magician coming out of the Mystic Box all appear in the span of less than 3 seconds.**

**"**Yeesh, my eyes are in need of moisture now**."**

**'If you activate a trap card' appears at the bottom of a smiling Kaiba. ****Kid Joey runs, Serenity, the Millennium Puzzle, the words "DUELIST KINGDOM", a glowing Yami outline with the Millennium symbol on his forehead, a random satellite, a very pale albino looking girl with blue-tinted white hair zips by, and then Priest Seto.**

"Wait, what did we just see?" Seto suddenly asks, seeing someone who looked suspiciously like him in some sort of Egyptian garb. "Did anyone see someone who looked a lot like of me?" He says urgently, wanting to confirm that he saw that correctly.

"Sorry man, with all of the pictures zipping by so fast I didn't even notice." Joey says apologetically.

"I actually did see someone who reminded me of you, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why." Yugi says, rubbing his tired eyes. "And it was too fast for me to actually focus on the image itself. I think it may have been the blue eyes. I do recall really striking piercing blue eyes, exactly like yours. "

"Is there a way we can rewind it back?" Seto reaches out for the remote, but is dismayed to find the options are only PLAY or PAUSE. _Damn. _

**The ancient Egyptian Pharaoh appears with a serious expression on his face.**

"Hey, isn't that the Pharaoh?! Whoa, you got an awesome tan!"

**The word "ATEM" pops up in big black letters against a white background instead of the other way around.**

Loud yelps of surprise erupted in the entire room

"_AGH, WHAT THE-!_"

A white static-y flash takes everyone's eyes like a debilitating disease, and it is akin to the white light they all had to experience when they first came in the void. "Oh man, not this crap again!"

Ryou shakes his head over and over, attempting to get rid of the infuriating fuzz taking hold of his brain. Yami grits his teeth, hearing some strange sizzling and popping for some reason, in the recesses of his mind. Meanwhile, Yami Bakura is stone still, gaping jaw almost to the floor at what the abridged series just displayed. The condition which affected everyone didn't happen to him, and he is slowly realizing why. _How could it..._

"Um, did everyone else just experience that?" Mai shudders, eyes still shut at the somehow painful green splotches still overtaking her vision. "Yeah, it's like for some reason, my eyes just stopped working and all I could see was this horrible white static."

_Not possible_. The dark spirit is repeating to himself blankly. The show knows almost _everything. _

"God, for some reason, that actually hurt." Ryou grabs his head gently, wincing. And for another godforsaken reason, a small tiny corner of his mind was pinging him unceasingly. Like a tiny reminder of something, something that is really important, but he just didn't know what. It's a very strange, slightly disturbing sensation.

"Did anyone see there was a word on a white background just now?" Seto groans, shaking off the white static fuzz. "Now that you mention it, yes I do recall seeing _a_ word. But...I couldn't actually see _the_ word." Yugi realizes. The small 'ping' in Ryou's mind turns blaring and loud, and he winces at the much stronger painful sensation. It's screaming at him so much. What the hell is going on? It's like something is URGING him to remember it, whatever it is, but he has no idea what-

_A steady dripping sound resonates in his head faintly and he tears his sight from the imposing regal face to the ruler's left arm. _

Oh no. He's having flashbacks of the flashack. His stomach drops in dread again, and he groans out loud. All he wants to do is completely FORGET ever being in that man's position but the memory keeps resurfacing, demanding his attention.

_A beautifully crafted curved dagger clutched tightly in A***'s hand, shining silver blade gleaming a fluorescent red. Blood dripped down the tip, forming a slowly growing puddle at the Pharaoh's side.__He remembers his eye injury, as he could still feel the searing pain on his eyelid and cheek._

Wait. _A***?_ His inner voice repeats again, and his own mind screeches at him. "AH!" He cries out, the static and noise growing exponentially in that one particular place. His face feels hot, and the screeching continues to a shrill unbearable level. The Pharaoh's hand? It hits him out of nowhere.

"It's his name. IT'S HIS NAME!" Ryou yells, pointing frenziedly at Yami's shocked gaze. "What? You-You're not actually saying it's _my_ name are you-?" The former Pharaoh begins to ask, wide eyes belaying his disbelief.

"We just witnessed your real name on the screen! I actually THOUGHT out your name in my head when we were in the flashback but now when I try to think about it, it keeps getting censored in my brain. All I can recall is..." He suddenly grows very quiet.

"Your name. It...starts with an A-"

"SHUT UP." Yami Bakura suddenly snarls viciously. "YOU BEST SHUT UP BOY, before you REALLY PISS ME OFF."

Everyone stares a him with a surprised expression, not expecting him to blow up so abruptly. There's only one reason why he would react so angrily. He doesn't want anyone, and especially Yami to know even a single letter of his original name. But following that same train of thought, that would mean he actually _knows_.

"...You know my name." Yami says blankly, realization dawning on his features. "You've known all along."

"If there's something I want you foolish insects to remember of me, is that I KNOW EVERYTHING. No, you can't extract your name out of my mind in any possible way. The void won't permit it anyway. It DID censor the name out of all your minds right when it appeared on the screen." He stops abruptly at this last point, the angry expression falling of his face in record time, gears turning in his head.

If LK doesn't want them to know the name, then that means it doesn't matter if he says it or not. They still won't be able to hear it! Even more so, it seems like it's physically uncomfortable and even somewhat painful to hear the censored name. He slowly smirks and turns to Yami. Maybe he should test his theory?

"A***. "

"AHHH! " Everyone slaps their hands to their ears, wincing painfully at the horrid screechy static noise enveloping their heads. Even if they didn't need their eyes, it's like ther vision blew up too, a too-bright white burning their corneas. Yami and Ryou were especially prone to the raw brunt of the sound, and it literally sounded like broken nails carving into a ceramic plates. They grit their teeth in the agony.

"Damn, that HURTS!" Mai moans.

"By the GODS, I can say his name without any repercussions?! This is FANTASTIC!" The spirit laughs incredulously and looks at Yami again with a smirk. "A***!" He repeats, this time much louder.

"_STOP IT!_" Yami shouts angrily, shutting his eyes tightly.

**The image of Mai, another computer screen, Téa, and four hands with a face drawn on them appear. ****'Embracing the Swords of Revealing Light' ****Yugi looks down, it zooms out to show Yami standing back-to-back with him, then zooms out more from his eye.**

**'young boy, play some card games'**

"I'm guessing you don't want to enquire a little more, Pharaoh, on your name?" Yami Bakura giggles disturbingly, having way too much fun. "You looked awfully insistent for a moment. You sure you don't want to dig a little deeper, dear A-" Ryou looks at him with furious wild eyes.

"You say one more word and I SWEAR to GOD I'll punch you again." The teen interrupts him fiercely. _Who the HELL are you, Spirit? Why do you know so much?!_

"NO. I DON'T. _SHUT UP_, YOU DEMON." Yami growls at him at the same time. _That's what I thought. _The villain thinks, satisfied."You still think you can pretend normalcy now?" His voice deepend menacingly, directing his attention to the two. They stay deathly quiet.

Ryou soon after delivers him a rather rude gesture in return.

"What I don't understand is why LK doesn't want us to know his name." Tristan says, rubbing his ears gently, still feeling the after-effects of the vision-and-sound censorship. "I would guess it has something to do with spoiling something extremely key to our series." Seto replies pensively.

"It's definitely because of that reason. " Yami says solemnly. His unknown name is practically at the tip of his fingertips, and then got whisked away by LK and this godforsaken void. All he can think about now is how unfair the situation is. Ryou, noticing the distressed expression on his face, opens his mouth in an effort to say something comforting but soon after, the words dry up in the desert of his throat. For some reason, just as he was about to speak, the disturbing flashback rolled again in his mind, and his sympathy turned into discomfort. And if he was being completely honest with himself, a tinge of anger. The desire to say anything positive to him immediately died.

_Too soon to actually look at each other in the eye and feel at ease, I guess. _

"Life is cruel sometimes, isn't it Pharaoh?" Dark Bakura muses, a delicate eyebrow rising up once more.

**The "Yu-Gi-Oh! the abridged series" logo appears in front of an ancient stone carving, which depicts two individuals: one who looks suspiciously like Yami and the other looks like the young man with the Egyptian headress that appeared a few seconds ago. The screen fades to black. **

"Isn't that the Egyptian who I thought looked like me?" Seto demands, eyes narrowed even more. Something wasn't right here, but he couldn't exactly pin-point what. It couldn't be that he...also had a past Egyptian counterpart, did it? And yet, someone who looks just like him is too much of a coincidence to pass up. Then again, why in the world was he in a stone slab with the Pharaoh?! It's one thing to have Ryou's past life intertwined with Yami's but now his as well? That just sounds like bad plot writing.

**"It looks like it's my lucky day, Yugi!" Panik boasts as he is elevated to the dueling arena while Yami waits for him. "Pegasus has offered a vast reward to anyone who can eliminate you from the tournament."**

**The camara goes back to Yami, who is crossing his arms. "Yeah, maybe you could use the money to buy yourself a voice that doesn't frighten small children." He says sarcastically.  
**

"Oooh, trash-talking Yami is in da house!" Joey whoops jokingly.

"Yes, his 'trash' talking has been exemplary lately, hasn't it?" The spirit's sinister mock rings out louder than the blonde's lighthearted comment. Again, complete silence.

**Panik grows enraged. "I'll teach you to make fun of me!" He pushes a button in the duel podium and mechanical cuffs grab Yami's legs. "****Hey, these things must come in handy." Yami says as he looks down on his newly cuffed pants.**

Ryou snorts loudly at obvious insinuation, covering his mouth after the fact. He hears a helpless sigh come from Yami, and he turns to witness him once again burying his face with one open palm as if wondering to himself why the gods hated him so. It seems like he understood the double-entendre perfectly.

"Planning on buying your own, Yami?" Mai says, a small grin breaking her cool composure. Immediately, the entire room erupts in snickers. "Kinky." She adds slyly, hoping for a reaction.

"PFF-!" Yugi can't contain his laughter any longer. Joey and Tristan guffaw freely, slapping each other's backs, while Seto pretends he's not three seconds away from chuckling as well. Even Yami Bakura has to crack a grin at this. Apparantly, LK gets off from seeing Yami squirm. At least they have that in common.

Yami looks at the buxom woman with such terror, it's absolutely comical. She almost falls down from the couch, laughing at the sight. He finally finds his words. "My counterpart might be, but I am in no way interested in buying any sort of paraphernalia." He says lowly under his breath, refusing to look at anyone in the eye.

"You sure about that? All that leather and chains sort of say otherwiseee..." She sing-songs, humming the well-known Rihanna song:_ 'S&amp;M'_, who is instantly recognized by everone. For the first time since he arrived at this infernal place, Yami Bakura actually laughs out loud because of Mai's comment. Sure, he's laughed plenty in mock and at other people's expense, but nobody has ever managed to genuinely make him laugh before. Funny. _Huh, you're actually not as insufferable as I thought._

"I am VERY SURE, Mai." Yami asserts instantly, feeling his face heat up.

**Panik presses another button and flames shoot at Yami, while the classic song "Disco Inferno" plays.**

**_I heard somebody say _**_**(Burn baby burn) **_**_Disco inferno!_**

**Yami is surprised at seeing the fire coming at him from both sides of his podium and he cover his face with his gloved hand. He glares at Panik while he attempts to not get burned.**

"That man needs to be locked into a mental hospital. Who burns people alive for something like that?!" Yugi is still shocked and disgusted by the fact anyone would attempt to kill them for mere financial gain. Even if Pegasus was offering all of the money in the world, he would never attempt to burn someone alive.

_**(Burn baby burn) **_**_burn that mother down_**

**The shot changes to Mai's concerned profile. "Yugi's in big trouble!" She yells while Joey and Tea look at her with interest. ****"I agree with Mai's boobs!" Joey says dumbly.**

_You know what, I don't even care anymore. Reacting with anger every time they mention my boobs is starting to get exhausting. _Mai slightly shakes her head.

**Tristan appears along with Joey, both looking quite frightened. "This is the worst vacation ever!" **

**Panik laughs maniacally. "Hahahahaha! It's so much fun being a bully." He sneers while pointing at Yami. "****You know something, chin-face?" He replies with a smirk, crossing his arms in confidence. "You look like the illegitimate offspring of Jay Leno and Tim Curry."**

"I have no idea who these people are." Yami says dumbfounded. "But I think I can accurately guess it was supposed to be an insult."

"Guess so. I have no idea who they are either."

**Panic, with his eye still twitching in anger, summons the Castle of Dark Illusions. The card immediately activates, enveloping his side in pure darkness. "With the Castle of Dark Illusions on my side of the field, my monsters will be hidden from sight, making things much easier to animate." Only two pairs of demonic-looking eyes are visible from the blackness. **

"... I still can't believe someone drew us to life. A cartoon artist literally created us with a bunch of lines. "

"Heh, maybe after all of this madness is over with, we should create a new religion which believes we're all just drawings made by the big cartoon artist in the sky." Joey's joke is dark but it does manage to make Tea smile and forget about her concerns about being a cartoon.

"I even got a name for it!" Ryou plays along, a small smile on his face. "It will be called _Otaku_ism."

Mai snickers. "Hey, that's pretty good. What will the cartoon artist in the sky be named? _Mangaka_?" She also jokes. Ryou chuckles. "That does sound like a good name!"

**Yami summons Winged Dragon, Guardian of the Fortress. "I cast magic missile at the darkness," The dragon attacks Panik's arena with balls of flames, which show his two monsters. "-revealing your side of the field."**

**Bakura seems impressed by this move. "I say," Both Joey and Tristan turn to look at the teen. "That was a superb strategical move at a critical juncture!"**

"Wow, the Britishness is literally dripping in every word." Ryou says in monotone. _As if I actually talk like some Posh stuffy aristocrat about to meet the Queen of England. All that was missing is me mentioning having a cup of tea, and saying "Jolly good show he gives, the ol' chap". Sheesh._

**Joey brings his fist up. "Who the hell said _you_ could hang out with us?"**

And it starts. The whitette rolls his eyes. He was wondering why everyone in the abridged series was being unusually nice to him. "Don't listen to him, Ryou." Joey dismissively waves his hand. "He's an ass. You are more than welcome to hang. You're already one of us, man."

Ryou doesn't say anything in return but he smiles at his kind words.

**Panik announces loudly. "Thrill as I set all my monsters in Defense mode." The monsters appear as if they are being held by Swords of Revealing Light. "Stalemates are very exciting."**

**Again, Tea, Joey and Mai appear looking onwards on the screen. "Gee, this is a really lousy episode. It reminds me of our spin-off show, _Yu-Gi-Oh! DMX_."**

"WAIT, HOLD THE PRESSES! We have a spin-off show?!"

**A teenage boy with interesting two-toned brown hair and large dark eyes appear at the center of the shot with a large friendly smile on his face.**** He raises a triumphant fist in the air along with some strange robotic looking men which might actually be Duel Monsters.**

**DMX's "X Gon' Give it to Ya" starts to play.**

**_First we gonna ROCK!_**

"No freaking way." Mai states dumbly. Seto is staring at the screen, refusing to blink in the entire scene. "Yu-Gi-Oh must have been EXTREMELY successful worldwide. Not only has it been translated in different languages, but it's managed to pull of a following show! And I can bet my company we've become an anime franchise as a result of the success."

_**Then we gonna ROLL!**_

"HOLY... We actually have a _spin-off_ show. A SPIN-OFF!" Yugi exclaims dumbfounded, almost not believing it even though he is literally witnessing it with his own eyes.

**The same boy is shown next standing heroically at some sort of cliff but is quickly drenched by an upcoming ocean wave. **

**_Then we let it POP,_**

**He doesn't seem to care about his soaking appearance as he quickly takes center stage and pumps his fists up in the air along with four other unknown people. One of them has blue hair, and is ridiculously short. The other is big and burly, quite the opposite from the rest. To the right of the blue-haired small one, a shapely woman with hair that looked suspiciously like Kaiba seems like she's laughing. At the side of the large man, a tan man with a yellow jacket looks plenty serious with his arms crossed.**

**_GO LET IT GO_**!

"WE HAVE CREATED A MOTHERFRIGGIN LEGACY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Joey is absolutely awestruck. Not only do they have their own show, but apparently they were so awesome and successful, 4kids created _another _show with some new main characters in the loop. Which is kind of weird, now that he thinks about it. Aren't spin-off shows based on one of the minor characters of the 'parent' show? So far he hasn't seen Yugi, or Yami, or anyone familiar.

"That is...quite unexpected." Yami blinks in surprise.

**The teen takes out a couple of Duel Monsters cards from his Duel Disk, a self-assured smile on his lips and in his brown eyes. The three boys who were by his side just a second ago make their second appearance by chronologically succeeding the other in a dramatic profile take.**

"Their show looks cooler than ours does." Tristan huffs sulkily. "I bet our original intro is lame compared to theirs."

_** X gon give it to ya, He gon give it to ya**_

**The same people, along with a new bespectacled face, look like they're posing for a picture, smiling widely at the camara. **_**X gon give it to ya**_

"Dude, this is freaking EPIC! Hell, _I_ wanna watch the show now! So does that mean we're meeting this upbeat little squirt or what? If it's a spin-off, then that means he has to know who we are at least right?" Joey grins at this, excited at meeting this boy who obviously got his inspiration to duel from them.

"Rap isn't usually my taste, but I'm actually feeling this song. It's pretty catchy." Tea says, snapping her fingers as if seconds away from busting a move. "They do seem quite hip and modern. More than us, that's for sure. I still listen to video game soundtracks in my mp3 player." Yugi nods with an amused smile.

**Again, the same teenage boy takes the spotlight with a wide grin on his face. **_**He gon give it to ya! **_**He appears one more time, while the YU-GI-OH! GX logo pops up in front of his happy cheering.**

_**Aye-yo where my ni# %z at?!**_

Um. Whoa. The entire group looks completely taken back at the last lyric. Tea drops her arms at this, her eyes widening slightly. After five whole seconds of still silence, Ryou coughs uncomfortably.

"Apparently, they're a lot more..._urban_ than we are."

**"Honestly, who would want to watch a cartoon about a bunch of rap artists playing card games?" Joey scoffs.**

The original in question snorts up a storm. "Wow, he really went there." He says shaking his head in disapprovement but there is still a small grin creeping up his lips.

"Did anyone notice the show's name is actually Yu-Gi-Oh GX, not DMX like Joey mentioned? I'm guessing LK is also making fun of the fact that they seem to target a more urban audience. I don't think the main characters in the show are actually rap artists." Tea muses.

"Shit." Kaiba states with large round eyes. Everyone turns to look at the usually serious child billionaire, surprised. He rarely swears, so when he does, it usually means something big.

"If there is already a spin-off, doesn't that mean _our_ show is over?"

All thoughts screech at a dead halt.

_Our show...is OVER?_

"OH CRAP! What the hell does that mean? T-then, what will happen when we reach the 'final' episode? Will we cease to exist? Will we start over at the beginning like a freaking movie on repeat?!" Joey spouts a series of frenzied questions with increasing velocity, where most of them are having trouble of keeping up with what he's saying.

"Whoa, calm down Joey! The 'show' might be over, but that doesn't mean our lives are. The 'camaras' just stop rolling, is all. If you ask me, I'm glad to know there is an end to this. I do miss being able to think I have at least some sort of privacy." Mai huffs.

"Hey, I didn't even think about it like that." Tea says in realization, completely agreeing with her point. "Now that you mention it, I hope our show has a short run. This will finally grant us the freedom of doing whatever we want, whenever we want without ever thinking about camaras."

"I doubt our show has a short run. 4Kids! is probably milking it as long as they possibly can." Kaiba scoffs.

**Tristan looks offended by his blond friend's derogatory comments and approaches him by touching his shoulder. "Hey, I like that show!" He whines similar to a child. ****The blonde is unusually outraged at his touch. He recoils back as if burned.**

** "Touch me again, Tristan, and you're going home in a body bag." He seethes venemously.**

"I think abridged!Joey needs to chill the heck out." Tristan says, eyebrows rising at the blonde. "Yeah, maybe a little. He's being kind of a hater."

**Yami takes out a card while the background lights up in special effects, signaling this is the card that will end up winning the game for him."With my Catapult Turtle, I can launch my Dragon Champion toward your castle," The monster became pure energy attack points and hit the Castle of Dark Illusions. A big explosion of smoke resulted.**

**"-shattering its flotation ring, thereby causing it to collapse on top of your monsters."**

When the entire move was explained in one fluid motion like Yami's alter just did, it sounded sort of...off. Both Seto and Yugi slightly tilted their heads, eyes narrowing in thought as they backtracked each of the effects one card had on the entire game's result.

"Is it me, or does that sound really improbable?" Mai finally asks bluntly.

**Ryou's profile is shown and he looks frustrated. "This card game is a load of bollocks!"**

"Okay, so that is _definitely_ my alter swearing." The Brit mutters.

"It seems like abridged!Ryou thinks so as well. I've never heard of a monster defeating an effect card by something like a technicality of losing the flotation ring, which would then therefore kill the monsters below it."

"I've never heard of that sort of thing happening either. But still, I'm glad it was Yami who won, and not that psycho."

**Panik, strangely enough, doesn't seem sad or dejected for losing the duel. "If I can't beat you, Yugi," He yells out maniacally. "-then I'll kill you instead!" Various projectors came out from the dueling arena's sidelines and they all start to eject fire. Projectors of fire also appear behind Yami's back, covering him from sight. **

"Why are we so frequently confronted by crazy people? I don't undersand. Are we a crazy-magnet or something?" Tea says, exasperated.

**Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" plays while Panik causes the duel field to engulf Yami in a deathly inferno of flames. The flames start to circle the entire arena in such a way, it would seem like it should be physically impossible to pull off.**

"The laws of physics don't apply in anime, obviously. But how the heck did we not notice this?!"

"The same way I didn't notice I was being threatened by _fingers. _We were purposely blinded by 4kids!."

**Panik is surrounded by the white-hot burning of the same flames, but his expression is filled with dismay. "Why aren't you dead?"  
**

**Yami is in fact intact and very calm about the whole ordeal, still at the dueling podium. "As I explained earlier, I'm the main character." The camara zooms up to his serious face, and the rainbow-colored millennium eye appears on his forehead.**

Seto shrugs his shoulder. "Now that I think about it, he IS the main character. If it was anyone else, they'd probably be dead. Hell, any of _us _would be dead."

**"You, however, can just go right ahead and die." He says acidly and extends a powerful hand at his opponent. **

"Yeesh. Kinda on the brutal side there, Yami."

**"Mind Crush!" (He mind crushes Panik, whose face's color swiches to a negaive tone and shatters like if it was a mirror. The flames instantly disappear. Yami crosses his arms in satisfaction, closing his eyes with a smile on his face.**

**"Bullying is just wrong. Destroying people's brains with magical powers is a-okay!"**

"LK really doesn't know how the mind crushes work." Yami grits, annoyed. "I do NOT destroy people's brains, I merely expell the darkness from their hearts. I'm not some psychopath."

Yami Bakura snorts loudly and Ryou immediately gives him a scathing glare which stated D_on't you dare say ONE word_, knowing he is completely ready to prove the Pharaoh wrong. While he couldn't care less abou what his hosts says or doesn't say, he decides to keep quiet as he really doesn't want to anger the boy to the point of where he hits him again. He still hasn't forgotten Ryou could actually punch him, and he definitely does not want to relive that moment any time soon.

**Mai is face to face with Yami, looking down at him slightly. "Can I have my star chips back now?"**

**The camara pans to the side slowly, showing the entire gang waiting behind Yami, who has the woman's starchips in his extended hand. "Only if you beg me."**

"Eh, what_?_"

**"Come on, get on your knees."**

"_WHAT_?"

**"...You're kidding, right?" Mai asks in complete disbelief. **

**Yami is looking at the woman with a completely serious expression, his hand still extended with the starchips. "Did I stutter or something?" He says almost obviously. "Bark like a dog, woman!"**

Yugi tries to stop his smile from growing on his face, but his partner notices it anyways and gves him a small scowl. Tea and Tristan attempt to look as serious as possible but they are both failing miserably. Meanwhile Ryou just looks surprised. "Uh Yami...no offense or anything, but your abridged alter is a kind of a huge douche."

Mai is staring at the former Pharaoh with an indignant expression, and he clears his throat awkwardly. "Ahem. Like practically every single phrase that comes out of my alter's mouth, this is one of the MANY things I would never _ever_ do. And thank you, Joey, your opinion is duly noted."

**_Fly Me to the Moon _starts to play while the _Yu-Gi-Oh! abridged_ logo appears, signaling the end of another episode. ****A caption in white letters pops up against the black background:**

**[can you dig it?]**

"Not at all actually." Yami mutters, eyes turned into annoyed slits. As each episode progressed, his alter turned more and more intolerable and it was starting to get on his nerves.

_**She's a maniac, maniac on the floor**_

**Tea appears dancing very passionately on one of the DanceRevolution arcade machines, and her legs move quickly to and fro different-colored plates that light up every time she presses on.**

"Man, Tea's got some moves!"

**_'Created by Little Kuriboh'_ fades in at the bottom of the screen while she keeps on dancing to her heart's content. A shot pans to her spinning figure she bobs her head up and down slightly before smiling with sparkling blue eyes.**

"Wow, look at you go, Tea! You're a natural!" Mai whistles appreciatively, bobbing her head to the beat of the infectious song. "Definitely! I give ya a full 10 out of 10." Joey winks, rising his hand to give her a genuine thumbs up.

**The screen changs to the audience who looks quite wowed by the performance except a particular person with tri-colored hair. In fact, Yami looks quite bored at the spectacle. His lips are pursed together in a somewhat-pout, and his eyebrows are scrunched together as if trying to figure out why the hell he is experiencing such an atrocity. **

Scattered snickering can be heard across the room.

"_Daaaaaamn_, Yami. You're giving Tea the MASSIVE stink-eye." Joey guffaws freely, finding the spirit's expression absolutely hilarious. Yami looks at the screen in surprise, a small embarassed red hue blossoming in his cheeks. "And you can't even blame abridged Yami for that, since that is literally _your_ face."

"I-I wasn't aware how my facial expression looked to outsiders-" He mumbles sheepishly.

"How inconsiderate Pharaoh. The girl is dancing for you, clearly a mortal ritual for mating, and you spurn her." Yami Bakura says nonchalantly, inspecting his nails.

Almost everyone chokes on their own saliva. Tea splutters in protest, her cheeks roaring to a bright red hue. "UM N-NO, tha WAS NOT a ritual FOR ANYTHING, I was just having fun-!" She catches the spirits gaze and he crosses his arms while giving her the 'look', one that clearly says _'You ain't fooling me, I know what you were really up to'_. Her cheeks get even redder, if that was still possible and she stammers back and forth some more trying to deny all of it.

"Uh-huh." The spirit says unconvinced. "Sure, sweetheart. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Her silence is music to his ears, and he smiles, knowing he won. Yami is instantly up on his feet, pacing around while trying to get the words out of his mouth. He opens his mouth and then closes it, pacing with an index finger up in the air. He takes a deep breath but exhales again. He finally resorts in saying one phrase.

"Someone needs to tape your mouth shut."

Yami Bakura chuckles at the deep red color Yami's face turned, and he waggles his eyebrows at the man. "Someone needs to give you dating lessons."

Literally everyone gasps at that wicked burn. The Pharaoh doesn't even attempt a come-back at that. He crosses one arm along his chest, and rest his albow on that same arm to bow his head into his open palm, accepting defeat.

"I'm not even gonna lie, Bak-...person- I don't even know what to call you nomore, hey Ryou, what can we call him?" Joey interrupts himself to look at the British teen anymore who sighs tiredly. He shrugs in a dismissive manner, and waves a flippant hand. "I'm too exhausted to think of anything to call him. Just call him Bakura, whatever." Yam's nostrils flares slightly and he fights the urge not to give the boy an expression of disbelief, but it's proving hard. _Really? You almost tore my head off because I called him Bakura, and in result of that, you were _THISclose_ in beating the living crap out of me. But Joey comes up and you're cool with it? Okay. That's reasonable. _

_...Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that Joey actually asked him._

"Cool. Anyways, as I was saying! I'm not even gonna lie Bakura, you roasted Yami's ass. Props." Joey gives him an approving nod. Yami glares at the blonde, and he just shrugs. "What can I say, it's true! I ain't gonna deny it. "

"And now that I'm thinking about it, why was Tea dancing in an arcade with Yami? Where were the others?" Mai gasps as if realizing something and she grins mischievously. "Ooooh. Unless, there _werent'_ any others and it was actually a _date_-"

"Hey, LK's letter is right at the edge of the coffee table." Tea suddenly spoke desperately, wanting to change the subject to something that doesn't make her want to shrivel up in her own skin from embarassment. "I thought Yugi had pocketed it?"

The group turns to look at said coffee table, and sure enough, the letter everyone saw Yugi folding into his pocket for safe-keeping was there as if had never been moved.

"And not only that, but it looks brand new. Not a crease in sight." Seto states, brows furrowed in confusion. The brunette opens the letter and scans it over, thinking maybe it was another letter with a new message.

"Strange, it's the exact same letter. I wonder why-" She stops for a moment before going to the far bottom corner of the page and inspecting it closely. "Wait. There's an asterisk at the bottom with some really tiny letters. That's odd, I don't recall seeing asterisks in the the letter."

"Can I see it?" Yugi asks, extending a hand hopefully. Tea nods, handing the letter to her friend who scans it much more deeply. _There is no way to summon the shadow realm here and the injury of anyone is strictly prohibited, i.e impossible*- _ "Ah-ha." He announces. "Found it. The asterisk is right besides the no-injury clause of the letter."

"LK must have changed the contents of the letter to adjust for the fact that Ryou punched the spirit." Kaiba realizes.

"Read it! I wanna see what his explaination is!" Tristan says excitedly.

"Okay, give me a sec. The letters are annoyingly small." Yugi squints hard at the edge of the paper. "_*Terms and conditions may apply to people whose name starts with R and ends with U- _Well, that's EXTREMELY specific." He says in surprise. Ryou nears the duelist, eyes full of confusion.

"Nah, you're joking. It really says that?"

"If you don't believe me, the letter's right here. Apparently Ryou is the only one here who can hurt someone. Anyone, it seems. Thank God you didn't actually get into a fight with him Yami, he would have beaten you senseless." Yami looks away, not wanting to relive that incident. The other boy bites his lip in shame, as he was just so close to cross that unforgiveable line. If it wasn't for Seto, Joey and Tristan, who knows how things would have ended up.

"But why the discrimination!?" Joey pouts.

"I swear I'm not gonna hurt any of you. I won't. Not even the Spirit. I will not partake in any violence after what happened." Ryou asserts zealously.

"Well that still doesn't explain why you can and we can't!"

"Hold on, I'm still not done." The short duelist interrupts, pointing at the letter. "It goes on to say '_this clause may broken when said person feels threatened or insulted enough by the offending party, especially if the offending party is a demon.'_" All eyes go directly to Yami Bakura, the only self-proclaimed demon in the room, whose mouth drops open. "Again, it's oddly specific." Yugi adds in.

"THAT ASSHOLE!" He rages. "He put that in there SPECIFICALLY to fuck with me! He made it so Ryou can punch me silly and I won't be able to defend myself. Fucking prick." _And here I thought fellow demons looked out for each other. _

"I don't think LK likes you." Mai says tauntingly to the dark spirit. He flips her off in response.

"But apparently, he likes Ryou." Seto ponders. "It doesn't fit, though. Ryou's abridged character gets made fun of a lot, in a somewhat crueler way than the others do. Following his thought process in the abridged series so far, LK would have given us all the ability to do whatever we want while Ryou is the only one who is not able to do, as a further way of demonstration he is not 'part of the group' and he doesn't 'belong'. This is not what I personally think, Ryou. It's what I have gleaned from what LK thinks so far." Seto goes on to explain to the boy, who just nods sullenly.

"Well who knows, maybe LK turned over a new leaf and became a fanboy of Ryou. We already know he's got an army of fangirls. He's probably got enough swoon power to even turn the boys into fans" Joey says half-jokingly. The whitette blushes immediately. "Stop being silly, Joey." He responds, embarassed.

"I rather doubt it. LK has a very narrow perspective. For example, _abridged!_Yami is obnoxious, arrogant, and a jerk. _Abridged!_Joey is (no surprise) an idiot, while my abridged character is unpleasantly eccentric and a loser. He follows these archetypes to a T." Seto states seriously. "There's something here...something that doesn't fit. LK wouldn't change all out of the sudden to give Ryou a break. If anything, he'd be taking advantage of every opportunity to make fun of him some more. This isn't right. But at the same time I can't quite put my finger on it." He gives a mild frustrated sound.

"Well, all I know is that if I see Ryou get mad, I'm getting the hell out of his way." Mai says with no question, raising her hands to cement her point.

"I think the only one who has to worry about Ryou's wrath would be Bakura, though." Tristan snickers. The spirit scowls darkly at him and growls in anger. It instantly dissapates, however when a thought entered his mind. His russet eyes glint in amusement.

"Actually, it's more accurate to say Yami should be worrying more about my host that me." He states lightly, glancing at the regal man in question. The lighthearted mood vanishes. Nobody says a single word.

"You better not call me Bakura, Yami. Or else I don't think you'll live long enough to see another episode."

.

* * *

YB stirring the pot, nothing new.

Eh. Ended kind of weak there. But hey, you can't say I didn't deliver a monster-sized update your way. I super-sized this fucker just becuase you guys deserve it. Also, if you see any grammatical errors and the such, please let me know. I always revise them a couple hundred times, but it seems like the elusive grammar Gods always want something fucked up in each one of my chapter. So yes, inform me right away!


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